Generation gaps
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Judge Parker, 9/27/25
Look, we’re all young and hip here [laughs nervously], but the truth is that the soap opera strips are a very traditional medium and it’s fine when they rely on very traditional visual tropes. For instance, “This guy is having a hard time and we need an efficient way to convey that visually. How about we just have him pour himself a big honkin’ glass of brown liquor, in mid-conversation? We’ve got two panels and I think that’ll do it.”
Mary Worth, 9/27/25
Oh, it turns out Mary and Olive and Stanley crashed outside of cell phone range, actually, but fortunately Olive’s psychic powers aren’t constrained by physical distance. So she’s going to use them to summon Max and Greta to her aid, and, look, I fully endorse the overall Mary Worth message that dogs are good, but, like, climbing trees isn’t exactly one of their strengths, right? Shouldn’t she have befriended Estelle and Ed’s cats instead?
The Lockhorns, 9/27/25
Guys, I don’t know how much more obvious they can make it: THE LOCKHORNS. ARE. MILLENNIALS.
70 replies to “Generation gaps”
Mary Worth Mashups: Which dog(s) would you like to answer Olive’s tummy brain call?
JP: I get the gray temples and skunk streak to emphasize Allan’s seniority but making Neddy 15 years old is a bit much.
JP:
“Sorry to be so snippy, Neddy — but I had a painful procedure today where they extracted blood from a vein in my forehead, and that’s not something I prefer.”
“No. Don’t say it, ‘Gramps.’ ”
“Yep. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal phlebotomy!”
MW: “Drats! We landed on the one palm tree in the middle of this pine forest.”
Judge Parker: “I know you’re a writer.” “Can’t you see I’m in terrible psychological pain and drink uncontrollably?” “Yes, that’s how I know.”
Olive successfully communicates with Max and Greta, whose barking presumably alerts their owners to the fact that something has gone askew with Mary’s balloon ride. Mary, Olive and the balloon man are rescued. But when Olive shyly hints that she deserves some credit for the rescue, this is the last straw! Mary refuses to indulge anymore of her pseudo-psychic nonsense and Olive is banished back to New York, never to be seen again.
RMMD:
“Folks, I’d like to finish our set by doin’ a number about the vittles that my new bride serves up, song to the tune of a monster hit of the immortal Mr. Johnny Cash. Ahem.
“Grub’s
A heartburnin’ thing
And it makes a fiery zing
Drowned by wild attire
I fell in
To a ring of fryers
“I fell in to a burnin’ ring of fryers
I went ’round ground round, and the flames went dire
And it churns, churns, churns, that ring of fryers, that ring of frayers
[instrumental break]
“I fell in to a burnin’ ring of fryers
I went ’round ground round, and the flames went dire
And it churns, churns, churns, that ring of fryers, that ring of fryers
“The taste of grub’s effete
When tarts like ours meet
I fell for food like a child
Oh, but the fryers went mild
“I fell in to a burnin’ ring of fryers
I went ’round ground round, and the flames went dire
And it churns, churns, churns, that ring of fryers, that ring of fryers
“I fell in to a burnin’ ring of fryers
I went ’round ground round, and the flames went dire
And it churns, churns, churns, that ring of fryers, that ring of fryers
“And it churns, churns, churns, that ring of fryers, that ring of fryers
The ring of fryers, the ring of fryers, the ring of fryers….”
DtM – Dennis has also heard his mom scream, “Oh, God! Oh, God!”
Eve: “Max, go find Mary.”
Max: “Uh, why?”
MW: Looking forward to a little bow-tie wearing dachshund showing up in the woods on tiny little legs about 3 weeks from now, after the survivors have all starved.
MW:
“Perhaps if I ‘whistle a yappy tune,’ to paraphrase the iconic song ‘Dunderbeck,’ I’ll attract Max’s and Greta’s attention. John, Paul, George, Ringo — apologies in advance.
“Yelp!
I need some buddy
Yelp!
Not just any buddy
Yelp!
You know I need someone
Ye-e-elp!
