He is risen, and is demanding chocolate
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Blondie and Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/20/25
No one person can know the totality of human cultural practice, of course, even within their own country, and I’ve had the repeated experience on this blog of seeing some odd behavior in a comic strip, posting “Nobody does this, right?”, and then being told in no uncertain terms that said behavior is in fact normal and I’m weird for not knowing about it. For instance, at least one person claimed that “blonde moment” is not just a thing that people say, but is actually more common than “senior moment” in their experience. Life is a rich tapestry! Anyway, my main request to the comics is that they at least stay on the same page when they confront me with some novel practice. For instance, do children actually go door to door during the day on Easter Sunday asking for chocolate, as a spring mirror of Halloween trick-or-treating? Or is this the sort of plan that aspiring hillbilly grifter children would come up with, and we’re meant to understand that nobody would possibly go along with it?
Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/20/25
So, uh, who do you guys think drove that car into the ocean? They’re dead now, right? They received a watery comeuppance for their bank-robbing crimes? Their bones have been picked free of flesh by the crabs, and are loosely piled on the floor of the car?
96 replies to “He is risen, and is demanding chocolate”
I’m doubly confused this morning. I’ve never heard of door-to-door Easter candy visits, and I’m pretty sure a car tire would not float. The tire may be air-filled, but the wheel it is mounted on is not. A floating car tire bringing a heavy bag of coins to the surface would be the second-most amazing rising ever on Easter morning. Also, who steals bags of coins? OK, three points of confusion this morning.
FC-Now tell the story of the Easter Bunny’s female helpers.
RMMD-“Yes. My daughter was one of Rex Morgan’s patients.”
Slylock Fox: Damn that’s a cool octopus.
I don’t know of a custom where kids go door-to-door asking for candy on Easter; but obviously the candy industry would dearly love that, and I wouldn’t put it past them to slip a discreet payment to the writers of Blondie and BG&SS as the opening salvo in their campaign.
I live in a kid heavy neighborhood and I assure you there are no kids walking around on Easter knocking on doors and asking for candy unless they’re visiting Grandma.
The real question is: should Slylock recover the coins? Coins have a terrible value/weight ratio, meaning that they are doing a lot of work for small gain. That’s probably what happened to the robber. He grabbed the big sack, believing that a sack with a dollar sign on it contained pieces of ten, twenty and one hundred, but instead it’s full of nickels and quarters, driving him to suicide
Doorbell. Dagwood wakes up. “He’s risen!” Dagwood gives the eggs to the children and lies down once again. Doorbell. Dagwood wakes up. “He’s risen!” Dagwood gives the eggs to the children and lies down once again. Repeat
Slylock Fox: If that tire trick actually works, which is doubtful, maybe Slylock should use it to liberate the chest full of gold doubloons and assorted treasures from the sunken pirate ship that’s just sitting there a few yards away, instead of bothering with the hundred bucks or so worth of quarters that a now-drowned criminal (RIP) swiped from the local arcade. Ah, well, no one ever claimed he was the world’s greatest detective. Oh, he did? I don’t know what to tell you, then.
Blondie/Snuffy: Instead of chocolate, those kids should go around the neighborhood begging for real eggs — they’ll get rich, man, rich! (Oh, a dozen eggs has gone back down to $4.50 at Trader Joe’s? Never mind.)
SFx: RIP fish in the upper right corner — 2025-2025.
Blondie; Hey, back off, neighborhood kids — spoiling Dagwood’s nap is Elmo’s gig!
SLYLOCK: Um, call a tow truck? Or are they trying to score some ill-gotten gains? And I wouldn’t discount the octopus in all this; they’re said to be VERY intelligent.
MW: “Dear Wendy, my father’s nutjob girlfriend keeps trying to feed me drain cleaner. Is there an upside in all this?”
RMMD: Why do I think the next words aren’t going to be, “And I’m going to the police right now to confess?”
Blondie: I’m choosing to believe that Blondie actually takes place in some kind of assimilated ethnic enclave from some obscure country where this tradition is common. You know, like those towns that seems totally white bread mainstream American, except that they celebrate Schweinefettfest every march and have a statue of some Fiuman duke in the town square.
