Pity party
Post Content
Arctic Circle, 9/18/24
This strip has been fixated on environmental catastrophe so long it’s jarring to see it suddenly switch gears. Or has it? After all, Oscar, Ed, and Gordo are still standing on their metaphorical corner of the Internet wearing sandwich boards announcing “The End Is Near.” Climate, AI: Tomato, Tomahto. It’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure where every path leads to extinction.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/18/24
Hey, Parson, them thar antydepressicant pharmysooticals shore will make the news go down easier!
Mark Trail, 9/18/24
Mark is searching for “Vampire in Malibu” director Wesley Wingit, reputedly holed up in this house full of lions. Very talented lions. They can open a chest freezer; unwrap, thaw, and microwave their meals; and presumably use the litter box, most likely a repurposed swimming pool. If Wesley doesn’t show up, they can probably also direct his next movie, produced by MGM of course.
Judge Parker, 9/18/24
Pity poor Ronnie. To escape her wretched marriage to self-absorbed twit Kat who looks exactly like Neddy, she submits to a doomed roadtrip with self-absorbed twit Neddy who looks exactly like Neddy because she is actually Neddy. In her troubled dreams, Ronnie careers through a mirrored funhouse with infinite Neddies screeching tornadoes of empty yak at her from every side, only to awake soaked in sweat to find yet another goddamn Neddy shaking her shoulder saying, “Hey, I’ve got an idea ….”
Beetle Bailey, 9/18/24
Pity Amos Halftrack. This is as intimate as he will ever be with a woman; this moment will define his life.
—Uncle Lumpy
148 replies to “Pity party”
Gee, Mark, I’m glad that ol’ Nature Boy knows that lions prefer frozen meat over the fresh, never frozen variety.
BG&SS:
“Howdy, Parson! What’cha watchin’?”
” ‘Dallas‘ reruns! — every one of th’ Seven Deadly Sins is on display in jes’ ’bout every episode!”
RMMD:
“I’ve been worried about this thing that’s happening with my hand. Didn’t know how to tell you. So I figured I’d talk with my hands — ‘course, I couldn’t do that, because that was the problem to begin with!”
RMMD:
“This here record maker is in the cut-out bin of life!”
Mary Worth Mashups
MW-Ed must be the only vet in town Mary lets operate.
BB: Halftrack is moments from wishing he’d invoked the No Waxing at Work rule.
MW: Oh, no, I knew it! Now all Estelle’s relatives will think she’s just pulling her Imaginary Boyfriend routine again.
Arctic Circle: Old school is best. Dust off the blow-up penguin. SHE’LL never spy on you!
@MKay: . Dust off the blow-up penguin.
________________
“Blow up the penguin, we’re gonna have a penguin of fun…”—- Barry Mitchell, ” Penguin Barrel Polka”, ABC World News Now.
Family Circus: Special guest star, Parker from RMMD.
Arctic Circle : Wait, I thought Oscar’s girlfriend WASN’T AI, she just had polydactyly.
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Beetle Bailey :
Pity Amos Halftrack. This is as intimate as he will ever be with a woman
Actually, he’s been MUCH MORE INTIMATE with a woman, plenty of times, with Ms Buxley even! Then, she filed that complaint and he had to take that sensitivity training.
…Too far?…************
Heart of the City : Today, we learn, off-hand, through a stupid sitcom misunderstanding, that Kat can read Braille.
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Mark Trail : all that hype about how Mark was going to go inside a house filled with tamed-but-gone-feral lions, and how it would be super dangerous… And the lions just lounge around, eating from the fridge while ignoring Mark expositing to no one in particular (why did he bring Rusty AND was accompanied by a production assistant if he goes in without a sidekick to talk to?)
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Pluggers : don’t know how to change the settings to their computer (today, specifically : to make their cursor easier to see)
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Slylock Fox : EXTRA DIFFERENCE : In the image on the left, the older pig is going to set up camp while the three little piglets do all the work cleaning up the area. In the image on the right, while the three little pigs clean up the area, the older pig is walking away to abandon them forever.
JP: Just to understand, Declan’s family is the same family that Sophie met and who had the same party that ended up in the uncle being arrested, right?
