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Is it Friday? No doubt. Do I have a new COTW for you? No doubt.

“So … okay, Brad’s using his left hand to wash Toni’s right shoulder. That makes sense. And Toni’s using her left hand to … wash Brad’s left shoulder. With a second bar of exactly-the-same-size soap that’s in there for some reason. Picture this (I’m sorry). Really picture this (I’m so sorry). Imagine (I’M SORRY OKAY) reaching all the way across your body to wash what is almost certainly the least dirty place on your partner’s body and then transitioning, somehow, into making out. Toni almost certainly elbowed Brad in the chin before she — okay, you know what, I’m gonna stop right there; no no, don’t get up, I’ll arrest myself.” –els

Do I have some hilarious runners up? Heck yeah.

“Yeah, I suppose when you run away from your problems to live in a place where you have no responsibilities you stop asking yourself ‘what should I do?’ because the question is essentially moot. Whatever you want, or nothing at all! These Norwegians aren’t going to ask anything of you, especially not after learning about your considerable wealth and extensive connections to deadly mercenaries.” –pugfuggly

“I think it’s great that they still do the Kitty Korner. Some Robert Saluca of Ithaca, NY, may be squinting in confusion at Heathcliff wearing a helmet that says ‘butter’ while carving a giant statue of himself from butter as the kid says ‘It’s butter season,’ but god damned if he’s not going to tell the world about Bosco’s avocados.” –Dan

“‘Father’s Day tragedy in Hootin’ Holler, a man and two children drowned while trying to float on ramshackle fake lily pads,’ announced the radio, since TVs are too modern.” –nescio

“Four times longer? Come now, Brad, you’re not fooling anyone. Unless your showers are normally 30 seconds long.” –the autumn and the scarlet, on BlueSky

“I appreciate the awkwardly-shaped speech bubble in the second panel ensuring that we get a good look at Barry’s narcissistic portrait throughout the entire strip. This guy’s self-absorbed, everyone! He’s not like our virtuous main characters, who diligently go to every Marvel movie they release! That’s like always going to Mass, but for nerds!” –Vulpes

“Foot stuff and clown stuff and cuckolding stuff? Normally you’d have to pay hundreds for niche content like this, and here they’re just giving it away for free in the newspaper.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers will lie in bed for a good 10 minutes, then a lousy 20, then a just-plain-sad 45.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Betty Cooper! She lost her navel in the Smooth Skin Crisis of aught-five.” –Victor Von

“Some may wonder about the logistics of how Brad and Toni are doing this on the floor of a 48×36? shower stall, but one must remember that, to the average Luann reader, this so-called ‘secks(?)’ is an enigmatic closed-doors ritual to which they will never be privy, probably due in part to the fact they read Luann, so the realism of the situation doesn’t actually matter much.” –vtuberneedle

“See, I didn’t think the couple was inching down out of frame; I assumed the ‘camera’ was discreetly tilting upward. I realize that means I also think Brad has a shower head that’s about nine or ten feet high, but I mean the shower also spits a drizzle of coarse black effluent, so there’s a lot about this plumbing installation that’s nonstandard.” –Shoe Substitutes

“Everything about Charlotte’s body language says she is as impatient with this inane bullshit as we are. Thank you, Charlotte, for fuming at this so we don’t have to.” –richardf8

“Thanks! And you look like a junior counselor at an evangelical Christian youth camp. What happened to the slinky Parisian fashions and the L.A. babe outfits?” –Ukulele Ike

“Tommy Tommy Tommy, all this talk about Tommy and no mention of how or when Charterstone and its residents were moved to a remote, possibly alien, wilderness.” –Hibbleton

“The question of how old Marvin actually is has baffled generations, but it turns out the answer is ‘old enough to get beat up by a martial arts student’ and honestly that’s fine with me.” –TheDiva

“She’s played the same 4 notes over and over for days. June knows that sound well, since it’s her ringtone.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“‘If he can change, so can I! I vow that by the end of summer, I will have a recognizable personality trait!’ ‘Maybe set your sights on achievable goals, dear.’” –CanuckDownSouth

“Crankshaft says that alcoholism might ruin the relationship with your children, but Beetle Bailey argues that being drunk might save your marriage! In a time of political polarisation, it’s good that the funnies page hosts a healthy debate!” –Ettorre

“Dammit, Crankshaft! You used to have integrity! While the Funkyverse descended around you into introspective depression and grinding misery, you kept it real with awful pseudo-puns and contrived malapropisms. But now? They’ve done you dirty, Crankshaft, they’re doing a Barney Google on you, and you’re not even fighting it! Rage, O Crankshaft, rage against the dying of the feeble-pun-related light!” –Hergen

“She came out to a deserted beach dragging a chair, a laptop, and a bottle of sunscreen. Sounds pretty dumb. Until you compare it to the guy who just brought shorts and a towel.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

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