Not going to try to transcribe a comical French accent, just imagine it
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Judge Parker, 9/18/25
I’m never exactly sure how old Sam and Abbey are supposed to be — yes, they’re the parents of two women who are both in their early to mid 20s, but they’re the adoptive parents of those two women and more to the point adopted them when those two women were tweens, so reproductive biology isn’t necessarily a factor and Sam and Abbey could be as young as their … early 40s, maybe? My point is that Abbey in panel two looks a lot like an elder millennial influencer with a lot of lip filler doing a front-facing camera reel about “My adopted daughter? Taking care of our friend’s granddaughter who’s been abandoned by her parents due to a series of espionage-related shenanigans? Let me stop you right there with a big ‘no’ — and that’s the tea, sis.”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/18/25
Oh! How embarrassing for Yvonne! She didn’t know that roots, or possibly Americana, or maybe both of them, is/are called “Ameripolitan” now! Incredible social faux pas here, she won’t be able to show her face in public for weeks. If you want to avoid the inevitable social shunning that would follow on from such a mistake, be sure to write your newspaper and demand that they carry Rex Morgan, M.D., the only comic strip that gets into the minute gradations of various musical genres that nobody listens to and if they did listen to them they’d be like “this is all the same kind of music, why are you calling these songs different things.”
The Lockhorns, 9/18/25
I guess the joke here is that Leroy has insulted this supercilious French waiter and is now being challenged to a duel, but here is my preferred interpretation: after spending just a few minutes listening to Leroy and Loretta bicker, he returned to the table with those pistols and said, “My friends, in my country, I would suggest that you deal with your marital unhappiness with what the French call ‘an arrangement,’ but as we are in America, we shall come to an American solution. You must shoot each other, with guns.”
95 replies to “Not going to try to transcribe a comical French accent, just imagine it”
Lockhorns: My interpretation is that Leroy, in attempting to order in French, just challenged the waiter to a duel. Quel dommage!
RMMD: “Whatever you call it, there are a whole lot of white people with banjos and pompadours.”
JP: The mere mention of children in a soap opera comic has caused Abbey’s fallopian tubes to instantly tie themselves.
LH: The waiter is suggesting that Leroy and Loretta should go for that murder suicide pact instead of nibbling at the aggressively passive appetizer.
MW: Moy has decided to remind us that Mary is a creepy old lady who should be isolated from society.
JP:
“Hold on a second, Abbey. I thought you were going to hear me out before you weighed in.”
“Well, we can’t do that, because then we might actually reach agreement, and the whole conceit of this strip is for its various characters to start disagreeing with one another as quickly as possible!”
RMMD:
“The crowd here is a veritable Who’s Who of current roots and Americana musicians — none of whom, sensibly, want to come anywhere near this table!”
JP-“Let’s roll Neddy up in a rug and throw her off a bridge.”
FC-“Has the plumber worn you out?”
MW-And speaking of firsts. Later that night…
JP Gah! Please no more of Abby looking directly ahead!’ Those shark eyes are going to haunt me all day…
RMMD Sometimes this strip reminds me of those old BBC shows that were essentially just filmed plays, where the characters would occasionally make remarks about things happening out of frame, but never actually show them, giving a surreal claustrophic effect. Of course those shows were really held up by the impeccable writing…
Lockhorns “OK monsieur, this is what you ordered. Eat up!”
MW: I see Olive has removed the electrical tape from her t-shirt. Too bad. It might have come in handy as an emergency patch, when Sid’s sharp-beaked Doves o’ Love-in-training go off course and encounter the balloon.
Lockhorns: “Doh! I was trying to say ‘Swords!'”
RMMD:
“And if you don’t stop, remember, I’m brandishing a huge carving knife, which I won’t hesitate to use to display the kind of gratuitous violence this strip is so fond of — violence we haven’t really encountered here since that guy got eaten by that bear!”