MW: That is not the face of a woman saying WHAT??? Unless she’s been dipping into the horse tranquilizers.
FC: Baby Parker encounters his first experience with violent bullying when he learns Billy runs a cash only protection racket.
BB: Why is the General surprised by a secretary doing some filing?
BGSS: Side effects include hallucinations that your television can pick up analog broadcasts long after they were retired by the FCC.
BB — The last few days have shown that you can do pretty much anything at your desk in Camp Swampy–except work, from the looks of it.
BEETLE BAILEY: Miss Buxley should be grateful. If this were Swedish Beetle Bailey, Halftrack would have popped a boner right now.
BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH: Parson Tuttles: “Now ah’m en-spy-erd ta sit in’a tub on th’ field wit’ the misses allla sudden.”
CS: Sure enough, the extremely predictable joke happened just as everyone guessed it would. You’d think this kind of “Crankshaft is a mean-spirited ignoramus who sets destructive fires all the time, isn’t that adorable and hilarious?” gag would be a bad tonal and thematic fit for a story about how destructive fires set by mean-spirited ignoramuses are terrifying and horrible, but Tom Batiuk marches to the buzzing of his own kazoo.
MW: Speaking of predictable…
DT: Diet Smith said he had a plan to keep Ro-Zan busy until his Space Uber showed up, but what was it. Well… he took him to the zoo. No, seriously. I’m serious. Diet Smith, the world’s most powerful and influential tech trillionaire, took the evil alienman to the goddamned zoo for a day of fun. And he forced Mysta come along, despite her having set a world, no, solar system record for the most regrettable sexual encounter in history with her genocidal ex-gangster mutant monster uncle. Then again, it seems like that was raised and then immediately set aside, either to be brought up again out of the blue with little reason much later or forgotten completely like so many Mike Curtis set-ups. Add it to the list along with Mysta’s urgent meeting with the younger Tracys, Mr. Aberli the literal-who collaborator, and the Antarctic Egyptian sarcophagus on the space bus.
JP: Over three months ago, Declan spent a week partially explaining his falling out with his family to Neddy. He has not appeared since, let alone elaborated on the subject. Last week, Neddy spoke to Declan’s mom for all of two days, the first of which was spent apologizing for calling and the second which was spent insisting to have the conversation some other time. Meanwhile, this is the fourth separate time Neddy has had this exact same conversation with Ronnie, which has gone the same way every time, spanning nearly a month in total and counting. Theoretically, these conversations are very interesting to Francesco Marciuliano (if not anyone else), but why?
RMMD: “Sorry, how long did you say this finger thing has been going on?”
“Just this morning.”
“So you’re telling me that you came in here to eat plate after plate of food I have to pay for, smashed a cup I have to replace, spilled coffee everywhere that I had to clean up, snapped at me and stormed off without explanation… all because your hand has hurt a little bit for a couple hours?”
“Exactly. Don’t worry, I forgive you for not understanding sooner.”
“…Right then. I’m going to my office to check and see if I still have the napkin from Lou’s Nite Spot with Mud’s phone number on it. And you? Get the hell out of my restaurant.”
RMMD: His girlfriend suggests Truck visit her new Doctor, Bene Relluso.
MARK TRAIL: “. . . they can probably also direct his next movie, produced by MGM of course.”
Oh, really? Why not Lionsgate?
CS: So the arsonist was able to completely torch the brick building that housed Booksmellers over in Westview, but he could cause only minimal damage to an old wood-frame garage. Nice work, Batty.
MW: Estelle shows up at the engagement party wearing her chic little black dress loaded with dog and cat hair.
FC: “I only do edibles, kid. Fork ’em over or I’ll fork you over.”
RMMD: “Oh, does wittle Twuckie have an owwie? Does Twukie got a boo-boo? Here, let Mommy kiss it make it all better. Don’t ever pull that crap on me again, mister. Capeesh?”
H&L: “Yes, he was able to take care of all my needs.”
GT: The Juvies’ uniforms are prison orange! Nice touch, colorist!”
MW: The Doc’s aversion to an animal themed wedding becomes clearer for Estelle when Doc Ed’s family fills her in on his disastrous Island of Dr Moreau themed Bah Mitzvah.
