Teen faces
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Hi and Lois, 2/27/25
Now, like me, you probably read this strip and immediately recoiled in disgust at the implications: that Chip is in the living room watching pornography on the TV, eyes bugging out and the biggest smile we’ve ever seen on his face, Ditto snitching to his mom about Chip watching porn, his mom saying “He’s 15, he’s old enough to be watching porn, right there in the middle of the living room.” But upon reflection, I’m pretty sure “love scene” is not meant to be taken as a euphemism. Sure, there might be some erotic aspects, but the emphasis in whatever Chip is watching is clearly on the strong emotional connection between two people in a beautiful and mutually affirming relationship. He looks so deliriously happy because his own family is miserable and he’s only now learning that something this wonderful is even possible for human beings to experience.
Archie, 2/27/25
The spit take is a classic comedic bit, but I do enjoy that Jughead is not phoning it in at all here. He looks genuinely disgusted at Archie’s latest romantic crisis; despite the fact that he’s the comics’ #1 asexual/aromantic icon, Jughead sees Archie’s inability to juggle his emotional responsibilities to his two paramours as a skill issue, and holds his friend in contempt for failure to meet the moment.
Bizarro, 2/27/25
You ever think about how someday you’ll die, and maybe afterwards you’ll linger as a spiritual being of pure energy, and also maybe you’ll continue to have some sort of boring office job that involves phone calls that you’ll try to avoid? Better to not think about it too much, as it’s probably not going to make you feel any better about dying.
109 replies to “Teen faces”
Archie: Maybe, just maybe, Jughead’s spit-take of disgust is really a visceral reaction of the horror of seeing his best friend’s head detach from his neck for a moment and attempt to speak though visibly strained by the effort.
H and L:
“But Mom, why is that curious lady’s favorite color yellow?”
Bizarro:
“I fear that my request doesn’t mean boo to you. I don’t think there’s a ghost of a chance you’ll comply with it!”
H&L: Lois is pretty unconcerned about Ditto seeing this. Where’s the “cover the eyes” gag? It might save Lois a visit from Child Protective Services.
GT shows so much tension between Rodney and the Milford Mudlarks that the rest of the team didn’t bother showing up today.
CS Walk to school in a neighborhood where Ed and his buddies are driving 12-ton buses? Is the goal to reduce the student population during the driver shortage?
BG&SS: Time for Snuffy to buy a new B battery for his Atwater Kent or he’s gonna miss Father Coughlin.
FC Thanks to Thelma’s housekeeping, Billy’s science project has already been captured in the flour and sugar canisters.
Archie:
“Veronica’s mad at you because she says that you don’t pay attention to anything Betty says?”
“Darn those grammatically ambiguous antecedents!”
@Bob Tice: And why is Debbie in Dallas?
Alternate question:
How does Linda swallow all that?
That thing on the Bizarro ghost’s screen, with the crazy rabbit and the upside down parrot wearing a hat? That’s the love scene Chip’s watching. Ditto is right to be concerned.
Bizarro: I wondered, “Why would a ghost executive have a slice of blueberry pie on their desk?” Then I looked at the wall. It’s a prototype. They’re in the blueberry pie business. People, beware: individually sold slices of blueberry pie are made by ghosts!
Phantom: You know, The Legend of the Ghost Who Walks turned into “Luann” so gradually, I didn’t even notice.
I’m thinking “love scene” is used here in the usual sense as code for “sex scene.” Look at how uncomfortable Ditto is! It doesn’t have to be explicit, but it’s clearly enough to make this four year old (?) feel weird. Lois is blind drunk and pretending to watch the screen in the second panel, hence her random comment and her total lack of concern. Pretty grim stuff, comic!
Bizarro: Are the “phone calls” prayers to the big man he’s ignoring? Explains a lot.
MW-“Dawn, have you heard of a man named Wilbur Weston? He’s a diamond in the rough.”
H&L: Chip has stumbled on the Gory True Crime Channel. It’s Teen Slasher Week.
MW: A wrap-up I’d like to see:
Jarred and Jess mull over recent events.
Jess: “That Dirk was an idiot, but, BOY, was he good-looking! Yum!”
