Kinda gross Monday
Post Content
Luann, 5/11/26
So Luann has a boyfriend named “Phil” now, and sure, the strip has done a certain amount of classic Luann stuff about their relationship where its treatment is simultaneously unrealistically chaste and unpleasantly horny, but I have to admire the fact that they’re setting up a “two people in their early 20s who are dating are thinking about cohabitation” plot and they aren’t immediately getting sexually weird with it. Instead they’re making it about how Luann isn’t a functional adult, which, you know, fair.
Family Circus, 5/11/26
You notice how there’s only one of every animal kind here? Sadly, for disobeying God’s commands, Jeffy and Dolly will be forced to watch Earth’s biodiversity crumble as the last representative of each species grows old and dies. Whatever grotesque future humans descend from this brother-sister pair will have only whatever plants survived the Flood to eat — or, horrifically, each other.
57 replies to “Kinda gross Monday”
Slylock Fox: The octopus is giving Max Mouse a drive-by prostate exam. It’ll be a minute before he decides if he enjoys it.
Unbeknownst to Ma Keane, camouflaged by the art style is a very real alligator that the two of them “saved from the Flood”, meaning found in the storm drain. Things are about to go from Genesis to the Book of Job.
Let’s see Luann’s posters: Back to the future, MJF (Michael J. Fox I guess), Madonna, Goonies, the Breakfast Club, New Coke. This opens several possibilities. 1) Luann started as a teenager in the 1980s, but has aged much slower. This explains her lack of maturity and why she’s stuck in the past. 2) Luann is a socially awkward teen who was sheltered by her parents, who fed her references to the 1980s, when they were teenagers. 3) Luann is written by an old cartoonist who has not updated his references in decades. 4) Luann is doing a cultural immersion thing to write Buzzfeed articles whose only themes is “Remember the 1980s?” Since this would be ten years too late to be relevant and show Luann as completely incompetent, number 4 is to be preferred.
“We’re playing ark. Since it’s just me and Jeff on the sofa, you can guess what kind of horrible sins Billy and P.J. have committed to deserve being washed away by the flood! No really, they were depraved beyond human imagination!”
RMMD-“Hello, good evening, and welcome to ‘Blackmail’,” Michael Palin says.
MW-I think I missed the sentence where Brandy announced she was moving to Florida permanently to live with this “aunt”.
FC-Did the plumbing break again?
RMMD Panel 1 is the right reaction, Mae Mae, you should have kept it up. But we all understand you dropping the pretence with the most bored expression in Panel 3 – we’re all tired of this plot, too
FC To be pedantic, there would also be all the food from ocean life and likely water birds could have bobbed along. Still pretty grim.
Luann: I was going to make a joke about how, going by her posters, Luann seems weirdly obsessed with 80s pop culture, but then I remembered how when I was high school we had that whole swing dancing craze, and I started doing some math, and guys, I don’t feel so good…
FC Really liking the look that gator is giving “Flood? Fuck that, I’m taking my chances…”
Flylock Socks:
Slylock fetched a book by Sigmund Freud and talked to the ring about sexual symbolism and yonis until it came out by itself.
Wary Morth:
Tommy (while on the loo): “It’s not the same without you here, babe.”
_______________________________
Murky Tail:
Rusty then falls into a pond, which is the home of a giant and very hungry catfish. The end.
_______________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“If I had any money, Moustache-boy, do you think I would be working in a dead end cafe in a dead end town?”
“Er…no?”
“But, you know what, go ahead and expose my ‘identity’. I’m sure I can get a pro bono lawyer to sue you for breach of privacy for everything you’ve got. I can use the money.”
“Uh…”
“Changed your mind, Moustache-boy? I thought so. Now, may I take your order?”
MW: Hey, Tommy! Mope on your own time and back to work! Those shelves won’t stock themselves!
FC: Well, I suppose the dinosaur and the alligator could mate. Good luck, humanity. after that.
