Thursday is for manimals
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Slylock Fox, 7/24/25
I gotta say, it’s probably pretty annoying to have to write Slylock Fox at this point, because doing cute little animal mysteries attracts lots of “um, ACTUALLY”s of both the “um, ACTUALLY, the pedantic fact you used as the solution for this mystery is more nuanced than you’re implying” and “um, ACTUALLY, the animal you’re using as a character in this mystery doesn’t work like that” variety. Thus you get puzzles like today, where you’re preemptively anticipating this kind of feedback in the solution. “[heavy sigh] Besides telling us that the gloves were not worn by a snake [closing eyes, briefly resting thumb and forefinger on either side of bridge of nose] or other handless animal…” Honestly someone is probably penning a furious email about “um, ACTUALLY, some invertebrates aren’t bilaterally symmetrical and could have two right hands and maybe they also became sapient along with all the other animals? can you prove they didn’t???” as we speak.
Pluggers, 7/24/25
Feels like this one is based on seeing a “Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee!” mug and trying to work backwards from there to someone cheerfully claiming to be a criminal right up until the moment that first sip passes their lips, when in fact the appropriate cartoon would be a bleary-eyed plugger saying just the most casually cruel thing you’ve ever heard to his wife for no reason.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/24/25
Well it looks like I got my wish on this situation allowing us to delve into Truck’s psyche, because he’s really doubling down on “Please, living genetic evidence of the fact that I got cheated on, please let me pretend to be your dad!” Meanwhile, his not-son is just increasingly upset and unresponsive. “How can I feel anything for someone with whom I don’t share any genetic material?” he’s thinking. “This man has nothing to tell me about my phenotype! What’s the point?”
178 replies to “Thursday is for manimals”
“Now, let’s go drown our sorrows in Old Crow, son! Has to be Old Crow. They give me the munnies
Slylock Fox:
I’ve got it! — they’re telling us that the crime was committed by someone using gloves!
How’d I do?
I choose to believe Andy Bear is wanted in 6 states because….he committed the Glove Crime! It’s the crossover we needed, that’s somehow so, SO much better than the MCU!
Slylock Fox-In a world where animals walk upright and wear clothes there are still certain basic animal characteristics they must adhere to.
RMMD-“I’ll even settle for being a creepy uncle.”
Blondie-“Remember when Lance used to be Lance Uglymanberg?”
MW-“Have you been practicing what I’ve been teaching you?”
FC-Sorry, kids, but you’re on a no fly list.
Dustin-“And in local news another woman has been found in an alley violently murdered.”
I want a better look at Plugger Bearman. If he has two right hands, I’m reporting him to Slylock Fox.
RMMD:
“What’s your name (what’s your name)?”
“Cody.”
“Who’s your daddy (who’s your daddy)?”
“Spuds Morton.”
“(He rich) Is he rich like me?”
“Nah.”
“Has he taken (has he taken) any time (any time) to show (to show you what it means to live)?”
“Nope.”
“Tell it to me slowly (tell me why) — I really want to know-ow!”
“It’s the time of the sea-ea-son for snubbing!”
RMMD:
“She nominated me, and I accept.”
“So you’re saying our very relationship is based on a lie?”
“Pretty much.”
Blondie: “Burgers in the backyard” sounds like some kind of euphemism. A rather horrible euphemism. No wonder Blondie looks shocked.
Slylock Fox:
Hmm. Let me see if I can think this one through. Okay — if the gloves don’t fit, you must, uh, quit?
Family Circus: “Why are you bringing that garbage can over here, Mrs. Goodman? The curb is in the other direction…”
Slylock:
“And there was two different sets of footprints in the wet soil?”
“Shut up, kid.”
Pluggers:
For the first time in the history of coffeedom, the smoke plume rising from a coffee pot is four times its length. Geez — that plume looks like a chemical fire.
Curtis: Let me call it: “King” is the name of the limping dog and he used to be Granny’s. Now fast forward to the heartwarming reunion.
Plugger waitresses are not sure if it was a good idea to press the silent alarm.
“Eh, better safe than sorry.” She tells the officer with his knee on bearman’s neck.
MW: Well, teenage Olive just looks like a slightly taller normal Olive. That’s about as disappointing as being one cherry short in a pie.
SFx: All this “crime scene” is telling me is that Max just took a picture of his kitchen floor because the only crime scene photos they had on hand were far too gruesome.
Frazz: You know those 80s comedies, where the jerk jocks humiliate any normal person who tries to use the gym, for no good reason? That’s basically what this is. Mrs. Olson just wanted to become more active, but she made the mistake of telling Frazz. Now she’s entered into a humiliating public footrace, and assigned to an abusive coach. This is not funny, and it’s not a productive way to treat people who are trying to better themselves.
SF: I’m not buying this. Faye (she’s the one with the shaved head, right?) ought to be the one up for an adventure at this cut-rate amusement park. A raging neurotic like Hilary should be the one Bernice-ing the fun out of the situation.
MW: Good grief, what a perfect mix of disappointment and cringe. Olive appears to have not aged or changed at all since we last saw her back in the Pre-Moy era, and good grief, I know you two apparently have the bond of surviving a traumatic experience but no one should be this excited to see friggin’ *Mary Worth*!
