Dustin’s been “halfway there” his whole life and will never get any further
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Mark Trail, 6/28/25
There’s a new Mark Trail adventure starting this week that appears to be about fairly straightforward environmental issues — poop in the swimming hole, I guess? — but I want to point out today’s strip because I love how tuff and mad about it Rusty’s little friend in the last panel looks. “Poop? In my swimming hole?” he thinks, striking a fierce pose that shows off his water wings. “Someone’s gonna get punched for this, I sure hope!”
Crankshaft, 6/28/25
Normally, if your dad returned from a trip to New York City singing a mangled version of one of the songs from the Broadway show he took in during his visit, that would be a good sign that he had a pretty good time. Not Crankshaft, though! We all know he’s incapable of joy. This just means that some sensory input got trapped in the malaprop center of his brain, irritating it — and, by extension, irritating him and everyone around him — further.
Dustin, 6/28/25
Ha ha, yes, Bon Jovi, the person who immediately comes to mind when a typical Zoomer like Dustin tries to summon up the name of a long-haired sex symbol! Now, it’s possible that Dustin picked Bon Jovi for this little rhetorical move specifically because he thought the man might appeal to his agèd mother, but keep in mind that (a) Slippery When Wet came out 39 years ago, so it’s fully possible for people with early-20s children to have been too young to get on the Bon Jovi train, and (b) Dustin obviously has never bothered to get to know his parents well enough to figure out what cultural figures from the past they might find attractive.
153 replies to “Dustin’s been “halfway there” his whole life and will never get any further”
MT:
“It says here that our son can’t jump in the lake because the water will get Rusty!”
Passed by a karaoke bar about 15 years ago and felt a little old at hearing someone sing Bon Jovi – I had wrongly assumed that karaoke was a Boomer fad.
Crankshaft:
“…tilling soil…crops will spoil…start to roil…mortal coil…Susan Boyle….”
MT:
“Let’s go to Libertarian Lake instead, then…as long as we’re prepared to accept the consequences of jumping in there, it doesn’t matter what the e coli count is….”
MW: Wilbur says from here on he would get to know people better before letting them in his house.
“And on that note, how do you explain this?” He asks Mary as he shows her a grainy photo of a woman standing in front of an apple cart.
Crankshaft: So Crankshaft just saw the 50-year-old musical A Chorus Line for the first time? I’d tell him about another great show called Oklahoma!, but he’ll be disappointed when he finds out that the corn he’s trying to grow will never get as high as an elephant’s eye.
Mark Trail: Darn, I guess these kids are all going back home to play their Contaminated Swimming Hole video game. Unlike real life as portrayed in Mark Trail, it has zombies in it — and also unlike Mark Trail, it’s actually fun.
Crankshaft: Crank does not know who Boba Fett is, come on. Funky Winkerbean sank in the mire of nerd pandering, and I refuse to let Crankshaft go the same way. I’ll just about let a Star Wars reference pass, but if Crank starts getting into Silver Age comic book collecting, we riot.
Crankshaft : Alternate punchline : “Yeah, he’s tilling at a bunch of grocery-store-bought produce we put in to replace all the plants he died while he was in NYC, and he doesn’t notice. This is how it ALWAYS goes, Lillian. Why do you think we send him off to Chris the week after he plants his garden EVERY year?”
(More pertinent comment would be about how we now know which show Ed started walking out of when “the fat lady sang” (what song would that be, btw? Would it be the one he’s “singing right now”?))
**************
Dustin : The length of hair DustinMom likes is “Completely bald, except the artist draws the line at the top of the head extra thick to pretend the character has hair”, ie DustinDad’s ‘hairstyle’
(More pertinent comment would be that when you try to make a joke about “the rock music the kids listen to these days” and can’t come up with a current act, maybe you should try another joke?)
*************
Luann : “I work at an old folks’ home, Luann. I know what people without a filter are like, and teasing us for being in a couple isn’t it, even if it makes you uncomfortable for some reason. Not having a filter is… well, Tara wouldn’t be speaking in coherent sentences, she’d just be screaming profanity.”
CS: “Tits and Ass…Gotta mow my grass” was right there.
MT: Yes, Rusty and friend, it’s really annoying that the lake has been declared contaminated and so you can’t go swimming in it. What’s even worse, the US Secretary of Health and Human Services and his family are probably swimming in it right now!
CS – Not only did he get the words wrong, he mangled the melody hideously
MT: /minutes later/ “Well, I got to the bottom of it — the lake that is — and yes, it’s poop. Like, lots of it.”
CSft: Amazing that Ed not only mangles the lyrics to “What I did for Love”, but also manages to switch it to waltz time and a melody that sounds like an modal version of “That’s Amore”. Seriously, I feel like Oliver Sachs could do a whole book on his inability to grasp music.