6Cx: mRNA: ” Don’t hate the messenger. I can’t help it if they give me only the flu to deliver.” (that’s my best guess at what today’s strip means)
GA: thought for sure Slim would wrap his sandwich in napkin and stick it in his pocket. At least he didn’t stiff Baleen.
FC: Judging by the way those animals are leering at each other, they’re not about to allow the Keane’s puritanically revisionist “one of every animal” policy stop their forty days and forty nights of fornication.
Dolly and Jeffy are playing make-believe using the story of the ark as the basis. Sure, it might seem innocent and cute, but you know where this road leads to? Darren Aronofsky!
GT The perennial is it Bad Art or does it mean something today is whether Mimi, having left Gil, is now comfortable enough in her own skin to eat sufficiently to get plump, whether she’s been cursed with weight gain to uglify her as punishment for leaving him, or whether the artist discovered a *second* way to draw terrible lopsided faces and is practicing
@Pozzo:
Dinosaurs? Dinosaurs are haram in the Kult of the Keane Kompound!
I *think* that’s supposed to be a frog.
LUANN: If Bernice were smart (instead of just thinking she is) she’d set up a How Long Will Luann Last pool.
MW: Is it just lil ole me, or is someone trying to tell us that TOMMY IS SAD?
RMMD: Somewhere in the Bad Guy Manual, it tells you not to verbally blackmail someone in a quiet public place, with a large, protective lug nearby.
Flylock Socks 2:
Slylock sacrificed Max to the octopus in return for the later to put a tentacle tip down the crack and fetch out the ring.
FC:
“…and I’m ‘plush’ with success!”
FC:
“And don’t step on the unicorns, Mommy, or the Irish Rovers will add a sttanza about you!”
@Ettorre: I think we once discussed the idea that Luann is set in a care facility similar to a dementia village, and some of the characters are actually paid medical staff who help Luann and other patients cope with the simplified (but, alas, still beyond their limited capabilities) environment.
Or was that Mary Worth? Or Rex Morgan? Judge Parker?
RMMD: this idiot is Rene Belluso, isn’t he? He’s clearly wearing a wig.
@Liam: Please don’t have the Naked Organist, Please don’t have the Naked Organist…
JP: Bogdan’s a bad guy? Why, of *course* he is! He MUST be, to manhandle and threaten a perfectly innocent pair of women like that! If he wasn’t a bad guy, why was he a jailbird with Jailbird Randy and all the other jailbirds! Why would you EVER get the idea that Bogdan wasn’t a bad guy???
FC:
“The ends of the boat curve up to infinity in a ‘U’ shape, Mommy!”
“Why is that, Sweetie?”
“It’s a parabolic ark!”
@Bob Tice:
#24. Bob, nice!
MW: Unfortunately, the Sunday strip didn’t feature Brandy, so we’ll continue with weirdly pale floating heads until Brigman can remind the colorist that Brandy is tan. Nothing to be done for her giraffe neck, though.
GT: Who is that woman standing next to Gil’s ex-wife, and why is no one concerned about her severe sunburn?
@The Quiet Man: Disappointed that Bogdan calls Neddy (?) Ann’s “friend.” Was kinda hoping for a refresher on exactly how these two are related and what they were doing together, anyway.
The Family Circus 1: The ark of the Keane Kompound is long, but it bends toward idiocy.
The Family Circus 2: あの?、ずいぶんとパンチラに目がないみたいだね。
Meta, I guess: Kind of feel like Josh should have put The Family Circus first in the post, and let the horrible implications of his comment explain the horrible results in Luann. You want to know what comes of selective biblical literalism? Luann, that’s what!
FC: I liked Fantasia 2000.
I don’t really know why it got so much flak, the art was gorgeous and memorable, the music was great as well.
Donald Duck in the Noah’s Ark sequence “Pomp and Circumstance” was a lot of fun.
@The Quiet Man: @matt w: Can you blame him, after all the sh*t he’s been through?
@28 I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: on Family Circus 2: Shouldn’t this comment be placed on a Dennis the Menace starring Margaret wearing her rhumba panties?