I’ll hand it to the Beetle Bailey brain trust: “Miss Buxley is actually a CNA performing elder care for a demented Gen. Halftrack” is astonishingly on brand. (Get out before she gets to pericares.)
Mark Trail:
An opera starring Leontyne Price, no doubt?
BB: Don’t let Lt. Fuzz catch you doing that. He’ll tattle on you to a five-star general!
JP: “Sorry, were you saying something? I was thinking about how much you must miss your parents.”
@Baja Gaijin:
MW- all great!
Frazz: Oh hey, there’s a visual gag in this strip. It’s not great, but it gave me something to distract me from the gritchy characters.
Luann: Oh no! Something that occasionally happens in every home!
CS: The firetruck has CPS! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MW: I bet Ed’s buddies scheduled his bachelor party for the same day.
FC: “I also don’t do gingers.”
I think this is the third time now I’ll be bringing up cloacae in the comments, a part of bird anatomy I never talk about anywhere else because it turns out comics make me think about goddamned bird sex more than any other piece of media. Even worse, this time one has got me wondering about how a penguin and a phone would fornicate.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Truck: “I didn’t know how to tell you. Without that finger, I’m just a shiftless layabout sitting around all day sponging free meals off of you.”
Wanda: “Oh,Truck. I don’t feel that way abo…hmmm…now that I think about it….”
@Baja Gaijin: The Cassandra Cat mashup made me giggle.
Do they run commercials about “meffamfettermeans”?
@jroggs: Re: JP: Because Marciuliano just wants to have “sassy” characters delivering self-aware snark at each other, but his dumb ol editors insist he has to do these in the context of “stories” with “plots” and “characterization”, like, ugh, as if!
MT: Wesley’s been eaten, hasn’t he? Yeah, Wesley’s been eaten.
JP: Girls. We are WAITING. Are these the fluffiest pancakes or what?
Phantom: Hey, that was easy! NEXT ADVENTURE
DT: Ro-Zan visited the Great Slug House and ate all the exhibits.
MW: “I need to operate on a gerbil, stat. It’s got Richard Gere stuck up its ass.”
RMMD: ”Well, it’s not like you were ever much of a guitarist anyway. More of a John Lennon than a George Harrison, if you get my drift.”
FC: No, Parker. I don’t want to be in your stupid vaudeville act. Ask that tall, skinny kid over there.
REX MORGAN M.D.: This is (but one of) the thing(s) that doesn’t make sense in this story: Why would Truck not be able to tell Wanda this info even on an “emotional” level? What did he expect her to say?
Wanda: “Truck, that finger was the only part of you that gave me pleasure! And now that it can’t even do that, we’re through! At least my batteries won’t eat me out of house and home.”
@2+2=7:
Classic Arlo and Janis: “Those people don’t need more pills. They need fewer bathtubs!”
@Little Guy: No, different family of weirdos.
FC: Note attached to today’s strip sent back to Jeff; “Change the cigarettes to maybe….carrot sticks?” —Editor, King Features Synd.
MW – “Emergency?! There are no emergencies in veterinary medicine!!”
MT: Very talented lions
You expected any less? heh heh heh These former Circus Lions were put outta work when changing cultural sensitivities closed down their workplace. But fortunately they were able to learn a robust new skill set which positioned them to compete in the modern Wildlife economy. And they didn’t have to leave Show Biz! Great job, gals!
MW: Some fan service today with a brief Libby and Pierre appearance! Don’t worry, they only came onto the set *after* Estelle had completed most of her “gussy up” process. There are limits as to what we’ll allow them to witness…
Beetle Bailey-Who would of thought Ms. Buxlexy is a groomer?
AC: AI data centers use ungodly amounts of energy and water, so the penguins could bring this back around to environmental devastation if they wanted. Or maybe Mark Trail has already claimed that particular soapbox?
BB: Great, now a bunch of people are going to write to their editors about how Beetle Bailey has become “woke” and sissified.
JP: “But if Declan has a different perspective than I do, that means he’s wrong, and the wedding will need to be called off!”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I’m out until she starts giving him sponge-baths and enemas.
RMMD: honest question here. Did Truck smash that coffee cup in a tantrum or did he just drop because his finger spasmed?