Dustin: I like how suddenly Dustin’s Mom seems to have brought this up, as if an alarm had just gone off in the next room.
Dustin: Dustin has probably never heard a Bon Jovi song in his life or at the very least he can’t discern them from other hair bands of the 1980s.
MW: Wilbur is pretending that he’s learned from his situation and ignoring the fact that he’s the one at fault for giving a woman he barely knew his full address. Next week, Mary is going to get a call about how Wilbur sold Dawn to human traffickers because he wanted a phone number.
RMMD: Look at that smirk, so eminently punchable. ‘Yeah, that I know of… I was quite a player in my younger days, so you might have a buncha new mouths to feed soon! Speaking of which, where’s my dinner, woman?’
JP: Yup, I do believe I called it. These storylines are going to collide eventually. They wouldn’t be juxtaposing these scenes if that wasn’t the plan. Strap in folks, CIApril’s coming to Norway! Will anyone in the country survive??
MW: “HAVE YOU?” Mary screams at Wilbur. “HAVE you LEARNED something—ANYTHING AT ALL—from your failed relationships? Because I personally find that VERY. HARD. TO. BELIEVE. And to test you on that point, I’ve already made arrangements for Dawn and EVERY SINGLE ONE of your ex-girlfriends and their significant others—and that includes Belle and Avery Batsfry—to join us at Star Lounge for karaoke. GET YOUR COAT.
@Charterstoned: I had the same thought.
MT: Swimming areas shut down, Mark. It happens. Maybe there was a corpse in the water. Maybe someone dropped in a candy bar and caused hilarious mayhem.
RMMD: I’m surprised Truck doesn’t use that cheesy “That I KNOW of” line any time he’s asked if he has kids. He’s the type.
MW: Wilbur has learned two things, but fear not; there are a million ways to be stupid and our boy is a champ at finding them.
Speaking of Bon Jovi and karaoke, check out Jon Bon Jovi doing what I think is the most pathetic cover song in the history of pop music.
FC: It’s funny because Thel runs in from the next room expecting to find Jeffy wearing Dolly’s polkadot jumper again.
CS – Come on, Cranky. Throw on a leotard. I want to see The Music and the Mirror with full choreography.
“I think our grass is like Jon Bon Jovi’s hair…time to buy Astroturf.”
MW: Wilbur writes an advice column..HE WRITES AN ADVICE COLUMN.
Pluggers are old, fat, unhealthy, senile, medication-dependent, and absolutely refuse to die.
Which possibliity is more disturbing: (a) Dustin woke up and immediately put on his typical collared black-and-white assemblage or (b) he sleeps in it? (It’s (a), because I am about to make you imagine Dustin sleeping in the nude. You’re welcome for the nightmares!)
Seriously though, Dustin wears that black and white mess with shorts. That outfit explains why he can’t find love from the girls he meets in bars, his parents, us, or God.
Mark: “Our lake for swimming is closed” is a really difficult sentence that no human that I’m aware of would ever say.
@matt w: @matt w:
Why did Dustin change into a red T-shirt and black shorts to go mow the lawn if he was already dressed?
It’s obvious why he changed OUT of that cardigan sweater and cargo shorts, the way you put it…9CL: I know it’s just a cartoon, but here’s the thing. Brooke is a cultural elitist and takes every opportunity to depict his characters as virtuosos of their particular instrument. There is absolutely no situation where a bow could fly off in that angle. It’s not cute or artistic and defiles his characters’ primary characteristic. Just sayin’.
MT Shouldn’t Billy, age 7, get a credit when he’s the guest artist?
@Professor Well Actually: Except he’s so unbelievably lazy at his overpaid job that he’s outsourcing his work to Mary who accepts being able to meddle the middle aged housewives who read that garbage.
Is Crankshaft operating in a time-shift mode again? The most recent revival of A Chorus Line closed in 2008.
Dennis the Menace: Dennis, leave those lame puns to Dolly Keane.
Mark Trail: Is that Rusty Trail or Alfalfa from the “Our Gang” shorts?
@Pat O’Neill:
So you’re saying that if Mark Trail had had Rusty specify which video game he was foregoing playing, and namedropped something like “Guitar Hero 2″(*), we’d have had a trifecta of out-of-date cultural references involving music and entertainment in today’s comics?
(*2006)
MT – “Closed for Contamination”? Stop complaining! They have to contaminate the lake sometime. Soon they’ll have it well and truly contaminated and it will reopen again.
@BigTed:
“If you wonder how A Chorus Line debuted closer to now than it did Oklahoma!, you’re a Plugger.