@Baja Gaijin: I’d like to say it should go on Judge Parker, but sadly, that is not the case.
@33 I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Judge Parker would have to be a web comic for that comment to be true.
JP: Ann’s story: Some spy guy shows up at the house with a hostage video of Randy and April and is waaay to interested in Charlotte.
Neddy’s story: I’m walking around the property with my young charge and there’s a CREEP stalking us.
Bogdan’s story: The people who rescued me from prison asked me to update family and do welfare check on kid. I got assaulted and falsely imprisoned and need to get the hell away.
Francisco’s story: I got hired to write a soap opera strip, but I’m a comedian. What would the writers of Laverne and Shirley do?
Family Circus: What’s that giraffe got to be smug about? At least there are two bears on this boat, Necky! They’re both males, so they won’t be able to propagate the species, but at least they won’t die knowing they’re the last of their kind!
FC- “That’s nice, Dolly… wait, do I hear the bathtub running?”
Faces of Luann – Panel 1: Luann’s wide-eyed naivete as she proclaims her desire to become independent, even though she lacks the basic skills to do so. Panel two: Ma DeGroot’s weary visage of resignation, knowing that she’s stuck with Luann indefinitely. Panel three: Bernice’s withering stare of contempt as she gives Luann a much-needed reality check. Bernice for the win.
@Baja Gaijin: I was going to run that comment through a translator site, but now I’m thinking it’ll put me on some government watch list.
@The Rambling Otter: People didn’t like Fantasia 2000? I thought it was great.
Luann The Evanses can’t even bring themselves to script someone saying Luann would “move in” with her boyfriend. They’re going to have Bernice ask Luann whether Phil will take her to the sock hop next, aren’t they?
I appreciate that amongst all the weird 80s nostalgia this non-Gen X 20-something has on her wall, there is space for her crush on two-time AEW men’s world champion, Maxwell Jacob Friedman, a.k.a. MJF. He’s better than us and we know it.
***
That crocodile looks suspiciously like it’s going to eat Ma Keene, and who can blame it? She’s quite the dish.
Crankshaft : this is what happens when you pay money for comics with visible water damage that smell of smoke.
…Just kidding, those boxes being a massive quantity of unsellable donations would make sense; it’s going to turn out these are boxes of NEW stuff that’s not selling.
***********
Family Circus : Later on, they’ll re-enact that part of Act of the Apostles where God holds up a giant net filled with every animal up to Saint Peter’s head and tells him “Go on, Peter. Slaughter each and every one of these animals and eat them.” And Peter is all “but what about the animals that aren’t kosher?” and God is all “I SAID *ALL* OF THEM!”
***************
Luann : is persuaded Phil wants her to move in with him at the Dream Condo, even though;
a) Phil doesn’t want to move there because it’s too expensive (and “we’ll just share costs” didn’t seem like it convinced him otherwise)
b) He never mentioned he wanted her to move in with him.
…I dunno, maybe I’m the one who’s missing something?
That horse should absolutely not have been drawn looking up with a creepy smile on its face. The crack about the crocodile was the first thing I thought of because it looks like it is eyeing up Ma Keene and crawling off the couch to get to her, then I saw the horse and where it’s looking and nope. Absolutely not. Isn’t there an editor this comic still has to get through?
@pugfuggly: Yeah, but the swing dancing craze only lasted about two months. Just long enough for “‘Zoot Suit Riot” to be a hit.
@Anonymous: Yeah, I’m sure John Howard is Atomik Komix’ top customer, and he’s had to eat oodles of unsold copies of The Scorch.
GT: The part of Coach Clover will be played today by Frank Oz’s hand.
FC: The part of drunken naked Noah will be played today by Pa Keene after he gets home.
Gasoline Alley: “Slurp! Chomp!” is a natural thing to say while you’re eating.
Lockhorns: There was The Incident during his first videoconference, after which Leroy started wearing boxers. Loretta will never let him forget it.
H&L:
“Why does mom take a bubble bath when she’s stressed out?”
