Saturday quickies
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Mary Worth, 5/10/25
God, I really want to hear the withering contempt Dawn is putting on the word “love” here, which is being conveyed orthographically by the quote marks. Not sure if she’s implying that the relationship is purely sexual or if instead she’s seething about Wilbur being genuinely besotted, which is obviously even more pathetic.
Heathcliff, 5/10/25
Does that make it … better? I don’t think it does. I think that when the animals are driving little cars around your supermarket and those little cars are made out of really fresh and delicious food, that’s worse, actually.
Pardon My Planet, 5/10/25
Wow, they finally made a Pardon My Planet that made me genuinely chuckle! It’s about the sex lives of courtroom furniture, obviously.
89 replies to “Saturday quickies”
Pardon My Planet:
With a sportcoat like that, the advocate at the counsel table must be a fair-to-middling personal injury lawyer.
Heathcliff:
Heathcliff must be a powerful allegory for something. I just haven’t figured out what that “something” is yet.
Mary Worth: Try talking to your father.
Dawn: I did, it got me nowhere.
Mary: Ummmm….try talking to your father.
Dawn: You really suck at this advice thing, don’t you.
RMMD:
“She thinks that I’m long, lithe and lanky
And predisposed to hanky-panky
But look at that hair
And what’s tied up there:
I wish she’d get rid of that hankie!”
MW: Am I the only one hoping the current storyline ends in a kill or be killed scenario in which the two combatants armed with butcher knives stalk each other around some foggy night at Charterstone? Meanwhile Wilbur oblivious to it all faraway is at the Karaoke bar singing joyfully “La Vida Loca.”
PMP: Try not to think about what services a chair with two working arms and hands provides to be able to afford flowers.
PMP: “The bench rescued my heart after JD Vance stole my couch from me”
MW:
“I’ve figured out all of her goals —
She wants me to be full of holes
She’ll make me despoil
And shuffle this coil:
It’s me, then, for whom the Belle trolls!”
MW: After carefully grooming Dawn for months with her vegan cooking, and hoping the tofu ricotta has created the right moment, Mary decides to make her move on the young woman: “Do you want to STAY with me?” Unsurprisingly, Dawn misreads the bold emphasis, and only hears “Do you want to stay with ME?” as Mary’s offer for a temporary, alternative living arrangement, rather than the lifetime commitment Mary is seeking, and unknowingly averts disaster with an emphatic “No.”
MW: “No thanks, Mary;” says Dawn as she gets up to leave. “By the way, do you have any drain cleaner? We seem to be out.”
I had the impression Belle was abusing the social contract to force Dawn to spend time with her – constant dinner invitations, inviting herself to karaoke and all that sort of thing. But Dawn choses to be there all day, enduring awkward conversations, crazy stares, blatant murder attempts and overhearing Belle and Wilbur having weird sex? Even when her elderly neighbor asks for her company? Cause she wants to prove a point about her own (Wilbur’s) home? Well, at this point I can only wish Belle good luck.
@Kirk Out: You are not alone. Er, by “the two combatants”, you mean Mary and Belle, right?
Heathcliff: “And by ‘fresh’ I mean impudent not wholesome. I hate those two.”
MW: Dawn has a good start on achieving Final Girl status by refusing to leave the house where all the strange and unsettling things are happening.
But there are more tropes to be troped. Don’t forget to run *upstairs* when Batts is chasing you with a knife. Be sure to always be scantily-clad while investigating strange noises. Invite Jess and Jared over and encourage them to have sex, so they’ll get killed first. Ventilation systems always offer a safe and effective means of travelling unseen through the house.
And don’t forget to work up a great kill quip. Take a bat to her head and yell “HERE’S a bat for YOUR belfrey,” something like that.
JP: Oh Marie, it’s been a helluva lot longer than four years, and it ain’t gonna stop now that she’s got her catskin… er, sheepskin…
RMMD: Welp, that was easy! Next week we’re gonna see what Buck’s been up to all these months, aren’t we? Will Kelly’s new beau turn out to be Buck’s son from another mother? (Seriously, except for the hair they all look the exact flippin’ same!!)
SF: How do you make your dissociative hallucination disappear, Hilary? You finally call CPS on your parents for not getting you the extensive, long-term psychiatric care you (and they, quite honestly) desperately, desperately need.