JP. “Sam, the last time we let Neddy take of anyone, she killed a bunch of old people and a comical dog in a failed sweatshop operation. And those people had no next of kin to sue! Alan may be a senile drunk, but he’s still got a law degree!!” “Good point, Abbey. Hey, how about that red headed orphan you adopted a couple Christmases ago? Maybe he could watch her.” “Who? I don’t…oh, crap…now I know what that smell from the guest room is…”
Judge Parker: what is “Neddy” short for?
JP: Abbey’s big “No” notwithstanding, it’s pretty clear that Neddy will be given the task of supervising Charlotte. The only uncertainty is in how long it will take for that situation to completely reverse itself. My bet is on one hour, tops. The Ransom of Red Chief has got nothing on what will soon transpire on Spencer Farms.
Like last week’s “yikes” in MG&G, “let me stop you right there with a big no” is a perfect example of the strip saying to itself what the reader is probably thinking.
@BeckoningChasm: “Neddy” is a familiar form of Nedra. It’s the feminine version of “Ned”. Other forms are “Teddi” and “Eddie”.
JP: “Whoa, Neddy watch a child? That’s a good one, Sam. Now seriously, what’s your idea?”
RMMD: Is that the bride? And she doesn’t even know the event schedule of her own wedding? Okay, comic strip, tell me you were written by a man without telling me you were written by a man.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Nah, she’s one of the guests. Why she is talking instead of literally anything else happening is just Rex Morgan being Rex Morgan.
@seismic-2: Thank you, I couldn’t figure it out. I was thinking “Nedwark” or maybe “Nettles.”
RMMD: “It’s Ameripolitan!!” Says Hank through side eyes.
It’s becoming more and more obvious that Yvonne is a mole stranded here since the fall of the Soviet Union.
@Bob Tice: Wait, what?
RMMD: It’s true, the current cultural climate has seen classic chocolate-vanilla-strawberry ice combo has been renamed from its effeminate, socialist European name “Neapolitan” to the manly, freedom-loving “Ameripolitan”. But that’s the dessert course. First we’ve got the Amerighetti Amerifreddo with Americasan cheese, the Grilled Americafish with fresh market Americables, and the fried Americaamerica with extra American America.
Phantom It’s a dirt road, but it’s still a road, near some kind of developed spot (the fence, village a couple of days ago). No border post at all? I find it hard to believe that Bangalla/Ivory Lana have a looser border than Canada/USA
MW “No – wait – it’s all coming back to me, I was one of the Montgolfier brothers in a past life and this is old hat. Back to a blasé attitude… now.”
Rex Morgan, M.D.: It turns out that “Ameripolitan” is very much a thing, with an awards show organized by Austin City Limits and featuring the genres I happen to like: Honky Tonk, Western Swing, Outlaw, Rockabilly. I’ve never been so simultaneously turned on and annoyed by a daily continuity comic strip.
Lockhorns: No wonder Leroy looks disappointed. He wanted a nice shiny new Desert Eagle, not these antiques.
Judge Parker: The art in panel two features larger, mostly flat blocks separated by heavy outlines. It will make a fine stained-glass window when the Cathedral of Ss. Spencer-Parker-Driver is finally completed in 2425.
@Rube: Okay, thanks for clearing that up.
Lockhorns — Eh bien, Monsieur, zere is no mistake. You clearly ordered ze Hamilton special! How many of the paces do you want with zat?
JP – Seeing Abby’s eyes are like looking at a picture of a basilisk. You know that it’s a representation and can’t possibly petrify you, but who wants to take that chance?
The Lockhorns: The cheap knock-off Aristide Bruant poster on the wall tells you everything you need to know about this situation: Loretta and Leroy, Millennials that they are, have stumbled into a cosplay cafe featuring Gen Z’s distorted image of a French café. The next waiter will appear with a rubber horse head mask, doing it for the plot, Grandpa! It’s straight fire, a W in the comments!