“When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never heeded anybody’s yelp in any way
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self-insured
Now I find I’m changin’ lines and mopin’ up outdoors
“Yelp, please, if you can, I’m feelin’ dow-ow-own
And I do appreciate your bein’ ‘rou-ou-ound’
Yelp, please; get my cleats back on the grou-ou-ound
Won’t you please, please, yelp, please?
“And now my strife has changed in oh, so many ways
High winds that rend us seem to slam us in the maze
But every now and then, I feel so immature
I know that I’ll just heed you like I’ve never done before
“Yelp, please, if you can; I’m squealin’ dow-ow-own
And I do appreciate your bein’ ‘rou-ou-ound
Yelp, please; get my cleats back on the grou-ou-ound
Won’t you please, please yelp, please?
“When I was younger, so much y0unger than today-ay-ay
I never heeded anybody’s yelp in any way
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self-insured
I know that I’ll just heed you like I’ve never done before
“Yelp, please, if you can; I’m squealin’ dow-ow-own
And I do appreciate your bein’ ‘rou-ou-ound
Yelp, please; get my cleats back on the grou-ou-ound
Won’t you please, please yelp, please
Yelp, please, yelp, ple-e-ease, ooh”
MW: You know, Mary, you and the balloon operator could easily get going again by throwing some useless weight overboard.
4TH: at home, Sally dutifully washes, quarters, pares, and slices one bag of apples when she remembers that whole apples make lovely gifts for five other people. (Unfortunately, no goat today)
MW Oh no! We’re too high up to jump, and there’s nothing we could use as hand- and foot-holds – nothing branching out here!
Actually, “somebody get down and go for help” is a terrible idea – the “go for help” part. Yes, get down safely on the ground but then stay put with the Freakin’ Huge Balloon. In real life if somehow a balloon wasn’t noticed as missing until the others land without them, you’d have search efforts with helicopter or drone views looking for the downed thing! You’d be easily found with it, instead of utterly lost in the woods after striking out with no compass or supplies
JP: “I could really use some tips on.. you know, advancing the plot of our story here? We seem to have been just spinning our wheels for a few weeks now. You know what, we’ll wait until tomorrow. Maybe with the extra panels we could get things going…”
MW: You know, the only way that I can see this working is if Max and Greta somehow manage to convey this complex message to their owners via elaborate doggy charades. And you know what? I’m on board with that. Don’t spare a detail! I want to see two solid weeks of Max and Greta trying to mime ‘hot air balloon’ to an increasingly frustrated police officer.
LHs: Counterpoint: if Loretta was truly a millennial she would have had that shit shipped, not picked it up at the mall herself like some kind of peasant!
MW: I don’t know how this telepathy works but could Special Olive maybe communicate with a search and rescue unit?
S4th: You could just take them all to a homeless shelter where I’m sure the dispossessed and starving would appreciate getting wholesome, fresh food, but that wouldn’t be sub-Gilmore Girls quirky enought for the Chadwells.
MW: Ye gods, I suspected it. I admit I suspected it but I thought ‘no way we’re going there…’
JP: (Nelson Muntz laugh) HAW-HAW!
Luann: Take off your nose, I wanna recreate the ‘Tic-Tac-Toe’ scene from the movie the Evansii have me descreating the memory of…
MW:
“Mary, I notice that our strip’s snippet is accompanied by a snippet from Judge Parker in today’s Comics Curmudgeon installment. Perhaps noted courtroom performer Sam Driver could assist in dispatching a search party to locate us!”
“Now, what exactly could he do to help us, given his skill sets, Olive?”
“Float a trial balloon!”
Lockhorns:
What exactly is Leroy reading, anyway? — the score to John Cage’s 4’33”?
MW: The way that Olive’s “gifts” work is like that kid on the playground who absolutely has to be better than everyone else. One kid will say that they have super strength, another super speed, and another kid will say that they can read minds. That kid will not only say that she has those powers but add a new one every two minutes until she’s essentially The Avengers and the Justice League all by herself.
And then she’ll whine that everyone else is mean to her because they don’t want to play with her anymore.