Except Pluggers don’t care about musical theater unless it’s The Threepenny Opera.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Did you ever see ‘Night of the Living Dead,’ Polonio?”
“No. I have a lot of work to do”
“I can’t waste time on movies”
“It’s about people trapped in a house surrounded by zombies…”
“Now, try to remember if we’ve done something to anger these birds!”
Mark Trail: Has anyone spotted a rusty RV in the area? Clark Griswold’s brother in law may be involved in the lake’s fecal contamination.
Crank: Sorry, Batuik. A CHORUS LINE is not currently running on Broadway. Neither is SOUTH PACIFIC. Nor ABIE’S IRISH ROSE. Yes, they were all very popular once, but they don’t keep on going forever.
DT: Time Machine. Demons. Called it.
6Chx: Little birdies little birdies little birdies EATUM UP
You could make me believe the moon landing was a hoax, that Mr. Rogers shot JFK, that Bigfoot gets it on with the Loch Ness Monster, that the LotR trilogy are entertaining movies, or that Wilbur Weston’s milkshake brings all the girls to the yard.
You can never make me believe in a million years that Crankshaft would ever willingly go to any friggin’ Broadway musical, let alone A Chorus Line.
@16 Banana Jr. 6000: I’m glad someone could imagine a good mashup. I couldn’t think of one.
@23 Banana Jr. 6000: You forgot “poverty stricken” and “inconsiderate of other people’s time.”
@Peanut Gallery:
I thought about Hitchcock before Romero, personally.
@Tabby Lavalamp:
You can never make me believe in a million years that Crankshaft would ever willingly go to any friggin’ Broadway musical, let alone A Chorus Line.
He didn’t, he noisily tried to leave in the middle of a song because “The fat lady just sang!”, remember?
I’m not saying that Dustin‘s creators, like most cartoonists, tend to keep their parental characters permanently stuck in the “Boomer” generation, but until his death this week, the strip’s dialogue had Dustin comparing the lawn to the hair of Bobby Sherman.
Today’s post title reminds me of my all-time favorite sequence of Jeopardy! category names:
Whoa, “O”!
We’re Halfway There
Livin’ On A Prairie
DUSTIN: Oh Dustin. You are living on a prayer if you thought Bon Jovi comparisons would make a difference to your parents.
@Anonymous: Yeah, but I already did a “He’s a big Hitchcock fan” joke with this strip.
@Tabby Lavalamp: You can never make me believe in a million years that Crankshaft would ever willingly go to any friggin’ Broadway musical, let alone A Chorus Line.
There are only two musicals Ed would go to willingly: “Oklahoma” and “Guys and Dolls.” He tried “Paint Your Wagon,” but left in a huff because the subtext seemed kind of gay.
MT: “Nothing for it but to go home and put on our VR goggles and experience swimming through them.”
CS: I’m just waiting for Ed to fully lose it and take a Bean’s End flamethrower to his whole garden. Then we’ll really get those promised The Burnings!
Dustin: I guess we should all be happy Dustin didn’t pull Bobby Sherman (RIP) as his example.
@Where’s Rocky?: I should have known I wouldn’t be the only one. :-)
@BigTed: Hell, even Oklahoma! would be a more recent reference, as it had a notable revival on Broadway a few years ago. Chorus Line hasn’t appeared on Broadway since the aughts.
Luann: This dialog would have been (somewhat) funny in the junior high setting.
9CL: Come for the Dvo?ák, stay for the impalement (not that kind!).
Mark Trail: This out of nowhere, fondly reminds me of that old cartoon “The Raccoons” which could get very deep at times. The villain Cyril Sneer owned multiple demolition companies and wanted to at times, tear down the forest that the protagonists lived in. Although he eventually goes through character development and becomes a much better person. Then in the final episode, a much more evil villain hires Cyril’s minions to moonlight working for him. In which he pays them to dump toxic waste into the local fishing hole, permanently destroying it.
Cyril Sneer when he finds out is devastated, opens his vault taking out wads of money, and says to his minions while literally throwing money at them. “You want money? Here! Here’s lots of money! Take it all! Take some more! Just give me back the fishing hole! Can you do that? Can you give me a price on that? Can you?”
C’shaft: Yes, it’s a dated reference, but let’s all be grateful that we don’t have to witness Crankshaft mangling something from Hamilton.
MT: Gee, if only there were an environmental journalist nearby who could keep tabs on local developments like this…
@Ukulele Ike: From Animal Crackers:
Groucho: “Didn’t you ever see a habeas corpus?”
Chico: “No, but I see Habeas Irish Rose.”
Why is it cute when Chico says it, but it would just be irritating if Crankshaft said it? It must be in the delivery. Plus, Batiuk can’t write a proper setup.
