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Family Circus, 3/14/05

I’ll make a deal with those people who think that the Ten Commandments should be displayed in front of courthouses and other government buildings in the United States: I’ll go along with the idea, as long as we can alter the existing ten, and add new ones, based on the wacky utterances of cartoon characters. Sound fair? Here’s some suggestions:

The third commandment: “Observe the sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Also, the LORD hateth Mondays; so shall you hate them as well.”

The sixth commandment: “Neither shall you commit adultery, unless advised to do so by Mary Worth.”

The eleventh commandment: “If thy husband, or thy girl-child, or thy coworker or boss shall engage you in banter, thou shalt show your appreciation for the verbal byplay with a facial expression that is ‘sly.'”

The seventeenth commandment: “Shun thee the harlot; for she is a gig, she is roadside. She shall be nothing more to thee than a sexual playtoy, though thou probably should not mention that to thy dentist. Once she has journeyed to that place, there is no way for her to return.”

The twenty-third commandment: “More zippers, mule!”

Incidentally, what exactly is going on in this panel? Is dad quizzing Dolly on the Ten Commandments? Is he going to get all “false witness” on her ass the next time “Not Me” shows up?