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More travel this week has once again left the COTW shorter than it should be, though I think you’ll still be pleased with the top result:

“When will the girls of Apartment 3-G learn, abstinence-only education doesn’t work? I mean yes, it worked on Tommie. But there were mitigating circumstances!” –Dan

And the very funny runners up!

“JP: This is exactly how The Hills Have Eyes starts. I am very much looking forward to the cannibalistic mutants! SPOILER: It ends with Sam staking his claim to the richest new uranium mine in the world.” –Cloudbuster

“I like that guy in the audience who is laughing and pointing at the action on stage while Spiderman flails around wildly in an attempt to stop Clown 9. At least someone is reacting to this scene appropriately.” –Holly Folly

“You call the birth photographer. That’s what happens next.” –LoFoMoFo

“Like I said last time Les compared himself to Hemingway, I’ll put up with all manner of self-aggrandizement and petulance if it will only end with him putting a shotgun in his mouth.” –commodorejohn

“The fine folk of Hootin’ Holler will accept any excuse that allows them to throw feces at each other.” –NoahSnark

“Jericho Brand is oddly excited here, like this is a moment he’s long dreamt of for some reason. ‘Here’s my chance to unmask Spider-Man!’ ‘At last, an opportunity to sabotage Air Force One!’ ‘No one’s looking! I bet I could burn down this hospital!’ He’s kind of a weird asshole, is what I’m saying.” –Doctor Handsome

Thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And this is where we’d thank our advertisers — if we had any this week. To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.