Itchy/gross/spinning
Post Content
Gearhead Gertie, 6/27/24
I find Gertie’s husband extremely relatable here. Sometimes, when your loved one just shouts jargon from their special interest that just sounds like gibberish to you, you’ve got to use a very basic, widely understood term from the same topic area to simultaneously hook them in but tether them to the wider world. We’ve all been there! Also, I love to relax on the couch after a long day at work and read from a giant scroll.
Crock, 6/27/24
Despite my many jokes about the historical strips, I don’t actually expect Hagar the Horrible to be an accurate depiction of life in Viking-era Scandinavia, nor do I think Crock should adhere to the historical realities of French colonial North Africa; indeed, I recognize that the anachronisms are in fact the intended fun of the strip. That said, I would hope that the strips’ creators would give a little thought to world-building that goes beyond “these guys live in the desert so they have … sand in their underwear? probably?”
Beetle Bailey, 6/27/24
Man, I assumed those particles coming out of Beetle’s mouth in panel one indicated that he had eaten a bit of Cookie’s cooking and was immediately spitting the half-masticated food back into the buffet. But then I learned in panel two that he hasn’t eaten any of the food yet! Which is somehow much worse! Because what is that then
239 replies to “Itchy/gross/spinning”
RMMD:
“Uh-oh. There’s a guy lying on the ground wearing a red Star Trek shirt. This could mean trouble!”
Mary Worth Mashups: As the action moves to the marina…
RMMD:
In the last panel, a young Jack Black, a young Reese Witherspoon and a young Kevin Bacon practice emoting in preparation for their future acting careers.
MW:
“And now?”
“I don’t ‘harbor’ any bad feelings. Get it? ‘Harbor‘? Aren’t I clever?”
“No.”
Crock: They still do George Clooney jokes?
That’s Gearhead Gertie’s husband, Papyrus Pete.
RMMD-“What’s going on here?” A poorly written story.
MW-Wow! Such a quick fire cure for depression.
Beetle is just coughing into the food, no big deal. It’s not like all of Camp Swampy is going to die of COVID. Nothing to see here.
BB: I feel like every single meal that Cookie makes is reminiscent of the Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza has a PTSD flashback from his army cook days when his expired food sent sixteen men to the latrines. Cookie keeps trying to beat that record and his personal best is unable to be counted on his fingers and toes.
GG: Gertie’s husband wishes that all the times that he was forced to attend NASCAR races would have made him deaf but sadly it hasn’t happened yet.
MW: Even Mary knows that Wilbur’s going to forget that promise faster than the boat’s propeller blades are going to turn Stellan into goldfish paste. But like a trickster god, she’ll indulge him with false hope and watch him crash and burn from a distance.
Is Gertie’s husband about to read a scroll of some sort of stasis or paralysis on Gertie? So we have a world in which one character is a monomaniac about stock car racing, and her husband is a bona-fide magician. It’s a novel proposition, I’ll give them that. Probably demons are trying to take over the world, starting by possessing vehicles.
The Far Side, even in reruns, remains topical as today’s selections include a fish funeral.
Memo to Poteet: I waved at you as I passed through Des Moines, coming back from Kansas City, around 6:30 last night. Monday morning (around 6:30) I was going to wave, but I figured you were immersed in the Comics Curmudgeon as it was being posted.
MW:
“Ahoy, Wilbur and Mary!”
“There’s Jeff!”
“Wilbur, this burial-at-sea thing I’m doing is just another Day in the Life for you. Apropos of which —
“I read the news today, oh, boy
About a yucky man whose ways abrade
And though the news was rather bad
Well, I just had to la-a-augh
I saw that yoyo’s ga-a-affe
“He threw his lines out in her car
She didn’t notice that his plight had changed
A crowd of we trolls stood and glared
We’d seen this pace before —
Nobody was really sure if he was just a louse that bored
“I sawr him grilled today, oh, boy
His English, smarmy, had just spawned a bore
A crowd of we trolls turned away
But I just had to look
Having met the shnook
I’d love to turn…you…wan….
[cacophonous bridge]
“Woke up, fell out of cred
Dragged a comb across his head
Found his way ’round stares and stank it up
And, looking up, he noticed he’s a weight (heh, heh, heh)
Found my boat, grabbed his fat
Made a fuss in seconds flat
Found his way up; stared; this cad’s a joke
Then some guppy croaked and he fell into a scream
“Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh
“I read the news today, oh, boy
Four thousand trolls in dadburned anguish here
And though we trolls are rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many trolls it takes to fill this well-blurred pall
I’d love to turn…you…wan….”
[cacophonous outro to E-major chord]
GG: Don’t you hate it when your wife gets noisy and distracting when you’re trying to read your… treasure map? Royal decree? Magic scroll? Naughty and nice list? Seriously, what the heck is that long single sheet of paper supposed to represent?
Blondie: Kids these days, always watching content about “too young” characters doing “lots of kissing and stuff.” Uh… let’s pretend Alexander’s into teen romdrams and not something that will have the FBI kicking the door down in a few minutes.
RMMD: Cory may outwardly pretend he’s above all this school violence, but he lets the mask slip a bit as makes his way down the halls doing a flamboyant finger-snapping strut like he’s getting ready for a rumble between the Sharks and the Jets.
DT: Nothing to see here, just a couple attractive women schlicking each other.
@Baja Gaijin: You’re going to have to link them again.
@Baja Gaijin: So, I take it that there is only a vast nothingness in store for our intrepid funeral party, in which case I want to imagine the yacht carrying Jeff, Mary, Wilbur, and Stellan in his creepy flower-bedecked open cardboard casket all being caught up in a enormous and anomalous maelstrom that swirls like a cosmic toilet and sucks them down to the very depths of the Pacific. Or maybe you just didn’t include the link.