Jarred’s head explodes.
H&L: Hi might think otherwise when he sees Chip’s watching Brokeback Mountain.
@Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women: BOO-berry pie.
Upside-down hat-birdie! He’s back! Hey, buddy. How’re you doing? Your beak says “Okay,” but your eyes… your eyes tell a different story, my friend. I know– it’s hard to see the good in the world when a screaming Picasso-like hell-rabbit is breathing your air, but look a little further: the world still contains pie. And pictures of pie. And, uh, the colossally hard-to-climb mountain K2? I’ve kind of lost the thread here, but the point is, don’t give in, Upside-down hat-birdie. We’re all here for you.
It’s not often that you see a spit-take where someone bites through the straw, like Jughead apparently does in panel three.
I just hope it was a paper straw.
FC:
Billy: “Hey, Jeffy. Do you know where all the bugs go in the winter?”
Jeffy (shrugs shoulders): “Search me.”
B: “No thanks. I was just asking.”
MW: If we’re just going to frame this as “if you’d listened to Mary to begin with, none of this would have happened,” then can she at least criticize Dawn’s clothing choices and hairstyle?
H&L – That’s OK – he’s got his cum rag….
Archie – It’s hard for me to tell – my eyes never get past the point tits….
Bizzaro – What’s the point? He’ll just ghost them, one way or another….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
what is the ghost’s job
Archie:
Jughead chokes on his drink. “Not paying attention!? That’s so unfair! Don’t these girls know you have shit for brains!?”
Bizarro: CH72H Bereavement Phone Call Narrative: Chaplain telephones family of expired patient Mr. Businessperson at 266-666-6666 to offer condolences and continued support, and to encourage them to fill out and return Medicare hospice survey. Family is coping appropriately, reporting Mr. Businessperson is at peace, “back to doing what he loved: being an asshole behind a desk and neglecting his loved ones.” Family declines further bereavement services at this time, asks if Chaplain knows Mr. Businessperson’s new email address.
H&L: You know what’s sicker than a teenager watching pornography in the middle of the living room? Someone watching that teen watching porn living room. You know what’s even sicker than that? Someone watching that person watching the teenager watching porn in the living room. That’s right, you perverts, Hi and Lois is shining a light on your depravity.
Archie: “Dang biodegradable straws! Back in the 90s a spit-take like that wouldn’t have ruined my drink…”
Bizarro: Looks like someone was streaming Tales from the Crypt recently….
Archie: Years ago, the joke about Archie was less that he was a vapid romantic than that he was stone-cold horny, a walking tripod of lust. It was a simpler, more direct time: Veronica was avaricious in her pursuit of luxury items, Reggie was the embodiment of pride, Jughead was filled with both gluttony and sloth, and…oh my God. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go lie down and reassemble both my comics theory and my theology.
Not to be pedantic — AH, who am I kidding! — but Archie paid attention to what the girl was saying, he didn’t pay attention to who was saying it, which means his problem is not collecting data but organising it
RMMD: if Douchebag keeps pressing on he will wind up with a broken face and I’m okay with that.
Hi and Lois: When I was 15 I was watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Dog Day Afternoon, The Ritz, Tommy. But even the expurgated version of Shampoo wouldn’t have been on TV. I guess I’m saying kids today have it easy when they can order smut on demand instead of using a handmade ID to get into Six Pack Annie. (Is that a Pluggers comment? I bet that’s a Pluggers comment.)
There’s tons of artists and writers struggling to make ends meet so when I see a cartoonist get paid for thinking up the Rilke-esque screen/scream wordplay and then backing into the joke with brute cliche like a Zamboni trying to parallel park, it makes me want to riot.
The weird blueberry pie theme redeems it somewhat but like the lyrics of a foreign song I really like, I think if I look into it I’ll just be disappointed.
Luann:
I do not like this strip Luann
I really wish it would get canned
I do not like its attempts at jokes
I do not like how it depicts its folks
I do not this strip at all
The Evansiis can suck my balls
GT: “This does not bode well for the Mudlarks” because they won by 23? WTF? A brown horse named Silver makes more sense than this.