RMMD: Don’t hate on the Hankie. Rosie has terrible hay fever and needs to keep a snot rag handy.
Don’t judge; she shampoos daily.
JP: ”Well, congratulations. He’s better looking than your first husband, that murder guy.”
JP: College as four years of “living completely inside your own head” = Sophie being utterly self-absorbed. Which makes this different from any other time in her life how?
FG: Yup. Obvious from the monologue where Margrave knew them. Although didn’t see the lines as being age wrinkles – I think the art style is overall good, but it does abstract some details away. Does the FG lore include Kiran magic actually doing time travel = the witch queen snatched a future Flash from down a likely timeline and bent him to her will? Or could this be rapidly-aging magic-clone with real-Flash memories plus magicked extra faked time/events which twisted his loyalties to Azura?
MW: “I refuse to run from my own home!”? Chill out, Dawn, Mary lives just down the corridor. You can probably still hear Wilbur and Belle screwing through the HVAC!
H&L: “And if you think I was drunk on the front nine just wait.”
After the trial, the chair and bench are going to get a drink at the side-bar?
RMMD: Office ladies at car repair shops do not dress like the mechanics. I know this because my girlfriend is one. RMMD just has a fetish for women with funny things on their heads.
Family Circus: Daddy doesn’t want the neighbors to know he drives a ‘Tessler’.
MW – Vita est brutale’….
Heathcliff – Answering the often asked question, is your animal droppings pate’ fresh?
PMP – If you can’t stand the court, why not try courting the stand….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
RMMD:
“Do you see this body shop background behind us with an incredibly painstaking attention to detail, Niki?”
“Yep. What of it?”
“Our boss made it all out of Legos!”
@astroboy: RMMD: I was thinking the same thing. I’m also wondering about something. Is Nikki now freed from any responsibility to tell Kelly he’s found someone better? I mean according to break up rules.
Dustin: “Explain how our dad is with our mom, then.”
Dustin (Alternate): “Well, that explains why you don’t have a boyfriend.”
FC: Jeffy addresses PJ; “after you were born Daddy started putting a raincoat on his motor.”
@astroboy: “Okay, I’ll talk to your father.”
MW – The judge would be wise to remember that if you want to find a princess, you gotta kiss a few chairs.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Brother, will you hold my yarn for me?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I have important things to do”
“Allow me to explain a few things to you about efficiency”
“His head would be more useful up there next to the moose!”
PMP The judge’s smoking jacket and white tie? Bold fashion choice, your honor!
Blondie What about nature documentaries? Those penguins aren’t going to watch themselves, y’know.
Lio Bender’s less-successful cousin, Bummer.
MW: While you couldn’t pay me enough to stay at Mary Worth’s, Dawn is demonstrating a real lack of self preservation here. She has been shown to not feel comfortable or safe in her own home and yet she still insists on staying there. Does Charterstone have some sort of possessive hold over its residents or is Dawn’s Electra complex just that overwhelming?
MW: “I refuse to run from my own home!” God, what a phony baloney moral stance.
First, if you’re an adult stll living with your parents, it’s not your own home. Second, if you think this person is dangerous, then avoiding them is a lot less important than “refusing to run.” Third, if you’re brave enough to remain in the face of danger, then you’re brave enough to refuse Belle’s dishes and tell her why to her face.
This is just spineless passive-aggressive whining masquerading as a bold stand.
PMP: It’s an arm chair, obviously.
@Needless Exposition: Does Charterstone have some sort of possessive hold over its residents
Yes, there is a powerful force that makes Charterstone residents act contrary to their own interests. It’s called “bad writing.”
NOTICE:
Can we please have a moratorium on “endearing quirks” references? This phrase has been beaten to death to the point where it is not funny, it is tedious and annoying. It is the equivalent of Playoffs??? and Practice? in the sports world.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Pardon My Planet: PMP‘s invoking a tradition in cartooning where background characters are sketched out, and that’s fine. However, I spent a minute trying to figure out why the courtroom was haunted by a bespectacled disembodied head/giant fly hybrid and… that’s less fine.
@Banana Jr. 6000: This is why Dawn plots not revolving around any sort of relationship drama are so boring. Her maturity evaporates instantly to make her immature and whiny with an unhealthy attachment to her father. It doesn’t occur to her that she’s an adult who can leave anytime and stay at either her friend’s place or the college dorms.