Look, Ronnie, whatever you do don’t piss Neddy off. She believe she’s the center of the universe, and it appears she just might be. Now that her attention is on you, the details of the outside world are fading to the softness of fog, details melting like spun sugar. What I’m trying to say is that the moment she storms off in a huff to the bathroom, you cease to exist.
Lucky Ronnie.
MW: “I don’t care, let the beloved pet die! I’m having a party with estranged Cousin Pam! Euthanize it!!!l
@Professor Well Actually:
His finger locked up on September first and second, but it was retconned during the following week as intentional (“I shouldn’t have smashed it…”).
RMMD/FC: This can’t be just a coincidence. Did Beatty see this in an old Family Circus collection and use the image as inspiration for Parker? Or did Jeff dig this out of the archives after Parker appeared in Rex Morgan? There clearly has to be a connection here.
FC: First taste is free, Billy.
MW: Wait Ed is going to miss dinner? I’m shocked. Shocked!
…well…not that shocked…
C’shaft: I know we all saw it coming, but a part of me maintained a sliver of foolish hope. Surely he won’t actually go there, I thought, surely even Tom Batiuk would see how utterly tone deaf and inappropriate that would be.
I should have known better. The bar is in the Mariana Trench and still he limbos under it like a contortionist on vacation in Cancun.
Dustin: It’s funny because Dustin knows the Puritanistic bent of American work culture will condemn him no matter what he does.
GT: “Specifically I helped my mom hide the murder weapon after she killed my dad. Anyway, how’ve you been?”
MW: “You’re right, honey. I’ll just tell the eight-year-old looking up at me with tears in her eyes that I can’t help little Bandit after he was hit by a car because a woman I’ve never met before is throwing a party. You know what, I’ll put her on the line and let you tell her.”
Phantom: Well, that was stupidly easy.
AC – Your phone is always on. Just like Alexa, it is constantly listening for clues as to what it can sell you. Have a long talk about needing to replace the gutters, and within a few days there is a mailer in your inbox (virtual or physical) about deals on gutter replacement. This is pretty openly acknowledged at this point.
“Nowadays, your phone is constantly filtering the sounds around you for trigger words such as “OK, Google” or “Hey, Siri” to activate voice assistants. Unfortunately, this has led to sketchy audio recording practices and data breaches in the past.
Suspicions first appeared when voice assistant practices came under scrutiny after people found out third-party contractors were transcribing audio recordings for Google and Apple. These recordings contained intimate and highly personal conversations that fell into the hands of random people.”
MW: I’m not sure but I have the impression Karen Moy doesn’t know how vet clinics work. In my part of the world there are 24-hr clinics and there are clinics that have set hours.
@TheDiva: Phantom: Well, that was stupidly easy.
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It ain’t over yet!
MW: My reaction: “Oh, honey, I hope everything goes okay – I’ll see you at the restaurant later. Love you!! Take care!!”
Estelle’s reaction: “WHAAATTT??? YOU PROMISED!!! I DON’T GET IT, ED – I’M SUPPOSED TO COME FIRST!!!” *slams the phone down*
@taig: CS: The firetruck has CPS! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
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Child Protective Services?
BB – Today’s strip would have been greatly improved by omitting the first panel, because without it, I would have assumed that Gen. Halftrack is weakly trying to fend off Miss Buckley as she comes at the randy old goat with a knife to cut off his penis.
@Lord Flatulence: No, silly. Crankshaft Positioning System.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: At least Oscar and Ed didn’t get pagers.
Arctic Circle: I do NOT want to think about what this couple’s sex life is like.
Mark Trail: Mark, I hate to break it to you, but I have a suspicion that the lions gave Wesley a bigger piece of their mind than you ever could.
Beetle Bailey: This is actually pretty cute.
@taig: No, silly. Crankshaft Positioning System.
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Ah, of course.
@5 Baja Gaijin:
Casandra Cat… Oh, yeah. Bear… okay.
Wilbur… NO! NO! NO! NO! JUST NO! STOP IT! DAMMIT!
Luann: It’s obvious that Les has no idea what that tool next to the toilet, the one with the rubber suction cup at the end, is for.