Dustin: What Dustmom is seeing in that mirror is the fat, bald, selfish slob she ended up with, hence the “Life isn’t fair” comment.
6Chx: “Very nice. I’m growing my nose hairs out.”
MW: “I’m glad I could help, dear. See you again in a couple weeks after your next disaster.”
@Anonymous: List five people you’ve haunted in the past week or you’re fired. Amazing how few ghosts can pass this simple pulse test. Worthless work from home slackers, scamming the ancient of days. I wouldn’t want to be in your sheet….
H&L: I appreciate the creative team having Chip cross his legs there, as he is clearly pitching a tent.
Anybody know what the K2’s mean in Bizarro? Is it a reference to the mountain? Also the 02 (or is it O2) that he often sticks in there.
Today we also have the cup with the hole in it (or is it an eye, I can never tell) a rare *two* slices of blueberry pie, the bomb, the pipe and the upside-down bird.
RMMD: I’m very disappointed in this outcome so far. I was hoping he’d tase the bastard.
I call foul on Pluggers! Real Pluggers don’t put any information on their phones. No addresses, few phone numbers, and most of all, no pictures. And no text messages. You can get a message to a Plugger faster with a postcard than with a text message. You know why? Because a phone is for making calls with, and that’s all. Pluggers will buy, if they can figure out how, a flip phone that only makes phone calls. But Pluggers expect you to answer your phone within seconds, no matter what else you may be doing. I had to tell my Plugger dad once, that the phone is for MY convenience.
JP: It’s a little too late to become an emancipated minor. Have you thought about witness protection? The feds would love to get the goods on the Judge.
@els: I can’t stop staring at this. There appears to be a lit stick of possibly dynamite by the lamp, K2 writ large in Gothic hand set prominently on the desk, a slice of pie sitting plate-less at the far edge of the desk, and made positively prosaic by its companions: a mug with a giant eyeball on it. The art of the upside down slice of blueberry pie has a pipe on top of the frame reminiscent of the famous “c’est ne pas une pipe” by Magritte, perhaps to tell us that this is NOT an upside down picture of the slice of blueberry pie on the ghost’s desk, none of this is real, someone is screaming at the summit of K2 and it is US, desperately wondering what the social dynamic is between the physics-defying bird with the hat and the giant screaming rabbit. Also maybe we’re all dead and it’s all a simulation anyway. Scream the calls indeed, my friends.
I guess I’m more curious about how an afterlife creature with no mouth can consume a tasty-looking slice of blueberry pie. Does it just sort of envelop the pie, like some sort of ethereal jellyfish?
@LTJpezcore1: Yeah, Dawn is getting zero accountability here. I get that you don’t want to blame an abuse victim, but Dirk was entirely the result of Dawn’s bad decisions, passiveness, and Luann-level horniness. Dawn needs to be told how lucky she is that this wasn’t much worse. Imagine if Dirk controlled Dawn’s living situation, bank accounts, transportation, internet presence, and phone. That’s the kind of situation abused women often find themselves trapped in.
I realize I’ve been saying this a lot lately. But if Mary Worth is going to talk about what Dawn “deserves” three times in five days, I have no qualms repeating myself just as much.
By the way: contrary to what Dawn’s been saying for a week, Dirk wasn’t actually controlling at all. If he was, Jared and that crowd of people wouldn’t have been there to rescue her.
That’s a look of genuine concern on Ditto’s face. He’s not your average tattletale, he’s a little snitch who actually cares, so Chip, please make sure his stitches are applied with love.
@White Rabbit: Pluggers use Consumer Cellular.
H&L/MW: panel 3, Chip thinks “Oh man, Mary and Dawn are finally going to Do IT!!!”
Bizarro – I can’t tell if his coffee mug has a portal into another dimension, or it’s an eyeball. But as the kids say, I’m here for it.
Bizarro: Probably everyone knows this, but in a nod to Al Hirschfeld, the number of little repeating motifs like K2 is given in the signature, 8 in today’s cartoon. I found all eight, can you?
Chip is one of those obnoxious teens who complain endlessly about useless sex scenes in TV and movies. Lois, who grew up in the 1990s, find current cinema utterly puritan, so she will welcome any hint that Chip appreciates human desires.