Mary Worth: I’m genuinely impressed that Mary is actually listening to what Dawn is saying instead of just saying Belle’s murder attempts are “endearing quirks” and encouraging her to just sit and take it.
Heathcliff: This is missing an extra panel or two that shows the dude in red is a health inspector followed by a smash cut to the deli being shut down.
Pardon My Planet: At least the bench won’t have to go far to file a restraining order.
@All of Mankind: Oops.
H&L: Ooh, Halfway House? Does Thirsty want to foreshadow that heavily? At least its not called the Drunk Tank.
RMMD: A lesson to Kelly: Dump not lest ye be dumped.
JP: Sophie suddenly remembers that she threw the wedding invitation in the trash.
GT: Hmmm, who is Coach Gerads so mad at, himself or his team of pathetic losers who embarrassed him by losing to a team of Thorp-coached losers? Let the post-game locker-room reaming begin!
Heathcliff-“That’s all I need to see. I’m with the Health Department and I’m shutting this place down.”
MW-“And if you want, Dawn, I know some people who could arrange an accident.”
FC-“This’ll deter those thieves.”
Luann-“Mrs. Horner, you’re trying to seduce me.”
Luann-Mrs. Horner is hoping to stick her thumb into a pie.
@Needless Exposition: To be fair, the Dawn plots that do revolve around relationship drama are boring too.
PMP: They’ve both got wood for each other! (this works even worse if they’re both made of particle board)
MW: “Dawn, just drink your veeegan Bloody Mary and shut up.”
PMP: Please[S]? Or am I incorrect?
MW- “Talk to your father again”? After Dawn said it didn’t work the last time? Does Mary even listen to her patients, or does she only have only one bit of advice she uses for everything?
FC: Geez, this strip has gotten filthy! Oh… “tucking.”
Dustin: Day 4,032 of Meg’s attempt to convince Dustin to unalive himself.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Touché. It’s why I find the fact that Belle is choosing to kill her so baffling because what does Dawn even do? She has no job, has been fooling around at college for over a decade, has a relationship with her dad that feels more like a husband and wife at times, and has the personality of a kitchen sponge with none of the practicality.
@All of Mankind:
Person who doesn’t at all understand the snarky nature of the comments section of this site that they do not own, tries to enforce arbitrary rules and demand “cooperation.” I’d write that off as an endearing quirk, but it’s more like an annoying quirk, not an endearing quirk. Hopefully your future comments will be more endearingly quirky.
@Maltmash3r: “You can handle a stab wound or two until your dumb pudding of a father gives me that advice column.”
Dustin-“Money is everything. Do you know how much guys pay me?”
Luann: Who is this super dynamic person Mrs. Horner is talking about? It’s not Luann, the strip’s title character. She’s more boring than oatmeal.
CS: Does Pam think there are a lot of compulsive Bean’s End customers? Or does she think the tens of thousands of dollars(?) her dad spends a year makes a significant contribution to the company’s bottom line? Either way, don’t take stock advice from her.
9CL: I’d be annoyed about this “Amos can’t grow a mustache” saga, but then I realize this doesn’t have any of the strip’s usual psychosexual nonsense.
@Endearing Quirks: That was quite quirkily endearing.
@taig: Now, now, I won’t accept this slander. Oats actually have a use.
DT: So angry aunt is driving – so the two dumb dumb nephews are with her. Where is Uncle Piltdown? Did he quietly slip out back, called a Uber and is now in his seat on a flight to San Theodoros? Probably the strip will have Auntie have difficulty downshifting and lose control.
MW: While frustrating, since we know the reality of the violent threats, it is nice to see MW stay consistent. From her prior knowledge of Dawn, we know she is self centered and can spin various actions to justify her point of view. For MW to take wait and see approach is consistent with her history of meddling. I hope this was being done consciously and to help set up Wilbeu for a big fall (bigger than evern leaping off the cruise ship) when the true nature of Bats is revealed.
The question is how? Does MW suddenly become a computer sleuth? Does the strip take a dark turn and Bats makes an attempt on Dawn resulting in a dramatic chase ending up the doorstep of MW: Dawn desparately hammering on her door for sanctuary while a Tex Avery bug eyed Bats closes on her slavering with a freshly sharpened knife the size of a gladius. Cut to a scene of a snoring Wilbur oblivous to the screaming, yelling and commotion. Later when challenged he excuses himself that Bats must have drugged him, but everyone at Charterhouse assumes he was just his usual post-prandial post-coital coma.