“Because the last time she responded by locking you two in the basement, and then the nice people from Child Services had a long talk with her.”
“Can we help by banging on the bathroom door?”
“If you mean ‘Help mom start day-drinking, yes.”
BIZARRO: stop giving these companies ideas!
DT: Mumbles went out for donuts and coffee? Beady Eyes felt that 5 hours was TOO SHORT a time to digest and enjoy them? Or is the image a fake out, and DT is just heading to the donut shop for hater heis enjoyment and to hang out with the other police there. Later, he’ll walk like an Egyptian. See Luann’s posters.
JP: YES! Finally, the real world is here! Older harden ex-con from a Russian gulag versus some minor grifter and her not-too bright friend. Until then, Ann seems to be showing better tradecraft and skills but now we see why she ended up in jail – always letting her guard down and depending on people who are incompetent. Neddy will soon turn the color of here outfit: chartruse?
MW: Beedie (? Sp) should die his hair black and go full emo …
RMMD: okay, setting him up nicely Lorna/Mae – please let the twist be that she knows no one cares … and this guy ends up feeling the wrath of the modern Furies, irate netizens sitting at their computer enraged about something not about them.
Slylock: “… and lifted it up. He also got a kiss, and Lady Lynx’s phone number”. He would berate Max for failing his wingman duties by going swimming.
@pugfuggly: I can’t believe that Luann is into retro 80s pop culture, because that would be a personality trait and she has proven herself to be completely unburdened of those.
Luann: If Luann does move out (which is unlikely since such a status quo change would require long-term effort from the strip’s creators), would Bernice continue to live with Ma and Pa DeGroot? If so, would they keep not charging her rent and start considering her to be the daughter they wish they’d had all along? Or would they go a creepier route and try to make her into a second Luann by giving her a blond wig and a frontal lobotomy?
The original draft for today’s Family Circus had the animals two-by-two, but it was also totally realistic in a horrifically gruesome way. Dolly and Jeffy had the floor littered with Barbie and G.I. Joe dolls, standing in for the huge mass of bloated, stinking corpses that would surround the boat. Art for kids’ bedrooms and pediatricians’ offices show the Noah in loving cartoonish images, but the Keane kids fully understand its dark meaning and revel in the mass murder. When they reach adulthood, they will maintain the illusion of treacly childhood preciousness, while transforming the world into a place far more terrifying than anything we can imagine.
FC: The older I get, the more I’m struck by how weird it is that Noah’s Ark is treated as a kid-friendly Bible story (“look, there’s animals! and rainbows!”) when the tale hinges on a wrathful deity causing a near-mass extinction event. But maybe in the Keane Kompound, it’s considered wise to instill the fear of divine retribution early.
Luann: If this joke happened in Zits, it would be a mildly amusing observation on high school-aged kids simultaneously craving independence while still relying on their parents for so much. If it were in Dustin, it would be a mean-spirited swipe at the perceived failings of the younger generation. Since it’s happening in Luann, it’s just pathetic and sad.
LUANN: Luann: “This is a great time to to get our own apartment! It’s best to do it now, while it’s still 1985 instead of, like, 40 years later in the future when inflation makes everything unaffordable.”
LUANN (2): It’s still “unrealistically chaste”, Josh, because Saturday’s entry indicates that her desire to move on with her boyfriend does not mean she’ll be shaking up with him, and it’s still “unpleasantly horny” because despite this, Luann still pretty much expects Phil to be her “sugar daddy” in this situation (and knowing Luann, she probably means that literally)
“We’re playing ark. We’ve already flooded the basement and, as the the song goes, ‘no more water, the fire next time.’ Where do we keep the matches?”
@Anonymous #43: No, I had the same reaction to Luann you did. I think she’s willfully ignoring all of Phil’s hints that this apartment is for him, not them.
@39 Ken: The Japanese text shouldn’t get you onto any “lists.”
@53 TheDiva:”Since it’s happening in Luann, it’s just pathetic and sad.” This can be said about almost every Luann strip.