Soapy boredom
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Dick Tracy, 10/23/24
Dick Tracy has spent a lot of this week getting into the architectural history of Neo-Chicago and the state of local landmarked buildings. On the surface, this sounds like the sort of thing that I personally would be into, but it’s actually left me pretty cold. Maybe I’d feel differently if it were about public transit or something, but for now, I say: let’s wrap it up and bring on the officer-involved shootings!
Gil Thorp, 10/23/24
Please excuse a moment of football detective work. Yesterday’s Gil Thorp did not actually establish all the parameters of the game situation when the action depicted started, but we know this much:
- New Thayer was facing 4th and goal, and could “clinch the night” if they scored
- After Milford intercepted the ball, there was 3:15 left on the clock
To me, anyway, this implies that, by scoring a touchdown at that point, New Thayer would have gone far enough ahead that Milford would’ve needed to score twice to catch up; three minutes is plenty of time to put together a scoring drive, so if New Thayer were up by less than 9 after a potential touchdown, it wouldn’t make sense to say they’d clinched anything. That means Milford was losing (though only by a few points) before the interception we saw yesterday; and if Oscar Capp had run the ball back for a defensive touchdown, we probably would’ve heard about it, plus the excessive Mudlark celebration we saw seems pretty clearly to be happening midfield.
Today we learn that the final score of this game was Milford 10, New Thayer 7. Considering what we’ve already figured out, we can safely assume that, after the interception, Milford had to put together a scoring drive to win. (Presumably before the interception the score was New Thayer 7, Milford 3.) What I sincerely appreciate is that we have not been treated to any of the thrilling sports action of this fourth quarter comeback. Instead, we get Coach Hernandez yelling at the new kids for grandstanding, and everyone immediately submitting to his authority. That’s because Gil Thorp isn’t a strip about high school sports; it’s a strip about coaching high school sports. There’s a difference!
Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/23/24
Speaking of exciting things we don’t see, there was a little bit of a hint last week that Mud Mountain Murphy might be up to his old scene-stealing tricks as everyone got ready for his supporting role at Truck Tyler’s concert. But he didn’t! He did what he was supposed to, the show went great, everyone was happy. Thank goodness! I know you guys were stressed out about it.
156 replies to “Soapy boredom”
Dick Tracy-Once elegant theaters turned into parking garages.
RMMD-“Maybe we could be more than just a singing duo,” Mud says coyly.
GT:
Confused about the meaning of the acronym AEW — does it mean Airborne Early Warning?; Army Electronic Warfare? — a distracted Milford team loses concentration and loses to NTT, 14-10.
MW. Anyone lose notice that Estelle, with that towel covering her hair, looks exactly like 90% of the women in the strip, including Mary?
RMMD: Next up; Truck needs his prostate reamed out and good buddy Mud steps in with Wanda while he recovers.
MW: Estelle: “I love you, even though you’re a workaholic, and I’ve come back!”
Ed: “You were gone?”
Dick Tracy: This political ad for downtown redevelopment is actually pretty effective. Yes, I do think they should use eminent domain to kick out all the poor residents so they can convert decrepit old theaters and low-income housing into expensive new condos and sports stadiums. And I know just the cops to do it!
RMMD:
” ‘Course, if I break this hand with my iron grip, you’ll be sidelined for a lot more than a few weeks, and I can get top billing in our shows and on our merch!”
“OWWWWWWWWW!”
Man, I don’t know if my heart can take any more of this wild, roller-coaster “handshake might hurt my finger a bit” action right on top of the already pulse-pounding “friends reunite and everything turns out great” drama in Rex Morgan. Let’s dial it down a little, people! It can’t be constant thrills, all the time!
Giving Orders:
– DOONESBURY:. Yes, that’s something parents do to kids. But now, doesn’t Dad seem quaint?
– JP:. Not something a fiance does to his fiancee. Bad consequences, until the couple learns Dad isn’t really dead and that was just a ploy to trap Decon.
BF:. Not something a lover does to a lover except when she permits it. Wait until Benoit discovers that rather than being Mr. Right, he’s just the latest Mr. Right Now.
PEANUTS:. Snoopy is right, hatred takes up too much brain space.
RMMD:. Ditto
@Bob Tice: I think it’s something to do with American football… I know almost nothing about the sport. Which puts me one up on the creative team here.
GT: So this “yeet” thing is actually all about Henry Barajas’ pro wrestling fixation. There’s a wrestler that says “yeet” as a catchprase. That’s the reference. Hopefully all zero of the people who are big fans of wrestling and Barajas’s Gil Thorp are getting a big kick out of that.
Speaking of big kicks, Milford wins 10-7 after converting a field goal* in the last three minutes of the fourth quarter, so that nonsense yesterday about New Thayer “clinching the game” with a touchdown is confirmed to be bullshit, with New Thayer literally throwing away their chance to easily take the lead in the closing minutes. For those who don’t follow American football at all, this is the kind of playcalling that gets coaches fired later that same day unless they have a very good excuse, which the NT coach does not. Brilliant.
*(The score as of Monday was 7-7, not 7-3. Josh goofed that one.)
CURTIS:. I’ve had apartments like that. They ARE spooky, as well as creepy. And scary. Good luck getting management to fix problems.
Just wait until Coach Luke Herendaz Martinez schedules the Milfs to play the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
@Bob Tice: AEW is All Elite Wrestling, the hot new sports entertainment show on Turner TV networks (and coming soon to Max)!
