Doom, gloom, Wilbur Weston, etc.
Post Content
Herb and Jamaal, 3/13/25
Ha, no, see, Herb’s mother-in-law, “doomscrolling” just means when you keep going through your social media feeds on your phone, hoping for a little glimmer of something positive but instead only finding bad news that makes you increasingly gloomy. It does not mean the thing where you’re on your phone and you suddenly get a vivid and detailed vision of your own future death, but then just as quickly that awful omen vanishes from sight. I mean, I can see why you’d think that’s what doomscrolling might mean, what with it offering you premonitions of your own doom and all! But it doesn’t really happen often enough for people to give it a name, I don’t think. Does it, uh, often happen to you?
Mary Worth, 3/13/25
Dawn, there’s no need to be condescending to your old dad, he is not “pen pals” with a nice lady he met on a tour of collectable spoon factory or something, he met a woman at an all-inclusive resort and they fucked for two weeks and now he’s messaging her using his computer or phone, both devices that have cameras built in just in case the light and friendly banter takes a turn towards the naked, and if you choose to continue to live this house you will have to get used to that idea.
Gearhead Gertie, 3/13/25
“She’s actually just pretty much unhappy all the time, and quite frankly it’s difficult to live with.”
146 replies to “Doom, gloom, Wilbur Weston, etc.”
Rex Morgan MD: Isn’t it about time for the stalker guy to show up at the police station?
Gearhead Gertie-Gertie isn’t happy unless she sees a driver on fire running out of a burning car.
MW-What happened to love ’em and leave ’em?
MW-Why don’t you tell us about the fun time in Cancun instead of speaking vaguely about it.
RMMD-“The law is designed not to help you,” Chief Wiggum.
H&J – …until I saw my 401K….
MW – Wilbur’s a real Belle clapper….
GG – I wish I had a meaningless proxy to direct my rage at….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
I assume Wilbur’s on a diet of some kind. It would be impossible for him to eat holding his fork like that.
MW: Wilbur is dying to go all TMI with his own daughter. Fortunately, said daughter is too dense to pick up on it.
9CL: I thought being in a pool had the opposite effect.
GG: Why did Gertie ever bother getting married and why has her husband stuck around for this long? People with a single obsession-excuse me-PASSION are so boring.
MW:
“Somewhat surprisingly and a bit offputtingly, though, all of Belle’s missives to me have been in the imperative tense, and not fit for family viewing!”
I’ll bet Gertie is difficult to live with, she’s like five times bigger than both of those morons put together.
MW – Yes, Wilbur, we get it. You spent lots of sexy sex time having sex, with your sex partner. Real gentlemen don’t talk, but you’re no gentleman. You’re a cad. And real cads would talk about it down at the bar, with their friends. But you don’t have any friends. So, you keep telling (and telling, and telling) your freakin’ *daughter* about all the hot sexy sex time you had in sexy Orlando.
You need therapy, and lots of it.
You might think that no one would miss the opportunity to cut ties with Wilbur given the chance, but you have to admit that not having to share the same physical space with him would make the experience more bearable
Batshit Bellefrey’s method is find ’em, fuck ’em, and forget ’em.
@Mary’s Ex:
I assume Wilbur’s on a diet of some kind. It would be impossible for him to eat holding his fork like that.
It only works if he’s feeding Dawn..and she’s feeding him. Hmm, suddenly her not being able to feed herself without making a mess makes sense.
“Let check the obituaries to see who is dead! Wait a minute… I am dead!” Black Mirror has really gone downhill
So when does Belle turn up at Weelbur’s door? You know she’s coming (because she wants to be coming).
You might think that becoming obsessed with TV programmes, developing a para-social relations with the people in them and screaming at the TV is bad, but actually being it about NASCAR is the better alternative. Other old people gets obsessed with politics and ruin the life of their country and their neighbours
“Wilbur, I have to come to you! I cannot live without you!”
“That’s sweet, I love you too!”
“Who said anything about love?! If I had a choice, I would gladly drop you, but I cannot live without you!”
MW: Do kids these days have any idea of what a “pen pal” is? Do they think it’s an influencer who posts from prison?