SFx: God I lam loving that octopus. “Ha ha, look at me, I’m a bank robber in a hurry! Beep beep, look at me take this curve…”
The water here is deep enough to completely cover a tall sailing ship, so this isn’t near shore. The getaway car must have fallen off a ferry. That makes it very hard to imagine what kind of heist was going on, but fortunately Slylock can still deduce the coins are stolen, since the bag is helpfully marked $.
Slylock: Use a wrench to remove the lug nuts that have been rusting in salt water for who knows how long? What are you going to use as counter torque while you float over a muddy bottom, dingus? While you figure that out I’ll open the bag and make multiple trips.
Sheesh
Well, you have to hand out eggs to kids on Easter, or else they might egg your house!
…
Waitaminute…
I don’t know much about Easter traditions, but Hi and Lois report: earlier this week Trixie was thought ballooning about how it seemed strange that she was receiving a present even though it wasn’t her birthday or Christmas or Easter (even though it ispractically Easter), and today Dot and Ditto are looking at the Easter Bunny tracker, which I thought was a parody of the Santa tracker, but on a search there are like twenty different Easter Bunny trackers. So I guess it is a parody but one that exists.
Blondie: The kids are going to Dagwood and asking for candy? This is Dagwood Bumstead who once chewed the scenery in a production of The Nutcracker Suite. He wasn’t in it—he just thought the set was actual candy.
Nobody tell my kids about the Blondie strip or despite big chocolate bunnies and plastic eggs filled with a wide variety of candies until my hands cramp, they’ll be knocking on doors trying to ensure they have 100 times the candy they could eat instead of 10 times…
Curtis: I like the Hattitude strip, but given the meaning of “tithe”, a missed opportunity of drawing a cornucopia hat dripping with coins and goods representing 1/10 of her economic activity all year
MW: It looks like Dawnie is finally eating the poisoned pasta? Stay tuned for tomorrow’s stomach-pumpin’ fun!
SF: Yeah, you could do this harebrained nonsense with ropes and wrenches and tires… or you could just take some coins out of the sack and move it in two trips. Or is it just that no dive is complete without Slylock risking Max’s life on some car tire nonsense?
MW: Mary closes her laptop with a satisfied smile, and as she drains her cup of tea, she thinks, “Another wretched life saved. I really ought to start charging for this shit.”
A few days later, I Don’t Wanna Be a Hermit sees her letter in the Oxnard Weekly Shopper and eagerly reads Wendy’s reply. At the conclusion, she throws the paper down in disgust and yells to no one in particular, “Who writes this shit?”
@MKay: Much like the Dirk story, which was a fairly realistic depiction of gaslighting and spousal abuse, the Belle story is a fairly realistic depiction of being targeted by a psychotic killer. They won’t stop, can’t be reasoned with, have no real motive, and will charm your most trusted companions into helping them. Which makes Mary’s “ask for help” advice rather useless in Dawn’s case. And if the story wasn’t trivializing itself enough, Mary even uses the word “survive” to describe scams, deception, self-isolation, and seeking help. Dawn needs to survive in the most literal sense.
CS: Speaking of a story trivializing yourself: remember when the book burnings were a big important story? Well, now they’re a comic book cover.
CONFESSIONS:
1. Extracting one out of a reluctant culprit:. S4Th
2. Portraying the need for the defense of impossibility– RMMD (he couldn’t kill someone who was already dead)
From his expression, it looks like Dagwood is celebrating the coincidence of Easter with 4/20 this year.
BGSS: Sadly, once Jughaid and Jamey donned their bunny ears, they were shot by a neighbor looking for a rabbit dinner. Happy Easter!
RMMD: “Yes, I killed him. And now that I’ve told you both, I’m gonna have to kill you too. Sorry, nothing personal.”
Dustin: Dustin and his buddy like to troll for chicks on Sunday afternoons by cruising the coffee cup shops.
Pluggers: Ha ha, look at that! It’s a price-of-eggs joke! Those get funnier every time they’re repeated!
JP: “You know, Soph, we’ve changed our mind. You and your phone have a nice time in Norway. We’re outta here.”
@astroboy: Nope, she has a rectangle in her hand = her vegan leftover sandwich. Wilbur is eating the non-poisoned Bolognese.