Coach Hernandez is in part responding to yesterday’s YEET controversy, because YEET is the catchphrase of “Main Event” Jey Uso… except that he works for WWE, not AEW! Turns out Hernandez doesn’t know what he’s commenting on.
Tldr; Coach Hernandez is one of us.
Pluggers: Ha ha! Pluggers have realized as they’ve aged, they’ve become so hideous no one looks at them so they can dress in what they pulled their clothing and shoes out of a K-Mart’s dumpster.
DT: If this storyline turns into a Hallmark-movie-like “fix up an old building and get all of the locals to pitch in before a big developer comes in to turn it into a casino/dispensary” plot, that would actually provide some interesting detective action for Dick. Maybe he could throw a raffle and use the information on the tickets to gather intel.
Luann: What was the point of last week’s ‘Luann’s Mom can’t assemble a picture puzzle in peace’ vignette, if this week we’re back to ‘Four’s Company’? Did the syndicale order the Evansii to draw something else to cover up a week of hawt Kippany action or something?
MW: This is building up to another ‘AAUUGGHH!’ moment, isn’t it? Brigmoy fouled it up on Sunday by having Eshtelle in profile when she woke up from the nightmare, so they’re trying again. THIS time it’ll be full-on close-up!
Great, now Coach Hernandez is gonna spend the next week powering up. For ultimately no pupose, as this is Gil Thorp.
MW:
“Mommy is just like political ads at this time of year — she keeps saying pretty much the same things over and over and over, and everyone is getting tired of it!”
HtH: Many of the details of the defeat of the Great Heathen Army have remained murky and in dispute over the centuries, but one thing all scholars agree on is that Guthrum’s decision to engage the Wessex army at Edington while trusting in the imminent arrival of his reinforcements under the command of Jarl Hagar was a particularly costly mistake.
JP: There are believable ways that someone could accidentally mention something they would have preferred not to bring up in a heated moment. But if you really intend to avoid informing someone that their dad died, then even in your biggest slip-up conceivable you’re simply never going to use the sentence, “Do you even know your dad died?”
MW: YES THANK YOU KAREN WE GOT IT
MW: Remember, ladies! If your man consistently ditches you for work on days he’s not even scheduled, this is entirely your problem and you need to get over it! Tune into the next plot for more quality lessons like women’s shelters are dangerous, threatening your romantic rivals to make them leave the country is a-ok, and Wilbur has endearing quirks!
What hopes can opera have in Dick Tracy’s city? The spectacle of grotesque and drama is out on the street, no need to dress fancy and buy a ticket!
GT: In tonight’s final panel, the role of Coach Hernandez will be played by Patrick Star.
FC: Neither, Jeffy. You’re just a plain idiot.
DT: See, this is what makes today’s Dick Tracy such a disappointing mess. At his peak, Gould never wasted time on these drawn-out, Dragnet-esque ‘This is the city…’ lead-ins. There was never time for that. As soon as one villain was dispatched, the next one was already introduced and going into action.
GT: ‘Go out there and WIN, while I finish transmogrifying into a stereotypical tiki statue!’ (Seriously, what is happening to his head in panel 3??)
MW: I know everyone loves the animals so I know I’m risking my life here but…isn’t the “WOOF” “MEOW” stuff starting to get…a little weird? Almost every daily strip for the last 2-3 weeks?
“Dick Tracy takes on the urbex movement” is precisely the kind of storyline I’m really excited before it starts, but then turns out to be duller than anyone imagined possible.
Family Circlejerk – Jeffy being stupid I can handle. Jeffy playing pocket pool I can’t handle.
MW: In this weekend’s Mary Worth, we will see Stell rushing into Ed’s office only to witness Ed making passionate love to Wilbur.
“More mayonnaise and ham Ed! Use the prosciutto!”
Have a great week everyone!
-GC
It is?
DT: I had that Styx Album.
Luann: “It’s an older double entendre, sir, but it checks out.”
GT: I have to give it to Barajas for incorporating Calvinball into the strip.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Two dudes, one with a jaunty Panama hat, the other with a full head of white hair, bonding over country music” is — and I do not say this lightly — the whitest thing in comics, outside of whatever happens to be going on in Dick Tracy.
Marvin: Interesting concept, a maze whose walls you can see through to the horizon.
CS: I’m kind of missing the annual Crankshaft is an asshole bus driver storyline. I am so ashamed.
If Dick Tracy is still supposed to be Chicago, that must be the Music Box, the gigantic retro theater that just had a major renovation. That’s right, newspaper audiences, a nightmarish vista — they added cup holders!!
MW – With a brief break for a dream sequence, Stell has been yammering to Pierre and Libby about her love life for a week now. I’m surprised they’re still listening.
The first panel of “Rex Morgan MD” would imply that Mud Mountain Murphy is as tall as Truck, which I do NOT approve, since he is supposed to tower over lesser men like… well, like a mountain! Unless the implication is that Mud is on his knees to appear less scary to Truck, like an adult would do to a child, which I DO approve!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Family Circlejerk – Jeffy being stupid I can handle. Jeffy playing pocket pool I can’t handle.
He’s protecting his gonads. A reflexive response whenever he asks an adult a particularly stupid question.
MW – W-why is Estelle looking directly at me and talking to me? Stop that right now. I don’t like it!