MW: I disagree with Josh. There is ALWAYS a need to be condescending to Wilbur.
GG: “How many cars will you wreck today? Just one, maybe two? That’s not nearly enough! This is NASCAR!”
“We’ve been messaging each other online. We keep it light and friendly. I mean, you cannot type treatises with just your left hand”
Since Facebook is mostly used by older people, an obituary page would be really useful. If someone stops posting, you might think they managed to kick their social media addiction and you would feel bad about yourself. Only the notification of their death might give you some satisfaction!
H&J: Doomscrolling, i. e. searching for Herb’s name in the obits, took a dark turn after she thought she saw her own name among the dead. It sucks when one of life’s little pleasures turns sour.
Mary Worth: Nothing says “I’m interested in what you’re saying” quite like “Oh yeah? How’s that going?”
The common themes in today’s strips is not just unhappiness, but a particular kind of unhappiness in modern society that comes from being a spectator and not being able to do things that could improve your life. This is the kind of social commentary comics should be for!
It doesn’t bother me so much that Herb’s head has turned completely black in panel three; it’s the fact that his neck appears to be about one micron wide.
What is it about Tortellini au Jus that makes parents suddenly blurt out details of their parasexual life?
H&J: Doomscrolling must be particularly blunt and depressing in the Herb & Jamaal verse. Which headline made Herb sigh, do you think? “That politician did an illegal thing”? “Lots of people killed by a disaster in a place”? “Some bad stuff happened”?
GG: I don’t know why Gertie is throwing a Richard Nixon double V-sign, but I hugely recommend reading her speech bubble with your most outrageous Nixon impression.
Herb and Jamaal: Okay okay okay I admit it. I set up a vanity Google news alert a few years back that rounds up articles with my name in them. It was to see if anyone was picking up on the articles I wrote, okay? But I have a fairly common name, especially in the Upper Midwest, so it’s a constant parade of the doings of a former FDA commissioner, a high school football standout, one dude from Minnesota who’s headed to prison for a while, and yes, obituaries. For once I can relate with Herb & Jamaal, is what I’m saying, please don’t rub it in, Mr. Well-Nigh-Unique Josh Fruhlinger.
@Ettorre: As you may have heard, there are now more accounts of dead people than the living on Facebook.
@Liam:
Gearhead Gertie: “Gertie isn’t happy unless she sees a driver on fire running out of a burning car.”
Gertie wants to see the driver escape the burning car? I thought she was a real fan.
Pluggers: Nothing says “pillow talk” and “sweet nothings” like the rapt attention Henrietta is paying to her book.
Mary Worth: “What a time we had together in Cancun! It’s too bad we can never go back…” “C’mon Dad, flights aren’t that ex—” “Never.”
Also Mary Worth:
Can’t go back a second time
Never return to the scene of the crime
I need a Wilbur-i
I need a Wilbur-i
Given that Herb’s mother-in-law is named “End User License Agreement” I bet she sees her name while she’s on the phone/computer quite a lot.
FC: Dolly continues; “Billy says it’s ’cause Barfy was humping PJ. What’s an STD?”
@Schroduck:
Gertie’s team Nixon, as you can see from her appropriation of the “LBJ” chant from the Vietnam War protests
MW – If your artist struggles with people holding phones, well – you deal with it, because that’s a necessary tool for telling stories. But if they have trouble with people holding utensils, or people eating appetizing food – maybe they should be having sandwiches, or giant turkey legs? Ice cream cones? Corn dogs? No, no, settle down Wilbur, I said corndogs.
FOOB: The commentary shows that Lynn’s rage at the time-share scam and salesman is still incandescent almost 30 years later. Also, the new website is an improvement, I think.
H&L: who is this awful little golem? Not Ditto, the other one.
I started paying attention to things like “perspective” and “scale” in Gearhead Gertie and frankly, I’d like to stop paying attention to stuff.
MW: With Dawn’s head at that angle, her giraffe neck is hidden. No disguising those tiny baby doll hands though.
MW: Maybe Wilbur has a “Pencil Pal,” like Charlie Brown.