Robert Benchley held a contest to help him come up with new capsule reviews of Abie’s Irish Rose. Harpo won with “No worse than a bad cold.”
MW: Wilbur supposedly spent considerable time with Belle during his vacation, so he surely would have noticed her getting murdery when a waitress messed up her order. Sorry, I realized this is Wilbur I’m talking about.
FW: Dolly knows the punchline is, “an incelct.”
I come for the comics snark. I stay for the Broadway show minutiae.
Luann: I can imagine the introduction from the other direction.
Tara: “This is Luann. She lacks a twat.”
@TK: The notation drives me nuts. If he’s trying to indicate Crankshaft is off-key, why not use the “weird squiggly notes” that have been the visual shorthand for bad singing since forever? Why include one passage that replicates the notes from “What I Did for Love” (albeit not from that part of the song and with a completely wrong rhythm) while half-assing the rest? This feels like an AI replica cobbled together from various sources and assembled without understanding, except it was ostensibly done by a human being.
@Professor Well Actually:
I wouldn’t trust Wilbur’s advice on anything, even if it was something as simple as making a sandwich.
MW: Wilbur just came in his muffin.
LUANN: Tee hee.
LisaTara said a dirty word! (I guess. You kinda have to love how this comic thinks a word like “boyfriend” is a vulgarity while reveling in barely-dressed 14 year-olds having “sexy” summer adventures.)GT: Doesn’t Gigi use crutches when she’s not in her wheelchair? Also wasn’t Gigi Black at one point? Also why is she wearing panniers?
Luann: Whoa, Luann! If you’re comfortable coming out as non-binary to Tara that’s fine, but Phil’s gender identity is for him/them/her to disclose!
MW: Next week: “Hi, Dawn! This is Lizzie, we met down at the ax-throwing bar! I just know the two of you will get along great!”
MT: Who has ever said “our lake for swimming”? Anyway, someone got it confused with “our lake for pooping”.
I don’t think this dialogue was written by a human — it’s so stilted and awkward. “Our lake for swimming is closed!” The lake is a “lake for swimming”? (Implies a special category of lake. Are there lakes that for not swimming?) The whole lake is “closed”? C’mon, a normal person would say “Our lake is closed for swimming!” Cuz, I mean, the lake is still there, and presumably you can, I dunno, go out on a boat or something? Look for turtles? You just can’t SWIM.
“The sign says here the lake is closed for contamination!” Sounds like they shut down the lake so they could contaminate it. Wouldn’t “because of” or such-like work better than “for”?
“I have to get to the bottom of this!” Is the double-entendre intentional? Is Mark going to plunge into that disgusting, contaminated lake, all amongst the e.coli and red tide and fish poop, and find the plug down there so he can drain it and refill it? If he’s just going to find out why it’s closed, that’s a simple call to City Hall.
“Rats! The one time we try to go out and not play video games!” Um, boys, you’re already out, and you’re already not playing video games, so, I dunno, success? Though personally I didn’t know not playing video games counted as an activity.
@Ukulele Ike: Take a huge upvote for Abie’s Irish Rose. Larry Hart’s wish has been granted: We lived to see it close.
MW: As Mary is about to recount all of Wilbur’s failed relationships, there comes a knock at the door and within moments Ralph Edwards is sitting on the sofa, enjoying a muffin as he opens his album, “This Is Your Life: Wilbur Weston!”
@TheDiva:
On Luann : Nononono, when Luann is saying that she isn’t a “girl” and Phil isn’t a “boy”, she means that they’re actually MATURE ADULT woman and man, respectively.
It’s what this entire “Luann starts dating Mrs Horner’s caretaker, gets job doing the night shift at a fast food place” storyline is all about, isn’t it? Convincing people (both the strip’s cast and strip’s readers) that Luann is actually a mature adult person rather than a particularly stunted child in a 20-something’s body?
MARY WORTH: By the way, I love that one of the “lessons” Wilbur is supposed to learn is to “listen to his daughter”, which makes sense because Dawn is well-renown for her sharp instincts and keen discernment of character when it comes to relationships!
@TheDiva: I can’t read music so much as pick out one note from another, and even I wondered if there was something in that melody I forgot. In the name of Schroeder Felton, if they’re going to half-ass it, use a song that’s less memorable.
Dustin: The long-haired sex symbol that immediately springs to mind is Fabio. (I mean, back in the day.) If you’ve never seen his Your Valentine Date Video, it’s worth watching just for the off-the-charts cringe factor.
@Twinkles the Elf:
Phew! It’s good to know that Jules preserved something from the “old” Mark Trail!
