Children who I dislike
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Marvin, 2/12/26
A thing about Marvin is that over the years it has strayed further and further from the one thing that made it unique — a comic strip? about a baby? — and made Marvin more of a generic child of indeterminate age who goes to school and speaks in complete sentences. In order to “get back to its roots,” the strip is doing a flashback sequence to show us what Marvin was like when he was really a baby, like a really tiny young baby, and it turns out what he was like was infested by vermin.
Dennis the Menace, 2/12/26
You guys know I am not a fan of the “Dennis insults his mother’s cooking” Dennis the Menaces, but I gotta say I kind of enjoy this one, because (1) Dennis’s insult is fairly silly and actually the sort of thing a small child might say, and (2) we get a reaction panel showing us that Dennis is realizing how extremely sick of his shit his parents are.
86 replies to “Children who I dislike”
DtM:
“Just for that, Dennis, no rosacea medicine for you today! — of course, no one in this strip ever gets medicine to treat their rosacea.”
Phantom:
“The axe is about to fall, General — I’m going to lay a can of ‘WHUP‘ axe on you! So to speak.”
DtM:
“You keep making constant smart-alecky, out-of-context comments like that, young man, and we’re going to banish you to Judge Parker!”
I think I see vague agreement on Henry’s face. He WANTS to chime in, ponders something like: “you know, dear, we really don’t order enough pizza.” But he has to tell her later he’s getting hit with another sexual harassment complaint at work, and he needs all the padding he can get right now.
RMMD-Let’s hope the boys at the club like Rex’s pirate look.
MW-Jeff, don’t encourage Mary.
FC-It is a nervous shoelace and bit it’s fingernail off.
DtM It would serve Dennis right if his mom decided to try that, sure, tomorrow has the chopped-up leftover roast beef and lima beans on a pizza. She ponders this – maybe even sub gravy for tomato sauce? That could work.
Or are the fleas… infested by Marvin? I’ll be here all week! (Really. It’s Thursday and I’ll probably comment tomorrow.)
Marvin: And yet, taking Marvin to the vet instead of a pediatrician somehow tracks.
Marvin:
Hasn’t every canine family pet had flea and tick protection for more than fifty years? — how old is Bitsy, anyway?
…and just then, CPS rang the bell at Marvin’s house. The officer was just going to ask directions, but oh, the hilarity!
Gina is a bad influence on Dennis. He now craves wop food! The real menace is cultural genocide!
Is Dennis’ mother’s food so bland? I don’t want to make judgments about WASP cuisine, but they think that water is a fancy drink deserving a special straw!
Dennis is making hurtful comments and excusing them with “just saying” or “I am just joking”? Put him immediately on X, the everything app!
We hate Marvin, and rightfully so, but maybe all his evil is not inborn! After all, when he was very little, his parents thought nothing about leaving him on the bare floor, next to a flea-infested dog without supervision!
RMMD Sure, I can get you an eye patch – it makes just as much sense for your no-complications surgical recovery as that supplemental air hose they’ve attached to you like an ornament!
JP From what I hear I’m pretty sure Russian state-run prisons don’t have any oversight either so Randy would be no worse off – if it weren’t for being in a terribly-plotted attempt at a spy comic takeover of a legal drama strip. I’m just waiting for Neddy to arrive in Norway and for her to be the first character who has been back to the cafe in the months since April’s fight, able to pick up the investigation from there.
MW: “And Ian was OKAY with it?”
“THAT pompous axx?”
Marvin: I’ve often wondered – is there something Marvin could do to its hateful characters so bad that even I’d think it was crossing the line. And it turns out yes, there is: having a newborn baby catching a parasitic disease. Is there even a joke here? Or is the idea of a baby experiencing pain punchline enough?
Dennis: The black splotch on Alice’s dress is really throwing me off. Is it meant to be a stain, or something flying through the air, or did the artist just spill ink on the page and think “I’m not getting paid enough for Wite-Out”?
DtM: Look, Dennis, maybe you wouldn’t have to eat carrot slices and beans for dinner if it weren’t for all those legal fees you keep racking up for your parents.
DtM – I can’t blame Dennis here. Dinner appears to be a wooden cog, three Goldfish(TM) crackers, and three lima beans. And who set that table, anyway? Drinking glasses go on the RIGHT. This is just a disaster all around.
DT: Is that DT in a car or just some random bystander who is assisting? This whole sequence continues to undermine the reputation of The Mirror. Surely, this must be an imposter.
GT: Is that a new announcer / reporter or is that this version of Marty Moon?