Doomscrolling is when you start on a comic strip where everything visible in the setting makes sense, but in the next one you see two people in a restaurant maybe and there is a wall going right up to a window and one person is sitting on maybe a stool between the table and the window and none of this makes sense. Hoping to escape this madness you scroll down to the next comic and NO! ALL LAWS OF PHYSICS AND PERSPECTIVE NO LONGER APPLY AND TWO TINY MEN ARE STANDING BESIDE A WINDOW (why do cartoonists have so many problems with windows today?) WHERE A GIANT WOMAN HAS A CHAIR AND A TV RIGHT UP NEXT TO IT!
@miranda:
Well, we know he has a pencil dick.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: The rest wish they were dead
OK, Wilbur was in Florida and then he hooked up with someone named “Belle Batsfrey” in Cancun, but she’s from Florida? Are they trying to set up that the woman named “Crazy Woman” stalked Wilbur from Florida to Cancun? Because my “Wilbur Weston, murderous drug lord” theory is a lot more believable than that.
GT: The incompetence marches on. From the way this is worded, Henry apparently doesn’t understand that having “no fouls to give” in this situation is actually a GOOD thing. You WANT an opponent with a late lead to go to the line.
You can always count on Henry for a couple of facepalms a week.
Sad that other niche hobbies and sports don’t get the Gearhead Gertie treatment.
Curling Carl: “Sweep, sweep you Quebecois bastards, don’t let it hit that fall, nose hit! Nose hit!”
Warhammer Wendy: “You call that paint job? What, did you do a prime and spray? That’s no way to treat a Tyrannid army!”
Gearhead Gertie: I will say, at least the writer of this strip actually seems to know something about racing; I thought Gertie should have been complaining about the driver not knowing how to drift, not draft, but it turns out that drafting is also a racing technique. Kudos.
Also, the reason for the size difference is distance; Gertie is supposed to be closer to the viewer than the men are.
GT: So it looks like the Mudlarks have to make a play and steal the ball or force a 5 second rule or prevent the skunks from advancing over the half court line in time – since they don’t have any fouls to give. But of course that would require a grasp of basketball as it is played in high school at this time.
DT: So, is the guy in the suit (with the mad aunt) pulling off an insurance scam? They got some homeless man who is missing at the soup kitchen?
@BeckoningChasm:
Rex Morgan MD: Isn’t it about time for the stalker guy to show up at the police station?
Just then, an out-of-breath stalker guy trots up behind them. “Sorry I’m late. My earlier stalkee doused me with a Big Gulp, and I had to run home and change. So, Toots, you come here often?”
As much fun as it would be to see a NASCAR driver run off the track, go to the parking lot, and drive back into the race in his personal 2017 Honda Civic, I’m pretty sure they only let you wreck the one car you started with, Gertie.
H&J – “Doom-scrolling? I was doing the same thing. Until I thought I saw Philadelphia listed as one of the ‘seven churches which are in Asia’ in Revelation 1:11. I mean, come on! Everyone knows Philly is in Canada!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“I used to be on top of the world, but it’s all over now!”
“I’m washed up! I’m a has-been!”
“What’s wrong with Don Abundio?”
“He didn’t make Forbes’ latest list of the 10 most evil oligarchs”
MW Listen, if anybody has a job better suited to remote work, it’s Wilbur writing, “Ask Wendy,” and he just handed that off to Mary AGAIN.
C’mon Wilbur, just hop on a plane and go to Florida.
Herb and Jamal – Doomscrolling for Stephen Bentley will see this decent high-concept premise for a horror film turn into a low-cost, highly profitable franchise, which he wasted as a illogical punchline.
Mary Worth – Will Wilbur sell his condo and move to Orlando to be with the woman he loves, only for her to be a scammer selling him a condo that is already owned by someone else? Will Wilbur, who will also have given up his advice column to Mary, become homeless and destitute?
Perhaps, but somehow he will manage to turn that into a successful enough column parasitically taking the stories of his fellow homeless people for comfortable middle-class people to read on their iPads in their climate controlled homes.