MW: Hard to tell if Olive has started to develop breasts or if that’s just a wrinkle in her shirt. But I guess she MUST be getting buxom, because Brigman has intentionally blacked out her boobs so we can’t see. Hmmmm. I wonder what ELSE they’re hiding from us…?
The waitress already knew Andy Bear is kidding. He isn’t wanted anywhere.
MW: Mary and Olive immediately clasp hands and go into a trance.
SLYLOCK: Since it’s Career Day, Slylock has brought the criminal along, giving the tykes the spectrum of career options.
And what’s with Miss Fox? Is she the vulpine Ms Buxley?
RMMD: Cory is a bit put off by the fact that Truck has all but called his mother a whore. More than once.
A Plugger can confess as many crimes as they want, since no one pays attention to what they say
Speaking of gloves and crimes, Max should not be biting a juicy fruit and use his sticky fingers on someone else’s computer. I guess some animals are still more beast than men
“And that’s why I am wanted in six states”
“I’m honestly surprised. You are being persecuted for helping women access abortion out of states?!”
“Hey, we Pluggers have shades and depth!”
“We fought like cats and dogs! You know how else we are similar to cats and dogs? Sexual intercourse did not lead to offsprings!”
Pluggers: “That leaves 44 states, 5 overseas territories, and one diner where you’re not wanted. I’ll put your pancakes in a to-go box.”
@Charterstoned: Hmmmm. I wonder what ELSE they’re hiding from us…?
—
Olive has a blond bush
DT: Fun fact. TASER is named after Tom Swift, an adventure character with an electric rifle. A gun that fired a wired dart which delivered a jolt.
MW: ok – so she has not really grown. Is she a robot?
JP: where is her tradecraft? She didn’t have an escape plan going in??? Remember what Toby Esterhazy said “always have two outs”.
RMMD: so is he going to be the Best Man at the wedding???
H&L: How did it land on Hi’s head like that? Are we sure Ditto isn’t throwing his beret?
The Lockhorns are trapped in the 1950s, which is the only way I can explain how Leroy is in (low-level) business attire at all times.
Crankshaft: At least Pam isn’t one of those non-fans. “I bought you a replacement! I asked the high-school kid at the shop about Canadian football shirts, and how you like blue.”
Beetle Bailey: If you think Sarge sitting in on his therapy is awkward, you should see Beetle at confession.
Dustin hasn’t had this much success at meeting women since he brought Dustmom’s homemade cookies to recess in middle school.
Blondie: The entire middle panel is lowered so the four lines of monologue from the TV announcer can fit. I don’t know what I expected but there’s a lack of effort here.
Arlo & Janis: Not joking: How old is Gene supposed to be here? The sliding scale of comics time makes it a tough guess.
SFx: God I really hope this is just first part of an ongoing series where Slylock Fox relitigates the O.J. trial. What kind of animal do you imagine Kato Kaelin is going to be? A panda? I’ll bet he’s a panda.
Pluggers: “…they were provinces! Ha ha, yes I’m the Saskatoon Strangler…”
RMMD: Looking forward to the new spin-off strip: Truck Tyler, Honorary Uncle.
@Needless Exposition: @The Quiet Man: Thirded on the disappointment over Olive, now a chronological teenager but (almost?) unchanged physically. She must be trapped in comics time, never aging, like Mary herself.
@Regina Smegma: With a penis.
H&L: Ditto’s first test run after watching the Kung Fu classic Master of the Flying Guillotine.
“Yes, it is possible.”
RMMD: After listening to Truck drone on and on, Cody thinks; “I’m going to kill Henry Louis Gates Jr for making me think this was a good idea.”
@BeckoningChasm: You draw my attention to the bizarre feng shui in Blondie. Dagwood’s chair faces the TV, Blondie’s is next to Dagwood’s but facing away from him, at a blank wall. It makes no sense in-universe, and is clearly just for Blondie’s reaction shots.
As he scurried away with the loot, the Millipede laughed. Leaving two of his 1300 right gloves behind . . . no way the Vulpine Vindicator was going to figure this one out!
@The Quiet Man: Pre-Brigman, actually. Giella drew Olive like a weirdly detailed piefaced child but Moy’s writing was what made her truly cringe. I wonder if she’s still a delusional tummy brained weirdo who hallucinates fairies.
That look on the waitresses face tells me we’ve really missed out on the only interesting thing ever said in a Pluggers comic.
***
Couldn’t a snake repurpose gloves to use on its face to avoid leaving DNA evidence? Even most mammals don’t have opposable thumbs, FOX and monkeys and most apes (looking forlornly down at my damned useless feet) could use them on their right feet. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY REPEAT OFFENDERS, FOX! Your “evidence” is useless and could never hold up in court as long as the defence even glances at it!
***
Look at Truck. There’s no way he doesn’t have a kid or two out there.
@ValdVin: crankshaft: no, no – it should be that there was a mixup on the order code, but the Roughriders is really the same thing, right? … Why are you praying for a swarm of moths?
@Ken: It’s always been that way, and it’s always been weird. Dagwood watches television, and Blondie reads.
“That show sounds interesting, Dagwood, may I watch it?”
“Of course not. Women read. Now shut up and make me a sandwich.”
“Yes, dear.”