Luann: This week has been pretty repugnant as Toni indulges in a daydream in which Shannon had been raised by Toni and Brad. Much like how Tiffany and Bets fantasized about an alternatively-“branded” Stef who became a bespectacled compost enthusiast for some unfathomable reason, the rightly-guided Shannon is nothing like her true self; instead, Toni’s idealized niece has had her personality completely erased in favor of a manic house servant who does all the household chores and organizes everyone’s closets. Never mind that this “improved” personality reflects nothing about Toni or Brad themselves either, or that Toni has had ample opportunity to instill values and behavior in Shannon and instead neglects her to run around feral when she’s unable to dump the caregiving duties onto her husband and his family; no, Shannon would be a better child if Toni had raised her because… because.
The stand-out moment today is where Toni’s perfect Shannon scoffs at the idea of having a “dumb thing” like a television in their home. For one thing, I’m 99.9% sure there have been multiple strips where Toni and/ or Brad are sitting around watching TV, so why would they not have a TV in this alternate timeline? Secondly, this high-minded holier-than-thou rejection of the idiot box is coming from an American newspaper comic, which is at best the pot calling the kettle black. If there’s a creative medium more intellectually and artistically bankrupt than that of Luann and its cartoon peers, I’ve yet to see it.
Gearhead G.: As an Originalist, Mr Gearhead only reads his copy of the US Constitution in the original format.
GG: Gertie loves massive car wrecks, her husband loves the Magna Carta
Crock: We all know that sand is coarse and rough and irritating and gets everywhere. What this strip presupposes is… maybe that’s sexy?
Oh, but we read long scrolls everyday, this being a website.
BB: Belch bubbles. They mean so much more when you can see them.
MW: So, Wilbur went into a monumental meltdown because he wasn’t getting enough attention from the world. Is Mary forcing everyone to sign onto a Let Wilbur Know You Care About Him rota to keep him afloat? (no pun intended)
RMMD: The world, vis-a-vis Parker; always too little too late.
GT: Mimi was trying for a little bitchy dishing, but Keri/Keli/Kiki shut her down perfectly.
DtM: If Maragaret is supposed to be so smart (because, glasses) why is she constantly feeding straight lines to Dennis?
9CL: What is it with the TEETH? That cat looks like a furry little megalodon.
GG: I think Gertie’s husband watches what he says for fear of incurring Gertie’s telekinetic wrath. Look at what she’s doing to the TV and stand!
Crock: I really don’t want to contemplate the sex lives of these characters, but is “sand in the shorts” a good thing or a bad thing. It seems like it would be an irritant.
BB: Again maybe this is due to color-blindness, but if I saw that the potatoes and the chicken had the same color, I’d too spit out my Tylenol as a reaction.
GG So Gertie pissed herself? I mean, normally when I talk about taking a ‘pit stop’…
Crock: Been looking through Clooney’s IMBD looking for a good pun. So far u have The Perfect Sand which is narrowly beating out E ARRRRRR, my crotch is itchy…!
BB Man, Cookie looks really broken up about that comment on his cooking. Amazing that he still has the capacity to take that to heart. Also sad.
Beetlejuice Bailey: Tomorrow’s will feature Cookie sulking on the mess hall roof.
GG: Isn’t that Brooke dialogue?
Frazz: Don’t worry, Caulfield. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to make Mrs. Olsen regret her choice to have everyone pick their own books for summer reading.
Luann: Ye gods! If this is designed to make us miss the “real” Shannon, it’s working on me.
CS: I don’t even want to know what “camping” is a euphemism for.
GG – Um…so, he’s reading the Declaration of Independence? Now, what you need is a good divorce lawyer….
(Appropriately named) Crock – So…that’s just like George Clooney….
BB – Masticating Toilet is my death metal rock band name….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
9CL: Is this the result of mating a cat with a sarlacc?!? Jeebus!
@15 Needless Exposition: Thanks. I’ve had all kinds of technical problems today.
Mary Worth Mashups: As the action moves to the marina…
@Baja Gaijin: The first one is my favorite but the third feels more likely to happen. Mary seems to have a considerable resistance to death.
Zits: Jeremy must really be suffering from ennui if he could only eat two scoops of ice cream in the time it took Sara and D’ijon to finish their entire bowl!
FC: I guess you could say Jeffy is…throwing shade at this gardening business. YEAHHHHH!!!
MW: Mary doesn’t really believe Wilbur can do “it” let alone anything else.
@Baja Gaijin: I like the first one the best. There’s that slim possibility Wilbur will push Mary into the path of the car.
MW: “I kinda lost hope, Mary; but it turns out I was only melancholic and melancholy is a misfortune not a fault.”
“And you certainly have a whole lot of (Mary does air quotes) ‘misfortunes’, Wilbur.”
Gearhead Gertie: Mrs. Josh is giving so much side eye right about now, or she would if it weren’t 5:00 a.m. in Los Angeles. Sleep well, Mrs. Josh! He’ll outgrow his love of trains someday!!
@MKay:
DtM: If Maragaret is supposed to be so smart (because, glasses) why is she constantly feeding straight lines to Dennis?
Someone has to be this generation’s Margaret Dumont.
@Baja Gaijin: Definitely the first one! (I have Mary Worth in the dead pool.)
Fellow Mudges, I’ve crossed the Rubicon. Last night I dreamt about a Mary Worth storyline where Charterstone is flooded out and destroyed in a desperate attempt to shake up its status quo. The flood may or may not have been caused by Wilbur, I can’t remember.
Anyway, onto today’s snark…
JP: Sure, the party is ‘tomorrow’ *wink wink* Also, Reena sure cheered up in a hurry from her being pissy about Lucas being a ‘poor little rich boy.’
RMMD: ‘What’s going ON here?’ Oh, just the violent altercation we all knew was coming, held during a class session, which has drawn the attention of several students (who should ALSO be in class right now!) and yet not a single teacher/administrator/armed security officer has noticed and come to investigate. Why do you ask?
SF: Ces, explaining the joke doesn’t make it funny or endearing.
Luann: Yes, the writing is terrible and its implications disgusting, but I say again, this artwork is far more appealing to look at that the Evansii’s typical black-dot eyes, pig noses and Barbie doll poses.