Gearhead Gertie – “Let me put it this way: Gertie is the most worked up over race for someone not wearing one of those red four-word ballcaps.”
@matt w:
Apple Annie – They would never telegraph that Wilbur’s sexting partner is crazy by giving her a name that implies that she is. I mean, that would be like giving a stalker character a surname that’s an anagram for stalker, like…Kelrast, or something! Too obvious.
MW: So it’s now “several weeks” since Wilbur’s return, and the Willa standoff continues! Yeah, they think we’ll sign any sort of substandard contract to get her back on panel … well they’ve got another think comin’!
You see what they’re doin’, folks. Trying to flush Willa down the memory hole, like Wilbur never had a surviving Fish! They didn’t consider her legion of adoring fans who are clamoring for her return! Just a reminder if the image is fading… about 6 inches long, gold, shiny, and killer eyelashes.
The Old English word ‘dóm’ meant ‘judgment’ or but was a neutral term whose overtones were not necessarily ominous. A ‘doomsman’ was a judge, while a kingdom is ‘a place under the legal jurisdiction of a king’. It could also, in certain circumstances, mean ‘fame’.
What I’m driving at is that Herb’s mother in law’s definition of doomscrolling being a way of finding out what’s going to happen to you arguably makes more etymological sense.
Herb had better not try it, though, as this form of scrying surely counts as seiðr and its use by a man would lead to ill-fame and bale upon him from the less progressive heathens.
@Tabby Lavalamp: #40
“Deep breaths,” Tabby – *deeeep breaths* while you close your eyes and go to your happy place!! No comics..just pure bliss… :-)
Dustin: “Hey, *you’re* the one who married that harpie, not me. I can’t stand her. Enjoy your muffin. Now gimme the remote. I wanna watch ‘Sex Lives of College Girls.’ “
GT: The emotional expressions could mean anything here. If I didn’t know Gil was the hero and Gerads the villain, I couldn’t tell.
Also, in a sports comic a strip with only talking heads is usually a disappointment, but given the action drawings…
DT: I’ve never seen a church guy dressed as a busboy. Costello’s never been inside a church, has he?
FG: If you’re going to the trouble of hypnotizing somebody into being your sex slave, it seems wasteful to also use him for police/prison guard work. I hope Azura doesn’t make him do the mopping, too.
MW: As Wilbur tells Dawn how great things are going, he painstakingly avoids eye contact.
JP: “I’m sure we can get a good attorney there who can help you. . . . Well no, I don’t know any good attorneys. None of them will talk to me. They all say I’m an embarrassment to the profession. Even the public defenders.”
Luann: they’re called “flautists,” dumbass.
@Guts Dozier: Good eye. I took one look at those misshapen white blobs and said “tortellini, possibly gnocchi.” I guess all the soup bowls are in the dishwasher so they just ladled the brodo onto dinner plates.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: you forgot feel them it was a song called four f club by the mentors
JP – In most situations like this, someone like Ann would lawyer up as soon as she was arrested, since the story says that she faced multiple charges. Sam Driver, a lawyer, was standing nearby and didn’t do anything. Her idiot brother, who is a JUDGE, didn’t think until now that maybe she should have legal representation. This is the stupidest thing I’ve read today. So far.
Pluggers – It’s nice if he calls her Sweetie. However, she might want to stay awake and on guard if he calls her Succulent.
Mary Worth – It’s hard to identify what they’re eating, but it doesn’t look like it’s vegan. I can’t imagine that Dawn would go to the trouble of cooking tofu with vegan gravy for herself and chicken with real gravy for her dad. There’s no way Wilbur would touch vegan food.
Dawn is also being quite dainty while eating. She hasn’t smeared her food all over her face. I’m starting to think that the vegan diet and messy eating were just plot devices. Imagine that Karen Moy would stoop to such a thing.
Frazz – Lately we’re all that chicken.
MW: I don’t know why Wilbur feels this constant need to brag about his supposed sexual conquests to his daughter…and I don’t know why Dawn is enabling him instead of gagging and telling him to stop. Notice that he’s only telling this to Dawn; he didn’t tell Mary about any of this. Either Wilbur knows that Dawn is gullible enough to believe him or he’s making their already questionable relationship more inappropriate than ever.