Memo to HR
Re: Ghost
Management concurs that the spirit haunting room 105B in building 2 is that of Ronald Wilson. You may recall Wilson died of a heart attack at his desk, leaving the quarterly reports unfinished. Until such time as Wilson’s bedamned soul returns to a place of rest, management intends to provide his shade with quarterly reports for completion. As Wilson has shuffled off his mortal coil, management informs HR that it has no business to conduct with this incorporeal being. To be blunt: it is no longer human, so it does not require Human Resources. Should mortal staff make inquiries, remind them that in this workplace we do not discriminate between the quick and the dead.
H&L: How do those flippers support Lois’s body?
Bizarro: In case some don’t know, the pie, dynamite stick and other items are part of the strip’s schtick, there is always some version of them in the day’s panel. The “8” next to the signature indicates there are 8 of them in today’s, find them all.
MW: The only advice for Dawn worth a damn would be Dan Savage’s “DTMFA” and “Do some serious work on your self-esteem, dearie” and Mary didn’t provide any of that. This ensures Dawn will be a repeat customer, giving Mary the sob stories and praise that sustains her.
Phantom: Okay, so Kadia will become the sniper that takes down Phantom, then. Fate will not be denied.
JP- “Distance”? Excuse me- isn’t the family that “exhausts” you paying for your college?
You know who gets sentenced to an eternity of office jobs? People who watch pornography of rabbits screaming at hat-wearing toucans at work.
BB: I’ve seen the nuclear explosion* grawlix before, but the little anarchist bomb and the stuffed olive are new.
*Is that a nuclear explosion? It could be mushrooms growing in the woods, or two dicks rubbing together
@Cleve Barrister:
Sophie and Neddy are independently wealthy.
Bizarro: I do like the touch, that instead of drawing a transparent ghostly humanoid figure, they draw a cartoony bedsheet ghost. It’s cute.
Hi and Lois-Is it a softcore or a hardcore love scene?
MW:
Mary: “Dawn dear, you deserve a *healthy* relationship!”
Dawn: “I sure do, Mary! I’m *worth* it!”
Later that day, Dawn runs into Dustin Kudlick at the Santa Royale Fern Bar.
Once again Bizarro features the eyeball mug that looks like a Klein bottle, which is more peripheral recurring characters than a lot of strips can manage.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Juan, I’m your fan! May I run my fingers through your gorgeous hair?”
“Of course! Anything for a fan!”
“I want to run my fingers through your hair too, Juan!”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”
“If you ever wear a toupee, be sure to glue it down tightly, Abundio”
Whoops, double oversnark! Sorry Allie Cat@45 and BeesKnees@38.
I do think that, per BeesKnees, there is a ton of incidental detail in the panel which is overwhelming the joke, which is fine! The joke isn’t funny.
(Also the eyeball seems to be a recurring incidental thing, often attached to an alien in a flying saucer. I guess it’s what Mad magazine used to call… an eyeball kick. Hm.)
The jizz towel has migrated from Luann to High & Lower? Can’t wait for HTT Grandma to find it in Jeffy’s drawer.
@Hibbleton:
H&L: Hi might think otherwise when he sees Chip’s watching Brokeback Mountain.
Ha haaa, good one!
FC: By the looks of the bugs on that assignment sheet, there is a butterfly, an ant (with huge pincers on its rear?), a ladybug (?), a six-legged spider, a centipede and a whatsit…there is going to be sheer carnage in that jar come the morning after. All that’s left will be chewed-up bits of wings, legs and thoraxes and tiny shreds of whatever poor leaf was wrenched from its parent plant and plunked down in the dirt. Good job, Billy.
FG: Loving this story! Did Dale just pick the lock on her hand restraints with a hairpin? You go, girl!!!! Now do the same for Barin and hijack the ship!
Bizarro: The classic point-and-click adventure game Grim Fandango posits an afterlife a bit like this. The brighter side in that depiction is that only the worst people are consigned to a long purgatory of office drone work, while other sinners are able to make their way to their eternal reward much faster. This raises the question: What did this ghost do in life to be punished in this way, and how many people did they poison with that blueberry pie?
