Danses macabres
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Mary Worth, 10/8/26
So, Toby has been having an “Is my husband cheating on me, with Mary Worth of all people?” anxiety dream all week, and I keep waiting for it to get really deranged and fun à la the dancing Wilburbabies, but what we’ve gotten instead is just a slightly dream-tinged version of the same breathless real-life gossip sessions we’ve been seeing for some time now. Today I had the epiphany that this is actually very revealing of Toby’s character: she isn’t imagining some sordid Mary/Ian erotic tableau because she doesn’t actually care about her husband cheating on her; what she cares about is other people knowing that she’s being cheated on and eagerly talking about it, which is devastating to her self-image.
Dustin, 10/8/26
Yes, I know the joke here is “A boy? Taking ballet??? A dance for girls???????” but, real talk, my understanding is that learning ballet is actually a pretty difficult and physically demanding process, whereas for me Little League was an experience I didn’t enjoy much but mostly consisted of standing in the outfield where nothing ever happened and occasionally getting onto base after getting hit by a wild pitch, so the latter is definitely more appealing to me as an essentially lazy person. Like, take a look at ballet dancers sometime, both the men and the women are pretty shredded, and you’re probably saying, “Josh, you can’t compare the Bolshoi to whatever kind of entry-level suburban dance studio this kid’s mom is threatening him with,” and in response I would urge you to watch a Major League Baseball game sometime. It’s a sport I enjoy but it’s also a sport where the players are allowed to be in shape but don’t necessarily have to be, if you follow me. If you’re bad at running, they’ll send someone else to run the bases for you! You think they let you do that in ballet? They do not!
33 replies to “Danses macabres”
Mary Worth Mashup: I illustrated a suggestion by a Curmudgeon. I wish I’d thought of it.
MW – I think the dogs are a-twitter with anticipation after setting up a bucket of water that will soon tip over on Eve and Saul.
FC-Mommy will just toss you an aspirin bottle and point you in the direction of a hospital.
MW-“And then I dreamed they were in a car.”
Dustin-His mom showed him a use for the bat.
RMMD: In other words, a tax writeoff.
MW: I can tell from their eyes that those dogs are on their way back from a visit to Dr. Ed. He gives out the good stuff like candy on Halloween. And by the good stuff, I mean ketamine.
MW: Really loving the contrasting expressions of the dogs in that last panel, especially since it seems to map on to their breeds. The dachshund is thinking “Social disharmony, in our territory? Sounds like bad news…” while the golden lab is all “IS THIS GOSSIP? ARE WE GOSSPING RIGHT NOW? OH MY GOD GUYS THIS IS FUN CAN WE DO IT ALL DAY??”
Dustin: I like Dustin’s side-eye in that last panel “No, if you want to get out of baseball you have to just do it real half-assed until your mom is so embarrassed that she pulls you out herself. Either that, or have one leg removed, like I did.”
MW: Toby assumes the claim of the affair is true. “Ian’s unhappy with his wife implies he’s happy with Mary.” Laughs out loud. “I finally know what they mean by reductio ad absurdum.”
Dustin: Way to go, leaning into gender roles.
This could be the setup for a Major League Ballet joke with slightly more ambitious writing, or some kind of play on “put me in, coach” where Dustkid becomes a substitute in a ballet and treats it like baseball… I dunno, something bigger than just “my mom created a false dichotomy so now I’m stuck doing baseball through high school”
Dustin:
“I mean, why be Nureyev when you can be Mario Mendoza instead and have a line named after you?”
BB: Dang! Sarge looks like he’s lost, what, 100 pounds? How long has he been in a medically induced coma?
DtM: Loving Alice’s look here. You can tell she’s neglected Dennis’ oral hygiene on purpose. Drill, baby, drill!
Phantom: “What’s this? … There’s color everywhere! What’s this? There’s white things in the air…”
I wouldn’t necessarily rule out the appearance of Wilburbabies at some point in this arc; Toby seems to be working herself into a frenzy, and the faces of the dogs in the background indicate the cracks starting to appear, like an early AI model trying to make an image look too realistic. If she imagines enough Charterstone residents, by the time she reaches Wilbur we’ll be lucky if the only thing her hallucination does is turn him into a baby.
MW:
“I dreamed I saw St. Augustine. But actually, it was a retread of the second panel of the September 21 installment of the ‘Mary Worth’ comic strip, with Saul, Eve and their two dogs, one of whom was completely spaced out.”
— Bob Dylan
Mary Worth:
Toby’s having a nightmare, all right, but it doesn’t have anything to do with salacious rumors about her marriage—the real terror is the mad, staring eyes of the dogs in the second panel.