RMMD: I wonder if Wanda knows how pathetically desperate Truck is for human connection.
SFx: Wait, so we can rule out the snake, but not the 99% of species that don’t have opposable thumbs?
Personally, if I were Count Weirdly or some other Slylock Fox ne’er-do-well, I’d start planting stuff like this to throw him off the scent. “I’ll leave behind two right-hand gloves to make him believe there were multiple robbers! Then I’ll spill some water around the window to make him think I used a block of ice to break the glass! He’ll be so focused on these stupid little details he won’t even try to dust for fingerprints!”
@Needless Exposition:
I salute Giella on becoming a serial comic artist, despite an utter lack of being able to draw non-horrific-looking people.
SFx – it’s a photo of the unsolved vandalizing of the local glove factory. Unsolved because Slylock hasn’t decided who to pin this one on with ridiculously unreliable pretzel logic.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys:
Just bust Smitty and end it, man!
“That’s why I’m wanted in six states! Poland, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Russia, and France!”
“Look, Franz, I know you’re proud of your time in the SS, but if you keep talking about it Mossad will find you.”
And here I was thinking the gloves would have something to do with fingerprints, or a lack thereof, at the crime scene. No prints on the evidence, but prints on the inside of the gloves, perhaps. Pawprints? Are pawprints as unique as human fingerprints? Darn it, I don’t want to think this much about Slylock Fox.
Pluggers: You’re speaking to a diner waitress in the Midwest. You’ll have to be wanted in eight states if you want to impress her.
Slylock Fox – The alligator up front is right to be confused. The opposable thumbs of the glove suggest a primate, or maybe a few marsupial species. In any case, this is a mammal (or two) they are dealing with.
Pluggers – Andy Bear shows that while Pluggers did evolve into a civilized, multi-species society, he hasn’t lost his predatory nature. It’s just been sublimated into disturbing fictional anecdotes told to the Dog Lady waitress, with the out that so long as he finishes the tale before his first cup of coffee, it’s to be accepted in the social contract as an imperfect means to reduce the harm of animal people’s untamed bestial natures.
Rex Morgan, MD – Given the rampant infidelity, financial instability, an itinerate nature of the work and culture, there isn’t as much shame in being the bastard of a roots country musician as there is in “regular” society. But who your deadbeat Dad is does impact your “legitimacy” in the industry if you want to claim the meager benefits nepotism gets you. A DNA test is the gold standard, (though court orders over unpaid child support also carry official weight).
Truck is a legend and Cody proving his connections would open a number of doors (mainly saloon-style swinging doors at the various red dirt road circuit bars). “Spuds” Morton, however, has a worse reputation than Mud Murphy, but without a song like “Muddy Boots” to justify his continued acceptance in this marginal society.
Cody not only has to pay his dues as a session musician to break in, he has to pay back Spuds’ many unpaid bar tabs, money for gigs he skipped out on (or was too drunk to perform at), and personal loans to several gatekeepers in the industry. The only “benefit” is learning he should cut back on his favorite desserts because of a family history of developing Type 2 diabetes later in life.
Blondie reaches over and hits the pause button on Dagwood’s waistband.
“I thought this Dagwood android would be good for laughs.” She says ruefully.
@Voshkod:
I….I hate you, Voshkod. You owe me some coffee!
SF: The snake in the audience seems intrigued. “Hmm, if I plant two right handed gloves, he’ll suspect the criminal is a snake working alone. Tell me more…”
The funniest part (known as the only funny part, as Beetle Bailey is NOT funny) of today’s Beetle Bailey is that the Marines basically did this in Boot Camp, under those exact conditions. No office involved, and really, why even ask us, obviously, but good Lord, was it pointless. “Nope! Great! Everything is great!”
C’shaft: “Sorry, I’m just stalling. We have to drag this out for at least two more strips.”
DT: “Hey Officer Fingerguns, quit playing to the fourth wall and look at me!”
Dustin: I’m not saying that Parker and/or Kelly have complained about a date not sleeping with them as if they were owed intimacy (“she ordered the lobster and everything!“), I’m just saying there’s a non-zero chance it has happened.
GT: Okay, I know Pedro was the babydaddy in the “abortion but we’re not saying it” storyline, but how did things end with Tobias? Other than “the writers just forgot we were dating”?
JP: “Can’t you just check each one? How many hotels can there be in the greater Washington, DC area anyway?”
Luann: This strip would work better if the costumes didn’t look like Spongebob Squarepants’ British cousin and a repurposing of the infamous “worm dick” costume.
MT: The role of Chet Chedderson will be played by Nathan Lane as Ward McAllister in The Gilded Age.
MW: Well, Olive herself has proven to be a bust, so where will the conflict come from? Mean girl bullies mocking the kid who dresses in early 1980s lesbian chic and whose only friend is a nosy old lady on the other side of the country? Evil Central Park drug pushers trying to peer pressure her into marijuana? Still bitter that she doesn’t meet the minimum age for the immersive Phantom of the Opera?