@LTJpezcore1:
MW: I know everyone loves the animals so I know I’m risking my life here but…isn’t the “WOOF” “MEOW” stuff starting to get…a little weird? Almost every daily strip for the last 2-3 weeks?
I have come to loathe the sight of these two insipid animals with their perfect behavior, fawning empathy, and 24/7 vigilance. Act like real animals, dammit!
Even this week, “Dick Tracy” has a guest writer! You have to wonder whether the official writer is really lazy or if it is a Weekend at Bernie/Qin Shi Huang situation.
RMMD: If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Charlie Daniels and Carl Perkins teamed up, you’re getting a taste of it here.
Coach Martinez might lack Coach Thorp’s leadership skills or natural understanding of his players, but he compensates this by inflating his neck like a tree frog
GT Remember yesterday, when a couple of the sweet summer children here exercised their minds trying to figure out how this situation could make sense? This world was never meant for anyone as beautiful as you.
@Little Guy:
That Styx album had the name of the band and a design laser-etched directly onto the vinyl on side 2. A very cool trick I don’t recall being used on any other albums. I’ve kept it for that reason, along with my colored vinyl and picture discs.
Is this the first ever mention of AEW in the funny pages? And it’s a dig at them too which makes me thinks the writer is one of those WWE stans who got irrationally angry that an “outlaw mudshow” would dare try to compete with the biggest name in sports entertainment. I wish I was joking, but one of the best things about leaving Twitter was seeing the last of wrestling Twitter. You’ve never seen so many people not involved with a show argue so much about ratings.
Anyway, this has been your semi-annual Tabby Doesn’t Make a Joke but Gives a Look at her Surprising Other Interests Instead comment. Join me next time when some comic makes a reference to Disney’s Lorcana.
@Professor Well Actually: My sister recalled an arc years back where Crankshaft went nuts and just drove off somewhere, in turn kidnapping the kids on his bus, and there was a police chase.
In a real world he would have been fired, had his license suspended, and given a criminal record. But this is Tom Batiuk we’re talking about.
Coach Martinez’s inspiring rhetoric to his players is “Why are you losing? Go out and win!” I guess someone has been reading the Kingpin’s book on leadership, sold at all airports!
Nice detective work on Gil GD Thorp, Josh, but Monday’s strip had the score 7-7.
@Ettorre: Ooh, you beat me to it! “Go out there and WIN” really is the sports version of “Faster! Work faster!”
Frazz: Frazz and Miss Jane prepare their exclusive homemade nutrient-rich seaweed-and-acai tea, which they like to call SnobBerry.
MW: Just in case anyone had forgotten what this story was about. Sheesh! How much you wanna bet that Moy pads her expense accounts too?
GT: At the end of Coach Martinez’ stirring exhortation, the shocked players turn to each other in stunned astonishment as their epiphany slowly sinks in. WIN! . . . OF COURSE! We should try to WIN! That hadn’t occurred to us before. But Coach is absolutely right! We should try to WIN!
RMMD – This is how these guys decide the future of their music careers? I’ve seen more heated discussions about whether to go to Taco Bell or Burger King for lunch.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Can you help me get my drives out to the 200-yard marker?”
“Sure, Don Abundio… Nothing simpler…”
“This instructor really understands people born to wealth and privilege”
Dick Tracy – About 15 years ago this tour of the fabulous ruins of Neo-Chicago would would been enough to spark the imaginations of hipsters who could have “ironically” adopted the persona of Dick Tracy, Sam Catchem, the Lunarians, or the many fantastic villains. Tracy themed clubs, cafes, theaters and other venuesd would have popped up in the hipster neighborhoods of Chicago, and the trust-fund gentrifiers would be socially insulated from having to consider the implications of the copaganda that Dick Tracy has always been.
Now the downtowns are empty again due to work-from-home and post-COVID economic fallout, but apartment rents are higher than ever, denying the cheap-living element necessary for the sort of creative urban environment that has always lead to cultural innovation. The real villain is late-stage capitalism, but in Dick Tracy’s reactionary world Gen-Z will just be blamed in the form of an avocado-toast eating villain that just reheats the old, tired complaints of the older generations against Millennials.
Gil Thorp – Coach Hernandez says this isn’t the AEW, but is acting like a cartoonish caricature of a hard-ass coach, and his head in the final panel looks closer to a loose luchador mask than a normal shape. Honestly, a switch to a campy pro-wrestling take on sports would be a lot more interesting, especially with Gil sidelined with a heart attack.
Rex Morgan, MD – The average readership of the newspapers are “old”, with Truck the representatives for the Boomers, but unlike the aging related jokes that make up Pluggers, Truck at least represents someone who was once actually talented, creative, and a net-positive to society, at great personal cost to his financial security in older age.
This whole storyline is basically palliative care for their egos, with Mud (presumably a Millennial) offering his own talents and new-found maturity to help extend Truck’s career and influence a little longer, and Parker (Gen-Alpha) being the grandson or great-grandson Truck can mentor with his lifetime of experience.
Gen-Z, off course, is nowhere to be seen and forgotten, which make Rex their representative, because he’s more than happy to never show up in his own strip beyond the bare minimum. I guess that would make college-age Sarah a Gen-Z, and she’ll pop in when the writers remember she exists and rewrite her backstory again.
DT: Let me guess, this is when Mason Jarre buys the theater, refurnishes it, really spruces it up and then uses it to only perform “Radio Ranch: The Stage Musical”, right?
GA: Imagination is like “Radio of the Mind”, except for the static, the extreme political stance talk shows of AM Radio, and the Shock Jocks of FM Radio.