MW: After several (more) days of Olive hagiography, we’re right back to Mary the Groomer. “She may be only 14 years of age, but she’s an OLD SOUL. Her SOUL is old, so it’s OK.”
Try telling that to the judge, Mary.
@But What Do I Know?: Lockhorns – My hovercraft is filled with eels!
Terry Beatty is blessed to still have a record store nearby, and thrice-blessed that the store has a crazed, raving, urine-soaked homeless guy outside said record store to provide musical terms. Terry doesn’t have to go inside and actuallylearn anything, and never-used horseshit terms like “Ameripolitan” can see the light of day! And it only cost Beatty a 40oz. and a pack of smokes!
@Guts Dozier: “You shore got uh purty mouth!”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: *Fun fact: “Bistro” is from a French word meaning “innkeeper,” perhaps ultimately derived from a term for cheap liquor. It’s the 19th century equivalent of an American bar and grill, not a place where you would find a snooty waiter, or whoever that guy is.
We’re all gonna feel goofy when it turns out those pistols are filled with the finest bernaise sauce ever tasted; they enjoy mirthful delivery systems! Nailed it, Leroy!
@BeckoningChasm: I vote for “Nedwick.”
It amazes me how often the obvious joke goes completely misunderstood.
@Bob Tice, @I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: You’re referring to JP, not RMMD, right? Although if the Cavelton bear were to make a special guest appearance at the wedding in RMMD, I’m certain that no one here would object in the least.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Agreed
@seismic-2: Details
And that’s how Leroy learned that les pistolets de duel weren’t just some type of fancy pastry.
Rex Morgan, MD – “Ameripolitan” sounds like a portmanteau for people too embarrassed to be associated with mainstream country music being rural burlesque for people who live in suburbia, but unwilling to fully admit to being part of a cosmopolitan urban society. The only “roots” fans we see in this strip are Rex Morgan and his professional class associates, while the musicians are struggling blue collar types.
The Lockhorns – LeRoy will run for his life from this duel, and in order to regain some honor will sign up to serve in the French Foreign Legion under the command of Crock.
Abbey cocks her head slightly: “No, hoo-mon, that is a terrible idea. Now I must return to chopping your hoo-mon carrots. I mean, regular carrots.”
L’horns: Leroy offended the austere French waiter by ordering “zee sausage LINK” when they only serve zee sausage pat-TAY.
(yes, I shamelessly stole this from Dennis Miller’s classic “International House of Pancakes” bit.)
A&J: Six pounds of jumbo shrimp? Well, that just set Arlo back about 120 bucks. Buying fresh fish at the docks is not the bargain you think it might be. And who buys six pounds at a time — Is he inviting the entire town over?
@Rube: I assume this is the pivot process — instead of following Cody, we’ll focus on the Harwood family for a few months. Rex will continue to not appear in his own strip until the Very Special Christmas Episode, which will also be used to (re-)introduce whatever minor characters will take the lead in the first quarter of 2026.
@Bob Tice:
Oops. That’s JP, not RMMD. I actually LIKE RMMD.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
I thought it was from Russian bystro ‘rapidly’. From Russian soldiers telling French innkeepers to hurry with their food after Napoleon’s disastrous Russian campaign.
I just Binged Rex Morgan M.D. cartoonist Terry Beatty and his large soul patch facial hair came as no surprise at all.
***
Look at the bright side, Leroy. You are a much, much smaller target than that giant French man whose head is the size of your entire body.
Forgive me if the point’s been brought up, but isn’t Neddy phenomenally rich via her birth parents, and would have no need/desire to crash on the couch at Sam and Abbey’s former crappy B&B (which apparently DOES have a casual dining lobby in it, sweet)? Dis she lose all her money when her old people sweatshop collapsed?
Judge Parker’s fascinating. In panel 1, Sam and Abbey are in conversation. In panel 2, they’ve rotated on a giant turntable. Sam’s talking to a point behind Abbey’s head while she stares directly at me and tells me “Let me stop you there with a big ‘no.'”