Pluggers forces us to contemplate the sexual relationship between the chicken-lady and dog-man. This is the most obscene debauchery ever printed!
Hi and Lois finally introduces us to Ditto’s crackhead drug dealer friend.
@MKay: Re 9CL – “I was in the pool!”
@Voshkod: Paint-by-numbers Pete: “No! No! Number thirty is umber, not sienna! You went over the lines in that last space! Wait until it dries before you paint two areas next to each other!”
Knitting Nancy: “You dropped a stitch three inches back! Rip it out and start over! You did that yarn over backwards! You’re holding your needles upside down!”
Herb And Jamaal: …So I guess the joke here is that Herb’s mom is dead and he’s talking to her ghost Sixth Sense-style? Dark.
Mary Worth: OKAY WE FUCKING GET IT WILBUR GOT LAID GET ON WITH IT
FOOB: If they back out of the deal, are they stuck there?
Phantom: If Kit didn’t already shave off his Granthony moustache, I’d swear Lynn was taking over for DePaul for the Deep Woods FOOBpocalypse.
H&L: I didn’t know you could get pregnant by using a Church Key as a dildo.
@Fred Astaire’s Face: Pencil dicked geek – that’s a thing…right?
@Voshkod: The sport of curling is the universe telling me “this is what all your ESPN-watching looks like to non-sports fans.” Because the sport is just so absurd, and they take it so seriously. They describe the acts of pushing a big rock and sweeping up ice shavings like they’re the most important skills a human can master. With a strong implication that entire Canadian provinces live and die over the outcomes of these matches. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to prep for my fantasy football draft. Yes, I know it’s March.
MW-“Belle keeps talking about blocking me and changing her email addresses but I always find her.”
@Liam: I keep wondering what your thoughts are regarding Wilbur feeling the need to brag to Dawn (and only Dawn) about how he got laid and why she’s enabling him instead of telling him to either shut up or saying that he’s a liar.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Curling is the sport of drunk frozen kings, and I will never besmirch it.
Wilbur’s girlfriend’s name — Belle Batsfrey or whatever the hell — clearly indicates that a Dick Tracy crossover is coming. She’ll probably get gunned down right in front of a tsk-tsking Mary, or maybe eaten by Charterstone rats.
GG: What, NASCAR has a season? I thought those hillbillies raced year round. I guess they need a few months off to run moonshine, brew meth, and steal chickens.
On a side note, while in Mexico I was genuinely surprised to find out that bullfighting has a season. I assumed they did it all year round.
GT: Both coaches look like they’re going to piss themselves.
JP: Besides, Randy, I’ve already got me a girlfriend, and she does some kick ass tattoos.
H&J: I spend too much time scrolling, period. Well, that and refreshing and trying to scroll again when there is nothing.
MW: “Too bad she lives in Orlando. Full stop. That place is hell on earth.”
GG: Seems that Mr. and Mrs. Gertie (have they been established to have a last name?) live in a house whose architect was M. C. Escher and using a building contractor named Sisyphus.
HERB AND JAMAAL: “Doom-scrolling” is actually when you find yourself willingly looking through comic strips about Wilbur Weston’s erotic escapes for some reason (shudder).
@Cleveland Mocks: having “no fouls to give” in this situation is actually a GOOD thing.
With “fouls to give,” it just changes the strategy. You have your best defenders immediately go as aggressively as possible for the steal, and if they foul in the process, oh well.
MW: So, in December will Belle show up at Charterstone with a Wilburbaby in her arms?
@Voshkod: Hey, I never said I didn’t *like* curling. I just find it a bit silly. But in a way that illustrates how all sports fandom is silly. (SEE ALSO: Televised darts, in the United Kingdom. They’ll cheer a triple-20 like it’s a slam dunk, or a vicious hit in football.)
If we never heard about Gearhead Gertie again, I would be okay with that.
@seismic-2: Only if Dawn winds up indisposed somehow. The Spawn of Wilbur is like the Highlander: there can be only one.
love is… trying it with a carrot.