Ghost are forever stuck at the moment of their death, unable to move on. For example, this ghost has a landline, pencil and paper, a bulky laptop and a book-bound file, meaning he must have died in the 1990s
@ValdVin: #4
“FC Thanks to Thelma’s housekeeping, Billy’s science project has already been captured in the flour and sugar canisters.”
I love that!!!! I remember years ago when my folks were getting on in years, my sister and I were helping them clean out their kitchen cabinets and I came across a box of Malt-O-Meal hot cereal that had been in there for who knows how long and was crawling with little tiny mealworms. Ick.
@Voshkod:
The ghost never finished his TPS reports.
@Banana Jr. 6000: I understand your point entirely and I think the story line is…REAL bad. But at the same time, we’re talking about a godawful comic strip that probably is portraying it exactly as well as its capable of doing…
9CL: I guess we’re going to top off the week with two days of incestuous lesbian sex. Brooke has been working up to this for years.
@Anonymous: BOO-keeper.
@Bob Tice:
Tell us you’re old without saying the words, “I’m old.”
Oh, and yes, Got The Reference.
RMMD – I have to say, this storyline does not disappoint in terms of verisimilitude. I used to train staff in health clinics, and while I can’t say it was surprising, it was definitely notable how many people come in to harass. Most of the time it’s someone known to them – angry spouses coming in to raise hell, drug-seeking patients who didn’t get the scrip they wanted. I remember one guy came in for a drug screen – completely shaved down. It was a urine sample and hair sample. He got agitated and threatened to drop trou so they could get a hair sample. Here’s a spoiler – if someone comes in for a drug screen fully shaved, there’s a good chance they’re hiding something.
So, this feels real, menacing, and real menacing. Take note Dennis – this is how you do it.
I’m enjoying watching people trying to make sense (blueberry pie, O2, etc) of a comic titled BIZARRO.
Bizarro: topography on that full Moon! Vaguely reminiscent of the actual pattern of maria and highlands on our own satellite. I wonder about that half-tone stippling, though, maybe it’s a low-res landscape up there.
Mary Worth – “You really APPRECIATE it? What kind of weak thanks is that?! Do you know how many platitudes I had to remember to find a few that were semi-related to your disastrous love life? And don’t get me started on the time I spent preparing that plant based glop that you wolfed down without even tasting! I can’t do a four week victory lap on appreciation. Give me some undying gratitude and then some real praise!”
Rex Morgan – I don’t want to step on Fashion Police’s toes, but I’m appalled by that color combination Jerk Guy is wearing. Didn’t realtors from a certain real estate company used to wear mustard colored jackets? I don’t know if they still do. Would you buy a used house from this man?
Pluggers – I call BS. Pluggers have photos on their phones, but they have multiple paper calendars and address books. Not that I’d know anything about that.
@ValdVin: Re FC – The teacher told him specifically not to bring in any bedbugs.
RIP Gene Hackman. He was 95. Police suspect carbon monoxide poisoning because his wife and dog were also found dead in his home.
Luann: Really, Luann, you’re a college student. You should have gone for something more intellectual, like “Hop on Pop.”
CS: Better yet, make Crankshaft walk to their houses and carry them to school.
Dustin: Ed remembers that this kind of talk obliges him to be supportive. “Uh, it’s not fair that you’re not as fat as you think you are.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: #25
We just need examples of envy and wrath to complete the diabolical circle of seven deadly sins…hmmm…
MW: something bothers me here. The issue isn’t whether or not Dawn deserves a healthy relationship. The issue is that Dirk is an abusive asshole who should have been ditched five minutes into their first date.
Zits: This is an issue with the public school system that pressures teachers to pass students just to keep the pipeline moving. He wrote “this book sucks” in his report and he got a B- grade.
Dennis the Menace: Mr Wilson is clearly an old school pervert watching his neighbors with binoculars. He gets a thrill from voyeurism and Dennis is interrupting his pleasure time.
Hi and Lois: Chip is unequivocally watching porn here.