H&L: “Hmmm, what’s this spot on my arm?”
JP: Don’t backtrack now, Neddy. You’re already in Full Bitch mode, so shove it in his face. YEAH, HE’S DEAD!!!
RMMD: “Hey, Truck, I’ve got a great idea for a new song. ‘Muddy Motel on the Moon’!”
“Uh, on second thought, maybe we shouldn’t rush into this thing.”
@Cleveland Mocks: RIGHT? It’s bizarre at this point! I can talk to my dog for a couple of minutes and get responses, but then she gets bored and walks away, or goes to sleep…
GT: they’re high school students, why should they act professionally?
DT: This stage looks familiar…
It couldn’t be… could it?
Today’s far more interesting story is that Coach Hernandez can apparently shape shift into one of those old inflatable children’s punching bag’s.
Pluggers: Makes me remember the days of my misspent youth, when I bent my knee before the altar of Dame Fashion. I’m so glad to be rid of those whalebone corsets and powdered wigs.
BG&SS: Check the folio(?) the nurse is reading with the word “Love” in large letters on the cover. Is ‘Weezy visiting a sex therapist?
Frazz: Just once I would love to see a drunken Frazz sitting in a puddle of his own puke and sucking on a Marlboro with empty McDonald’s wrappers all around him.
GT: Is this a crossover with Doctor Who? Asking because of the Sontaran.
DT: A single tear falls as Dick sits in the empty theater eyeing all the bullet holes from shoot outs of the past.
DT – Well – Cats isn’t great, but nightmarish….
GT – Professional? Um…prep sports aren’t professional, dude….
RMMD – Am I up for it? I’ve got a raging hard-on….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
GT: The medieval helmets in P2 and the bent over goal post in P3 lead me to believe the authors are trying to relate to the huge popularity of fantasy football but have no idea what it is.
“Uh, you ain’t got a splint on your middle finger, why you showin’ it to me?”
Rex Morgan – PLAY ISLANDS IN THE STREAM!!!!!!
RMMD: Ending years of bitter feuding, a judge rules that Truck’s extended finger negates the handshake contract.
DT: It’s too bad hitman and full-time Lon Chaney impersonator Abner Kadaver has kicked the bucket; this is shaping up to be his kind of story.
GT: Between the gratuitous use of “hombres” and drawing him to look like an Aztec statue in panel three, I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the way Coach Luke’s Hispanic heritage is woven into this strip.
Doonesbury: Flashforward to Spotify and the micropennies residuals to artists. Hey, at least it’s not pirating onto a CD, whatever that is.
Dustin: “Thank God! For a moment there I was afraid I would have to sympathize with you!”
HotC: Great, we’ve gone from handling an aspect of puberty in a fairly realistic fashion to hatching a zany scheme to sneak into the most wine mom movies ever.
JP: Good job, Neddy, you’re coming off worse than your scammer ex-fiance.
Luann: In other news, Stef is a high femme lesbian with overinflated ideas about her prospective dating pool.
MW: “I’ve learned to be second best in my husband’s life before, I can do it again!”
Phantom: Avarice’s dialogue does sound like it was created by AI, so points for that.
Cool, the Mudlacks have turned to Rollerball instead of football.Did they manage to get all the blood out of James Cann’s old uniform? Can we get Prof Kingsfield to coach?
Dick Tracy v. Robert Moses. Who will win? Which will do more damage to the character of NeoChicago, police brutality or bureaucratic overreach? Will Robert Caro get involved? Finally, a Dick Tracy storyline worth following.
FG: I guess we can safely assume that Bok and Zarkov won their fistfight with the Hawkmen turnkeys.
Pluggers: Remember the bell bottoms with fat cuffs from the 70s? Those things were magnets for lint, food crumbs, dead bugs, and assorted scutz off the streets.
Now Six Chex is not only unfunny, it’s literally telling us not to laugh at it. Can we please go back to the “Desperately Seeking Sandwich” storyline? IIRC last time Halloween Chick was wearing Sandwich’s lettuce as a bra.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Remember the bell bottoms with fat cuffs from the 70s? Those things were magnets for lint, food crumbs, dead bugs, and assorted scutz off the streets.
_______________________________
You had the Pluggers at “Food Crumbs”, G.
Baby Blues: “Buttbeard” sounds like some vulgar term for the female anatomy from UrbanDictionary.com. I haven’t checked but I’d bet money it’s on there.
The criminals are restoring locales for high culture in New Chicago? Smart move! Long-hair music is Tracy’s kryptonite.
@Bob Tice: All Elite Wrestling.
DT: Let’s move on from the dilapidated theater as quickly as possible, before Vitamin Flintheart enters the story.
Dick Tracy: I absolutely adore worldbuilding and lore in media, but I generally do request that it be INTERESTING rather than just vague bitching about how the old buildings in this city are rotting.
Gil Thorp: Hernandez is so worked up that he’s mutating into Grimace!
Rex Morgan: “A little bit uncomfortable, eh?” replies Mud, seconds before breaking Truck’s arm barehanded to make him and everyone else in this hellhole shut up about the fake pants-shitting incident.
MW: Whoa! Tough crowd today! Listen folks, if *you’re* gettin’ weirded out by the monotonous dialogue of Libby and Pierre – think about THEM! Day after day, they have to be right there with Estelle, displaying understanding, compassion, sarcasm, whatever you want them to project! Are they exhausted by the banality of it all? Of course they are! But still they give a masterful delivery of their MEOWs and WOOFs. And in Pierre’s case, remember he’s recovering from an eye-rolling injury, but still performing like the trouper he is!