@Banana Jr. 6000: All sports, hobbies, or genres are silly (except for the ones I like).
Again, today’s recipe is brought to us by Breaking Cat News.
To be fair to Gertie, everything she’s complaining about is probably Austin Dillon’s fault.
Luann: The joke is not bad, but the writers lack a sense of timing.
9CL: Brooke got away with this “gag” in the past, so he’s going to keep coming back to it.
DtM: Dennis shakes down his Dad’s guest.
“There are a lotta flats in this neighborhood. Capisce?”
To: Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!:
From: The creative team of Mary Worth
re: Willa G. Fish contract
Sid, Sid, we’ve been over this before! And since you insist on negotiating in the public forum, we will also!! We’ve made it clear that we’re not interested in renewing Willa’s contract at this time. The Year of the Fish is over! We went along with your Death of Stellan project – which btw, made us the laughingstock of the industry! As a result, we’ve put a hiatus on ALL pet appearances, feeling they distract from the drama and gravity of our stories.
We are instead going with the sexy innuendo theme, featuring the Westons. This approach seems to hit the sweet spot of appeal to both the pervs and the sanctimonious old farts. And since your clients don’t work blue, there’s no place for them in our storyline right now.
And Sid, your memory seems to be failing. Willa is not a 6-incher. She’s 8 inches if she’s a centimeter! Willa is a full-figured fish, so don’t try to sell her as a petite. And those eyelashes are fake.
Crank: “Maybe if we sue the bus company for loss of revenue, we can finally get that asshole bus driver fired!” (I know, that’s about as likely as any of Batty’s riffs on this ripped-from-last-year’s-headlines story featuring some kind of punchline.)
DT: You know, of all the reasons I thought of for John Doe not to have any identification — he simply didn’t have any, his effects were stolen before the body was officially discovered, Uncle Horace deliberately removed all identifying features — the idea he (or someone else??) had dropped his entire wallet in a church poor box didn’t even occur to me as a stupid explanation!
MW: To be fair to Dawn, I think her “pen pals” comment is intended to maintain the polite fiction that when Wilbur said he didn’t believe in long-distance relationships, and therefore wouldn’t be maintaining one with Belle, that wasn’t just a lot of talk from a man who will cling desperately to any kind of relationship. Or maybe she’s maintaining the polite fiction that she believes Belle actually exists.
Phantom: Oh for Pete’s sake, please don’t tell me Weezie’s plan actually worked, even if only through the bonding power of mutual embarassment.
@brendancalling: LUANN: I’m sure the Evanses know that; they’re just trying to get this exact reaction from the readers, They enjoy dumping on Tiffany in the hopes that Luann looks better by comparison. Don’t take the bait.
I think the joke is that Herb’s mother-in-law was scrolling in the wrong direction. Which is an exciting idea. Too bad she won’t have time to explore its possibilities.
Dustin: Because, Dad, the worse Mom can do to me is kick me out of the house. You, she can divorce and take your house.
RMMD: Did Wilbur Weston grow a mustache, get contacts, lose weight, and join the police force? Whatever, he’s no better a cop than an advice columnist.
@Walk Him and Pitch to the Giraffe:
With “fouls to give,” it just changes the strategy. You have your best defenders immediately go as aggressively as possible for the steal, and if they foul in the process, oh well.
True. But if Milford fouls in the process, then the Skunks (I LOVE that) keep the ball, they inbound it, and they run some more clock.
With only 15 seconds to go, Milford’s chances of winning or tying are much better if they can send Goshen to the foul line. Their odds of gaining possession by grabbing a missed Skunk free throw are better than by forcing a turnover.
And if the Skunks make both free throws, you inbound the ball, jack up a three, and then foul again.
But I’m not arguing with your point. My point is, Henry doesn’t understand any of this. He thinks having no fouls to give is a bad thing. It is not.
And I apologize to everybody else here for all the hoops nerdery.