Blondie/BGSS – Big Candy has had it out for Big Eggs for a while, and they see their chance. With eggs too expensive to hunt this year, Big Candy hopes by making Easter the Spring Halloween, with whole neighborhoods involved, leading to more sales.
Slylock Fox – It’s a trick, the answer is that the octopus with six legs is a trap set by the Forestville Security Agency to foil Slylock for his previous outing of their six-legged spider spycam.
In all my travels, the one consistent of Easter I’ve seen is that you should go and “search” for eggs. Though it might just be possible the rest of the neighborhood adults have gone through the trouble of hiding treats in their yards and Dagwood decided to hand them out to save himself some trouble, the impression the strip gives is much more like they edited a Halloween strip without thinking.
As a 14yr old my friends and I decided that it would blow people’s minds if we went trick or treating on Easter. We dressed up in costumes (not Easter related) and went to a few doors. Most of our fun came from walking down the main road in costumes being honked at.
SFx: What kind of bank robbers steal a bag of coins rather than currency? Are they all pennies?
Those are not collectable coins or they wouldn’t be in a sack. And it’s not 1964–they’re not silver.
JP – Oh Noes!!! Soph has been cut off from her emotional support BIPOC!
Blondie:
CHOCOLAAAAATE
CHOCOLATE
SlyF – Is that a 4 on the Floor shifter? Is the Octopus planning to restore it? It took Baldo 24 years to get tires for his project car, what makes Slylock think that Orville Octopus there is going to part with his?
FG – Dale: “Flash, tampons are in the back pocket. You’ll be needing Real Soon Now.”
Blondie/BGSS: Weird. I thought that only happened on Halloween and Arbor Day.
Slylock: I didn’t expect this particular demise for Slick Smitty. I was certain he was going to die in a shootout.
Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids: Oh, and here I thought we were going with enslaving an octopus. Guess I wasn’t thinking dark enough. Or too dark? [Tentacles begin to grasp at lower appendages] Too dark! Too dark!
MW: “Learn whether your state has ‘Stand Your Ground’ laws.”
Zits: Usually, when Batiuk decides to go with a sideways strip, it irritates me. This… not so much.
FC: The rest of the animals were slaughtered because they were too slow. RIP
BGSS: Give them credit, this does sound like the sort of goofy scheme a couple of kids would devise. And Jughaid an Jamey know exactly how stupid the adults around them are.
SFx: The getaway car has been down there long enough to be partially covered by silt and algae. Maybe it’s from the pre-Animalpocalypse days, and the coins are now valuable relics of the fallen human society? If so, they should probably worry about how to get the bag to the surface after they fight the octopus to the death for the prize.
Yet another week goes by and neither Weston questions Belle on when she intends to leave, and how it is that her alleged employer MegaCorp lets her take back to back, extended vacations.
At this point I’m hoping they both eat the poison.
Dustin: The “Herpes Easter” mugs have been reduced even further in price.
CS – Teh Kitteh! Kyoot!
Luann: I believe this technique would vastly improve this strip.
CS: Thanks, past taig, for laying this curse on me. Anyway, Lillian gets her inane ideas from the same source of all the strip’s inanity.
9CL: Seems the Overlook Twins carry on the deeply unprofessional behavior at concerts as their Mummy.
Also Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids: Very much looking forward to Slylock and Max discussing the legal theories of lost property, especially their debate about the common law principles of Armory v. Delamirie versus the Talmudic despairing of possession.
MW: I’ve been trying to make any kind of sense regarding this storyline. Yeah, Batshit Belle is definitely a front runner for one of the most insane villains but her homicidal intentions began even before Dawn was getting wary of her. Of course, Dawn herself is rather snotty about sharing her father’s attention with another woman, acting more like a jealous girlfriend/wife than a put upon daughter. And don’t get me started on Wilbur being the “accidental hero” of the story when everything has been his fault to begin with…
@astroboy: They’re not surprised because both of them are lazy slugs with Wilbur taking more vacations than actually working and Dawn hasn’t had any notable job since she was with the married doctor with Jared as a creepy orderly simping for her.
Josh, you never heard of Trick-or-Treaster? Next you’ll be telling me you don’t go out on Easter Eve to wait for the Great Easter Egg to rise out of the egg patch and fly through the air with his bag of toys for all the children.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I love this tree very much. Can you save it?”