GT:
“I don’t mean to bother you but I’m in constant distress
Henry Barajas has turned my life into a mess
For most of this strip’s readers wish I didn’t exist
And this you can fix…
So Dorothy, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to all Gil Thorp readers’ hearts for me (you smell so pretty)
Dottie, please hear my cry
And let your arrow fly
Straight to all my critics’ hearts for me
Now, Dorothy, if your arrow makes their love strong for me
I promise I will have teenage angst until eternity
I know between this confusing plot, their hearts I can steal
All my exes make me squeal
So Dorothy, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to all Gil Thorp’s readers for me (you smell so pretty)
Dottie, please hear my cry
And let your arrow fly
Straight to all my critics’ hearts for me”
“I did love her, even if we did fight like cats and dogs. Specifically, for me, three Pomeranians and an Argentine dogo; she was like a couple of caracal and maybe two, three lynx. But after the fighting, we’d make sweet love like squid and snakes. All tentacles and venom. Then we’d eat like wolves and marmosets.”
Where do mansplaining Pluggers get their water? From a well, actually…
@Needless Exposition: Good point. I should have said ‘pre-BrigMoy era’.
“Hahah… yeah kidding…” (Screams of his victims echo through his mind.)
Gil Thorp: Kairos called. Says Peanut has soiled its etymology.
“And that’s why I am wanted in six states”
Fact Check: No one, in any state, wants Pluggers
SFx: The gloves belong to a human. In this comic, animal hands have four fingers and human hands have five.
Pluggers: So this guy is just now coming to the end of his extremely long, meandering story, while the busy waitress has to stand there in front of him, holding that pot of hot coffee, waiting patiently for him to shut up so she can pour some into his cup? For crimes against the server community, he should be wanted in seven states.
Pluggers – It’s more likely that he’d tell her he was a retired state cop or something similar. Then he’d talk about working on the Lindbergh baby kidnapping case.
FC – Can’t talk now – wait until I dispose of this body.
@TheDiva: GT I vaguely recall Tobias saying something about Keri wanting something else, but nothing specific. I wouldn’t bet against the writer forgetting about them as a couple then oops! decided to note the breakup. It says something that the teen rom-drama is better than the incoherent sportsball stuff. Not good, just better
CS: Week 1: We (eventually) learn the fate of Jeff’s shirt.
Week 2: Arrangements are made to go to the game in order to purchase a new shirt.
Week 3: Jeff travels to the game.
Week 4: Days later, Jeff shows up at Komix Korner to tell John, Harry and Batton Thomas about having gone to the game.
Weeks 5 and 6: Harry Dinkle forces church choir members to sell mattresses to fund yet another new set of choir robes.
At no point does hilarity ensue.
9CL: I understand now. Brooke forgot what the word “lie” means. It all makes sense.
Slylock Fox: In the talking animal-ruled dystopian future, enforcers of the state like to traumatize children by showing crime scene photos to them while going into horrific detail about the crimes committed. An excellent way to break the younger generation into complacency.
Pluggers: My family has a long-running in-joke about my stepmom – probably the sweetest, least aggressive person on the planet – being a violent hardened criminal because she got in trouble as a teenager for being dragged along with her friends to egg someone’s house on Halloween. I say this as an example of an actually funny and affectionate joke about criminality, as contrast to this Plugger, who seems to think adding “just kidding” to his long, gruesome descriptions of crime and violence is the pinnacle of comedy rather than a good way to get 911 called while you’re trying to enjoy your coffee.
Rex Morgan: Okay, this is starting to get pathetic and a little creepy. Is there a term for stalkers where instead of being in love with you, they’re just really weirdly obsessed with trying to be your parental figure?
Pluggers: “I ate a family of rabbits, some deer and a few mice. They were anthropomorphic of course. That’s why I am still on the run from Kevin and Kell to this day.”
SFx – And snakes can’t use toilets so they piss on the floor! Another trademark signature of the revolting, duplicitous malefactors. They’re not above planting random gloves as a distraction and to impugn the integrity of decent, hardworking manus enabled creatures. Yes…all the signs of snake dirty work….
Pluggers – Yes Flo… it was the best bowel movement I’ve had in years….
RMMD – It has all the makings of depressing alt-country song. Sometimes I feel like a fatherless thirty something….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Needless Exposition: Giella drew Mary Worth as a weirdly detailed pie-faced old biddy.
Good lord, a Rex Morgan strip just gave me the feels. I am just going outside and may be some time.
@ectojazzmage: Don’t overlook the implied infantilism fetish.
@erdmann: The plot should be:
Friday: Jeff finds out Crankshaft destroyed his precious t-shirt in the process of some asinine gardening scheme.
Saturday: Jeff finally punches Crankshaft in the face.
Sunday: Jeff and Pam drop Crankshaft off at Bedside Manor.
RMMD: how long will Truck spend brooding on that park bench?
RMMD – I even had an imprint if the Tyler family crest made up special for you. It’s got a bar sinister and everything!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Feeling down, Admiral?”
“Yeah. I need some female companionship”
“But you’re a sailor… Don’t you have a girl in every port?”
“Well, yes”
“But unfortunately, the girls have placed embargoes on all their ports”
@The Quiet Man: By the way Josh, you’re mistaken. No one is going to be writing “Um…actuallys” abour Slylock Fox because they are going to be too busy sending them Mary Worth‘s way.
And on that note….