MW: US Forest rangers Ben Twigg and Frank Lee looked through their binoculars from high in their watchtower, scanning the surrounding wilderness for signs of smoke. Suddenly Ben stopped, removed his binoculars, squinted, and again peered through the glasses, intently focused on one area of the forest.
“WHAT TH’?” he exclaimed. His partner took notice and trained his own field glasses on the same area of the woods.
“Something’s not right with that skyline,” Ben murmured. “What do you make of that, Frank?”
“It’s missing a point,” Frank agreed, frowning. There a bunch of pointed pine trees and then…is that a PALM tree?”
“Couldn’t be. Not here in the pine forest!” Ben focused in on the area. Then he gasped. “There are PEOPLE in that tree!”
“Yes, I see them, too! And a balloon! The idiots must have been caught in that storm.” Frank consulted his compass and checked a map that was tacked to the wall. His finger traced the map, following its streams and topographical contours, then he looked out the window in the direction of the downed balloon. “It won’t be possible to reach them on foot, not with that terrain. That section is right above Chelrast Chasm, near Piccadee’s Peril. We’ll need to call in the chopper.”
“On it!” Ben replied brusquely, picking up the phone. Then, his gaze lifting to the calendar, he stopped, then hung up the phone. “It’s no use, Frank.”
“Can’t you get through? Just try again in a few minutes!”
“I just realized it’s October 1,” Ben sighed. “Government shutdown! Well, you can’t say they didn’t warn us.”
“They’re not in the office?” Frank demanded incredulously.
“No, they’re not. And we’re not supposed to be here, either,” Ben asserted firmly, gathering his belongings into his backpack. “I’ll miss the paycheck, but I sure could use a shower. Got your gear?”
“Yeah,” Frank replied, slinging his own backpack over his shoulder. “What about the people in the balloon?”
“We can’t let that be our problem. Orders. We’re supposed to shut it down. Maybe the thing won’t last more than a day or two. We’ll get to it first thing, once we get back.”
Frank gazed out the window. “IF. IF we get back. But you’re right. There’s nothing we can do but follow orders. I’ll get the lights.”
MW: Mary and Olive, sittin’ in a tree,
Askin’ dogs for help with Eee- Ess-Pee…
RMMD: “But wait, I have to sing my latest, The I Gave My Brother A Heart Attack And Now He Hates Me Blues.”
JP: At least this will inspire Neddy to go back to LA and work on the screenplay for her next sitcom: Drunk Grandpa, or maybe The Cavelton Bar Association
MW: Let it be noted that Sequitur announced on Tuesday that we would “absolutely hate the way the rescue will happen.” And with one five-word thought bubble, Olive fulfills that prediction.
Lockhorns: Since there’s no newsprint, I can only assume Leroy is attempting to get an indoor tan.
@The Quiet Man: 4th We can imagine they do that, because I suspect we won’t see anything about those apples after today. Another thing they could do would be batches of simple applesauce to freeze, or even freeze slices for future baking (supposedly works fine). I generally like this strip but this whole week I’ve wanted to yell “you’re doing orchard visits all wrong!”. The apples don’t make it worth it (maybe to get a variety not in the local grocery, but not in the price per pound!), go there for family memories, to support local agriculture, because you like plucking your own fruit fresh from the tree (and stop as soon as it’s not fun!), for the petting zoo, the wagon rides out to the apple zones…
@Baja Gaijin:
Gunther! And Bets as the cat!
Aquaman then shows up with restraining order for Olive for using his schtik with Dr. Doolittle as a co- complainant.
MW:
Balloon guy: “So you can communicate with dogs kid?”
Olive: “Fish too. Even now Mr Weston’s fish is demanding that he go to the pet store for a special food….”
Mary: “And Wilbur will get lost as usual and come here!”
BG:”I want to get back to your special powers young lady! You can communicate with animals but can’t see a balloon crash coming?”
Olive: “Oh look, the eagles are coming, the eagles are coming!”
Again Pluggers drifts from “You’re a Plugger if you do something that literally everybody in the world does” to “You’re a Plugger if you do something that precisely one person in the world does”.
@Ken: Moy finds new and exciting ways to infuriate the audience to the point where she’s either the greatest troll or one of the worst comic strip writers.