JP: We have these threads ongoing – Ranch: building new stables under the supervision of Charlotte. Homestead with alky JP getting the DT (delirium tremors), Norway safehouse / rental with whatever this charity is supposed to be – clearly a front for some NOTCIA activity, and this private enterprise prison in some cold, dreary snowy land. Maybe it is up in Lapland?
MW: Please get the guest artist from GT who drew the nice cars. This boat looks like it is trying twist itself apart.
RMMD: Johnny in the final frame: “Naw, ma, no water, just let me chill with these opiates coursing through this IV”
Dennis the Menace: “And your blouse would be much better if it didn’t have that black blob on it, I’m just saying. Like does it come off when somebody joins the premium tier on your AliceFans page?” [opens browser on phone] “Oh no…oh no, I was just saying!”
Marvin: You see a lame joke about infecting an infant with parasites and/or the plague. I see an artist who has saved himself from drawing a third panel. We are not the same. We do both hate Marvin, though, I’ll give you that much.
MW – no snark, just… this is unforgivable writing, just the lowest form of comics writing and an example of why the medium is dying out. Retelling an already bad story to pad out until retirement? Please, Karen, retire.
Marvin: I assume that this is a kind of Marvin: Origins, where our baby protagonist lets out a stream of excreta so vile that it manages to kill off the fleas, thus revealing his true power.
DtM: Yeah, it’s true that pizza would be better than /squints/ a slice of squash and some lima beans? Did Henry lose his job or something? This feels like a very ‘bottom of the pantry’ kind of meal.
DtM: As Dennis’ dad sips his coffee, thinking, “This would be good if it was bourbon.”
If it’s an origin story- it’s the origin of his parents hating Marvin.
But in the end Marvin gets the best revenge. Living well? Success? No, Bitsy has to spend the rest of his life in the same home as Marvin.
***
A… pork chop? Pineapple slice? And are those just lima beans or something? Dennis, kid, solidarity on this one.
DtM: In a further display of passive agressiveness, Dennis shapes his mouth into a butthole.
Marvin: The fleas feast on Marvin and worms emerge from his ass at night and eat the fleas. Bitsy in turn eats the worms. It’s part of the circle of life.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: I wish this comment system allowed upvotes.
Hi and Lois: this is the kind of business idea a habitual stoner would come up with. “What if like someone had one sock and then we uh, sold them like another sock and then they could have two socks”
Side Note: Maybe they could keep both socks if Chip wasn’t using them to masterbate?
Dude. “whom”
Marvin: Nothing says “light-hearted comics fun!” like child neglect.
JP: “You know this is not a state run prison but a Universal Theme Park, right?”
RMMD:
“I can’t, Johnny. On a totally unrelated note, what’s the name of that bully one grade ahead of you?”
“Why?”
“You want the eyepatch or not?”
Dustin: I’d rather see the Dustparents’ Valentine’s Day. That two very desperate women, just ahead of the 14th, are pre-rejecting Dustin and his bestie is painful.
FC: This is training for losing your fingernails from your fruit and veg deprived diet, Billy.
Lockhorns: This is a well-conceived panel which uses the limits of the medium nicely, especially on a screen.
Dennis’s mom made lima beans and pineapple slices for dinner, she’s earned that putdown.
It’s probably just a holdover from my own time parenting a newborn, but the fact that Marvin is smaller but strong enough to sit up really bothers me! I mean, my kid was able to hold their head up immediately after birth, and the midwife was shocked!
I guess I’m saying I want to see Marvin completely helpless, with a sarcastic dog as his only caregiver, as was promised in the first panel.
We see Marvin as an early baby, but we don’t see Bitsy as a tiny puppy?
That would have been a saving grace for this comic. Because cute puppies.
Today’s strip is like a splash of cold water to the face. Everyone who’s ever thought “I’d like to punch a baby” after reading a Marvin strip is faced with the reality of a suffering child.
“And you would be good if you were Margaret. What a polite little girl. I must ask her parents what they did right.” Alice would remember that retort, all those years later, as Dennis pulled the plug on her life support equipment.
GT: You can almost hear the dismissive tone of Mimi’s “That’s nice.”
Heathcliff: How many custom bibs does Heathcliff go through, or does he just have a collection of ones marked with different common first names, so he can select an appropriate one for a targeted bird?
DT: The Mirror just keeps whiffing it; presumably getting
Whoops, somehow I posted before I was finished
DT: The Mirror just keeps whiffing it; he must have a great PR team to paper over his incompetence, or something.
LOCKHORNS: I have to admit the visual gag is well done and for once I am actually amused at a Lockhorns panel.