Now keep this on the down low, but the reason for all this delay is Dr. Ed. We haven’t seen him recently because the actor playing him has been in rehab… yeah, they shouldn’t have had real veterinary drugs on the set. Don’t worry about Odin – he’s ok back at our Cat Complex. Just POed about not gettin’ any panel time.
But they think Ed will be cleared to work “soon” so hopefully we’ll get on with the wedding. We’ve got pet-related wedding merch piling up that we need to
unloadmake available to the public!@Guillermo el chiclero: FG: I guess we can safely assume that Bok and Zarkov won their fistfight with the Hawkmen turnkeys.
_______________________
Wow…..Hawk men turkeys….I have to check out this Family Guy strip, certainly sounds like an upgrade from when he had fist fights with Coupon Chickens on tv!
@76 Guillermo el chiclero: “Those things [bell bottoms with fat cuffs] were magnets for lint, food crumbs, dead bugs, and assorted scutz off the streets.” I’m sure pluggers would drop chicken wings and brownies from the all-you-can-eat buffets into the fat cuffs because those places have the nerve to enforce the “all you can eat here in the restaurant” rule.
@84 Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: I’m not complaining about the pets’ vocalizations. They’re better than listening to Mary Worth’s vocalizations, among many other characters in the strip. Not Lampy–Lampy’s cool.
“This is not AEW! Be professional!”
“But coach, we are not professional, we’re amateurs! We are not even college football players who are professional though we pretend they aren’t, we are high school students. This physical exercise is just supposed to be part of the Paideia, mens sana in corpore sano!”
“Sorry, but the ideal of a rounded Bildung is no longer held in high esteem by either elite or mass education. You get the education bound for a specific productive role, whatever your inclinations! Now go out and cause some TBI!”
@Ettorre: ! Long-hair music is Tracy’s kryptonite.
__________________________
Don’t flashback and leave me hanging like that! Did the old man go ballistic because Long-hair solved the giant crossword puzzle?
@Bob Tice: “Does this look like an electronic warfare suite on a E-2 Hawkeye, gentlemen? No! You’re barely a goddamn chaff load being dropped from Beriev A-50! Until you can fuzz a radar as well as an KJ-2000 you don’t have the right to yeet a goddamn thing!”
@GarrisonSkunk: Well, it’s high time for you to lose an afternoon reading old storylines through the summary of the Comics Curmudgeon
@UncleJeff: @Bob Tice: All Elite Wrestling.
________________
Unless you’re reading Mary Worth, then it’s All Estelle Wedding.
@Philip:
So “business as usual”, got it!
S4th – This is sad and moving. Marciuliano is actually good at stories about these situations.
Frazz – Of course, they don’t run on the moon, either, which makes me superior to everyone there.
Mary Worth – Pierre and Libby are a captive audience because they can’t look away from this train wreck. They don’t believe this shit either.
@Ettorre: @GarrisonSkunk: Well, it’s high time for you to lose an afternoon reading old storylines through the summary of the Comics Curmudgeon
_________________
Good suggestion….I better get high to do that. (Turns to camera) We had a lot of fun today here,but seriously kids, don’t do drugs.
@Guillermo el chiclero: FC – I would have gone with “dumbass,” but idiot is appropriate, too.
@Cleveland Mocks: Comics Curmudgeon commenters: “For God’s sake, this ‘Dogs are good!’ crap has been going on for weeks! This is the dumbest, most annoying thing we’ve ever seen!”
Karen Moy: “Hold my beer.”
@Inspector Gotcha: And calling a cab because he didn’t want to walk a block and a half.
@I speak Jive: Frazz – Of course, they don’t run on the moon, either, which makes me superior to everyone there
_______________
Frazz hole had the first smug-set on the Moon.
………….. “Play RUNNY BOOTS!” Someone give that woman a main the balcony!
@GarrisonSkunk: Listen, I learned that expression in school, I don’t know whether natives have abandoned it
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Great job today with Bizarro, Andertoons, and Six Chix. The Rats were especially good.
I’m especially impressed with the Stinkbug. They must be difficult to find roles for.
@Baja Gaijin: Re buffets – The Shady Maple Buffet has signs saying that they want people to eat as much as they want at the restaurant, but taking anything out is theft. I don’t know if they enforce it.
The restaurant is in Lancaster County and is supposedly the largest buffet in the US. We sometimes stop there on our return trip from the King of Prussia Mall, although it’s been a few years since we went.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Truck: “And I can’t possibly use my other hand to shake because it’s so sticky (from, um…the honey and jam biscuits I had at Wanda’s this morning. Yeah…that’s it….)”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Um…you know, Lou? Truck? Any-other-monosyllabic-middle-aged-man involved in this story? You might get more “professional behavior” from your acts if you have them sign contracts instead of pinky-swearing like your kids on the playground or whatever. (Just saying that Truck has a bunch of time to sit on a park bench for a week and call it a “plot”, but according to story we spent 2/3rds pf last year reading Mud is actually a pretty busy man with lots of lucrative side projects. You guys might want to make sure that Mud can legally commit to being Truck’s second stringer.
@Peanut Gallery:
Me preguntaba por qué el instructor de golf parecía tan feliz. Creo que ha decidido que hoy es el día para comerse finalmente a los ricos y se saltó el desayuno.