Luann: Clogzilla has struck again!
Luann: Don’t be so quick to blame yourself for clogging the toilet, Les. How do you know it wasn’t Gunther the salad eater, with all of that roughage and fiber spewing out of his ass.
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Arctic Circle – AI girlfriends are a mixed bag. They attract the weirdest, most anti-social among humanity (emphasis on ‘man’ there) and thus assure a smaller, but better quality, human population is breeding. But AI also consumes vast sums power and water to process information. It’s also going to be used to sell these sad losers more nonsense crap since consumer tech innovations died when the last of Steve Jobs’ pre-death projects ran their course.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – Appalachia is notorious for it’s poor health, whether it’s opioid addictions, morbid obesity, lack of mental health resources, and people drinking more Mountain Dew than water due to poor water quality and the caffeine and sugar serving as a mild anti-depressant. Coal has long gone, and all late-stage capitalism can exploit is the residents’ stoked anger (news broadcasts between ads) and however many pills Medicaid will pay for to keep them alive.
Mark Trail – I for one hope Mark Trail decides to go the Dick Tracy route and have this end in a grizzly death.
Beetle Bailey – Inadvertently, Miss Buxley has saved Camp Swampy. When the brass from the Pentagon come in for a surprise inspection General Halftrack’s well-groomed nails will make a subtle enough difference that the brass will decide to keep the base open.
love is… going nuts with Gene Kelly fantasies.
MT: “These poor lions!” At least Jules is self-aware enough to know she has to immediately identify the animals she hastily traces on her iPad. She must have been pissed when Google didn’t find any “lions raiding freezer” images she could use. But now that Google has her own drawing in its database… no, it still won’t find any.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Oh no, there goes San Diego
BB Look, I know it’s a cartoon and not a life-drawing class assignment, but what is with Miss Buxley’s left hand in panel 2? Are those claws? Talons? A flesh-colored fork surgically attached to her arm? And what angle is it being held at? Too many questions for this dumb, low-effort strip…
@Sequitur: Who can forget the classic, “Taking Meth in the Rain?”
@73 taig:
♫ I’m mething in the rain, just mething in the rain.
What a glorious feeling, I’m high once again…
@Lord Flatulence, JP: Thanks for the clarification.
I joke, but Ces’ dialogue between Judge Parker and Sally Forth could be interchangeable this week.
@TheDiva, Phantom: He’s cribbing from Original Star Trek, where Captain Kirk shuts down the computer with self-destructive logic.
MT: Wait, the lions are live sentient beings and they actually need food, water, oxygen, places to pee and defecate, etc.? And they’ve been just hanging around, waiting for Mark to arrive, for weeks? Because for some reason Mark was considered to be the only human being capable of…oh never mind, at this point even GASOLINE ALLEY makes more sense.
GA: I don’t know why Rufus is announcing “BOOGIE WOOGIE!” with that insane expression on his face (more insane than usual, I mean). And I don’t want to know.
If Buxley and Halftrack were Vulcans this would be a hot passionate love scene to rival anything 9Weirdchick Lame has ever dreamed of.
@Anonymous: That was me. And while real kittens look adorable, these alleged kittens do not, don’t look, don’t look.
Mark Trail Mix reminds me of that kerfluffle in the 90s when Saran Wrap made a commercial with a tiger refusing to eat a steak wrapped in SW because supposedly a tiger won’t eat what it can’t smell.They must have gotten slot of pushback because they made a big deal of editing in a caption “Tiger did not consume plastic wrap.” for later showings.
To make a long story short….I know, I know, too late….. I hope Mark can help unwrap the meat for the lions or they’re gonna be pooping Saran Wrap.
@Sequitur: Looks like Mr happy just broke off and splashed in that oddly shaped puddle. When did Lorana Bobbit take over creating “Love Is….”?
“Produced by MGM of course”
Instead of the logo with the lion roaring, I’d personally prefer the logo with Carol Burnett doing the Tarzan yell. But that’s just me.
JP – Reminder: Not only does Twitkat look exactly like Neddy, she played Neddy in the TV series that Ronnie and Neddy developed.
Mary Worth – So Santa Royale has a large enough number of veterinarians to have a convention, but Dr. Ed is the only one who handles emergencies and works late.