Crankshaft: It pains me to admit that for the majority of my adult life I did not own a bedframe (finally bought one a few months ago) so the mattress and boxspring were directly on the floor of wherever I happened to be living. It’s not like I was bringing home women who would have been mortified like whatserface here, and I’m not bringing home any right now (if you’ll recall my holding forth about online dating a few months ago) so it’s a wash… I’ll stop now.
Crock: I have a friend who volunteered on an archaeological dig in Egypt and wound up having sex with another volunteer on the shores of the Red Sea, as one does. “Sounds romantic,” I told him. “There was sand everywhere,” he responded with the unfocused look of horror only he can pull off. Capt. Preppie’s getting some, is what I’m saying.
RMMD: Also, if Beatty’s going to show us these nameless students looking so shocked and horrified to the point they’re incapable of doing anything but standing and watching, tomorrow we better see Parker face down in a pool of his own blood as Flattop Jughead continues kicking him in the head.
Or maybe it’ll just be another SMACK and ‘Unh…’ combination. Same thing, right?
Also Crock: George Clooney does not have blond hair! Of course, George Clooney doesn’t walk with his humeri dead-level with his shoulders, either. Or his ulnae flopping uselessly like a scarecrow’s. Or his face, torso and legs pointed in three separate directions. Maybe historical isn’t the only realism Crock is missing?
MW – I feel like Mary is overlooking Wilbur’s obvious need for therapy and some meds. Which means that this same co-dependent bullshit is happening again in six months, just like she likes it.
@Baja Gaijin: As much as I like #1, I’m always a fan of a swooping eagle…
Gearhead Gertie: Armpit, you mean?
Just a side note— My son and I did a road trip this week, and took in a Mud Hens game in Toledo. Sure enough, Crankshaft is honoured on the wall of fame. Somehow his ugly mug looks even worse without the context of other comic strip characters around it.
I always figured that Preppie wore jodhpurs with high riding boots, but I guess those are shorts? Over his… jet black torso and legs? Red shorts, black body, white hands… are we dealing with a Mickey Mouse situation here?
Gearhead Gertie makes Dagwood and Beetle Bailey look like multi-faceted Renaissance characters. Its a one joke creation that makes Crock look like reading Tolstoy. Just cancel this waste of time and give us more Mary Worth.
Beetle Bailey
Shaking my head.
Camp Swampy hasn’t caught up with spit guard technology in their bug-infested, probably alligator-littered, mess hall?
Crock: George Clooney reference, and Captain Preppie is walking like an Egyptian like the Bangles told us to do back in 1986? Who says that a comic strip on French colonial ambitions in North African can’t be relevant?
Well, now we know Gertie only watches NASCAR for the crashes, which I believe is scorned upon by true afficionados.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hmmm… Today I will achieve a breakthrough”
“Note: This ice is thicker than it looks”
MW: Somewhat uplifting as we lurch towards the conclusion, and though it took longer than it should have it’s about as in-depth of a thought as we should expect on mental health and well-being from a comic strip…
…however as we all know Wilbur is incapable of change and is a bigger energy vampire than Colin Robinson, so there’s a zero percent chance that there’s any sincerity in anything he’s said and Wilburman will be chasing Ape-Zak in fevered masturbatory fantasies in no time…
Given George Clooney’s rise to fame, today’s reused Crock gag is probably no more than 30 years old. Could’ve been older.
@Pozzo: Good one.
I’m all for subtle propaganda so I appreciate the Gearhead Gertie team for trying to get people to believe that NASCAR is so exciting that even watching it during an earthquake won’t phase you.
RMMD Hey, look, it’s a “Park-ay” floor! Ha ha! Get it? [gets shoved into locker]
Dustin: I call horse hockey. The last time a mechanic charged someone only twenty bucks was back when twenty bucks was a day’s pay. Now they charge that much for adjusting a side mirror.
MW: Well the scenery has changed, but it’s still the same old drivel. Never thought I’d say this, but can’t they talk about how great Mary is or something?
CS: She’s agreed to marry a complete imbecile. That’s her Crankshaft gene mutation manifesting.
JP: Ha haaa, so he lied to them and the big party is really tomorrow night. And they’re okay with this. Ditz and ditzer.
@nescio: First cited when he was on the Facts of Life….
I did some research, and I suspect that what Gertie’s husband is holding is intended to represent an ancient artifact known as a ‘newspaper’. Interesting bit of trivia: this was the format in which comics were originally popularized! At one point in human history, literally millions of these were produced every day, evidently primarily for the purpose of distributing copies of ‘Blondie’, for some reason.
Gearhead Gertie – Given that Gertie previously hijacked a blimp, her husband has reason to be concerned about what happens when her blood gets hot. At least she doesn’t get this worked up watching fringe news networks.
Crock – Many male writers struggle to write women, even more so when trying to understand women’s sexuality. Add in having to keep it family friendly for the newspaper comics and you get Crock.
Beetle Bailey – Beetle’s just burping up bubbles of stomach gases as his stomach seeks to prevent him from eating that spoiled food. If only his body could wake him up from his slumbers and prevent the even bigger threat of Sarge pummeling him.
BB: Ahaha, it’s funny because the language and ideas of industrialised warfare have shaped Beetle mind to such a degree that he cannot even think of his basic biological functions outside this framework!
@Cleveland Mocks: What a time for a known narcissist to be modest about herself.
FC: Jeffy wants to do find some weed and do some weed with his sweatin’ hot Mommy in the shade!!!
DtM: An old Flintstones comic book had a much better punchline. The setup was a visiting movie star saying he needed his beauty sleep, Wilma looked at Fred and said, “That’s the trouble around here – all sleep and no beauty.”
Gearhead Gertie to others: “I watch NASCAR for the speed, the thrill, and the skill of the drivers. The wrecks are a horrible thing, and I applaud NASCR for employing high-tech safety measures like improved helmets and seven-point harnesses.”
Gearhead Gertie at home: “God damn, slam his ass into the wall oh, lookie, Pete, he went end over end out into the stands, there’s a fire, so cool, I bet this one has a fatality count that exceeds LeMans 1955! Oh, mama, another guy just plowed into the flaming wreak and spun out into the pits hit pause I think that’s a human head rolling into the curve, give us the slo-mo CBS.”