Dustin: I swear this exact cartoon was used a few years ago, same artwork but different dialog.
DtM: The thing is Henry also hates his wife’s cooking but he’s too chickenshit to complain so he uses his brat as his mouthpiece.
DtM: Pork chop and lima bean pizza? I mean, it’s not Hawaiian, but still…
Marvin: Today’s strip is only two panels because the scene where CPS and Animal Control both roll up to the house at the same time would have spoiled the “joke.”
Luann – Yes, a cute puppy will bring women running. Women like me, an average-looking 51-year-old married woman who will talk to your dog primarily and will only ask you questions ABOUT YOUR DOG.
There may be some younger ones as well.
Mr. Cat has reminded me that I am not required to talk to every dog we see in public. Of course I do! Otherwise how will they know that I love them?
For what it’s worth, I like parrots OK. I also talk to the hyacinth macaws at our zoo, but I’m not interested in them as pets.
Yeah, OK – I talk to most animals. Not lengthy, soul-searching conversations. I just say hello, tell them they’re doing a good job.
Dennis – “And I would be good if I were Saint Francis of Assisi. Instead, I’m a menace. Makes you think, don’t it?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“You look exhausted”
“I work such long hours serving coffee”
“But coffee is very energizing”
“Not for me”
“On what you pay me, I can’t afford to buy it”
I had this whole comment typed out but the modbot keeps wanting to eat it, so I guess I’ll have to try posting it in pieces:
JP: Yup, I was right. This whole prison is apparently a private enterprise just to hold all the enemies of the mob formerly run by Pavel before he got blowed up by Blythe Danner in a futile attempt to save CIApril from having to take on ‘one last job’ by the CIA before she was forced by Pavel Jr. to take ‘one last job’ that led to that little fracas in Norway…
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: Ectojazzmage had a great post yesterday about the incoherent world-building in Shoe, and how it disregards its own history for a stupid joke. Which are two more great examples of why the medium is dying out. The comics page has gotten so bad that I will be happy when it ends.
@The Quiet Man: …which led Randy to abandon his raspberry-haired brat to his alky parents so she could bond with a dissipated heiress living on a broken-down horsie ranch while he blundered into a situation that should have left him in a concrete-filled drum at the bottom of the Baltic but is instead now bonding with Alec Baldwin’s Santa Clause from ‘Rise of the Guardians’…
C’shaft: Because kids using their cell phones on the bus is…worse than punching each other or puking out their guts?
DT: You brought your briefcase full of blood money to the meeting with your former partner why?
Dustin: This isn’t just failing the Bechdel Test, this is falling asleep during the Bechdel Test and drooling all over your exam paper.
JP: And as we all know, only a horrific human rights nightmare of a country would have anything so terrible as privately run prisons…
MW: No, Jeff, don’t encourage her!
RMMD: Only Rex Morgan would greet the phrase “you look like a space pirate!” with “Is that a good thing?”
And another thing: comic strips are about the most concise medium imaginable, consisting of 3-4 drawings and a few words of dialog. Why the hell is there so much padding? Why do so many comic strips consist of characters telling each other things the audience already knows, about a story that’s already resolved?
@Old School Allie Cat: Mr. Cat doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You must say hello to every animal you encounter, otherwise it’s rude.
A couple weeks ago I was at PetSmart and someone had brought their new kitten in. It made my entire day ten times better.
@Voshkod: “But Mom, in what sense could I ever be Margaret? For if I were Margaret, I would, by definition, not be me. I can’t be Margaret and myself at the same time, can I?”
“That does it, young man! First thing tomorrow morning, I’m calling your preschool and disenrolling you from that philosophy class!”
Mary Worth – Is there any possibility that there is an enormous sand bar that doesn’t appear on any navigation charts? Please please please.
Oh, rats. A parrot will land on Jeff’s shoulder and warn him.
9CL – These people are insane. Normal human beings do not behave this way. Brooke apparently thinks it is witty and amusing. This can’t be stressed enough – Get help, Brooke.
Lockhorns – A couple of comments have praised this for being well done visually, and I third that. However, I call BS on the premise – there’s no way that Loretta doesn’t wash everything in one load – whites, jeans, bras, and kitchen towels.
@The Quiet Man: …before his audience with Warden Pavel Jr. who will laugh at him before his wife crashes through the window.
@TheDiva:
On Crankshaft : see, the thing with the fights and the puking is that Andy and Crankshaft could both COMPLETELY IGNORE that stuff, and let other people clean up the mess for them later. This new anti-phone rule requires them to actively enforce it, and that’s too much of a hassle!