I’m wondering how Mary is going to meddle this situation. Is Estelle wrong because she expects Dr. Ed to drop everything for her, or is Dr. Ed wrong because he isn’t sufficiently interested in the bridezilla wedding plans?
Rex Morgan – Years ago RMMD ran stories about polio (before the vaccine was developed), LSD, and other serious issues. Now medical issues are trouble swallowing and locked up fingers. And that’s when the strip isn’t wasting time on roots country and vaudeville acts. I recognize that the finger ailment is bad for the person who has it, but it’s pretty low stakes considering the issues that are out there.
Crankshaft – Aside from the fact that he’s been dead since 1961, there are other signs that Hemingway had nothing to do with writing or editing this dreck. And it’s the yearly Pulitzer bait story. Ye gods, Batiuk, get over yourself.
Frazz – Enough about that. Let’s cut up someone behind their back.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – You could market the Wilbur one as an appetite suppressant.
@Ukulele Ike: “…More of a John Lennon than a George Harrison, if you get my drift.”
Stuart Sutcliffe.
@2+2=7: “Is yours raisin too?” “ No, but it’s twitching a mite”
If you’re a fan of the comic strip Baldo, they’re going to have guest cartoonists.
Snuffy – If you’ll pardon a variation on the old tampon-commerical joke:
“I oughta get me some o’ that pharmysootical drug!”
“Why? What’s it do?”
“I dunno, but I saw on teevee if you take it you can dance and go sailing and play frisbee with a dog and be a folksinger and all kinds o’ cool stuff!”
Beetle – “But we don’t have fingernails.”
“That’s okay, this isn’t a nail file, it’s just a crayon. Should I touch up your bald head while I’m at it?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Hmmm! This pizza is delicious!”
“But Don Abundio, that’s pepperoni and banana”
“It’s said that whoever eats such a combination incurs the wrath of the Great Pizza God”
“Bah! You think I believe that nonsense?”
@Anonymous, @Poteet: This being Gasoline Alley, those are probably Rufus’s suggested names for two of the three kittens.
GT: In retrospect, of course “the new ‘tough guys’ in Milford learn Toby was in juvie and gain new respect for him as a ‘made man'” is how this was always going to play out. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. I wonder if it might dent their awe if they knew he was sent down for selling vapes to people who could legally buy vapes, but chose to buy them from a kid with no trading licence for some reason. (Of course not, by Milford standards that literally makes him Walter White!)
Heath: The nice thing about borderline dadaism is that sometimes you can throw all your weird ideas in a blender (what if Jimmy and the Garbage Ape?) and sometimes you can just slap a quote from Virgil on an image of your main character walking down the street and call it a day! Both are equally valid!
JP: In case anyone’s forgotten, or never knew, the fact self-absorbed twit Kat looks exactly like self-absorbed twit Neddy isn’t a coincidence! The happy(??) couple met when Kat was cast as Neddy in Ronnie and Neddy’s true crime drama None of Those Assassinations Were My Fault: The April Bowers Story, a moment that had Chris Claremont saying “Laying on the subtext a bit thick there, aren’t you?”
Phantom: Psst, DePaul, if you have Stripey actually say “You did not discover your mistake, you have made two errors!” that makes it an homage rather than a rip-off.
RMMD: After two strips experimenting with “Truck is standing up”, Beatty decides to go back to what works.
S4th: Y’know, I’m pretty sure when this annual “Guide to Fall” bit started, part of it was that Ces wanted to get the annual “lost in a corn maze” bit done without spending an entire week on it.
@TheDiva:Before I gave up on it, Mark Trail had run two stories about how AI was Bad, although explaining why would have required a level of coherence the strip doesn’t appear capable of.
@taig: Is that one by Neil Sedaka?
@90 Peanut Gallery:
Don’t give Baja any ideas!
CS: Yes, she’s lucky that she happens to live next to her neighbor. Which is kind of the definition of neighbor.
That kind of sloppy crap isn’t going to win you a trip to Columbia, Batty.
@65 Sequitur: Apparently Sid didn’t see the mashups or he’s shell shocked from seeing the Wilbur one.