GT: Coach Hernandez reminds me of a local team that plays under the name of the OSU Cowboys. They’ve been having a disappointing season, and, according to the local paper, the head coach helpfully told all his little assistant coaches to figure it out for themselves.
Curtis-“Why are you telling me this? We live in the same building.”
When I read Gil Thorp, I wonder what the hell is going on. When I look at Gil Thorp, I wonder what the hell is going on in our art schools.
@I speak Jive:
#93. SAlly 4:. Agreed. Anyone who had to sit alone at lunch or play alone at recess or be left without a lab partner remembers. This is where the parents are remiss: Jackie and Ralph should be making attempts to know other parents so they can arrange adventures with other kids.
PHANTOM:. Ok, saw the authors character is obviously based on a living billionaire but nonetheless he has called the character a bottom feeder and portays him most unfavorably. Most of this is fair use.
But now he’s portraying a sickening licentiousness as Mollusks end goal, has he checked his legal liability? Has the writer received any warnings or cease and desist letters?
GT: What’s this coach’s angle? Looking at panel 3 and going by his outstretched arms and the top of his trapezoidal head, I would estimate 120 degrees.
LUANN: Tiffany is too embarrassed to admit that she’s actually going out on a date with Woody Allen (I mean she is the right age for it.)
LUANN (2): Between Stef’s skank-i-fied cheerleading uniform (I’m pretty sure it doesn’t normally show cleavage) and everyone assuming people only go to football games to get horny, this Luann is becoming the world’s lamest porno pretty quickly (I bet we’ll get some “sexy” dialogue about how the real “wide-receiver” is Stef in tomorrow’s edition…because, ha, ha, she’s the “slutty” cheerleader who spreads her legs. Have we not made that more clear yet?)
Rex Morgan: I actually thought that we’d see Mud getting into a real medical emergency on stage and Rex saving the day, but I guess that was too hard to do…
Gil Thorp: Reminds me of the time in JUDGE PARKER where Sophie’s cheerleader audition had people chanting “Sophie! Sophie!” but we saw almost none of the actual audition. (Speaking of “too hard to do”…)
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
#84. MW:. Sid, just got to thinking that if one of your stars is managing the guest book at the wedding, it’d be a great opportunity to offer your premium wedding merch at the side of the table. A couple shot glasses/bowls with names and dates would be desired by every guest.
I, for one, am looking forward to the Coach Hernandez storyline where he is a masked luchador and Marty Moon is the ring announcer for the hot new independent wrestling promotion in town. The culmination of the storyline is Luchas de Apuestas (Mask v. Hair) between Hernandez and Thorp.
DT: That vaudeville theater in Panel 2 looks like it’s at least 100 years old, and 75 years out of date. What was supposed to happen, exactly?
DT: Nightmarish vista?! That’s not fair. Max and Hannah just installed cupholders.
FC: No, Jeffy…you are a member of the Know Nothing Party. It’s a perfect fit.
@Violet: Ahora sabemos por qué el instructor tenía un gran martillo de madera con él. Es perfecto para golpear a Don Abundio en la cabeza
@C Badger: Coach Thorp already competed in the wrassling ring with a retired wrestler.
I’m thinking more of a Chris Jericho storyline.
Gil comes out of his medical problems grotesquely out of shape. He immediately demands reinstatement as the main man in Milford. Replaces the term “Coach of the Year Gil Thorp” with “The Learning Tree Gil Thorp”.
With the help of the superintendent and principal, Gil gathers young proteges who quickly tire of his sophistry so he replaces them with dumber proteges.
New catch phrase: “Hi Guys!” (cheesy smile and wave).
@White Rabbit:” a local team that plays under the name of the OSU Cowboys.”
Shouldn’t that be “the OSU Cowboys at T. Boone Pickens University”?
REALLY, Dick Tracy? Hallowe’en just around the corner and your spooky seasonal strip is going to be ‘poorly maintained interiors’? For a strip which once had ‘gimp man eaten alive by rats’, the bar for nightmarish vistas has sunk to incredible new lows. Seriously, even that Chumbawumba guy would be scarier.
@I speak Jive: I looked at the website and menu for the Shady Maple Smorgasbord. Threatening potential customers with prosecution for theft if they sneak a biscuit into a pocket is an….interesting promotional angle.
I’d be tempted to stuff a couple dozen pieces of chicken into my pants and defy them to do something about it. “You gonna call the cops? Have the busboys beat me with soup ladles? Want a drumstick?”
Rhymes With Orange – Of course IEEE 802.11 is a universal standard! As established in the movie Independence Day, technology standards always evolve independently towards exactly the same implementations.
AC: Today in “what year is this set in anyway?” influencers exist and … they wear checked suits? Because it’s possibly a scam to get free stuff and anyone who’s scamming has to look like a 1940s spiv?
GT: TFW you realise your “hand lettering” font looks kind of crappy when you blow it up to represent a crowd of people yelling, so you grab a font that looks a bit like the signage in Star Trek, but not quite.
JP: It’s quite impressive that, even if everything Declan’s family told her is true and he’s been using her for her money the whole time, Neddy still manages to be the asshole.
@LTJpezcore1: @Cleveland Mocks: #39
“act like real animals dammit!”
Yeah – start puking and clawing furniture and peeing on the walls, for goodness’ sake!!