Um…actually, Olive is an invention of Karen Moy (who’s been on the strip since 2004). So if they ever make a movie about Olive the Tertiary Mary Worth Character, Moy would get the “created by” credit (the merchandising rights would be owned by Disney or Fox or whatever unscrupulous conglomerate is collecting media ventures like Pokemon these days.) You’re probably talking about the Joe Giella era, which is Olive’s other co-contributor. Now is the first time she’s been drawn by a different person.
Pluggerz: Yes, it’s true. In the Codex Pluggeriana, it is held that if, e.g., a Plugger confesses to stealing Ms. Raccoon’s valuable Beatles record, it can’t be used against him in court, if the police haven’t given him his coffee first. They don’t have to read him his rights, just give him his damn coffee! Slylock loses a lot of cases this way, when a Plugger is nabbed in the post-animalpocalyptic period.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Truck: “Can’t I at least be the family members at Thanksgiving who ruins the evening by offering up a bunch of offensive opinions? I can do that! C’mon throw me a bone here!”
REX MORGAN M.D.(2): I love that Truck big stake in being this (31 year old) boy’s “honorary dad” is “well, I also had sex with you mother. That’s like parenting, right?” But even under that rubric, there are still like five or six guys that have a better claim as “pseudo-dad” than Truck, given what we found out about Varla.
RM: If I had learned that my chance of inheriting those sideburns had just dropped precipitously, I would be a lot more cheerful.
Also “pluggers are serial killers leading police on a bloody chase across the country” is a dark turn I was not expecting.
@Voshkod: It is funny because it is true.
A plugger’s body count (people he has murdered) is higher than his body count (sex partners).
@White Rabbit: when a Plugger is nabbed in the post-animalpocalyptic period.
So Pluggers survive the apocolaypse but humans don’t? That sounds about right, actually.
@BeckoningChasm: Silly me, I just thought she was thrilled not to have to make yankee pot roast after getting home from the catering shop.
Star Wars premiered 48 years ago, so anyone who saw it as an adult during that first run is prime Plugger demograhic now. Yes, I know, it hurts. Sorry. This particular example has been trying to reenact the Mos Eisely Cantina scene for the past few decades, and one of these days someone is going to take him up on it and kill him with a lightsaber.
Luann: Don’t worry, Bernice. No one will ever, ever, ever ogle you.
PLUGGERS: “…And that why I’m wanted in six states. Just kidding…that’s what your going to tell the cops, right? That I’m ‘just kidding’…’messing around…’ That I’m not planning to bust a cap in your ass with the gun I have hidden from view in my other hand if you don’t do what I tell you to, but just a friendly bear-man having his regular cup of Joe who just happens to receive a large cash gift from the registers and the safe as thanks from generous waitress for being her favorite customer…right?”
@Dmsilev:
Wasn’t born QUITE YET, but I understand/respect this viewpoint, I will end your suffering
@White Rabbit:
Citing Codex! So it is writ!
Brilliant, Rabbit, God I laughed my ass off at this
@Charterstoned: And Wilbur had a smushed, pug like face that looked like someone shrunk Jason Alexander’s face in Photoshop. Now he looks like an adult baby with doughy cheeks and large eyes.
RMMD – Please, C’mon, we can go on the road and have a hit record! You can play as good as me, and with a story this good, let’s milk it for all the roots country pathos we can get!
You’re my meal ticket, buddy! And I’m yours!
It’s the Varla done us both wrong road show!
RMMD – …And that’s how the band Uncle Daddy came to be…
@Dmsilev: Star Wars premiered 48 years ago, so anyone who saw it as an adult during that first run is prime Plugger demograhic now.
I hate to break it to everyone but anyone who saw it as a kid first run is probably in the prime Plugger demo as well.
JP: Randy Parker, ladies and gentlemen. Our hero.
GT: FOOOOTH gets the Don Martin medal for the day.
Curtis: Did Grammy Pammy die overnight, or has Billingsley contracted a severe case of ADHD?
Tomorrow’s adventure: Curtis asks Greg for some money, and Greg tells him to turn that “rap” junk down.
The theme continues. Has anyone warned Baja Gaijin about today’s Archie?
JP: Meanwhile, in Cavelton, Randy apparently woke up at 4am and suddenly thought “What if April isn’t really in Washington but on some crazy mission involving that stupid McGuffin from the Pavel storyline? I need to call the airport immediately and shout at them until they find out for me!”
MW: I can’t believe anyone expected the reveal of teenaged Olive to be in any way interesting. (He said, with the smugness of someone who may have predicted otherwise, but had carefully not actually said so until now, just in case he was wrong.)
SH: Okay, so Holbrook has considered that maaaybe making the merman who’s never been on land before a perfect basketball prodigy is a bit of a stretch, so he needs a flaw. Is it that he’s not so good at the running, because he’s not used to having legs? Nope, it’s that, while he can throw a ball at a hoop with unerring aim, he can’t throw it to another person, because people aren’t hoops! That’s a totally different skill set! Henry Bajaras is reading this and thinking “Dude, have you ever … seen a sport?”
MW: Remember how, in A Beautiful Mind, John Nash realizes that Marcee is a hallucination because she never ages? I hope that’s where we’re going with this, but I sadly know better.