Gearhead Gertie: Gertie’s husband is worried that his wife’s deep-seated lust for blood and violence, which he had sated until now with NASCAR, is becoming too uncontrollable…
Crock: Ah yes, the famously blonde George Clooney.
Beetle Bailey: Unfortunately for Beetle, his stomach’s “early warning system” was actually the early symptoms of stomach cancer.
Beetle Bailey: The best part is Cookie’s look of sheer, unadulterated terror.
MW: You may THINK the story is concluding, but….
When Wilbur returns home from the funeral at sea, he is surprised to discover that Dawn has returned from her sojourn in Connecticut. After a brief hug, Dawn stands back to survey Wilbur and the apartment.
“Something’s DIFFERENT, Dad…!” Dawn says, frowning. “I can’t put my finger on it. Is something MISSING?”
Wilbur crumples on to his sofa, and the long story unfolds all over again, with scalloped edges around each panel as, in flashbacks, Wilbur relates the events of the past several months in excruciating detail.
It ain’t over until it’s over.
MW: Will Charterstone hold it against Mary that Wilbur will now leave his apartment?
And Wilbur, your time in adult hood (age wise anyway) is not “a while“.
FC: I’m with Jeffy. It’s crazy to get out in the mid-day Arizona sun to pull weeds. Put a hat and some sunscreen on that child! Better yet, xeriscape your yard with native plants (including “weeds”) and live with your environment.
GA: Well, it’s working – since the addition of Mee-Meow I now read this comic every day. I tend to skip the stories that don’t have winsome animals. I hope this cat becomes a permanent addition. Extra points if it turns out she’s about to birth a litter of kittens!
Whenever Gearhead Gertie shows up here, I get the feeling Mike Peters (or perhaps someone at King Features Syndicate) said, “Hey, let’s try a character who’s really into NASCAR,” but didn’t want to actually look into anything about NASCAR beyond “Cars go fast and sometimes crash.” It reminds me of a Curtis from a while back where Curtis and Barry were supposedly watching NASCAR and one of them cried out, “A two-wheel turn at 80 mph!” They must have been watching a road-course race, because a two-wheel turn in NASCAR usually means you’re crashing, and if you’re going 80 you’re either slowing down to pit, speeding up after pitting, or coming off a caution.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Ah, The Far Side. They don’t make ’em like that anymore.
@Bob Tice: You shore are.
@Liam: MW-Wow! Such a quick fire cure for depression.
With Mary Worth, it’s either a boat ride or flying kites to cure depression.
Gertie: …could be describing a typical NASCAR race or a typical day in rush-hour traffic on any of America’s thousands of miles of freeways…
@Pozzo: That’s Gearhead Gertie’s husband, Papyrus Pete.
Or Sheepskin Sam.
@Bob Tice: #5
…we’re going to *dock* you a day’s worth of comments for that pun…
*snert!! giggle!!*
It’s a broadsheet newspaper, and proof that Josh isn’t quite ancient yet. The Gerties probably get one delivered every morning.
The lack of Euclidean geometry or even a track or any distinguishing features beyond a vast white plain that drivers could go any direction in made the R’lyeh 500 one of the more challenging NASCAR races.
MW: The inanity is on a roll today…Wilbur sounds like he’s giving a testimonial at a mental health recovery group or a mid-week praise and prayer meeting at a church.
MW: “You’ve opened my eyes, Mary, and I profoundly thank you for it. Now I realize that I do have value, that I am capable of being loved. So I’m going to start stalking Estelle again. I know if I’m just persistent, she’ll come to love me.”
“No, Wilbur, no. Please don’t. Oh, Christ, what have I done?”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #12
Re. “Far Side” – that was great!! See? That’s how you portray a fish funeral in a cartoon.
@Inspector Gotcha: “Waah, Mary, Libby attacked me for trying to kick her!”
@Inspector Gotcha:You know damn well Mary isn’t showing regret for anything ever…
@Inspector Gotcha: Remember as well that he was hoping that Iris and Zak would get a divorce so he could swoop her up…on their wedding day. And of course Mary was just like “Oh, Wilbur, you rascal.”
I don’t know about you, but when I kick back on the couch to read from my featureless grey scroll, I like to really clamp down on it with my three gecko-like fingers like Gertie’s husband. Comic characters, they really are just like us!
Luann – “Mom! You know we don’t have one of those dumb things! I hocked it to buy an Xbox! And besides, I can stream all the pornos I want on my Smart Phone!”
MW – “I kind of let go of myself for awhile because I lost hope.”
“And now?”
“I just realized that I’m a 50-something guy doing “content production” in a half-furnished apartment in my underwear while my neighbors have things like doctor boyfriends with 40-foot motor yachts. I think I’ll just let myself off the stern right after Stellan, if you don’t mind.”
@Daisy:
Were you to do that, you would simply be succumbing to “pier” pressure.
JP: Jeez, Lucas. When you invite a pair of young ladies to your country home, the first thing you do is show them to the bedroom or bedrooms set aside for their use, with the attendant bathroom(s), so they can “freshen up*.” Especially after a long ride on the LIRR.
*wash their pussies
GG: ‘I think you need a pit stop’ is how Gertie’s husband begs her to take her meds. He knows full well how dangerous she can be when an unmedicated Gertie doesn’t fulfill her obsessive need for twisted metal and burning flesh. The authorities currently suspect the Spike Strip Bandit of causing eight fatalities, and he’s got the latest wanted poster to prove it.
GG – As a non-NASCAR fan, I’m guessing that if I found myself in the stands at the Daytona 500 and shouted “mash the gas!”, people would point and laugh.
Mary Worth – “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
Brace yourself for several weeks of thank you, Mary, I owe it all to you, you cured my severe depression blah blah blah…
6Chix – WTF? This is even more poorly drawn and incomprehensible than usual.
9CL – That cat is wasting his time showing off to the Queen of the Hellmaws.