@Horace Broon: Re Andy Capp: I have to admit, “Evening, landlord, I’m an influencer” is an AMAZING opening line.
GT: I find the bizarre depiction of Coach Hernandez in panel three less disturbing than the suggestive leers on the faces of the three teenage boys. “Go out there and WIN” may be insider slang for “full-team nude circle jerk.”
@Ettorre: #42
And secreting a powerful cardiotoxin through his skin which immediately incapacitates the rival players and coaches who brush against him, thus guaranteeing a win for Milford.
@Cleveland Mocks: #56
…and the flip side, “Swing Set in Glenwood.” Destined to be a megahit!!!
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: #84
Sid, tell your devoted fans to download the free(?) apps, MeowTalk and DogSpeak. Then we’ll know what these two little guys are *really* saying! (Of course, it would help if comic strips had audio, but we work with what we’ve got…)
GT: Coach Luke in the last panel looks like one of those giant inflatable gorillas one sees in used car lots.
Luann: If Stef is in such a big hurry to get to the game why did she take off her cheerleader outfit and replace it with a bathrobe?
@UncleJeff, You are beautiful on the inside.
@117 Ukulele Ike: I hope you mean you’ll stuff the fried chicken in your bright red codpiece. The humor follows effortlessly.
@126 Guillermo el chiclero: Stef’s going to flash the opposing team, her distracting genitalia causing many inadvertent fumbles and sudden tackles. And maybe a few spontaneous ejaculations.
@LTJpezcore1: MW: I know everyone loves the animals so I know I’m risking my life here but…isn’t the “WOOF” “MEOW” stuff starting to get…a little weird? Almost every daily strip for the last 2-3 weeks?
Hey, I’m just glad that Estelle is no longer using “SOB!” as punctuation. She even did it in her thought bubble, for crying out loud!
MW: Prediction: the following morning Estelle wakes up to find that one of her pets has died in the night* . A few comic-strip-time days later (that is, about three months later in real time), another hand-decorated box is dropped off the side of Dr. Jeff’s yacht. Wilbur and Estelle are drawn together by the experiences that both have been through.
*Fear not, everyone, it’s acting, don’t forget.
GT – “HOW DO YOU LIKE OUR NEW FONT, COACH? IT’S CALLED PROFESSIONAL HIGH SCHOOL ITALIC!”
@I speak Jive: Thanks for reminding everyone of our agency’s other outstanding talent! Honestly, it seems I’ve been all consumed with the dealings of our Superstars in Mary Worth – just ask Melody Mare, she’ll give you an earful. But thanks to my capable Intern, other comic placements have been proceeding with our usual excellence.
Yes, the Bizarro gig turned out to be the perfect fit for our resident Stinkbug! Those two sets of upper arms are just the thing for his one-man-band performance! And his plaintive refrain! Would a Stinkbug by any other name sing as dolefully? We considered trying to rebrand him as a Savorybug, but he wanted to remain true to his heritage. So he finallly gets the gig of a lifetime… maybe the only one.
@C Badger: Reminds me of a brilliant Hark, a Vagrant comic by Kate Beaton. (Not archived on the website, just a vignette she did shortly after moving to NYC about 10 years ago)
Panel One: (Kate getting a coffee at her local bodega)
Bodega Owner: Would you like an orange with that?
Kate: Those oranges don’t look so good.
Panel Two:
Bodega Owner: Ah! The oranges are like YOU! They are beautiful on the INSIDE!
Kate: Ha ha!
Panel Three:
Kate: Wait
DT: Is this where we find out Vitamin Flintheart is a 90-year-old wino and his Christmas elf groupie wife doesn’t exist?
GT: “And stop playing around with fonts when you answer me. It’s creepy!”
@Activist: An excellent idea for merch promotion! We’ll let The Ladies know and will be sure you get credit if they buy the suggestion! You’ll get 15% off on your choice of the deluxe memorabilia. We’ll even cover shipping charges – only a small handling fee will apply.
@Daisy: Another brilliant suggestion! My intern is working on creating the apps MeowTalk and DogSpeak, as we speak! Just as soon as he runs it through the Chinese translator and back again. There will be a modest installation fee, but then the usage will be unlimited!
@C Badger: Thank you!
Thanks guys!
9CL: Brooke has given up on even the appearance of any incident beyond “x thinks y is hot.” Dangerous times. Thorax could show up any minute.
AC: Goldsmith and Garnett, God bless them, have no idea what an “influencer” is and see no reason to learn.
C-Shaft: If the arsonist and angry mob had shown up a few weeks later and a few blocks elsewhere they could have claimed the Pizza Monster as collateral damage. Oh well, no sense crying over spilled milk.
GA: Was going to say something about a small child thinking of radio as “theatre of the mind” instead of “aural wallpaper available in maybe five formats” but just made myself depressed. Hideous child should be right.
JP: Not that I have my hopes up, but it would be hilarious if it turned out Neddy and Ronnie got turned around and called on another family that happened to have a son named Declan.
MW: Is there any particular reason why we’re watching Estelle talk the critters to death instead of just doing what she says she’s going to do? If there’s not a big twist—i.e. Dr. Ed repeating history by having a fatal heart attack in his vet clinic—this is just a massive waste of time. Granted, not the first.
Phantom: As someone with no great fondness for tech barons in general or Musk in particular, I’d say you could take this down a notch or two and probably not lose that many readers.
FC: Jeffy, don’t forget the Groins and the Librarians.