He’s not the stepdad, he’s the dad who stepped up. Also he’s literally not the stepdad, he’s sort of not anything in this scenario? Anyway, time to go introduce Cindy to her new adult son.
@CanuckDownSouth: I might be the only American you know who’s seen the Roughriders play the Rough Riders, and as a watermelon-head fan I heartily approve.
DT: “I’m old, Lieutenant. The only thing I understand when a gun is used is that bad guys die, usually in a horrific manner.”
@Horace Broon: Well, I for one, certainly predicted with confident certainty that this story would just be a repeat of the last story that Olive was in, but with “better” artwork. Hope you endless platitudes punctuated with a travelog of New York’s greatest sights (like the Whole Foods in Long Island!)
FC: “Sure, Jeffy. Why not? When your Dad wanted to fly his drone in our airspace during my shower time I was fine with that.”
@Ukulele Ike: I’ve got a vague recollection that says this is a rerun, possibly a rerun from an entire storyline about this dog and Curtis befriending it. I’m honestly wondering if Billingsley is finding the Grammy Pearl storyline tougher to write than he expected for some reason (I note we had two strips early on which seemed to be hinting she had telekenesis or something and then that never came up again.)
9CL – I checked to make sure that it’s still Thorax, then I got out. No way am I reading that dreck.
Frazz – And, as our training progresses, I’ll teach you how to be a smug, superior asshole to people who don’t exercise.
Rex Morgan – It pains me to admit this, but I like Truck’s willingness to be a father figure to Cody instead of rejecting him because Varla was messing around. It’s the first time I have ever felt good about Truck instead of the usual wishing that he would die in a humiliating way.
Mary Worth – “My dear, dear girl…” Ye gods, is this creepy. Of all the things I can imagine Mary thinking, the least awful is her taking a bath in Olive’s blood.
SF: Slylock says he cares about justice, but look at him ignoring Max’s theft of the teacher’s apple.
Pluggers: “…I actually got pardoned last week.”
This morning my wife raised her hand while reading the comics. I asked if she had a question and she said, “No, I just agree with Aunty Acid.
SLYLOCK: It’s nice to see a snake in the audience who is just being there without the other animals reacting in a horrified way. I’m tired of seeing snakes used as media Symbols Of Evil, and it happened here again a few days ago. But is there a different symbol of evil that isn’t another animal and that wouldn’t be offensive to some human group or other? I was basically told, when I politely inquired, that snakes are very handy as symbols of evil and are very recognizable as symbols of evil, so too bad for them. Sorry, snakes.
@Bob Tice: Thanks! As earworms go, that’s a pretty nice one.
@wesccov: In just four days, Brooke has gone from “Ha ha, people sure can be dishonest sometimes” to “everyone who’s ever given sworn testimony is a perjurer” to “literally everything anyone ever says is a lie, even when it’s not a declarative statement.”
MW: Olive has to be careful, Mary’s an old woman. Surprises like that could kill her…
@I speak Jive: Or Mary’s going to give Olive the Buffalo Bill treatment.
@jfp: “Oh, Captain Oates!”
@107 Poteet:
HEY POTEET! A snake. Maybe two.
@Majicou: Reminds me of Lillian Hellman’s judgement of Mary McCarthy (or was it the other way round? I forget.): “Every word she says is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the.'”
Ladies and gentlemen. The original conehead!
@I speak Jive: #104: I’m beginning to get some admiration for Truck but why is Cody so pissyfaced? If I was told all my life that some famous entertainer my mom was briefly married to was my father only to find out he wasn’t, but said entertainer was still willing to take me under his wing, be a mentor and give me a leg up in the industry, I wouldn’t be such a Mopey McMopester.
RMMD: “And by the way, your Mom was no great shakes in the sack.”
@Sequitur: A bit off-character for Classic Nancy to be worried about upcoming school exams. It’s well established that Aunt Fritzie regularly thrashes her when she brings home bad report cards. Has Family Services been consulted?
I hate it when that happens.
@118 Ukulele Ike:
Aunt Fritzie is in charge of the local Family Services. That’s why she can get away with whaling the tar out of Nancy.
love is… balloon butts.
@Ukulele Ike: The past is a foreign country and all that, but it always disturbs me when classic comic strips portray beating children as pure comedy gold, even funnier than alcoholism and sexual harassment.
LUANN: Wow, seeing Bernice’s outfit today really hammers home how prudish the characters have gotten since Karen took over writing duties. Her swimsuit at Tiffany’s Epic Pool Party in 2023 showed less skin.
GASOLINE ALLEY: These people chant each other’s names more than Rose and Jack did in Titanic. They’ve said Baleen’s name literally every day, and Clovia and Slim aren’t far behind in that regard. Jim really doesn’t trust the memories of his readers, does he?
R.I.P. Chuck Mangione (84) and Hulk Hogan (71).
@Banana Jr. 6000: I don’t know .. she’s drawn with nice legs and a short skirt…
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Yes, at Comic-Con today, there are plenty of gorgeous model types wearing very little (see Vampirella) in cosplay that two average girls dressed up like a hot dog and block of cheese won’t get any “ogles”. A few stares as people try to figure out if they are actually supposed to be some character that is famous. “Is that supposed to be Sponge Bob?”