DT: so DT throws out a dragnet for Lakolye but why? She is wanted for questioning? Is she a prime suspect? Motive? How much money did she owe? Opportunity? Has DT actually placed her at the scene of any of the deaths and attacks? Method? Does DT even know of the existence of the zap zap gun?
MW: we need a more furrowed brow and energy waves coming off Olive as she uses her animal communication powers. Things get crossed up – and it is Wilbur who is awakened with a sudden craving for Bloody Mary with an Olive.
JP: Yes, cut your loses. Bury the whole Norwegian fiasco deeper than a Narvik fjord.
@Needless Exposition: See! We all have special gifts!
MW: Olive couldn’t forsee this all happening, but she can communicate telpathically. With dogs. But not with a search and rescue team. Dumb and dumberer.
I am enjoying Mary’s increasingly unhinged appearance though.
MW: So Olive’s dog speaking powers don’t have a distance limit, but apparently she can only communicate with dogs that know her, otherwise she’d be looking for a rescue-trained German Shepherd and not the pampered pets of an old couple who probably never did any backcountry hiking even before their knees and hips went to pot.
RMMD: Neddy was told she’d get paid in writing advice, and now Judge Parker is even backing out on that. No wonder he couldn’t find a trained au pair.
@Baja Gaijin: MW- Five alternates today! Impressive. I like the Dobermans but only if the balloon lets go.
RMMD-People at the doors are horrified to find that they are locked in.
MW-Unfortunately Olive’s message is picked up by a bear who devours them.
FC-Who knew that Charlie Brown’s team would win a game.
MW: Greta suddenly stops playing with her chew toy and goes fetches Mary’s photo from the nightstand. Max suddenly stops licking his balls and goes and gets a condom from the same nightstand.
Eve leaps out of her recliner; ” Look! A somebody’s trying to send us a psychic message from Mary through our dogs. What could it mean?”
“Stanley got lucky.”
Olive sends out a psychic call for help, and there’s nothing but a single random bold letter? I’m don’t like that at all. If comics have told me anything, psychic calls need to be surrounded by lightning bolts or something, to set them aside from….normal….thoughts?
Of course, Olive’s “psychic” abilities have always been pretty subtle, so maybe not call attention to them.
C’shaft: “Sorry for bringing down the room, but your comment was so weirdly clunky and full of unnecessary information I assumed it was a set-up for a snarky comment.”
DT: Nauseatingly cutesy “Bee & Bee” sign, boring brutalist architecture, building looks to have depth of about four feet…I see a bad Yelp review in someone’s future.
Dustin: Dustfriend’s “what?” isn’t shock at the twist ending, which he is fully aware of thanks to the modern remakes/prequels. It’s shock at Dustdad’s behavior, which demonstrates that a) he naturally assumes people younger than him don’t know anything about anything and b) he’s a colossal asshole who delights in ruining things for people.
GT: Pay attention, Beth. Gil is perfectly fine with abortion when someone he knows is doing it, because he’s a huge hypocrite who is willing to argue “extenuating circumstances” whenever it suits him.
MT: Oh, I can’t wait to hear this. What sort of assignment does Bill consider “women’s work”? Animal testing in cosmetics labs? The effects of fast fashion on the environment? The rise of reusable “feminine hygiene” products?
Phantom: “Dude, I SAID I’m in, you don’t have to punch me in the jaw like that!”
Pluggers are boring, but they like to pretend they’re not for a short while.
MW – I forget which one of Max and Greta is the dachshund. Whichover one it is gets Olive’s message, rolls over in its sleep, and telepathically replies, “Up a tree? Forget it. But if you ever fall down a hole, I’m your dog!”
Don Abundio, translated:
“It’s your neighbor calling, sir”
“I have my answer ready for him”
“All this fuss about a few feet of the property line… can’t you work out a compromise?”
“No, it’s not time for that yet”
“I intend to negotiate from a position of strength!”
Luann:
Anyone else remember Bob Dog from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood? I think we’ve found his son.