MT: Keep in mind that the boy strutting around showing off water wings was planning this swimming expedition with Rusty, who was quite put out that parents would dare to stick around and go swimming with them. If this is a typical Lost Forest attitude towards nonswimmers using the local lake, closing off and dredging the lake for bodies must be a regular thing.
Mark Trail: The fact that warning signs are up clearly indicates that the authorities are already aware of the problem in the lake and are taking steps to fix it. But letting the proper authorities handle things wouldn’t feed Mark’s desperate need for attention and overwhelming hero complex, so he’s gonna get involved.
GT: I can’t believe they’re leaving for the prom without the obligatory curfew scene, either to Gigi or Rodney.
BG&SS: We’ve seen their “ol’ swimmin’ hole”. But this does answer the question “How a horse can get dysentry?”
H&L: Surprise! Today’s golf pun about Thirsty and Irma’s marriage is “deep in the rough” rather than his typical “water (hic) hazard”.
@Banana Jr. 6000: but some of them are really fine people.
MW panel 3: “Yes, from now on I won’t bring strange women into my home! I’ll stick with cheap motels and my car when I’m cruising downtown. And vacations in Orlando. I’ll go back to using a fake name too. How about James Bond? And if I ever see Belle again, I’ll call myself Avery. Mary, what are you doing at the window?”
“Aieeeeeeeeerrrrr!” [keeplunk]
@Little Blur: Little Blue Bicycle. Darn phone.
@TheDiva: Doesn’t Gigi look pretty? I can’t wait to watch her cut a rug. (She’s wearing the panniers to carry snacks. The prom charges FIVE BUCKS for a lousy box of Raisinets, fuck that)
I don’t know a lot about ABIE’S IRISH ROSE; my generation had BRIGET LOVES BERNIE, which was bad enough. But considering most 1922 Americans saw Catholics and Jews as some kind of space aliens (priests wore DRESSES back then) I’m betting it’s somewhere far beyond cringe. I figure the protagonists alter between prostrate drunkenness and cheating people.
@ValdVin: The weird thing is that Davis has transcribed music before–I seem to recall the St. Spires choir doing the “Hallelujah Chorus” with accurate notation. I wonder if this is because The Messiah is in the public domain, whereas getting a reference for “What I Did For Love” would force him to pay a whole three dollars to Sheet Music Plus.
As a depraved thought experiment, I’d like you to imagine today’s Blondie dialog, but in Chickweed Lane’s world.
Sorry, not sorry.
@ValdVin:
“If you wonder how A Chorus Line debuted closer to now than it did Oklahoma!, you’re a Plugger.”
A Chorus Line debuted much closer to Oklahoma! (32 years) than it did to now (50 years).
@2+2=7: Dumpy Dawn went from a chubby delusional brat with no respect for her father to a college bicycle with a terrible hairstyle who acts like a female version of her father and worships him blindly. What’s the term for taking an already terrible character and making them worse?
@Little Blue Bicycle: Better than Little Oasis, IMO.
@TheDiva: I think Davis puts in as much effort as he feels the writer puts in.
Frazz – Frazz broke his leg! That means – gasp – that he won’t be able to run and will have to sit around on his ass like Mrs. Olsen for at least six weeks. How can he be smug and superior if he isn’t fanatically running? For once Caulfield’s arm flailing is appropriate.
Pickles – I can really relate to this.
S4th – Ted is an annoying man child, but that woman is really horrible. Eye rolling is one thing, but that woman is mean.
@some guy: {Throws violin bow at you}
@I speak Jive: I’m sure Frazz has one of those arm rowers, so he can keep up his smugness.
@Professor Well Actually: @Needless Exposition: “Wilbur writes an advice column” should be a periodic reminder. However, I wonder if his editor noticed that the column has changed from half assed advice to endless pontificating with generic platitudes.
@Charterstoned: The Fabio incident I always think of was when he was on an amusement park ride with a number of women dressed as Greek goddesses and was hit in the face by a goose.
@taig: Oh, you’re right. I didn’t think of that. Thank goodness he’ll still be able to maintain that smug superiority.
MT – The sign says the contamination may cause problems with child development. That explains a lot….
Crank – I took him to see Hamilton – now he’s an adherent of Santeria….
Dustin – Yes! 63YO Jon Bon Jovi – gray and thinning! That will win us Yard of the Week….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@I speak Jive: You made me search for “Fabio and the goose.” It wasn’t as funny as I thought it would be. Ouch.
It would have been more awful if one of the women had stopped the goose with her nose.
MW: there are two things in the Worthverse that baffle me. One is that Wilbur is a professional advice columnist. The other is Mary’s status as a great cook and baker. Every single thing she makes is beige, inedible glop.
@pugfuggly: except for the last (complete) measure which is in 4. Hey, shifting time signatures are a sign of avant-garde composition.