@Poteet: “Do we have any snakes in the audience tonight? Raise your hands — oops, sorry, heh heh. All you snakes out there, just applaud — ooh, sorry again!”
@127 Peanut Gallery:
Do much for the snake version of Hands Across America.
@Sequitur: That emcee is definitely going to get hissed.
Pluggers: “You just watch yourself. We’re wanted men. I have the death sentence on twelve systems.”
@Sequitur: R.I.P. Chuck Mangione (84) and Hulk Hogan (71).
The Hulk is interviewed in the documentary André the Giant, and gives an excellent account of what André was like, and the environment of pro wrestling back in the day. He speaks very concisely in grammatical sentences that proceed logically to the conclusion he’s making, an ability which even some politicians lack today. Clearly he was an intelligent, thoughtful man, as well as being able to smash you into a grease stain in the ring. And as an actor, well, he could stand on his mark and recite his lines.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Bernice’s personality would immediately repel any potential admirers. Even Luann’s awfulness is far less obvious.
@treetown: Yeah, that too. There’s nothing about these costumes that reveal anything more than Bernice’s skirt already does.
@Rube: #122: Except for the Katzenjammer Kids, they deserved it. But yeah, I think Curtis was the last strip to have kids farting stars and that was twenty years ago.
@Poteet:
IIRC, you were raised in the metropolitan Detroit area. We Detroit-area natives need to stick together. Even if I don’t recall correctly, I’m glad you liked the earworm!
Max Mouse is eating the teacher’s apple. But the teacher is so besotted with Slylock, she’s not even noticing.
@I speak Jive: Re: Rex Morgan M.D.: Yes how “gallant” of Truck to (much like the Mary Worth story Beatty cribbed this from) desperately insert himself into the life of an unwilling stranger because he insist this stable grown adult needs a “father figure” to prevent him becoming gay or a druggie or whatever stereotypes they ascribe to boys raised by single mothers these days. How “noble” of Truck to “volunteer” to raise a thirty-something in need of nothing. If Truck really wants this guy to join his band (which let’s face it, is what this really about) there are less passive-aggressive ways to ask than acting like a spurned lover who refuses to take no for an answer.
RMMD: “Nominated”? I bet when Varla cheated on her husband with another married man she didn’t know she was basically the Grammy committee.
SFx: Slylock and all the other non-handless animals have four-fingered hands. Slick Smitty and Count Weirdly have five-fingered hands. This photo was chosen to stir up sentiment against the human minority.
This is absolutely the greatest Rex Morgan story line in the history of the franchise! I can only hope it gets even crazier.
BB: The petty authoritarians of Camp Swampy refuse to recognize doctor/patient confidentiality. I don’t know if Dr. Bonkus knew what he was signing up for when he became the camp shrink, but this is a test and he’s not passing it.
C-Shaft: As I figured, they’re dragging this thing out as long as possible. If the shirt is as padded as the story is Jeff could float in the pool with it without knowing how to swim.
DT: It’s been some time since we last saw Tess, and Dick’s heart looks to be skipping a beat now.
Dustin: Dustin’s eyes widen in alarm because “Whoa – slow down, Romeo” is the start of the brunette’s rap break.
FC: You be the judge: Family Circus joke or rejected Donovan song title?
Luann: While I’m sure Comic Con has its share of weirdos, pervs who like to ogle teenage girls in foam rubber pen and notepad costumes are probably in short supply.
MT: Here’s a new challenge for Mark. Unravel the teleporter accident that caused Donald Trump to merge with Dagwood Bumstead.
MW: It’ll be hilarious if it turns out that Cubist still life painting is all the rage among hip, affluent New Yorkers and the place I first found out about it was Mary Worth.
Phantom: It’s looking like the somewhat less negative captive laborer might break out into a motivational musical number, at which point bloodshed will occur.
Blondie: Dagwood muffed the punchline. Instead of lucious caviar and champagne he could offer her pickled eggs and a six pack of beer.
@Rube: Five stars for quoting the first line of L.P. Hartley’s excellent 1953 novel The Go-Between. Does anyone read that anymore? They should. New York Review of Books Classics is keeping it in print for us, everyone buy a copy today.
Hartley was also a prolific writer of short horror stories. “The Travelling Grave,” “Podolo,” and “A Visitor from Down Under” (with its sly double-entendre title) are beyond good, to the point of 20th century classics.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: re: MW: That’s a paint-by-numbers kit Eve bought for Ed seven Christmases ago. He never bothered to color it in, so she rubbed his nose in it by framing the uncompleted art and hanging it in the living room. He hasn’t noticed yet.
@Ukulele Ike: That’s one more Taylor noticing stuff than I would have expected.
@White Rabbit: if ya want some big laffs, go to YouTube for Hogan vs. Shawn Michael’s.
Shawn was pissed at Hogan’s backstage politics and decided to go into business for himself.
WTF is a person who only looks at comic strips casually supposed to think when they encounter today’s Rex Morgan, with its wall of text about backstory you can’t decipher, and boring art of two men in a motel room? Did all the newspapers sign robust century-long contracts with the comic syndicates, and the current creators are locked into lucrative situations with no interest whatsoever if anyone is actually reading these things?
Hulk Hogan was a racist, a scab, and Peter Thiel’s useful tool for destroying Gawker.