Dick Tracy, fuck you. So much lampshading that Tess’s girlfriend is named “Roberta” and the last name reveal is straight up “Van der Graff”? Where’s the pride in your craftmanship? “Jennifer Rator” was right there!
I’m the world’s biggest Hi & Lois fan (this is pretty much confirmed), but dudes, that ad is from the 80s.
@Bob Tice: If at first it doesn’t succeed try, try again.
DT: Porter was an automobile manufactured in the early 1900s.
JP: “All I can think about these days is the bottle.”
MW-Suddenly Wilbur’s ears perk up. “Mary’s in trouble! Eh,” he says before going back to sleep.
JP-That’s Alzheimer’s for you. Maybe tomorrow Alan will have control of his facilties.
Look, I’m not a praying gal but *crosses fingers* PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let Olive’s psychic plea only reach Wilbur’s last surviving goldfish who will jump into action for five seconds then forget about it, PLEASE!
Dogs in Mary Worth are not ‘good’….how many times have we been told DOGS ARE GREAT! GREAT! Get it right!
MW: Folks, you are probably wondering why we’re havin’ this balloon rescue frolic-and-detour instead of Mary and Olive visiting Animal Hospital – starring the Terrific Trio – where Olive can begin to realize her dream of the week – becoming a vet! Well, looks like we got double crossed by The
DamesLadies again. They say there was such a reaction to Olive’s meeting with Max and Greta that they simply had to bring them back!I’m tellin’ ya … this has created a lotta conflict between my clients here at the agency. Libby is saying this whole “Dogs are good” thing has gotten outta hand. She’s even accusing me of favoring THEM over the Cat actors! And Pierre wonders why HE can’t get in on the Good Dog action.
And now Melody Mare has got it into her head that they need a rescue on Horseback for the stranded balloonists! Everybody’s a script writer these days, it seems… Well, it’s Saturday so I think I’ll just head on down to my Club and get away from all this… maybe have a few drinks with Alan Parker.
Intern, why is there a basket of rotten fruit on our doorstep?
Judge Parker: Allan used to be the star of this comic but has long has his own damn story hijacked by a bunch of assholes only tangentally related to him. Is it any wonder he’s now a depressive grump who spends his days killing himself via alcohol? Is it at all surprising that he responds to Neddy – one of aforementioned assholes – requesting his help with a nicer way of saying “fuck off”?
Mary Worth: No fucking way is this comic aping Lassie and playing it entirely straight. C’mon, Moy, this is bad even for you.
Snuffy Smith: Yesterday, I got a runner-up COTW for a joke I made about Snuffy Smith. But Josh censored it! I spelt the last name as “Smith” like in the comic’s title, but he edited it to say “Smifs”, like how the characters pronounce it! Wake up, people! We are literally living in 1984!
Crankshaft has a solid joke today. I’ll reset the “Days Since” board from 1,038 to 0.
JP: whatever happened to that screenplay Alan was working on?
@ectojazzmage:
Josh uses next-generation autocorrect.
MW -So Greta goes to tell Saul that Mary and Olive need help, but she’s not so good at this speaking human thing, so Saul misunderstands her and thinks the dog is telling him to go shoot a bunch of teenagers in parked cars instead.
Look, Mary, I know you’re old. But I’m reasonably sure that you post-date Isaac Newton and the whole “gravity” thing. There’s a very foolproof way of getting down from a tree. Even a tall one. OK, some …wear and tear might be involved, but deal with.
(honestly, climbing down from a pine tree that’s big enough to hold the weight of that basket, the balloon, and three people should be pretty trivial. Lots and lots of branches. It’s not like it’s a palm or something. Just climb down as far as you can on the branches, and then do your best to shimmy down the remainder of the trunk. Even if you fall, and by “you” I of course mean the not-Marys, it’ll probably just mean some bruising and then you can catch Mary as is her due.)
MW- Max? Greta? You might wanna try Rocky the flying Squirrel, Olive dear.
DT: Roberta reserved the special “Raggedy Ann & Raggedy Ann” sex suite.
MW: The balloon is still inflated and doesn’t seem to be damaged. Has Stanley the Balloon Man considered, I dunno, running more hot air into the bag, dropping some ballast, and getting back into the air?