Rex Morgan – Not one kid tried to intervene or went to find a teacher or anything.
Gearhead Gertie – I’ve seen this only the few times it’s been featured here. My reaction to it is intense dislike with a touch of meh. It’s so one note that it isn’t even worth hate reading. At least Frazz varies his interests between cutting up people behind their backs and being smug and superior to people who aren’t into fanatical exercise.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Thank you for linking this. It’s so much better than what we’ve been reading, but the best part about it is that there’s no Mary and Wilbur.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – I’m to the point with this infuriating story that I hope for #3. And I don’t even have Wilbur or Mary in the dead pool.
Being “George Clooney except with sand in his shorts” is an oblique way to say “He’s very handsome, but fucking him would be an unpleasant experience”
GG: Maybe “I think you need a pit stop” is how Gertie’s husband tells her she needs deodorant.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Ok, I see why they used unidentifiable gray silhouettes to represent the crowd before, because those extras are waaaaay overselling it! Bullying is certainly bad and troublesome, but the kids are reacting as if they’re in the middle of Saw: Live Edition.
@Charterstoned: #16
A maelstrom opening up to a cosmic toilet is a beautiful image. This story needs to be flushed away STAT. I also like to think an enormous Kraken rises up from the black depths and envelopes Jeff’s yacht (the “SS Never Sail” I believe was the name of his previous boat) with its ferocious tentacles and drags them all to their everlasting doom with Mary spouting her platitudes all the way down. Boy, would I love to see that. Anything – *anything* – but the predictably ridiculous denouement to this ridiculous story segueing into another predictably ridiculous story. Perhaps we can all use our collective consciousness to wish it all away.
@Weaselboy: Well, if you say it in a Boston accent, sure. Georgia, maybe not.
Wow. I never thought Luann could be any more annoying, but sometimes it takes a guest artist to step in and show you just how wrong you were.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@The Rambling Otter: #20
Good one!!
I’m just impressed Gertie is drawn in a new pose here. I think that’s the second unique pose I’ve seen her in.
REX MORGAN M.D.: It’s clever of the bully to schedule his beating at the same time as the Mud Murphy concert down at the pool hall, so no adults would be around when he got down to business (for who could resist the sweet siren song that is roots country?)
MW: Mary has turned Wilbur into Stuart Smalley. “And doggone it, people LIKE me!”
@MKay: #21
“9CL: What is it with the TEETH? That cat looks like a furry little megalodon.”
Granted, I get a little unsettled when my cat yawns and exposes all of her fangs…but Brooke exaggerates the dentition of his characters to a ridiculous degree, hence Edda’s infamous Hell Maw.
I do want to say that I enjoyed yesterday’s cartoon a lot – I had a kitty who tap danced his way across my word processor keyboard a long time ago and thereby erased every single word I had composed up to that moment. Needless to say “mommy” was not very pleased with kitty.
JP: Anyone think maybe these guys don’t actually live here and are using this unoccupied house as a base for their human trafficking ring? Lucas has been blackmailed/threatened/paid by so-called “Glen” to lure the coeds here, which explains his pained expression in panel one today. He regrets the choices he’s made in life….
It all makes sense when you think about it.
@Pozzo:
A cute and surely intentional nod to Papyrus who in the 90s amazed the world with their stunningly realistic Nascar games for PC
LUANN: Toni: “See I would be a responsible parent here. Anyway, time to just straight up neglect my kindergarten-age child with no supervision for half a day. That’s why I’m the ‘good parent’ and not Jonah!”
@taig: #22
Re Crock: “Sand in the shorts” is likely a powerful aphrodisiac for them, along with cactus spines. Life isn’t easy for these intrepid desert denizens.
@Baja Gaijin: I really like them all, but today I’m in the mood for the batcrap insanity of #2. Nice work.
JUDGE PARKER: Don’t you hate when you go to kinda obsessed boys house for a party and a Fear Street novel breaks out? (“Oh, the changing room’s that-away. Just turn left next to that deranged serial killer in a hockey mask who most certainly isn’t me or my brother in disguise.”)
@Daisy: We all know how it’s going to end: Wilbur’s problems are “cured” with a sloppy bandage of attention and shallow validation, Mary spends a week getting her validation for doing nothing productive, and then a new story begins. No callback to the people Wilbur “saved” by shoving them, no word on whether or not Dawn is coming back into existence…none of that matters when Mary needs her attention and validation, damn it!
@Baja Gaijin: #30
Yessss…each of those would be fitting end to Wilbur and the Dowager Queen of meddling. I personally love the eagle’s mighty “SKREEE!!” as it prepares to grip its prey with monstrous talons and rip its guts out.
Luann – So next week we get Brad’s idealized life fantasies of Toni? Guest artist will be R. Crumb.
Blondie – So the new pastry chef finally showed up yesterday? They had a big contest to choose her name but you know everyone is just going to call her the Donut Ho anyway.
@Voshkod: #64
Oh my Lord…you are probably right!!
@Arabella: #70
I feel the exact same way – I love that cat, and she’s so winsomely drawn – she would be a perfect addition to the strip.
@cheech wizard:
Next week is going to be a week revealing that while Bwad and Toni are away at work, TJ has Shannon “help” (read : “make a mess and make the task harder for TJ, but he doesn’t mind”) doing various chores : cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, putting the clothes back in their proper place, washing the car, mowing the lawn, etc.
Basically, “Shannon already ‘does’ all this stuff, but Toni doesn’t know because she doesn’t pay attention to what either Shannon or TJ do”.
…What, I’m being too sympathetic to Shannon?…Sorry for that, I guess…Luann: This comic makes me wonder again who the target demographic is for this.
My parental units do have a physical newspaper subscription (sometimes they had several but the rising costs cut it down to one for now) they’re Boomer empty nesters, and last time I was there I counted four, four TVs in their house.
So maybe don’t badmouth TV, team Evans?