How did she know? How did she know my plans, my terrible secrets? Whatever they are, I guess I’ll be putting them on hold until some future strip, where Abbey stares into the camera and says “You know what to do.”
Why is everyone so mad about the constant
roots countryAmeripolitan chatter in Rex Morgan? At least it’s not golf!“Who’s who?”
“Oh, they’re a British group. Pretty famous. Guess again.”
“What, I have to guess who?”
“No, they’re Canadian. You’re not very good at this, are you?”
@A Grave Mind: “Did she lose all her money when her old people sweatshop collapsed?”
People will throw money at her for literally no reason soon enough.
Or was it bricks?
Maybe both.
@F N.M.: In the Woody Wilson era, the main plot development in Judge Parker was someone’s (usually Sam and/or Abbey) having yet another fortune added to their already vast wealth, for no particularly good reason. This happened so frequently that a better name for the strip would have been It Should Happen To You (But It Won’t). In the post-Woody Wilson era, however, the main plot development has been someone’s getting kidnapped, which is almost as commonplace in Judge Parker as the baking of muffins is in Mary Worth. One of these kidnappings was thwarted, however, when the intended victim (I believe it was the young daughter of a Russian oligarch/gangster) was saved by the sudden appearance of a vicious bear, which proceeded to disembowel the kidnapper.
RMMD: who are the who’s who of roots country?
@Voshkod: I suddenly realized, I don’t think that The Doctor from Doctor Who has ever had an adventure in Canada.
I guess that further empowers the belief that no aliens would ever want to personally attack Canada.
I’m oddly fascinated by that poster or painting or whatever in the background of the Lockhorns. Has Zorro let himself go and grown a potbelly? Is this some random opera singer posing in costume as Escamillo from Carmen? If so, perhaps the waiter is suggesting that Leroy take up arms because the “very very rare” steak he ordered is about to come out and is very mad.
MW: And Olive went “whee whee whee” all the way home.
CS: Crankshaft and Dinkle’s monumental assholishness will soon achieve critical mass and destroy all of Centerville.
For my other pushback today, the joke in The Lockhorns is good.
(As far as Judge Parker pushback goes I got nothing.)
JP: This is a great idea! After all Neddy has zero child care experience, and at the moment is struggling to take care of herself, much less a kindergartener. What could possibly go wrong?
L’horns: That’s not the waiter–he’s from the Académie Française, demanding satisfaction because Leroy mixed up the conditionnel with the imparfait or used a loan word.
(I’m studying for the TEF Canada right now; I am, how you say, un peu salée about the grammar.)
RMMD: I’m guessing the Rex Morgan was inundated by ones of letters informing them “Ackshually, it’s called Ameripolitan now” and hastily wrote this strip in appeasement.
Josh: “ that nobody listens to..”
My friend, I heartily invite you to
kiss my assopen your ears. That’s a lot of good music (and fans) you’re dismissing out of hand.When I finally record my concept album of Truck Tyler and Mud Mountain Murphy songs, there’s gonna be one about snarky bloggers.
… and also I need to remember to make sure my tags are closed.
@Dmsilev: That’s “The Don” from the Sandeman sherry logo, with somebody shining a flashlight in his face.
@BeckoningChasm: What is “Neddy” short for?
”Edward.”
MW: “Even for an old soul like you!” The balloonist inserts his arm between Olive and a leering Mary and shouts. “Not that old!”
MW: The balloon operator looks suitably vulnerable to a sudden heart attack, requiring Olive to manifest a new superpower and save the day.
[French Accent]Since you are so clearly an American, we have prepared a traditional American dish for you, sir. Two pistols with lead sauce. Enjoy![/French Accent]
@Ukulele Ike: Earlier in the week it was established that he was picking up some shrimp for Gene’s business.
C’shaft: Oh goody, we get to find out what happens when the immoral force meets the insufferable object.