@The Quiet Man: While her actually not most sincerely dead mother Blythe Danner and CIA Director Pissyface McSourpuss destroy whole prison and the hundreds of guards and supposedly innocent inmates in a set piece that will surely get Ces that job writing the Jason Bourne reboot Hollywood has been searching for.
Gee, when I put it that way it sounds like a bad spy movie, doesn’t it? [gives knowing stare at the audience]
@Peanut Gallery: “I’d rather have solipsism than the slop in a bowl, Mom.”
Pluggers – That’s right, always shake your radio well before playing it. Otherwise the heavy metal songs all sink to the bottom.
@Peanut Gallery:
Bold of you to imagine pluggers don’t consider heavy metal to be the work of the devil.
GIL THORP: Mimi: “I am here because I want to be here. You’ve seen how ‘off’ my character model is now. You think I want people who know me to see that?”
(Psst. Incidentally, that was some Karoline Leavitt levels of evasive answering there, Mimi.)
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Hey, some Pluggers were in their twenties when Black Sabbath were starting out, and thus right in the right demographic to be into heavy metal!
DtM: Honey, we’ll order pizza when your daddy has better luck at the racetrack. Until that it’s canned Veg-All.
@I speak Jive:
“Lockhorns – A couple of comments have praised this for being well done visually, and I third that. However, I call BS on the premise – there’s no way that Loretta doesn’t wash everything in one load – whites, jeans, bras, and kitchen towels.”
The artist borrowed the downward light used to light the new Nancy comic. It is meant to simulate the sun and not be used laterally!
Sid, Agent To The Animal Stars, drives a hard bargain, especially if his talent gets a speaking role. I hate to imagine how much Moy and Brigman had to pay Rosie and Sunny. However, they did have to put up with Pompous and Mrs Axx, so I suppose it counts as danger (to their brains) pay.
Fortunately Pablo Escoboar at link above faces no such danger. His threats are much more manageable.
GT- If Milford is “The Mudlarks,” is Valley Tech “The Vandals”?
@Banana Jr. 6000: But…. no comics means that Josh would have no blog to cover. This blog is a daily sunshine for me.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Speaking of things ending, what’s going on with Son Of Stuck Funky? Temporary blip, or is the site gone?
DtM: Looks to me like Mr M is breaking the forth wall there in the second panel, his eyes saying “someone please kill him”.
MW- Panel #1- As Mary tells Jeff about her friends, he falls asleep at the helm, and crashes his yacht into a pier.
JP: So apparently, Randy’s in a prison right here in the U.S.
The Familliar Mucus: “Mommy!P.J.really likes green beans when they are soaked in Grandma’s special sauce! Better uncork another bottle!”
DT: Mr. Mirror losing his loot like that has surpassed the incompetence level set by Yeti and Daisy’s letting the stolen meteorite fall out of the back of their van.
Snuffy – “I can already tell yore settin’ up an obvious pun, Loweezy !! An’ I don’t like it !!”
@Guillermo el chiclero:
I forget, was the meteorite EVER recovered afterwards, or has it been lying forgotten in the Neo Chicago sewers, along with that giant spider? (And Daisy’s corpse, I think?)
GT: Most recently divorced women will usually glam up to stick it to their exes and show him what their missing. Instead, Mimi ODs on the ugly pills to make Gil glad she’s gone and was able to trade up to a newer model.
GT: Today the role of Emily “Mimi” Clover will be played by the late Karen Black.
Dennis The Menace: In fairness to Dennis, I’d also rather eat pizza than a serving of indistinct multicolored orbs.
JP: “I was at Choate, Princeton, and Harvard Law….clearly, I belong in a private prison.”
@Lurker Who Rarely Comments: Okay, a blip. SoSF is back!
@Anonymous: #77: The meteorite and the giant spider were both flushed down the memory hole. A still alive but crippled Daisy returned in a later story, seeking revenge on Yeti for leaving him to die in the sewers.
Tom Armstrong saw the Li’l Sparky comics in Snuffy Smith, thought they were the greatest thing he’d ever read, and immediately called his syndicate to ask if he too could draw one fewer panel a day for an entire week.
@Little Blue Bicycle:
Or perhaps aged David Lee Roth?
@The Rambling Otter: We see Marvin as an early baby, but we don’t see Bitsy as a tiny puppy?
That would have been a saving grace for this comic. Because cute puppies.
___________________
That could lead to the “Newhart ending” for this comic…….Marvin’s Dad gives Puppy Bitsy too many PuppyUppers™ and its revealed that all of Marvin’s doings,(and possibly Marvin himself ) are just Bitsy’s bad trip.