GG: The singlemindedness of Gearhead Gertie reminds me of this site I came across years ago that housed archives of a one-panel comic about elevator operators, that had appeared in some sort of newsletter or something. I can’t remember exactly where this comic had been published but it had been in some incredibly niche publication, maybe for some sort of publication for service workers, I don’t know. Anyways, these one-panel comics featured a lot of repetition, including what seemed to be many slight variations on a joke about how the work of an elevator operator had it’s “ups and downs”.
@Lord Flatulence: #76
Or Vellum Vinny! *ha ha ha…ha…ha…*
@Bob Tice: #89
GAAAA!!! and with that, I will just drive my Chevy to the levee…
@Lord Flatulence:
In this case it’s a boat ride since Wilbur is too heavy to be lifted by a kite.
@30 Baja Gaijin:
I’m with @111 Poteet: on this one.
@Needless Exposition: #113
I’m afraid you are right. We all need to do what the legendary Howard Beale from the movie “Network” told his audience to do:
“All I know is that first you’ve got to get mad. You’ve got to say, ‘I’m a HUMAN BEING, damn it! My life has VALUE!’ So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, ‘I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!’ I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell – ‘I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Things have got to change. But first, you’ve gotta get mad!… You’ve got to say, ‘I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ Then we’ll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”
@88 cheech wizard: (as Wilbur) I think I’ll just let myself off the stern right after Stellan.
He tried that once. It didn’t work.
@Old Man Shadow: I own a card game which more or less has that premise.
MW: Wilbur will now impose himself on people demanding that they continue to declare their friendship and love for him. He will be an emotional vampire plaguing them over and over again and insisting that they say he’s completely fine.
This is not an improvement
@Professor Fate: It’s not an improvement, but it is precisely what Mary planned.
love is… getting the hots for a mailbox.
@Lord Flatulence:
You don-t mean that littorally, do you?
@taig: Basically he’s becoming her and instead of grooming Toby to succeed her, she decided that Wilbur was the better choice.
How the fish funeral should have happened.
DT: I will give Costello credit for this: Lee was told to “rattle the minons’ cage”, so I guess that means she wants to be seen, and isn’t just incompetent. That doesn’t explain why, or why she’s following the wrong minion, but it’s something.
Heath: Yep, who needs someone to carry your golf clubs for you when you’ve got … a fishbowl balanced on your head with a fish saying “Bro”. Heathcliff had better not lean too far forward while lining up his shot, though. Or if he does. nobody tell Wilbur!
Phantom: Well, that’s why Stripey’s never heard of Ian Mollusk; in this entirely unproblematic portrayal of a modern African country, the favoured social media platform isn’t oX and doesn’t require Star-Lynx satelites.
(Some years ago, I read a comic book with “steampunk” versions of various random pulp-and-pulp-adjacent characters the company had the licence for, and in the Phantom section, the punchline was that “Drums” was the nickname of the Bandar’s radio operator. The Victorian pastiche version has the people of Bangalla as more technologically sophisticated than this!)
Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you wonder if your long, floppy ears are meant to have fur on them because you’ve forgotten you’re a freaking dog!
S4th: A fun thing I like bringing up here, because it keeps being relevent, is the “Message from Fred”, where your story has severe issues and you subconsciously start writing your characters as pointing them out. Ces doesn’t do that. Ces writes stuff like this entirely consciously, presumably because he thinks it’s the same thing as fixing it.
SH: I admit that this strip has been going since … good grief, 1988, really? … and I’ve only been reading it for about a decade, so it’s possible I’ve missed some deep lore. But I don’t recall any indication that any merfolk had a bottom half that was something other than “generic fish” before the Mars trip revealed their nonsensical origin as Venusian shapeshifters and Remora used this knowledge to get her tentacle kink on.
BB: Dr. Cook, research entry #627. Project Unkillable is succeeding beyond all expectations. Subject Coleoptera is now able to detect foodborne contaminants at 93% accuracy. The General’s vision for troops able to survive in a post-nuclear theater will soon be realized.
Luann: In Toni’s fantasy, it’s appalling that Shannon is a mindless, personality-free homunculus whose only purpose in life is to do all of Toni’s household chores so that Toni is completely free to do whatever the heck she wants, like devoting all her time to her job and dressing up like a Jedi. (Okay, I have no objection to the “dressing up like a Jedi” part, but the rest of it is pretty darn creepy.)
@Daisy: You crack yourself up!
Beetle Bailey at the Baja Buffet.
@Liam: It would have to be a BIIIIIIIIIG kite!
@Bob Tice: We shell sea, won’t we?
@Voshkod: It’s interesting when people die, give us dirty laundry.
Hagar the Horrible: He means belly buttons, right? Tell me he means belly buttons.
Six Chix: Oh, look! A plastic penis!
Shoe has become a “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” game.
@cheech wizard: If Brad’s turn-on is R. Crumb-sized lady butts, he sure as hell picked the wrong wife. Toni seems to have no curvy parts at all.
Today she puts on a full-length overcoat to go out in San Diego in late June; admittedly, her wardrobe choices don’t help.
@Rube: #45: They should also have a picture of Toledo native Jamie Farr, who often sported a Mudhens jersey on MASH.
ALEXANDER: But there’s an awesome sex scene involving pot roast, mashed potatoes, and clafoutis that takes place in a bowling alley!
DAGWOOD: You had me at but.
BB: I’m with Beetle on this one. If the choice is between… umm… tiny hairless buttocks and… umm… tiny hairy buttocks, I’d skip the meal, too.
Dustin: I call foul. A mechanic would probably charge $300 for that job. Five bucks for the fuse and $295 for knowing that it was just a fuse. Still, Dustdad would’ve gottten off cheap even at $300. A lot of mechanics would’ve said he needed a complete engine overhaul.
@111 Poteet: Did you notice the quiche in the corner? I think it’s quiche. It may be a mayonnaise pie. I wonder if Dick Tracy ate a piece then keeled over flat?
@114 Daisy: The eagle just seemed “right.” Death with Scythe was obvious, and I happened to have the screeching car handy.
@139 Sequitur: You can tell he had a Late Thread Cuisine because Beetle’s coughing up the sliced green olive eyes. If he keeps coughing, aspic ensues.