RMMD: OK – so this new lady in Niki’s life is slightly older? Give credit to June Lockhart – she has range and longevity. She was in Lost in Space, the end of Petticoat Junction, and Lassie, and now RMMD.
GT: Good for the writer and artist to realize that this may be the best sport for them to convey – kickball.
Playoffs??? Playoffs???
H’cliff: So, Heathcliff and the mouse are driving cars built out of their preferred foods. But they seem to be engaged in a traditional cat-and-mouse chase, indicating that Heathcliff is using the big delicious spiral-cut honey-glazed ham to hunt down a scrawny vermin that would barely make a single meal for him. I’m not sure if this is a cutting critique on how capitalism manufactures a false sense of scarcity and competition, or if everyone in this strip is just stoned out of their gourds.
MW: I’m conflicted. On one hand, Dawn is refusing an easy out from a situation where she feels (and is) unsafe, which tracks with everything we know about her common sense and self-preservation skills. On the other, the out she is offered is staying with Mary Worth, which does feel kind of like a frying pan-fire situation.
MW: this isn’t the first time Wilbur has done his thinking with his purple head. Dawn actually is an adult. She should understand this.
@Just John: 2nd Amendment, right?
@TheDiva: It says something that no one wants to stay with Mary despite her receiving constant praise and adulation. Even Dr. Jeff keeps his distance until she’s ready to extort something out of him in exchange for keeping his true sexuality a secret.
PMP: Origins of the supervillain Chairface Chippendale? Turned to crime because of a broken heart and multiple restraining orders?
C’shaft: “Good idea! With the economy and the supply chain being in shambles, more and more people will be turning to subsistence farming!”
Dustin: Meg, honey, your breasts are shaped like pieces of a Toblerone bar, your spine and shoulders are permanently bowed from bending over your phone all day, and the only time you open your mouth is when you want to say something mean to or about someone. I’m just saying, glass houses and all that…
GT: And people wonder why Americans find soccer so boring.
JP: Oh Marie, Sophie’s been living inside her own head for a LOT longer than that.
Luann: Remember, girls, all your accomplishments and skills will mean NOTHING if you cannot attract a man!
FC: No, Jeffy. He doesn’t want the neighbors to see he still drives a 1980s Plymouth Voyager minivan.
JP: So, Marie, are you going to toss this husband like a live rattlesnake at your first marital crisis, like you did your first?
GT: Now we know why Coach Gonads prefers that permed hairdo. It helps hide a receding hairline. Guess it beats a combover.
Heathcliff: Sure, okay, but, see, this is completely insane.
“Shake up Luann and Phil and they’ll be a perfect match?” No, they’re a perfect match already.
Blondie-Blondie wants to watch something where men swallow sausages and not the food kind of sausage.
@57 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Playdowns.
@63 TheDiva: on Dustin: Are you proposing we refer to Dustin’s sister as “Toblerone Tits” from now on?
MEGA COMIX
– FBoFW: Comix are more influential than we realize. After all these years, I’ve e still been remembering these strips about Deanna’s accident.
– FRAZZ and RwO: Each morning, these two strips wake up my brain as coffee wakes up my body.
CURTIS: Go ahead, Chutney, show him your kick boxing skills.
LUANN: Someone finally is taking the side of the “strong” one.
FG: Fits into my current understanding of “The Elect”. We have free will, but one who knows the future knows that Flash will get scarred just like Mike will marry Deanna
@taig:
Luann: Who is this super dynamic person Mrs. Horner is talking about? It’s not Luann, the strip’s title character. She’s more boring than oatmeal.
The fictional Luann that appears in Luann’s “creative writing”. Mrs Horner believes Luann actually went skydiving (even though she didn’t) because she wrote the most basic “I went skydiving, and it changed my life” two minute speech, remember?
RMMD: She chews gum constantly, doesn’t she? And pops it frequently.
MW: C’mon, even Mary isn’t delusional enough to think that talking to Wilbur AGAIN will make an iota of difference.
HEATHCLIFF: “Why does this ham smell like cat pee?”
@Anonymous: Even that story was as bland as (mayonnaise) hell.