@81 GarrisonSkunk: “Pooping Saran Wrap” is an ICD-10 code all physicians who see Pluggers as patients know all too well (W44.B for those who are curious–“Plastic entering through a natural orifice.”)
Also, great band name.
@85 I speak Jive: I have to make mashups starring Wilbur many hours after any food or water intake. Dry heaves are less messy than projectile vomiting.
@95 Sequitur: No lime Jell-O involved? Neither am I.
@Little Guy: This week? Try every week. As someone else observed years ago, under Ces Judge Parker is just Sally Forth in a higher income bracket.
The
Simpsons
RMMD:
Truck: I I think I might have arthritis.
The Comic Strip Formerly Known as Crankshaft: Lillian’s bookstore NOT getting burned down is proof that god is dead or there is no god
@Inspector Gotcha: Batiuk: “There isn’t a scene that can’t be improved by extremely clumsy exposition.”
@Little Guy: I joke, but Ces’ dialogue between Judge Parker and Sally Forth could be interchangeable this week.
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That’s usually the case. The only difference is that Sally Forth is supposed to be funny.
Luann: When I thought Les was going to get karmic justice for not being ambitious, I wasn’t expecting a toilet malfunction. Oh, the drama. Tara got hit by a car, fer pete’s sake. Remember that? I need a beer. And by a beer, I mean multiple beers.
@Baja Gaijin: Actually, BG, I did see the mashups, and thanks as always for featuring Ol’ Rex. And, as always, I enjoyed seeing Cassandra Cat. She’s not a client, so it’s perfectly legit for me to ogle her. May I suggest that instead of … him… you could use other of my clients, such as any of the Mark Trail Lions. They’d be perfect examples of boredom, or “can you believe that?”
@Sequitur: That could be fun. I remember several years ago when Baldo spent an entire week sexting with Yenny via their desktop computers. Yenny is ALWAYS welcome; she’s my Plastic Man of Good Girl Art.
Will Josh be back soon
@Jeffmcm:
Yup; Sunday.
Are we there yet?
Poor Wilbur Weston; his dream gift has turned into a disappointment.
@95 Sequitur: Pizza with banana you say?
@Baja Gaijin: His name is too large to fit on the label. :-(
@Baja Gaijin: Yep. Holland.
AC: Your phone is listening in on you anyway, hate to break it to you. Although an AI girlfriend seems like a bad idea for other reasons I won’t go into you, some of them germane to the “environmental catastrophe” angle.
JP: “So you’re saying Declan would like his family more if they were dead? This is giving me an idea…”
“Sophie, no!”
MT: It does seem like Wesley Wingit could use a donation in the brains department, but is Mark the best candidate?
C-Shaft: It’s not every day that you hear someone is lucky to live next to Ed Crankshaft, but we’re in the orbit of Les Moore now.
GT: Still not clear why Gil brought his team to Kaz’s reform school but Doogie and friend are making him look bad.
H&L: So Lois and Irma are screwing the same plumber? That’s what I’m getting from Irma’s reaction. So now we know what the fifth Flagston kid and/or the Thurston only child will look like.
Luann: If the Evansii think this is enough to make me say “I’d sure like to see what Gunther is doing now” they underestimate my resolve.
MW: “Curse your sudden but inevitable
betrayalworkaholism.”Phantom: Big Purple might just be convincing Avarice to give it the old college try one more time.
@Professor Well Actually: MW: That’s right. The regular clinics have a phone number on the front door for emergency service.
@Peanut Gallery: Bwahaha!
Omigawd, I’ll bet you’re right.
CRANKSHAFT: WUTT???! So all this time, the Crank was doing a public service??!! *reads the previous wonderful acidic funny comments* Every so often I am reminded that this website right here is helping to save what is left of my sanity. You folks, you are the best. *sniff*
@112 Baja Gaijin:
@120 Sequitur: The only banana pizza photos I could find were rather terrifying. Sorry.
@121 Baja Gaijin:
Hey, I’m not complaining.
@Baja Gaijin: Cassandra Cat and Wilbur Weston together in mashups! The world
cele… spins off its axis and tumbles into the sun.@Sequitur: No taps on this guy’s feet, so instead of tappity-tap-tap, we get splappity-splap-splap.