@I speak Jive: I think it’s been confirmed that very few people actually read Ask Wendy and Wilbur almost lost the column and his job. Too bad those bastards were intimidated by the threat of a meddling old bint offering muffins.
@I speak Jive:
#84. FRAZZ: Jive, Frazz’s sedentary summer turns out to be a good thing as he otherwise would have forgotten to write and record that best-selling folk/rap fusion song that makes him famous. He then quits his day job, much to Caulfields displeasure and Ms. Olson’s delight.
JP: Ces loves using the passive voice. It’s like the characters are narrating their own dialog.
@The Quiet Man, JP: The CIA ordered a hit on the cat, didn’t they?
@I speak Jive, S4th: You do know how that narrows it down for female characters, unless you read it?
Curtis: That … doesn’t actually disprove Greg’s point in any way? In fact, you could possibly make a case that it supports it. (“That’s right, Curtis, and if I just gave you money, you might end up like them!”)
JP: I wonder how late it is, and how late they think it is? They arrived in the dark, so after 11pm, and it’s probably past midnight now, but it’s a seven hour flight and it’s a six hour time difference, so I guess they left at 10am and their body clocks should be telling them it’s … 6pm?? (I know, a seven hour flight probably leaves you tired whatever time you think it is, but still.)
MT: So, I see Rivera is still mostly balanced on that knife edge between “No, it’s meant to be stylised” and “deadlines are hard”. Rachel Merrill fell of this edge almost immediately, but Dan Schkade makes it work. I think it’s down to consistency; if Mark always looked like he was more neck than man, we’d eventually accept that that’s how he looks now, possibly. (And as always, whatever else you say about Rivera’s art, at least Rusty looks like he might be a human child and not an eldritch homunculus.)
MW: “I have learned very specifically that when a woman wants to have sex with me, I shouldn’t invite her into my home without learning more about her. Just as I previously learned that when a woman wants to have sex with me, I shouldn’t give her money for salsa lessons without learning more about her.” Extrapolate further, Wilbur!
Phantom: “The office. The one you spent an entire storyline setting up so you could mess with Woboru’s mind. Don’t try the same garbage on me, or you’ll be spending a long time sleeping on the Skull Couch.”
@84 I speak Jive: on Pickles: The whole week is great. Definitely worth the read.
@Cartoon Moon pedant: I’m jut sad that we don’t get to see the harmonization going on in his head. Some weird shit I’m sure…
I just realized why this lake got closed “for” contamination: this is the lake Edda and Amos always visit.
Pluggers: Called it yesterday. Pluggers are tough old cusses who bear their aches and pains with dignity, suffering in silence, not like those whiney, crybaby, millennial snowflakes.
@Schroduck: I regret to tell you that this is currently Jeff’s main purpose in the strip.
@Ukulele Ike: Remember when Batty seemed to believe that Hollywood in the Year of our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty still had cowboys and gladiators from Central Casting all lining up at the studio commissiary?
@I speak Jive: Earlier, I suggested a story line where Frazz broke both his legs and spent summer lost in a ravine. I feel this is a half-measure at best, unless he winds up in traction and off-panel for the next eight weeks.
@The Quiet Man:
Let’s be judgmental;
CURTIS: Greg is a good dad.
FBoFW: Lawrence is either a good friend OR a good pitchman.
JP: Leah is no Wisconsite and is not to be trusted even with curdled milk
@Ukulele Ike: #77: There’s a term in TV programming jargon called a hammock. It’s a time slot between two hit shows. Any show put in that slot was guaranteed to be a hit because most people won’t bother to change channels for just a half an hour. “Bridget Loves Bernie” was given the most coveted hammock in television, Saturday evening between “All in the Family” and the “The Mary Tyler Moore Show”. Even that couldn’t save it. The slot was then given to M*A*S*H, which was struggling ratingswise up to then.
@Dr. Larry Erhardt: @I speak Jive: Bonus points if Frazz starts binge eating while incapacitated and gets morbidly obese from lack of exercise.
@TheDiva: Wilbur: Hi Dawnie, I got you some dolls while I was out. This one is Chucky, this one is Talky Tina, and this one is Annabelle. I know you’ll have lots of fun!
Dustin is obviously randomly picking out a name he saw on a sign for a New Jersey rest stop, so it’s sheer luck that he went with “John Bon Jovi” and not “Connie Chung.”
@The Rambling Otter: “I also got you this clown doll at the Freeling family’s yard sale. They sure left their house in a hurry.”
@Cartoon Moon pedant: Batuik was heavily influenced by Dave Brubeck’s Time Out album.