@Ukulele Ike: I agree that their promotion is harsh, but I do understand where they’re coming from. Some people, mostly elderly, have a mindset that makes them lose all inhibitions when it comes to what they perceive as free food. If they have any qualms at all, they tell themselves that it’s okay to take just one or two things home. Maybe they were too full to eat it at the restaurant, so they’ll have it later. Multiply that by a hundred or more people a day, and that’s a significant amount.
I’ve seen the Free Food! mindset in action. A few years ago we went on a cruise that was arranged by AAA, with a group of travelers escorted by a few travel agents. The group met up on the day we disembarked. One of the travel agents told the group that we weren’t permitted to bring any food from the ship with us. A couple of people had apples from breakfast which they had to either eat right then or throw away. One elderly woman, however, had a large bag of food that she had accumulated, including a baked potato from dinner the previous evening. I’m sure that she thought that she would eat well for the next week thanks to the free food on the ship.
Wednesday is for filler. Sorry to Josh for having basically nothing to say about today’s strips, better luck tomorrow!
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: So if a heckler yelled “You stink!”, would that be a compliment?
@UncleJeff: Shouldn’t that be “the OSU Cowboys at T. Boone Pickens University”?
It should, but I was trying to allow them some anonymity.
For Better or For Worse-Elizabeth’s mother just wants to make sure Elizabeth marries Anthony.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: #135
Hey, you’re welcome, Sid! Anything we can do to promote your business is a “gain” for us! (P.S. “Activist” and I will be expecting a modest commission/reward/kickback soon. PM us for our bank account numbers and PINS.)
@Ukulele Ike: I looked at the website and menu for the Shady Maple Smorgasbord. Threatening potential customers with prosecution for theft if they sneak a biscuit into a pocket is an….interesting promotional angle.
I used to work for a major airline, which has a policy that if an employee takes food off the airplane, it is theft. I knew of a case in which a flight attendant was literally fired for taking a half pint of milk off the airplane. But, counterintuitively, it would have been perfectly acceptable for her to drink it while on board, not unlike these Shady Maples.
The Phantom: Referring back to yesterday’s strip, is this guy ignorant enough to think that he can get out of his…vehicle…(and I enjoy Stripey’s jab at how it couldn’t be self-driving), with no breathing apparatus, in the African landscape, be met by a gun-toting English speaker in purple bumblebee-striped pants and his dog, and still think he’s on the moon? He says, “Here on the moon.” And why those spiky speech rectangles? Did he bring a PA system along to harangue the moon men? I suspect he learned about the moon from reading Dick Tracy.
@White Rabbit: From what I understand Ian Mollusk is back in the Lone Star State and this is an android or whatever built with his face and programmed goals. I think. Anyway, if he’s a robot he’s a very stupid one, for reasons you’ve elaborated.
@LTJpezcore1: “Woof” and “Meow” translate to “This is really tedious.” and “Shut up already”
@139 I speak Jive: Did this cruise stop at any non-US port? If so, it wasn’t a “cruise line being cheap” thing, it’s a customs thing. You can’t bring open food into the US from foreign lands. They could bring a bag of grocery store potato chips with the factory seal intact. They could not bring in any raw fruit or veggies or cooked food. I know on international flight arrivals, people who left the plane with any of these, the friendly little beagles’ noses in the luggage claim area found the food. They didn’t know they were narcs, poor puppies.
@Baja Gaijin: It was a cruise to Bermuda, and I know that it was due to Federal regs. I remember on my first international flight in 1994, there was an announcement that we weren’t permitted to take the fruit from our meal off the plane.
I know that the cruise line wasn’t being cheap, but that woman sure was.
Several years ago we were at a market in Budapest, and our guide shared some fresh strawberries with everyone. I got some juice from the berries on my travel purse. I didn’t think anything of it, but when we arrived back to the Newark airport a few days later that fucking little beagle jumped up on me. We had to have our bags X-rayed. Fortunately I have always obeyed the rules about what foods are permitted to be brought into the country.
Hawaii has rules about bringing in and taking out food and plants, too. Everyone on the plane had to complete a questionnaire before we arrived, and when we went to the airport for our return flight, the first thing they did was X-ray all our bags to make sure we weren’t taking any prohibited plants out.
Six Chix:
A man tells his friend he just opened a brothel. “$100 for anal and $50 for a blow job”, says the man.
His friend asks “How much for the pussy?”.
“Nah” says the man, “I don’t have any employees yet”.
@White Rabbit:
#146. PHANTOM:. Insightful discrepancies. Some can be resolved by looking into the creations green “eyes.”
@I speak Jive: I hope you had some cabbage rolls in Budapest. Best damned cabbage rolls I’ve ever tasted in my life. I’m glad I got to visit Budapest before it went Nazi. Nice light rail, great architecture, nifty bizarro plaza sculptures, pretty girls, fine national art museum, and BEST STUFFED CABBAGE EVAIR.
@Ukulele Ike: Unfortunately, no. The only Budapest food we had in our free time was cake at Cafe Gerbeau, which was very good.
I liked the statues at Hero’s Square, those enormous horses. We didn’t go to the art museum, which I know I would have enjoyed. We did walk across the Chain Bridge.
The city is especially beautiful at night, with the lights on all the bridges.
@153 Ukulele Ike: I tried driving to Budapest. I got lost and ended up in Vienna. No cabbage rolls for me.
RIP Fernando Valenzuela. He was 63.