GT: “You mean you weren’t a virgin when you met me?”
MW – “BARK BARK!” “What’s that, Greta? Timmy’s in trouble? Quick, someone start checking all the wells in the area!”
RMMD- Trucky and Lucky how nice. “Is anybody goin’ to San Antone or Phoenix Arizona? Anyplace is alright as long as I can cause another heart attack for Jonah.” LuAnn- BOING OING OING OING OING!
@Treetown:
LaKoyle would have been wanted for questioning. The databases from each of Sphyrna and Leda show that she was a debtor, possibly the only one, to both of the dead people. The fact that she was borrowing from a loan shark indicates a possible motive for killing him (debts that couldn’t be repaid), and certainly some kind of financial distress that could affect relations with Leda. While the assistant to Leda didn’t know LaKoyle’s name, she would have been able to give Tracy a description, and LaKoyle’s look is fairly distinctive. Tracy’s basic research online regarding LaKoyle could have given him simple information about what she looks like (possibly matching the assistant’s description), and what she’d been working on or her area of expertise. The visit to the lab would also have provided some basic information as to what the lab was working on. That information could be matched up with what was known about the injuries to the utility worker, and the similar injuries to the dead men. Tracy knows of an energy weapon of some kind (a kind of super-taser), though not the precise details of it. At any questioning session, therefore, LaKoyle would be asked where she was at the time of the deaths of Sphyrna and Leda. The run-around Tracy was getting from LaKoyle, as well as the sudden going to ground, might also be viewed as worthy of questioning. The assistant (van der Graff) would also likely be questioned as to what she knows, especially about any weapon. Tracy doesn’t have enough for an arrest, but he has more than enough to justify questioning LaKoyle.
@Uncle Lumpy: it reminded me of something Chairman Mao’s right hand man allegedly said at a conference.
Asked about the French Revolution, Deng Xioping sighed and said “it’s still too soon to say”
@ectojazzmage:
Oh, thank goodness! I’m going to run right out and buy some of the original Whatchamacallit bars, the ones without the caramel.
(There are many other advantages to living in 1984, but that was the first one that came to mind.)
@Treetown: Mandatory upvote for beating me to it.
“If this is anyone but Aquaman, you’re stealing my bit!”
MW: It’s 1978. In Disney’s “Return From Witch Mountain,” a captured Tia (Kim Richards) telepathically summons a goat to free her. Sitting alone in the dark theater, Karen Moy takes another bite of popcorn and thinks, “This I will remember.”
JP: C’mon, Needy…you’re interrupting Alan’s morning routine: wake-up…see if Charlotte’s still around…shower…aspirin…a tumbler of Booze brand booze and then, “The View”.
@Peanut Gallery: “We have to check all of the wells in the area, including the one at the amusement park”
“Why the one at the amusement park?”
“We have to do a well-fair check”
Lockhorns: Fakey, fakey! If Loretta were under influencers’ spells she wouldn’t announce it; we’d hear something about how she has several new close internet friends.
Luann: If anybody’s wondering, Bets is not dull. She’s kinky enough for both the nose-cover and the ears, but realizes Gunther’s gonna need to breathe from somewhere.
Gasoline Alley: Those of you looking for entertainment from this premise are advised to go elsewhere, like any Bob’s Burgers with Hugo, or the Fawlty Towers episode “Basil the Rat”.
Pluggers are reminded of interior decor they lived thru in the 60s and 70s thanks to many neat websites posting old photos and ephemera, after which beige is sometimes not such a bad idea, actually.
Crankshaft: Jeff barely skimmed the Cliff Notes, so he knows how it ends but is awfully shallow on details. Let’s just say he gets a little too attached to Benedict Arnold.
H&L: Oh, Thirsty has a “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” alert. Irma keeps it in the bedroom nightstand right next to the lube.
Beetle Bailey: The slightest effort in drawing could be made so readers don’t get the feeling that Sarge has tried countless samples of ice cream in half-cup doses.
FC: How many kids were ill or hospitalized before Billy “Second Base written all over him” Keane was asked to pitch?