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Mark Trail, 12/21/17

Ooops, it looks like our mysterious Orientalist caricature didn’t want to buy Dirty’s dirty (literally dirty, since they’d been up his butt, probably) diamonds, and is only willing to hand over a modest four-figure sum from his Enormous Safe of Cash and Gold Bars for Dirty’s trouble. Too bad Dirty seems to have an very large knife tucked into his belt, right near his butt, where he likes to store things, apparently? The upcoming vicious stabbing is going to be a valuable lesson to all of us about doing business with a guy who really, really insists that people call him “Dirty.” When someone shows you who they are — by, for instance, using a nickname that implies that they’re shady or criminal or bad in some way — you should believe them, you know?

Shoe, 12/21/17

I was going to make joke here along the lines of “Because Washington is on Earth, and your telescope is pointed towards the sky,” but then I thought — are these guys on Earth? Or are they on Planet Bird or whatever? Is this tech-wizard bird-man, despite the Perfesser’s dismissal, keenly observing the seat of American power through his telescope with envious eyes, his intellect vast and cool and unsympathetic, and slowly and surely drawing his plans against us?