“Yes. But I’ll have to cut off some branches”
“Do I have your permission?”
“Yes. If it’s necessary…”
“But… does that little creep have to watch us the whole time?”
C’shaft: Why “L. McKenzie”? Most authors who go by initials usually have at least two (C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien) or a first initial followed by a middle name (F. Scott Fitzgerald, L. Frank Baum). Then again, most authors aren’t written by a hack too lazy to come up with a middle initial/name for them.
Luann: No, I get it! It’s Marcel duChamp/Maurizio Cattelan/Banksy-esque challenge of that which we call “art” itself, highlighting the absurdity of the weight, pretension, and monetary value we ascribe to the term by applying it to the absurd, rendered as a terrible “lol, modern art amirite?” joke.
MW: You almost have to admire how Moy threads the needle on Mary offering advice in this situation, giving her an “Ask Wendy” query vaguely related to the situation so she can give vague advice that kind of applies to Dawn’s situation in a roundabout way, thus preventing her from getting her hands dirty with a situation involving actual murder attempts.
RMMD: “I fully expect to be acquitted under the ‘two wrongs make a right’ defense.”
BB: So, did Plato piss somebody oo, or something?
https://comicskingdom.com/beetle-bailey-1/2025-04-20
(Make that “off.”)
@TheDiva: I appreciate you for not using “She who must not be named” as an example.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I do not believe that the owner of that money can be ye’ush for it, because as far as the owner knows, it was stolen. In order for ye’ush to apply, the owner would need to know it was claimed by the sea.
@Ken:
It works for the “christmas in July campaign” – Halloween in the Spring!
That crab is clearly unimpressed by the octopus’ Matthew McConaughey impression.
@TheDiva: Most authors would know to call it “Murder At The Burning Bookstore,” and would know how to center the title on the cover.
So, in Sweden there’s actually an Easter tradition of dressing up (traditionally as witches) and going from house to house for candy. There’s a couple things from Scandinavia that this could draw from, but unknown how it would come to either of these strips, unless Hagar has secretly moved to Appalachia.
DT: The Itemizer remains at it. Fortunately, since the Major Crimes Unit seems tied up with something other than basic procedural work. The guest writer Eric Costello is pretty good – hoping he sticks the landing.
MW: Bats is biding her time, before she tries attempt number 3 – sadly MW appears.
RMMD: The RealKiller confesses – but why?
Jughaid is simply doing what poor people have been doing for most of history: making up a way to beg for food under the cover of a festivity
@Pozzo:
Did Plato piss someone off, or something?
On the contrary, he’s not there because he DIDN’T piss someone off : Plato is the only member of the squad who hasn’t become estranged from most of his family, and thus can spend Easter with them.
BG&SS:
“Jamey, ain’t today the holiday where we celebrate Mercecdes ‘n’ Tesla luxury sedans?”
“Now, why would you say that, Jughaid?”
‘” ‘Cuz the parson was talkin’ in church this mornin’ ’bout ‘S-Car’tology!”
ShyFox —
I’d like to be
Under the sea
In an octopus’s car wreck
In the bed
He’d let us take
Coins from the lake
Cause he knows they’re not worth
Anything at all
Slylock Fox – That’s now how car tires work.
SF – What brand of tires are those that are so durable they still hold air after years underwater? I’d like to get some for my car. Then again, they probably cost more than even Michelins, so maybe not.
Slylock Fox:
I’ve got it! Use the lug wrench to turn today’s panel 180 degrees. Now the clue reads right side up instead of upside down, and can be easily perused. Next, use the rope to secure the turned panel in place so that it doesn’t drift away while the clue is being read right side up. Then follow the directions that are given in the clue, and voila!
How’d I do?
RMMD:
“Who are you?”
“I’m here to explain to you why it is that two months ago in this strip, your boss was shoveling snow and his kids were making a snowman, but now there’s a completely lush green background behind me, and it’s only the middle of April!”
@Gillian Dawson: That’s weird, I’ve been a witch myself, but we’d go around the neighbors to give out crafts, cards and toy chickens. Maybe we do it different in the north
I genuinely fear for any children who get ideas from Blondie and Smif today. In most neighborhoods, a child who goes around ringing doorbells early in the morning is more likely to get a bullet in the head than chocolate.