DT: Okay, the Office shout-out made me smile. You win this round, Dick Tracy.
Dustin: Remember “man card,” the fictional license that was dependent on how well you adhered to socially established standards of masculinity and which could be used to shame anyone who did not conform to those standards? Parker and Kelly remember!
GT: Oh, now we can say the word “abortion”? Is this a statute of limitations thing?
MW: To quote the esteemed Tom Servo, “Stop saying ‘whee’! Nobody says ‘whee’!”
“Going to a balloon festival” and “actually riding in a hot air balloon” are two completely different things, one of which requires a lot more money and planning than the other. But then again this is Olive, the most special and wonderful special girl in the world, so she probably just walked up to the old lighthouse keeper guy here and asked nicely to ride in his pretty balloon, and he agreed because she’s so special and wonderful. Either that or he’s waiting to get high enough to chuck her over the edge, then frame Mary arrested for child endangerment.
@Guillermo el Chiclero: Nah, Dinkle and Crankshaft will just eyerollsmirk at each other and have no conflict of any kind. Then they’ll win some kind of award.
@Voshkod: Also, ketchup.
JP – I’m open to any idea…of course that doesn’t include moronic brain farts….
RMMD – ‘Mericraponia! Lee Greenwood, look out – crapetition is on your coattails….
Shlockhorns – And if you defeat your spouse in mutual combat as an affair of honor, using your weapon of choice, you get your portrait on the wall….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@brendancalling:
So let’s try this again.
Josh: “ that nobody listens to..”
My friend, I heartily invite you to
kiss my assopen your ears. That’s a lot of good music (and fans) you’re dismissing out of hand.When I finally record my concept album of Truck Tyler and Mud Mountain Murphy songs, there’s gonna be one about snarky bloggers.
Pluggers don’t have to click links on web browsers. The worms and “toolbars” which have been there since they created their AOL accounts does it for them.
Dustin: I’ve never asked the auto parts store guy to replace wipers, but don’t they do it for free?
MW: Tomorrow Mary will pull the gas feed handle and “joke” to Olive about joining the Mile High Club.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Don Abundio is like a sneaky little weasel”
“True! Or a low-down skunk”
“But he’s also a bloodsucking parasite…”
“Maybe he’s most like a vampire bat!”
Lockhorns: “You should have ordered the ‘Royale with Cheese’, not the ‘Hamilton Burger’.”
@ValdVin:
I know of at least one auto parts store (Advance) that says on their web site that they’ll install wiper blades for free. I went there to buy some new blades, and the guy who rang up my purchase gave me a look that I swear meant he was thinking, “Please don’t ask me to come out and install these for you.” I took them home and installed them myself.
Congratulate me! Dustin’s big dumb friend thinks I’m manly!
@TheDiva:
I dub the balloonist “Captain Sebastian.” Once, to save some passengers from his boat who fell overboard in a sudden storm, he leapt into the water and saved them from a giant squid, using only an old-timey harpoon. Now, every year on the anniversary of that day, Captain Sebastian commemorates the life of that squid with a beautiful watercolor. And takes a couple douchebags up in his hot air balloon.
On Crankshaft : Wait, is this REALLY the first time these two meet? Didn’t they work at the same school for a while? I could swear there were strips where Harry Dinkle tried to pull rank on Crankshaft to get him to take the band where they were supposed to go on time, but he was having none of it?
Alternatively, Harry might have interacted with Crankshaft when he was in “decrepit, mute husk” mode at Bedside Manor?
I dunno, it feels weird to me for this moment to be the first time these two characters interact.
The Lockhorns : there’s a “Leroy ordered PAIN” joke in there, I think?
Rex Morgan: Beatty’s bizarre fixation on roots country music is honestly starting to really unnerve me to be honest. Like, the way almost every single Rex Morgan story in recent memory has found some way to be about roots and all the comic’s established cast has been slowly shoved out of the way focus on roots-related characters is starting to cross the line from “I’m a fan of this music genre” to “I have absolutely nothing in my life except this”. Its legit starting to creep me out.