Also, I learned in the comments that little Andre the Giant carpooled to elementary school with Samuel Beckett driving. Probably around the time Sam was writing Endgame or Krapp’s Last Tape.
Huh.
SlFx: What, those are gloves? Man, I was hoping they were severed human hands. No such luck.
@Ukulele Ike: And I had him in four different Dead Pools!
@White Rabbit: Extremely tolerant of his daughter’s BF choices too.
@Y178 Charterstoned: You figured it out: they’re carcinomas dug out of Olive’s torso. You know, her torso cyst.
Late Thread Cuisine: It’s not staring at you through a pair of unseeing sliced olive eyes.
Chuck Mangione took his first trumpet lessons from Antonin Artaud!
@152 Baja Gaijin:
Dagwood is crying.
@18 Charterstoned: on Mary Worth: Those aren’t boobs hiding behind the black stripe; they’re torso cysts.
@55 Old School Allie Cat: GROAN!
@53 Ettorre: on Pluggers: Fact Check: No one, in any state, wants Pluggers. Wrongo! Many people want Pluggers in a state of necrosis.
@69 Charterstoned: Old Mary.
@89 Needless Exposition: Old Wilbur.
@95 Sequitur: NO!
@106 Sequitur: Last year, they used the same food artwork with added pizza. Now I have the turkey with all of the potatoes visible! Wow, what has my life become? Getting happy about finding a crappy piece of clip art. Hand me that glowing gelatinous rectangular thing from a few weeks’ ago’s Late Thread Cuisine. I don’t deserve to live.
@115 Sequitur: The original cryo-therapy!
@Baja Gaijin:
Used lighted match
To check gas tank
That’s why they call him
Skinless Frank
BURMA SHAVE
btw Josh is totally right about today’s Slylock, we even have a record of Harry Ape getting busted because he didn’t glove his feet and maybe he wised up.
@White Rabbit: “The Hulk is interviewed in the documentary André the Giant, and gives an excellent account of what André was like, and the environment of pro wrestling back in the day. He speaks very concisely in grammatical sentences that proceed logically to the conclusion he’s making, an ability which even some politicians lack today. Clearly he was an intelligent, thoughtful man, as well as being able to smash you into a grease stain in the ring. And as an actor, well, he could stand on his mark and recite his lines.”
I apologize, but the last few parts. I’m not certain if you’re talking about Hulk Hogan or Andre the Giant. As both could smash you into a grease stain and were both okay actors.
@Sequitur: This honestly makes that “King of the Hill” episode, where the Megalo-mart explodes, harder to watch now. (And it was already a seriously dark two-parter)
Because Chuck Mangione (as himself) was caught in the blast, survived and was in trauma therapy for it in a later episode.
@161 The Rambling Otter:
With his famous line, I don’t feel so good.
@The Rambling Otter: That was my re-exposure to Mangione. His music had been kinda popular when I was a kid, but from my limited perspective it seemed like he had vanished after that.
@162 Sequitur:
For some reason that link didn’t work. try this.
@jfp: You’d better go and sit on your bench for awhile.
Weird comic of the day.
Someone just got a touchdown.
Weird comic of the day.
Something has gone goofy with my links.
A Toda Velicidad Spanish to English.
I guess everyone has heat prostration; so few late thread commenters.
@Sequitur:
#164. Thanks, Seq. I’d forgotten his crisp sound. First time I’d seen his picture too– crush worthy. Long song, he must have had strong, strong lips. :-)
@Baja Gaijin: And Ryne Sandberg has prostrate cancer (and he’s in a few of my dead pools, too).
@171 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Scott Adams (Dilbert) also has it and says he only has a few months to live. He’s in a lot of pain and needs to use a walker.
They say prostate cancer caught early is a!most 100% curable but later on is almost always 100% deadly.
(Just in case you need someone else to add to the dead pools.)
@170 Activist:
When Chuck first became popular I was in college and picking up a few extra bucks playing guitar in a jazz/pop combo. We all loved his fluglehorn styling and overall sound.
@Sequitur: I was in high school in a rock band with a front line that included (oddly) trumpet and trombone. The trumpet player bought a flugelhorn just so he could do a cover of “Feels So Good.”
Which didn’t really fit with the rest of our set. Our big number was Jefferson Airplane’s “Volunteers of America.”
@174 Ukulele Ike:
The craziest gig we played was a Polish wedding. During the reception and dinner we played our normal jazz and light pop music. Then it was dance time. I switched to clarinet, our horn player played an alto sax, our bass player could play accordion but best of all our drummer was from Milwaukee and could play the polka beat like nobody’s business. It was kinda fun.
@Baja Gaijin: Giella’s art style pretty much highlights that Mary and Wilbur are as unpleasant as they look. Brigman’s style, however, makes Mary look like she was a passive aggressive “friend” of Dorothy from The Golden Girls while Wilbur looks like a giant man baby to match how in a cast of dysfunctional adult children, he’s the most immature and dysfunctional.
Slylock Fox: Did they turn the gloves inside out to get the fingerprints inside? (Dick Tracy caught a “non compos mentis” criminal that way, back in ’73.)
Heard at Nick’s diner: “I’ll have the chicken fried steak please!” Wanda: “now for your sides would you like the rice or the Spuds?”