@Poteet: Yeah. except for the International Space Sations astro- and cosmonauts who have to constantly dodge all those barbecue grills Cranky has tossed their way.
@111 Baja Gaijin:
The idea so traumatized the mayo container it dropped the “N” off Wilbur’s last name.
Mark Trail Mix: Wingnut filled the house with rare Hershfield tigers….easily identified by the NINAs making up their stripes.
Celebrate National Cheeseburger Day! Eat a bumstead!
LUANN: I don’t know how Crankshaft Winkerbean is going to snag the Pulitzer Prize with such fierce competition as the heady poignant plotline from Luann. I think I getting a little something in my eye (probably caused by the noxious fumes coming from the massive toliet-clogging shit that Les expelled.)
@Dr. Pill: @Baja Gaijin: Cassandra Cat and Wilbur Weston together in mashups!
______________________________________
Wilbur Weston IS “An American WereCassandra In London”
You will believe a man can purr!
“Wow, my manboobs have never been THIS bouncy before!”- Willburp J. Weston after his first Cassandraization.
No one will be admitted during the Dark Moon Arising/Tail popping scene.
Sponsored by Chester’s Chicken Chariot bunny flavored chicken, buy it by the bucket!
@127 2+2=7: Les ate this pizza.
@Sequitur: The idea so traumatized the mayo container it dropped the “N” off Wilbur’s last name.
_______________________________________________________
That’s what happens when you use BEST FOOS™ mayo without written permission from the Smokey Stover estate.
@GarrisonSkunk: Cool. I was on the Upper East Side today and had a cheeseburger for lunch, along with a Cherry Coke hand-mixed from syrup and seltzer. Lived in New York City for forty years and today was the first time I stepped inside the Lexington Candy Shop and Luncheonette on East 83rd Street. (The fresh-squeezed lemonade is EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS for a small these days.)
@Artist formerly known as Ben: If Gunther were home right now he would fix that toilet with his deep and powerful knowledge of Science. Thus teaching Les a sharp lesson.
@Sequitur: The idea so traumatized the mayo container it dropped the “N” off Wilbur’s last name.
______________________________
…..and the “P” from his first name.
@Ukulele Ike: Instant coolness!
@Sequitur: love is…
__________________________
….Steaking In The Rain
@GarrisonSkunk:
7 and #8:. AC:. Blow up Penguin? And here I was ready to congratulate Sid on his varied placements today.
@135 Activist:
Oh, intercourse the penguin.
Pluggers: If its yelling naughty words, its a curser.
@Activist: Sid has a whole desk full of penguins that can double as Macy’s Parade balloons. Or so I’m informed.
@Sequitur: intercourse the penguin.
_______________
aka Burgessing the Meredith.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box:
#55 AC. Calvin, as a senior celibate
woman, I was tired of getting ads for ED
dysfunction in my spam box. So went
to bottom of ad to unsubscribe, but no
button there. Went to next ad, found link
at bottom, but after clicking saw it read
[To get more info]. Needless to say every
ED remedy in existence was sent to me.
Along with opportunities to join scientific
experiments.
No one is immune.
@GarrisonSkunk:
#139:. Sounds like Sid is well equipped!
@GarrisonSkunk: Now Garry, let’s don’t go tellin’ tales about my blow-up collection, penguins or otherwise. Sure, I’ve got a few … haven’t we all?… but nothing special… certainly not Macy’s Parade category. You shouldn’t listen to the scuttlebutt down at The Watering Hole.
@Activist: I meant #138. Sorry.
@Ukulele Ike: Sadly I’m pretty sure how that’s how it would go. In the strip, I mean.
@Baja Gaijin: Best use of Cassandra Cat I’ve seen in a while. As for the one below it, I refuse to comment.
@131 Ukulele Ike: Wow, that place is old! It has an AOL e-mail address.
@Baja Gaijin: 99 years. I’m surprised they have an e-mail address at all. I would expect a conglomeration of speaking tubes.
The cheeseburger was pretty good, though. I would have ordered an egg cream — they’re famous for them — but chocolate seltzer milk with a burger did not sound like an optimal choice.
@Buck Ripsnort: That is an oddly specific demand.