The Lockhorns: A way funnier reading of this is that this restaurant offers flintlock pistols as a meal and Leeroy just ordered that by mistake. Hope he and Loretta enjoy the taste of metal and wood!
MW: That’s certainly an odd position for Olive to be in? Is she… is she presenting? Like a dog or a cat in heat?
Because that’s pretty disgusting of Moy and Brigman to do that.
I know we’re all supposed to be gunning — ah ha — for Comment of the Week but I’m just here to say Josh, your comment on today’s Lockhorns, that’s brilliant. I laughed.
Leroy is dismayed because he tried to ask the waiter to bring him a firearm to finally dispose of his insufferable wife, but the word he used described antique wheellocks instead. Which he doesn’t really know how to use, and by the time he fills one with powder and tamps in a wad and ball, she’ll have long since gotten away.
Lockhorns: Leroy: “Pistol SHRIMPS! J’ai demandé pistol SHRIMPS!”
@Anonymous: #79: I do remember a past Crankshaft where Ed was driving the school band to some activity with Dinkle glaring at him angrily for saying something stupid.
Luann: Bernice being open minded
Blondie: Cyberbullying being swept under the rug.
S4th: Pedro Pascal?
Bizarro: this idea might actually work and been better than a lot of the recent Marvel offerings.
DT: Nice list of companies (Yoyodyne from Buckaroo Banzai, Dunder Mifflin of The Office, Soylent Corporation – don’t ask about what Soylent green is made of)
JP: Is the spy plot and ditzy girls in Norway are on hold while we do a tired family film. Adult who has lost her way meets kid who needs guidance. Together they help each other and learn some life lesson. 90 minutes run time.
Lockhorns: It is funny because it is true.
Wrecks Moregone:
Mrs Hankjunior is obviously afflicted by a bad case of Reverse Dorian Grey. In her attic reposes a painting of a beautiful 19 year old, and it’s getting younger by the minute.
Wary Morth:
When they took off just 20 minutes ago, the balloon crewman there had all his hair, and it was a youthful black, not white or grey.
Lockedporns:
In an old Reader’s Digest cartoon from many, many, many, many, many years ago, from a one page cartoon compilation called “Innocents Abroad”, they had this same scenario: a wife telling her husband “I wish you wouldn’t try to order in French”.
The punchline: the waiters rushing in, carrying an elephant on a tray with an apple in its mouth.
Questionablecontent:
Can anyone recall Roko even *meeting* Marten? Does Roko even know Marten exists or vice versa? And yet Marten claims Roko is a friend?
Cthulhu, I hate this strip.
@Rube: Ah, okay. I was wondering a few days back why Arlo was getting so excited about buying fresh shrimp. (Gene isn’t retired? What business does he run that requires six pounds of shrimp?)
@TheDiva: I would imagine a flight in a hot-air balloon is a fairly pricy proposition. I put two kids in a 2-cockpit propellor plane for a short flight over Mt. Desert Island 15-20 years back and recall it running me over a hundred bucks, and making a small airplane go up in the air merely requires starting the ignition.
(Also, wouldn’t these balloons be tethered? You can’t steer free passenger balloons. What’s keeping them from being blown far out to sea, where cannibalism would be the only means of survival?)
@Peanut Gallery: Installing windshield wipers is one of those jobs that’s a breeze if you do it frequently but a pain in the ass if it only comes around once a year — like roasting a Thanksgiving turkey. I’d just as soon let the garage mechanic do it in thirty seconds than curse and sweat over it for thirty minutes.
@treetown: re: DT: Well, I’m glad Costello is having fun, at least.
re: JP: Ditzy girls in Norway….wasn’t that the plot of Blazing Stewardesses?
@Ukulele Ike: Gene is the son, not the old man (that’s Gus). He and his wife run some kind of catering/prepared meals business.