@Professor Well Actually: Good food isn’t always pretty. I recently made a German Potthucke, which looks like wrinkly nasty old ass and tastes great. Slices of leftover got fried in butter and served for breakfast with a sunny side egg on top. Same aesthetic goes for Austrian Leberkase and Scots haggis!
@Guillermo el Chiclero: All I really remember about the show was that Bernie’s uncle was played by the guy who was the Grand Central Station ticket clerk in North by Northwest who tried to turn Cary Grant over to the cops. Whenever I rewatch that I yell “Don’t do it, Uncle Moe!”
Baldo: It seems Tía Carmen has become a ‘mudgeon.
C-Shaft: Just yesterday Jeff, Pam, and Lillian were having a barbecue in Crankshaft’s absence. Did Ayers already run out of New York vector images?
Dustin: Obviously it was a mistake for Dustin to challenge his Gen-X mom on Bon Jovi lore.
@Sequitur: As long as she doesn’t become a TruFan.
@Anonymous: I mean, I wouldn’t mow the lawn in that outfit. I wouldn’t do anything else in that outfit either, but mowing the lawn seems particularly uncomfortable.
Blondie Spanish to English.
And here’s the translation.
@The Rambling Otter: I saw the doll episode of the original Twilight Zone; Wilbur’s lucky that his house doesn’t have stairs. But it would be the first time that the evil dolls are more sympathetic than the protagonists.
9CL: There are things I could say about why Lolly’s(?) bow slipped out of her hands and went flying over Alistair’s head but I’ll spare you.
DT: “Or at least speak in a Transatlantic accent. The Vincent Price mustache brings certain responsibilities with it.”
Lockhorns: Loretta’s mother didn’t want to dignify Leroy’s barbs by dressing anything like a witch so she went with Ben Franklin instead.
MW: “And I’ve learned to ask women I sleep with if they have a brother who looks like me. That’s not really a matter of caution. It’s really just for my own satis—”
“Okay, we’re done here.”
Phantom: Even Stripey has started to lose track of all the head games he’s playing with his Jungle Patrol friends.
RMMD: “Not that I know of” is a pretty standard, glib answer to the question. In Truck’s case he at least knows/was married to the mother. Whether that’s better or not I don’t know.
S4th: In fairness to the frosty neighbors, Ted invited all of them and seemed like he would have been offended if they declined. It’s kind of a no-win situation.
Crock: Spanish to English.
Rex Morgan M.D. Spanish to English.
RMMD-“We were in a seedy motel room making music together.”
MW-Meanwhile back in the apartment Dawn cackles and wrings her hands as she plans to remove Willa from Wilbur’s life. “Soon he’ll be all mine.”
MT: Ye gods. I am somewhat familiar with public lakes getting advisories and warnings because Iowa has some of the worst farm pollution in the nation, alas. And in Iowa and elsewhere, those lake signs provide information about what the contamination is. They don’t just say “contamination” and leave it a mystery for lake visitors to worry about (did Shrek’s entire family have diarrhea here??) The sign names the problem, like “High E. coli levels” or “Harmful Algal Blooms” or whatever.
I realize that Jules is trying to create suspense. But if the contamination had been named, many readers who know something about that contamination would still be interested in following the story. Plus they might enjoy a moment of smugness. And many readers who don’t know could learn something potentially interesting. Also, the readers of CC would have been spared this rant.
@Activist: But I believe it’s already been established that Frazz’s songwriting income is more than enough to support him, so he could’ve quit his custodial job at any time if he wanted. Quoth Wikipedia: “Frazz no longer needs to work thanks to his hit songs, but keeps working at the school because he loves the kids there.” So… yeah.
@Bob Tice: I remember a joke that went something like “Ayn Rand walks into a bar. The bar owner serves her tainted alcohol, which he obtained more cheaply because the manufacturer didn’t spend money on product safety, and there are no laws or regulations requiring them to do so. Ayn Rand dies. The bar owner is not prosecuted.”
@Majicou:
#124: Thanks, Majicou! Because strip so rarely shows him with music, I was exaggerating when I suggested he might write a hit. Sure wish we could see him performing.
DUSTIN: Even in Iowa, lawns in some cities are slowly giving way to native plantings, partly because some cities are paying residents to make that change to improve water quality. If you really hate lawn-mowing, Justin, do a little investigating.
@ValdVin: The Threepenny Opera may be over their heads, but I bet elderly pluggers are lining up for Just in Time, the new 1959-style jukebox musical in which Bobby Darin sings “Mack the Knife.”
@TheDiva: I doubt Chris would pay Broadway prices for Ed anyway. They went to New York to see a student production of A Chorus Line at Lower East Side Preparatory High School.
@Alice Sweet from Norfolk:
Tara: “This is Luann. She lacks a twat.”
Not any more, I think she’s found one.