@Ukulele Ike: #69:
“incestuous lesbian sex”
There was a long-standing Hollywood rumor that the Gish sisters were into that.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Very sad, but less sad than the suicide pact I imagined
LUANN:. Luann’s little joke was actually kind of cute, but not realizing he’d started the rhyme, Phil just rolls his eyes. It’s a preschool teachers joke, son, so now you have permission to make jokes about bedpans or wheelchairs.
BTW, I wouldn’t have considered going out for ice cream a “date”. More of a buddy thing so jeans and an old tee would have been my garb.
Gene Hackman death is unquestionably a tragedy and his last film is disappointing “Welcome to Mooseport” with Ray Romano.
@Ettorre:
Or possibly in the early 2000s if he was working for the government.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Funny, Lillian didn’t mention that in her autobiography! (I believe that rumor was concocted by Kenneth Anger for his scandal-tome Hollywood Babylon (1959; first U.S. edition 1965). He was also responsible for the fable about Lupe Velez drowning in her toilet.)
I read a real biography of Lillian last year and learned that she enjoyed a long-term relationship with George Jean Nathan, editor of The Smart Set and The American Mercury. I bet HE enjoyed it MORE, hubba hubba.
DtM: As a joke, eh; but as a cover illustration, it pretty much captures the depressing desolation of The Road.
@Ukulele Ike: They ain’t gonna have that 3 way seeing as how he’s bolting in the opposite direction.
I’m here for it.
Did you wait for this specific placement for the Special Scrotal Award? This is the best 69 post ever!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: No, it was a complete accident. I DID notice where it happened to land, though.
Just wish I’d made a better joke.
FG: It’s just incredible the mad skilz you can pick up from playing college polo. Did he learn this move from switching ponies mid-chukka? (I love the guest artist for Galo Week. Panel two Dale is the best Dale ever)
FG: Question to all soap strips artists: If the Flash Gordon guest artist can depict Dale so deftly handling a lockpick why can’t the rest of you depict someone holding a cellphone properly?
@I speak Jive: As long as Billy doesn’t do that young person thing of going to school in pajama bottoms I think the class is safe from bedbugs.
Rip Haywire: Wow! Something you rarely see anymore. A six panel daily strip!
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
Blondie Spanish to English.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
H&L – Now if I could only get back the 3.4 seconds I spent trying to figure out what “He’s is” meant.
@Sequitur: Impressive, I noticed that myself. Did Thompson base his “Highwayman” villain on the Lon Chaney vampire makeup in London After Midnight? He’s spooky as hell.
What even is the joke in Hi and Lois meant to be? Chip is watching a TV-14 movie on TV but he’s 15 so his mom thinks he’s old enough?
@99 Ukulele Ike:
If he didn’t then it sure would be one weird coincidence.
MW: “Never forget, Dawn: even at my age, I’ve got much finer titties than you.”
@Saffron: I thought I was the only one who was befuddled by this, so thanks.
MW: I’d like Mary to criticize Dawn for better a messy eater.
MW: The biggest problem with the whole Dawn and Dirk relationship is that we’re meant to see Dawn’s situation as worrisome and that Dirk is trapping her in an abusive relationship.
Except…Dirk comes across as more of an obnoxious bully who doesn’t even bother masking his behavior around anyone. His excuse about his parents is flimsy and easy for anyone with half a brain to see through. Plus Dawn easily drops him after the bowling alley incident and he doesn’t push his way back into her life. She’s able to let it go and then acts like she was the one who got dumped.
Yeah, this was not the dramatic domestic abuse situation that Moy thinks she wrote. Wilbur is a much more convincing example with how he treated Estelle and how Mary enabled him to force her to stay with him despite his obnoxious behavior, threatening to hurt her pets, and making her think that he was dead.
@Needless Exposition: Or how Keith established his new family through threats, outright crime and withholding information.
@Rube: It’s ironic how the characters that we’re expected to sympathize with are the ones who should be in a padded cell or in jail.
@Rube: Really, all that guy did was eat meat and call Sonia a brat (which she is) but Keith acted like he set an orphanage on fire just because he happened to be his romantic rival.
@Needless Exposition: And he wouldn’t even have seemed like a romantic rival to a sane person.