B. Bailey: Kinda funny that Julius is pleading and crying about jumping out of a plane that’s….at ground level?
@Horace Broon: Belle clearly doesn’t exist but Wilbur is only telling Dawn about her because she isn’t going to question it and risk losing her codependency over her father’s delusions. Like hell is she going to get a job to pay for that Liberal Arts degree she’s been working on for the past two decades when she can mooch off her dad’s condo and money.
@brendancalling: Some say flautists, some say flutists. I avoid controversy by calling myself a flute player.
@Ukulele Ike: And all the tromboners out there nod sadly.
@Tom T.: 9CL: Brooke got away with this “gag” in the past, so he’s going to keep coming back to it.
No, no, this time it’s totally different. In times episodes, the setting has been Fuck Pond. This week, we are at Fuck Community Swimming Pool.
@Guillermo el chiclero: …while in Mexico I was genuinely surprised to find out that bullfighting has a season. I assumed they did it all year round. I guess they need an off-season to find more bulls to piss off.
@Ukulele Ike: #104:
“What’s worse than a flute? Two flutes!” – Voltaire
Ok, so he said that just to piss off his flute playing buddy, Frederick the Great.
@Maude R. Fawker:
s/times/prior/, obviously
Beetle Bailey: “If I suck your dick, can I please be excused from jumping to my death?”
@Guillermo el chiclero: “What is a major second?”
”Two flutes playing in unison.”
— old musician joke
Mozart wrote and transcribed his wind pieces for oboe, clarinet, F horn, and bassoon because he HATED the flute. Because 18th century flutes would NOT play in tune. In the early 19th century Theobald Boehm, German flute virtuoso and inventor, said “Hey, why don’t we attach a system of KEYS and PADS to this thing so we can put the fucking HOLES in the correct places?” His methods were adapted to the clarinet and oboe by instrument makers, which is why we have woodwinds today that don’t hurt your ears.
Mary Worth
Wilbur’s relationship with Belle WILL turn sour, it’s only a matter of when
BETWEEN FRIENDS:. Kim isn’t a friend, she’s a pusher.
BETTY:. Start with half push-ups, getting up to ten before trying full length. And when you try for full length again, try doing two to get one actually completed. Worked for me anyway.
FRAZZ:. Mudges called the last two days. It’s all about the chicken.
JP: uh, Randy, how about writing down the name and city of the prison and ensuring she put you and April on visiting list. Char too, to prepare her for having been born into a crime family.
PHANTOM:. Oh my gosh, it looks like Heloise’s heavy handed meddling worked. Mary Worth move over. Oh wait, the barista will arrive to find Nadia (?) stole her man so will shoot #22. Mozz’s prophecy comes true after all.
@Ukulele Ike:
#111. Not hurt the ears? Wait, let me play my high school clarinet for you.
@Activist: re: JP: Charlotte has been observing her mom, and is well aware she is destined for a future career either as a mook or a mugger. She’s already shaking down the other second graders for their lunch money.
@Guillermo el chiclero: “You bitch!” — Frederick the Great
So in a hilariously non-specific “several” weeks, Wilbur has…not changed his clothes? Just caught him on that day of the rotation again? Does he have a closet of those like Charlie Brown? The Dale Gribble Long-Sleeve Version is TOTALLY in this year.
It’s Wilbur. Wouldn’t it have been a mayonnaise factory tour?
@Ukulele Ike: which is why we have woodwinds today that don’t hurt your ears.
Not always.
MW – Is anyone else hoping that not only does Belle show up, she’s inappropriately young? Like, could be Dawn’s sister young?
@Old School Allie Cat: If anyone knows how a schlub like Wilbur could attract an “inappropriately young” lover, they could make several million dollars selling the secret.
GG: Gertie is unhappy and unsatisfied by design. Any driver who isn’t wrecking too many cars is wrecking too few.
MW: Yeah, Wilbur is dangerously close to tapping the underside of the table with Little Wilbur, so it’s good for Dawn to steer the conversation back to the present.
9CL: An erection joke? This day must have a Y in it.
C-Shaft: Since the whole “pay kids to go to school” is so far just an idea that the drivers are discussing I take it that this scene is taking place in Crankshaft’s imagination, such as it is.