@123 Poteet:
Don’t worry about sparing this rant. Since I don’t read the *new* Mark Trail, I don’t bother reading any comments about it (I just happened to see your last sentence).
Mark Trail – While I do appreciate the old style of Mark Trail, I like the anime-like elements of emphasizing emotions with exaggerated sweat coming off Cherry, and straight lines emphasizing anger from Rusty. This is overacted, loud, and campy, and I am here for it.
Crankshaft – The garden is a great metaphor for Crankshaft and culture. For many, exposure to seeing a Tony Award winning musical performed by some of the greatest theatrical actors would fertilize dormant creative impulses, or plant seeds of new ideas that would allow the mind to flourish. But Crankshaft’s mind is nothing but thorny, nutrient robbing weeds.
Dustin – … “and Jesus walked everywhere he went!” (Apologies, toxic Boomer copy-pasta that transcended the FW:Fw:FW:fw AOL era to social media has also burrowed deep into my mind, to be triggered by Dustin creators trying to be hip.)
@Ukulele Ike: Crank: Sorry, Batuik. A CHORUS LINE is not currently running on Broadway. Neither is SOUTH PACIFIC. Nor ABIE’S IRISH ROSE. Yes, they were all very popular once, but they don’t keep on going forever.
Not OKLAHOMA! either?
@Ukulele Ike: DT: Time Machine. Demons. Called it.
So when does The Doctor show up? Or is Lovejoy The Doctor?
@Joshua K.: Yeah, I quipped that wrong. I feel “Plugger years old” now because I remember when A Chorus Line was in its original B’way run and I can’t imagine how I got to this point.
How old are the now-non-mutated Rusty and his friend supposed to be? Seriously, this kid is wearing floaties and a mauve shirt with a bunny on it. This kid can probably describe the underside of a toilet bowl with TOTAL precision. I hope, anyway.
I flip through Frazz: “Oh, no. He lives.”
@Poteet: It was Cherry who actually walked over and read the sign while everyone else dithered in the background. And she did it in a split second, too; in one panel she’s with the group, then next at the fence. Comic-strip time gone slightly amok.
And don’t ever stop ranting. Very often reading your rants is much, much better than the original comic.
@Poteet: @Dr. Pill:
I enjoy Poteet’s rants too, even though I get personally self-conscious about my rambling.
Rant and Ramble… they fight crime.
That pose… Rusty is slowly turning into… Laharl?
@Poteet:
Yeah, this was gold, Jerry. Gold!
I really hope it’s poop. I get Lake Ontario, which, well, roll dice. Like, the ones with weird numbers the D&D guys use.
@139 A Grave Mind:
Were you thinking of this?
@The Rambling Otter:
Oh, man. I remember a roommate playing WAY too much of this in 2004. While we both drank WAY too much St. Ide’s. You’re supposed to miss younger times, but, nah.
@Sequitur:
And absolutely!
@Liam: I feel like your Westoncest jokes are becoming more prophetic with each failed relationship storyline.
@Lord Flatulence: Oh! Well, sure. THAT’S been running since 1943.
@Lord Flatulence: BOTH Lovejoys are the Doctor. The 1917 one is Smart Doctor, the new guy is Dumb Doctor. Also, he’s been drugged. Says so right in the comic.
@Horace Broon: Jules Rivera is one of the few comic strip artists working today who I would believe has actually encountered a child sometime in this century. (Heart of the City’s Steenz is another.) Rusty’s appearance and behavior are pretty consistently in the 10-12 range, and his fascination with cryptozoology is the sort of weird thing boys that age get into. He likes his parents, but gets monumentally embarrassed by them at times as well. He feels like an actual kid, not the mix of saying-the-darndest-things and peeves with younger generations that most comic strip children wind up being.
@A Grave Mind: My favorite is the dodecahedron.
@taig: “My angles are many/My sides are not few./I’m the Dodecahedron/Who are you?”
Thanks and a tip o’ the Mathemagician’s hat to Norton Juster
Mark Trail Mix: “Thank goodness our Lake for refilling Super Soakers ™ is still open!”
@The Rambling Otter: Rant and Ramble… they fight crime.
______________________________
Ramble’s Rants get Raves! (Joke stolen from MASH)
@GarrisonSkunk: Or they refill with the polluted lake, a new mutation every time they get splashed!
Late Thread Snack: This “tree” is supposed to be sophisticated.
@Baja Gaijin: Silly lady! Shrimp don’t go on trees!
Crankshaft yells at the “Chorus Line” actors, “Where the Hell’s all the singing cats?!?” (Joke adapted from the original Letterman).
“Tok Q Marque (sound of choking on a chicken bone) Lesmoore mew mews?”*
*In the Klingon tongue.