@Lord Flatulence:
What’s great about this seagoing-themed conversation is that it utterly lacks for porpoise.
@Ukulele Ike: She’s doing her Carmen Sandiego cosplay.
@153 taig:
Where in the world…
@Guillermo el chiclero: Oh, Klinger’s there. Henville totally appreciates both Farr and his character.
@151 Baja Gaijin:
And in the second panel he’s upchucking Greg and Mort Walker. In some of the Late Thread Cuisines it’s hard the tell where the food ends and the description begins.
@Space Jester: Before yesterday I had never heard the word Clafoutis but I had a tray of blueberries that I needed to do something with so I made Blueberry Clafoutis and now I hear about for the second time. Synchronicity!
One of the most nauseating things about Luann is that the characters have such self-flattering self images. So if Shannon had been raised by Toni and B-Wad, she would have turned out perfectly, displaying discipline and drive that neither Toni or B-Wad have ever shown. Also, factually Toni and B-Wad are actually raising her now, and doing fuck-all to instill any of those positive characteristics.
I doubt it but did anyone have Kinky Friedman in the dead pool?
RIP Kinkster.
@157 Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: Toni’s realy name is Cleopatra because she’s the queen of de Nile. Ha ha! I made a funny! A funny that Jack Benny would find antiquated, if he were alive that is.
@Dennis Jimenez: You take the good, you take the bad…
@Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: The Evanseses idea is that Toni and Brad would have a perfect child because they deserve it.
@Sequitur: #158
Sad to hear that. I looked at his Wikipedia article – he lived a very interesting life and supported some very worthy causes.
Swamp: Ducks at the Baja Late Thread Cuisine Cafe.
@Bob Tice: #152
And the comments thus far have been squid pro quo…
@Sequitur: #144
How in the world does one “act plastic”??
@Lord Flatulence: #141
GAAAAA!!!!!!
@Lord Flatulence: #138
I do I do I do!!!!!
@Ettorre: That’s what my wife said.
@Inspector Gotcha:
Estelle continued:
“No, my mind’s made up, Mary. I’m going to make her see what a complete fool she’s been.”
“Wilbur . . .”
“She’ll thank me, Mary, by God she’ll thank me. And she’ll thank you too.”
“Oh dear . . .”
“So, can we dump this stupid fish in the garbage and head back home? I can’t wait to get started.”
@Horace Broon: re SH: This goes back to the mission to Mars. The crew had to abandon ship, but Remora was in “fish” mode at and had to change to something out of cycle to escape. This is what she ended up changing to, and now she’s stuck this way.
I’ve been reading SH since Samantha’s tween days. I have to admit that the strip has gone a bit screwy for even me. I’m much more of a OTF fan, having read it since my college days.
@Bob Tice: Is that your o-FISH-al position?
BB: Cookie’s cooking disgusts everyone but the NCO who looks exactly like him but a little neater. There’s an unauthorized cloning experiment somewhere in Camp Swampy’s deep, dark past.
GG: Gertie leaves pee stains on the couch as Mike Smith throws the gauntlet down to Marvin.
@Daisy: Do you *snert* often?
Luann: Shannon is a modern day Bizzy Buzz Buzz, which obviously makes no sense. The Trufans are lining up to brag that they have no televisions. One guy jumped in to brag that he’s never drunk alcohol. It’s Pat Yourself on the Back Day!
Crock: George Clooney is 63. They should’ve used Harry Styles, or the notoriously pretty Timothee Chalamet, whose first name is way too eccentric.
@made of wince: on Crock When this strip first ran, Harry Styles probably hadn’t been born.
Every time I read some corny platitude in Mary Worth, I hear Marge Gunderson say, “Okay then, are ya sure?”
GEARHEAD GERTIE: This is the same dialogue ol’ Gert exclaims when she’s watching porn.
C-Shaft: No doubt Mopey Pete’s sheets are stiff enough to stand up on their own, so there’s another item to shop for.
Dustin: Given what we’ve seen of Dustdad at his law job, he can’t respect an alleged professional who doesn’t know how to pad his expenses.
JP: A post-adolescent guy tells his (brother’s) two female visitors that the beach behind their house is private, there’s a 100% chance he’s hoping they’ll run around naked.
Luann: If
Gwen Stacythinks this is what a child would turn out like under her influence AND Bwad gets one past the goalie she is in for a lot of surprises.MT: “The Grungey Boys” sounds like a terrible Jerky Boys rip-off who speak in that fake “grunge speak” slang a former Sub Pop employee made up to punk the New York Times. Which is to say it pretty much fits these guys to a T.
MW: Of course his daughter cares enough about him to repeatedly text him from across the country to see how he’s doing, but Dawn gets as much consideration as she always gets.
RMMD: Daphne and Shaggy are staring in horror, so I’m guessing Parker tried to pull off Kid Haw Haw’s rubber mask and got his arm broken for their trouble.
S&S: The town’s only cops drive a roofless car barely big enough to hold them—bad luck if they actually need to arrest someone—but with giant wheels. I assume they have it inspected at a Shriners International home.
6C: Two half-melted ET action figures are walking home and reminiscing in the place where Niche meets Deranged. Phone home!
@made of wince: I mean as likely as not it first ran with Grossie comparing him to a still-living Steve McQueen but yeah, they could have carried the updating a little further.
@made of wince: Hey! I’m 63. And just slightly handsomer than George Clooney.
@180 Ukulele Ike:
Ah! The perfect match for Grossie!
@Sequitur: It depends on the sand-in-the-shorts situation.
@182 taig:
Hmm. New York City? That ain’t sand.
@Sequitur: But Time Square Elmo told me it was!
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Remember when Blair had another one of her brilliant ideas and the girls put sand in George Clooney’s shorts. Mrs. Garrett taught them an important lesson that day!
@Lord Flatulence:
Hey, stop carping! I’ve haddock with you already!
@185 Dennis Jimenez:
Yes, it was supposed to be sandpaper not sand.
60 grit.