DT: The parish priest looks in the poor box and finds a wallet and a note from ______, reading, “_______ ____ ________”, which is significant because _______ ________ _______ ____. If you can fill in any or all of the blanks you’ve been paying more attention than I, and probably Eric Costello.
H&L: So Ditto’s friend has…a tusk? A single baby tooth so loose it hangs out of his mouth? Apparently this is what AI thinks a bucktoothed kid looks like.
JP: “And just how many good attorneys do you know, little brother? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Peace.”
MT: The lead Grungey Boy—can’t remember his name or Bro Designation—has never appeared out of that yellow jumpsuit. Rusty and Olive must have smelled him way before they saw him.
@Artist formerly known as Ben:
When Ditto’s friend grows up, he wants to be a private at Camp Swampy.
@Cleveland Mocks: The cycle begins anew.
@Cleveland Mocks: With that tooth, he could be a sergeant.
@Tom T.: I found today’s strip mildly amusing. I think “fluters” is sarcasm from the only character with a sense of humor.
Lalo Y Lola Spanish to English.
MT: Warning, rant ahead. Long ago, I was on a committee looking at the (very bad) impacts of off-road-vehicles on natural areas, and lawnmower races were not repeat not a problem. The problem was and is actual off-road vehicles ridden by people who ride where they shouldn’t, usually illegally. Why, Jules, did you not portray this real problem instead of a dumb fake problem? You could still feature idiotic perps if you showed us OHVs, trust me. You can do better, and you’ve shown that. Sorry, folks, rant over.
@miranda: Hey, I remember the pencil pal! Ah, the innocent old days of the…ruh-roh. I just had an image of some dreadful dimension wherein Charlie Brown grew up to be Wilbur. Brain bleach, STAT!
MW: I happily join the general modern open-minded applause for the attitude that sex is for all consenting adults who want to have sex, hip hip hooray!! Except for Wilbur. Wilbur is a special case. If Wilbur manages to have sex, I don’t want to know.
@Midtown: MW: Do kids these days have any idea of what a “pen pal” is? Do they think it’s an influencer who posts from prison?
__________________________________
Woody: “Coach and I were pen pals.” Diane: “Oh, did you trade letters?” Woody:”No, pens.”
Hi and Lois-Ditto doesn’t want to be like his uncle. Forever in the Army with no sign of getting out and being constantly beaten by a superior.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: If you can fill in any or all of the blanks you’ve been paying more attention than I, and probably Eric Costello.
_________________________________
“Nixon”…” Boobs”, “Howard Cosell”, ” Richard Dawson’s ego”.
@Voshkod:” Its a fiendish thingy!”- George Harrison, “Help!”
@Needless Exposition: MW: I don’t know why Wilbur feels this constant need to brag about his supposed sexual conquests to his daughter…and I don’t know why Dawn is enabling him instead of gagging and telling him to stop.
_______________________
Well , A point in Willburp’s favor is he’s leaving out the part about the Minnie Mouse costume.
MW: Wilbur can’t go back to Cancun because of the warrant out for the Federales to arrest him. But I figure he’s only telling Dawn about his dirty two weeks there to make sure she tells Mary, because he wants Mary to know about it, but he won’t tell her himself. But he figures these women all talk and gossip.
@White Rabbit: Whatever he did to trigger an arrest warrant in Cancun is probably almost but not quite as disgusting as the thought of him having sex.
Gearhead Girtie: “Hey, hey, L.B.J., how many cars did you wreck today?”
@Ukulele Ike: When you got it, flute it!
There’s no doomscrolling here. Right?
Catching up on the last few Judge Parker stories online – dumbscrolling.
Thatababy: The conundrum of Disney.
A BOY NAMED WILBER BROWN: “I got my rocks popped.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: @Liam: MW-What happened to love ’em and leave ’em?
__________________________
Kenny Rogers IS “The Willberler” You gotta know when to pluck them/know when to suck them/know when to walk away, know when to hide behind a bush.
@GarrisonSkunk: HAR!!
Gearhead Gertie: “An STD? I thought Crankshaft said he gave me STP!