This kid’s mom knows he exists and she still lets him play video games with Dustin?
MW:
“Maybe Ian’s unhappy with his wife! Speaking of which, Eve….”
@Baja Gaijin:
Wow, that’s great, thank you!… Except now I kinda regret how clunkily I phrased Supa-Hot-Flaming-Skeleton’s line…
*************
Dustin : Simpsons did it. In 1995. It was the B-plot to Homer having to become a chauffeur (with special guest star Mel Brooks!) because he had to borrow money from Patty & Selma.
MW: Babies with Mary’s face but Ian’s beard. That is all.
MW: Reading “My husband’s not a cheater!” in Nixon’s “I am not a crook!” voice.
Dustin: Gene Kelly built a legendary career off defying stereotypes of male dancers, dancing in working-class clothing and with inimitable athleticism and virility. Dustfriend could very well do the same, if he weren’t stuck in a world more committed to gender essentialism than a beer commercial.
MW: Jeez, even Toby’s dreams are boring. Who can blame everyone for believing Ian would cheat on her?
Dustin: As my ever-plump hero John Kruk once declared, “I’m not an athlete. I’m a baseball player.”
C’shaft: Oooh, looks like “Christ, what an asshole” has competition for the position of all-purpose Crankshaft punchline!
DT: “We’re just extras, we can’t handle an ominous figure glimpsed only from behind.”
FG: Geez, more has happened in this strip this week than has happened in Judge Parker and Rex Morgan combined.
GT: Why does Gil even have Dorothy’s gym bag to begin with? Why is he showing up unannounced at her house, creating all sorts of potential ethical and legal problems? Why does Dorothy’s hair look like she’s trying out for Elsa in the Milford High production of Frozen: School Edition?
JP: You’re kidding me, you snatched April off the street just so you could talk to her about custody issues?
Luann: Luann socializes with a classmate and pulls out her phone to text before she lectures her classmates on their lack of morals. Yep, that tracks.
Phantom: Good idea, spread your men out through a dark, foggy jungle and tell them to shoot anything that moves. That will end well, I’m sure.
Pluggers are so out of shape that even their food has noticed.
RMMD: “What, you think I bought this place so I could promote other people? This is all about me, baby–and you, if you’re nice enough to me.”
Upcoming Mary Worth panels: Two North Sentinel Islanders discuss the state of Tobey’s marriage, two Martians discuss the state of Tobey’s marriage, and two intergalactic intelligences discussion the state of Tobey’s marriage.
FLASH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!: So, less Jedi/Sith and more Tony Stark. I expect Flash to have the same trick to skewer Ming. Just make sure to cut off the head, Flash, and send the rest into a red giant.
RxMD: One of the best movie experiences I’ve had is watching the Roger Corman “cult classic” (i.e., bad movie) X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes with the soundtrack provided by a live band (Pere Ubu!). I don’t see why Mae Mae could something similar by screening, oh, let’s say the Sylvester Stallone–Dolly Parton “cult classic” Rhinestone drawing performers from Glenwood’s vibrant alt country roots western swing rock trad appalach-amerifolkola scene.
JP “Why nab me now? I’ve been home for weeks” “Why is your daughter being raised by someone else, Parker?”
“I _don’t_ _know_ – the scripts haven’t made sense for _ages_!” “Great. Either the writer’s having a mental breakdown or the pages got mixed up” “Y’know … Mine arrived with a rumpled look, a shoeprint, and a badly-stapled corner… crud.”
FC: Billy realizes that Jeffy is on to his A Separate Peace plan.
Dustin: She said she’d sign me up for ballet, instead. At least that’s what I think she meant by saying prepare for a ‘Nutcracker’
MW: I find it difficult to believe that Toby pays enough attention to detail to dream up the matching bow ties and bandannas of the car’s occupants.
Dustin: “Dancing tonight for Mikhail Baryshnikov because he ate more borscht than necessary, will be.
.”
@Baja Gaijin: Nice! Very Ghost Ridery!
Mary Worth: I like that Toby doesn’t understand that she can’t just argue with her own dreams to make them go away. That’s true to the character. However, I don’t like that scene-stealing dream dog spiking the camera! Does he know I’m here, reading? If he’s not rescuing me from a hot air balloon disaster, I don’t want him acknowledging my presence!
Could this entire storyline be an exercise for the artist? Maybe “Draw everyone in Charterstone and their pets!” is the entire script, and they’re just vamping!
MW: I know Olive is the one with the psychic tummy, but Toby’s ability to dream about people who have been spreading the rumor, even when she didn’t overhear them talking, is pretty impressive.
Though it might just be a writer who confuses what the reader knows with what the character does.