@Daisy:.
Yes, so I don’t think eel of them.
@Bob Tice:
Now just wait a minnow!
@Sequitur: #158: Much to my wife’s horror I voted for him when he ran for governor of Texas.
@tallyHO: No. The mess hall, like all the other buildings at Camp Swampy, are at least WWII-era, and likely WWI-era. Those poor guys have been living in that wasteland for 80+ years. No wonder Beetle has to hurl often.
FC: But, Mommy. We can’t pull those. Those are the weeds Daddy smokes.
Snuffy – Lukey’s doin’ a li’l dirt-fishin’. He might could catch a mole.
You guys ain’t gonna stop until you’ve used all the puns in Kip Addotta’s Wet Dream. Right?
@Ukulele Ike: I’m 55 and I appreciate you. Take that, Timotheeeee!
@Daisy: It’s probably meant in the 1960s slang sense.
Luann-Toni is thinking of the daughter she could have had if Shannon wasn’t the result of an incestous relationship with her brother.
Baja I’m not sure what you can do with this. Maybe an attack submarine?
@Sequitur:
I really loved that tuna.
@199 Cleveland Mocks:
Yeah, I liked the drum.
(Drum is a fish.)
@163 Sequitur: Can’t argue with that!
@198 Sequitur: I don’t know what I can do with this either.
@foist:
Clever
Late Thread Cuisine: This one reminds me of Wilbur Weston: Jiggly outside, full of mayonnaise, and a mess in general.
<a Six Chex In Search Of A Punchline presents The Michelin Women!
@Baja Gaijin: I think “perfection” is wildly overselling this one.
@205 taig: That’s not Perfection; it’s Spring Vegetable Mold. Use this mnemonic to remember the difference: Perfection has pimento, Mold don’t.
PS: The card has two recipes, one for Spring Vegetable Mold an another for Perfection Salad.
@Baja Gaijin: Why card say “perfection?”
@Sequitur: Shoe has become a “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” game.
____________________
“Whose Lame Is It Anyway?”
@Daisy: How in the world does one “act plastic”??
____________________
Charge everything.
@165 Daisy: How in the world does one “act plastic”?? Watch the Barbie movie for helpful tips.
@207 taig: Comment #206 edited to add the answer.
@203 Baja Gaijin:
At least the olives are off to the side. I’ll eat the olives. The Perfection Salad needs to go in a clowns face.
It wouldn’t hurt to take a day off now and then.
@Ukulele Ike: @made of wince: Hey! I’m 63. And just slightly handsomer than George Clooney.
_______________
Will you still need Clooney,will you still feed Clooney, when you’re 64?
@211 Sequitur: That’s the Mold, made with lemon Jell-O and radish slices and sliced green onions. And no pimento! The salad has pimento. And no picture.
@212 Some of you: I did that a few years ago. People noticed.
The mail carriers hold a food drive. They have an illustration containing Family Circus characters. Does anything pop out at you as odd with the placement of the melonheads?
@Cleveland Mocks: @Cleveland Mocks: I really loved that tuna.
_____________________
“But Charlie! Star Kist™doesn’t want tuna with good taste, Star Kist™wants tuna that’s willing to have sex with their customers.”
@Daisy: How in the world does one “act plastic”??
_________________
Graduate from the Bo Derek Famous School of Fine Acting.
@215 Baja Gaijin:
Billy’s fly is open?
@218 Sequitur: Keep looking.
@Baja Gaijin: “Perfection Salad” was the title of a 1986 award-winning food history by Laura Shapiro, and was chosen as one of the initial titles in Modern Library’s series of great food non-fiction works. Fun book — I read it nearly 40 years ago.
@220 Ukulele Ike: Did the book consist of cole slaw encased in lemon-flavored gelatin? That’s pretty much what the Perfection Salad recipe is. That I read nearly 40 minutes ago…and an hour.
@Cleveland Mocks:
.Oh, no — is there more coming down the pike?
@219 Baja Gaijin:
Eh, they all have only one nostril except P.J. and the kid in the middle; they have no nostrils at all. The guy that drew this can predict the future. He’s called Nostril-DumbAss.
Ooh! I know. Dolly’s pregnant!
@Baja Gaijin: Jeffy is not placing his fingers in his nose?
@223 Sequitur and @224 taig: You’re both close: the artist hid both Dolly and Jeffy.
@Baja Gaijin: Re Late thread cuisine – Thanks for clarifying that the round objects in and on top of the dish are radishes. At first I thought that they were hot dog slices. I’m not sure if I want to know what that disgusting glop in the center is.
Pickles – Obviously, he’s outlived all of them. Yeah, I know what he means, but it still sounds wrong.
@226 I speak Jive: This one reminds me of Wilbur Weston: Jiggly outside, full of mayonnaise, and a mess in general.
@228 Baja Gaijin:
When I was a kid I had this record that had songs about different Warner Brothers cartoon characters. The one on Porky Pig contained the lyric, “Porky the wiggly the jiggly the Pig.”
I just realized that could be the same lyric for Wilbur.
@229 Sequitur: Yup. That tracks.
Late Night Bonus
Friday’s totally asinine Six Chix.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Dangit, I missed your wave AND I missed your message this morning! Both are now being appreciated!!
@Some of you: I don’t mind seeing folks post every day. It’s those who post every thought that seems to flit through their minds just to bulk up posts that bugs me. They know who they are.
@Baja Gaijin: In a complex creative statement like this, I assume there are diverse symbolic meanings that even the artist might not fully understand. My responsibility, as the viewer, is to look carefully and appreciate.
@Baja Gaijin: 1958??? But the green and orange remind me of the Seventies! Another reminder that a food historian, I am not. I am, however, going to decline that dish, no thanks.
@Ukulele Ike: Oh dear. I shall try to be more flit-selective.
@236 Poteet:
Totally ignore him. You be you.
@Poteet: Not you.
@238 Ukulele Ike:
Whoa, dude. Stop being a bully. Slow down and let people say what they want. This isn’t your blog.
Hahaha! Pot. Kettle. Black.