RMMD: “Sure. Sounds good, sweetie.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So you’re gonna play it coy, Nik-o? Just because I’m new in town doesn’t mean I don’t know ALL about you and your old flame, Kelly! Listen, watch, pay attention – that’s what I always say. That’s how you get ahead in life. And I’ve heard plenty about how you two used to be a hell-raisin’ couple, livin’ on the edge. Then somehow Miss Hot-to-Trot became Miss Priss, and you turned into a thirty-year-old plugger.
What happened? It looks to me like it’s the Morgan Influence. That sanctimonious quack and his insufferable wife. I’ve seen it all over town – when anyone gets into their orbit they lose all sense of joy and excitement, resign themselves to a pastel existence, it’s like they’ve dried up inside. Thank heavens you’re not beyond hope, Niki. Though it was obvious it had been a long time since you’d had any… pleasure in your life. But with my help, you seem to be getting that “spark” back…
Thank heavens I’m healthy as a horse so I won’t have to make any contact with The Morgans, and if I can just keep Niki away from them, we should be OK. It’s a sure bet they wouldn’t show up at a place as cool as DiPretas….
@Guy Nerdlinger: PMP: Must be a new age judge. The purple paisley velvet lapels really seal the deal.
It looks like Dawn and Mary are looking at the flowers because they’re too embarrassed to look each other in the eye over this ridiculous story line Karen Moy wrote them into.
Baka’s baaaaaaack!
MW: At the wake, Mary delivers a touching eulogy. “She was so brave. One of the last things she ever said to me was, ‘I refuse to run from my own home.’ If only she’d taken my advice . . . [SOB]”
H’cliff: Jeez, if Heathcliff is swiping a ham, the fish in this joint must really be rancid.
RMMD: “I gotta get back to the office. The 6.2-liter HEMI V8 that runs their air conditioner is misfiring a little.”
CS: Just think of how much bigger Crankshaft’s despised turnip and zucchini crops are going to be this year!
Rex Morgan – Nikki’s new girlfriend aged twenty years since yesterday. Nikki himself looks more middle aged than the eighteen year old he’s supposed to be.
Mary Worth – When, when, when is Dawn going to find Schroedinger’s defaced father-daughter photograph? If it takes much longer, the photo will be so covered in dust that no one will see it.
Pardon My Planet – The judge heard of the Dissent Collar. He’s wearing the I Don’t Know What the Hell I’m Doing Lapels.
JP – Nicetomeetcha. Where’s my graduation gift?
@Kirk Out: I’d love to see that.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Re FC – That’s a 1984 Voyager. We had one several cars ago.
@Baja Gaijin: Playdowns??? Playdowns???
Good to have you and your endearing quirks back, Baja.
@astroboy: I was thinking that the girlfriend could be a mechanic, too.
@Baja Gaijin: Welcome back, Baja! Your razor sharp wit has been sorely missed.
RMMD: Niki, you said I could be in your show! Wwaahhh!
RMMD: Niki, kiss my grits!
@Endearing Quirks:
@All of Mankind: Person who doesn’t at all understand the snarky nature of the comments section of this site that they do not own, tries to enforce arbitrary rules and demand “cooperation.” I’d write that off as an endearing quirk, but it’s more like an annoying quirk, not an endearing quirk. Hopefully your future comments will be more endearingly quirky.
Right on! Who does this guy think he is? This clown doesn’t recognize A-1 premium top-notch snark, no matter how many dozen times he sees it.
Listen, Mr. All of Mankind, if that even is your real name, endearing quirks is fresh, it’s clever, and it’s FUNNY! And it only gets funnier every time it’s repeated. So why don’t you grow of funny bone or something?
@Needless Exposition: MW: Welcome to the Hotel Charterstone. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
My sister pointed out to me that we both are older than the new pope. This has never happened before! Help!! We’re Pluggers!!!
@Baja Gaijin:
With a single word,
A comic voice, heard again!
Yay, Baja, you’re back!!
LUANN: Mrs. Horner: “I think Luann will shake Phil up”
Bernice: “Oh yes. She’ll get dance all night and go to work. And then Phil will do the move with the quirky jerk.”
LUANN (2): I understand Bernice’s apprehension though (Bernice: ” I’m supposed to be the upright, unpleasant anal-retentive, neurotic one here! If anyone is going to ‘wind Luann up’, it’s me, dammit! That’s my one character trait!”)
@Needless Exposition: Not according to Darryl Hall though. :-)