Silly me! Children don’t read comics anymore! Particularly Blondie or Snuffy!
Snuffy Smith: Jamey and Jughaid conspire to trick old people with dementia into giving them free stuff. Truly, they have learned well from Snuffy.
Slylock Fox: One of the many ways Slylock supplements his income through corruption is by recovering financial evidence from crime scenes and pocketing the money while claiming it was ruined and therefore of no use to the police.
Blondie. I guess combining Easter with Halloween makes sense if one thinks of Jesus as just another zombie.
SFx: Slylock first tied his special Scuba Cape around Max and the sack, then he cleverly pulled the cord on Max’s emergency ascent vest causing him to shoot to the surface with the treasure, this action requiring an emergency visit to the Forest Decompression Chamber. Max did not survive but the Forest Penny Collection tripled in size that day.
@taig: “9CL – 9CL: Seems the Overlook Twins carry on the deeply unprofessional behavior at concerts as their Mummy.”
Do the concert-goers just wait patiently when the bimbos start running on stage and sliding across the piano lid to initiate teh secs with the pianist (sic) during the concert ? At this point they should expect it, but this is a new generation of overstimulated teenagers we are dealing with.
MW: Thats a nice Jacques Cousteau quote but his more famous and often quoted line ‘Don’t ever, ever eat poison’ fits better.
Neither Dagwood nor Jughaid are at church! It’s Easter, what’s their excuse? (Slylock’s excuse is that the Animalapocalypse had proved religion wrong, at least Christianity based on the idea that the ensouled man was made in God’s image)
@richardf8: From the little bit of reading I did, that seems correct. But will Slylock be allowed to keep it unless/until the rightful owner is found, or must he donate it for the good of the community? Surprisingly, the Animal uprising chose to keep the Gemara in full, but the Babylonian Talmud disagrees with the Jerusalem, and the octopus is not kosher, so that’s no help. I’m afraid this is headed to the Forestville Beth Din.
When reading this “Blondie” first I wondered whether the same children had knocked on the door three times, exploiting Dagwood’s judgement impaired by sleep. But no, the artist is just not very good at making new characters distinctive
@Mikey: I was just coming here to investigate that quote! The first time “people protect what they love” comes up is in Zoos in the making, Dorothy Edwards Shuttlesworth, 1977. Though it’s hardly that unique that it couldn’t have been hit on independently. A search with the quote and the name “Cousteau” suggests that the phrase is decidedly a catch phrase of Jean-Michel Cousteau rather than Jacques-Yves, but in one of the earliest citations (Florida Flambeau, Oct. 29, 1986) Jean-Michel says that his father once told him that, so I’ll call it semi-confirmed. Would bet that if Jacques-Yves did say it to Jean-Michel, he said it in French.
Blondie-If you go to stores Christmas decorations are being used for other holidays so why not have the kids going door to door for Easter candy.
Blondie-So no chance of seeing Blondie and Tootsie in bunny costumes this year?
Slylock Fox-The driver of the car was one of the many Slick Smitty clones. Plenty more where they come from.
Prince Valiant – Notice the platter at the end of the table Gawain is standing on. It’s a boar’s head on a bed of vegetables! Wait until Mary Worth gets that recipe and takes it to the next Charterstone pool party. Move over, salmon squares.
This is some great artwork.
Pluggers – Haven’t most egg hunts used plastic eggs for decades? Aside from the cost of real eggs, hard boiled eggs lying in grass for hours would not be safe to eat.
Close to Home – Thank goodness the cartoon says that’s Jimmy Buffett. The drawing is so atrocious that there’s no way to know who that is.
Crankshaft – Ah, yes – The Burnings. In the death spiral of Funky Winkerbean, Batiuk seemed to imply that The Burnings were dystopian, apocalyptic horror. Instead, The Burnings were (actually was) a disgruntled moron setting a half assed fire on the bookstore’s stairs.
Loathsome Lillian sure has a smug smirk over this dreck.
Mary Worth – That is not how advice columns work! People do not want to read a smug know-it-all spouting platitudes over a vague open ended question. People want problems! They want to hear about the husband who has three mistresses, two of whom are pregnant. Or the wife who spent all the retirement accounts on QVC jewelry. Or the bridesmaid who is upset because the bride is going Bridezilla and expects her to arrange a baby shower in Cabo San Lucas. You get the picture.
No one wants to read a meddling bitch giving her thoughts on life.
Rex Morgan – What? Why is he doing this?
@I speak Jive: Oops! That should be wedding shower. Or maybe it is a baby shower for the bride.
Now that’s a problem.
It seems to me that going door to door in Hootin’ Holler asking to be given stuff is a sure fire way to see if you could rise from the dead in three days.
***
Those are empty baskets. Somehow a bunch of children have hoodwinked Dagwood into giving them some precious, expensive eggs today.
***
I suspect the octopus is the thief as they are notoriously bad drivers. But at least this one is smart enough to fool Slylock by shifting over the passenger side.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: “ Do the concert-goers just wait patiently when the bimbos start running on stage and sliding across the piano lid to initiate teh secs with the pianist (sic) during the concert ?”
Of course they do. Everyone knows that you wait until the end of the last movement before applauding. In the modern era, anyway.
Blondie and Snuffy: I thought for sure that Easter 2025 would be an opportunity for a lot of jokes about the price of eggs, but I forgot that the lead time for syndicated newspaper comics is three years minimum. I’m expecting the first references to “cottagecore” by 2026.
Slylock: Do you think it troubles Slylock that, despite his best efforts, the world he inhabits remains a crime-infested hellhole? I expect him to be burned out like Tommy Lee Jones in No Country for Old Men.
@I speak Jive: Pluggers – Haven’t most egg hunts used plastic eggs for decades? Aside from the cost of real eggs, hard boiled eggs lying in grass for hours would not be safe to eat.
As someone unquestionably old and rural enough to considered a Plugger, my memory of Easter Egg Hunts is that there were a few plastic eggs, which contained prizes (maybe a fifty cent piece if you were lucky) and a bunch of decorated hard boiled eggs which were collected for “points,” but not eaten (unless the family dog found it first). In either event, the fact that Pluggers are complaining about egg prices tends to support my oft-stated position that, depending on the region of the country in which one lives, Pluggers are as likely to be democrats as republicans (Bernie Sanders is definitely one of us, for example).
@I speak Jive: Like that old Animaniacs joke.
Good idea: Finding an easter egg on Easter Morning
Bad Idea: Finding an easter egg on Christmas Morning…
Luann: True story, I teach in an arts college. There’s a lot of art hanging in the hallways and classrooms. Directly opposite my classroom is a 6×6 canvas painted entirely black. The paint is really slathered on, so there’s a texture element to focus on in the absence of color variation. So there’s definitely room for Nil in the arts scene.
(FWIW, in my experience real life art students are much more grounded than their caricatures in Luann, but then I teach literature, so I don’t hear them talk about their life-consuming capstone projects much.)
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
SF: It’s a real slog for some of us, meaning me, to read upside-down, and when I do it, I expect an answer that makes more sense than this. I think Slylock might be confusing tires with ginormous pool noodles. Maybe that’s the mental result of using what looks like minimal diving equipment on a part of the ocean floor that is so deep that sunken pirate ships look tiny, yo-ho-ho.
@Schroduck: Your solution makes sense. If we are ever on the bad ship Poseidon together, I’m staying close to you. You have been warned.
Crankshaft-Sounds to me like somebody is confessing they’re a murderer. “Oh you should see my next novel. ‘The Murder of the Pompous Ass Bus Driver’. Speaking of which how is your father?”
Shouldn’t Slylock be focusing instead on that shark, who is about to eat a (presumably sentient) fish? Or is this just another example of the “justice” system in Animaltopia, a state-sanctioned execution/consumption for some petty crime?
MW: I’ve been reading advice columns, off and on, for more than six decades. Advice columns in magazines, newspapers, online, ag journals, etc. And Mary is the worst advice columnist I’ve ever read. Congratulations, Mary. It had to be yooou…it had to be yooou…
9CL: At some point during his Juilliard education, one of the profs MUST have explained to Brooke what a “concerto” is. It’s not just the audience that’s quietly waiting until the fucking’s over. There’s an entire orchestra up on that stage, behind the piano, checking their phones and picking their noses. I hope they get paid for overtime.