Jokes, with pictures
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Crock, 5/16/26
This is one of those Rodney Dangerfield-style one-liners that sort of makes sense when you first hear it but just kind of falls apart the more you think about it. You’re tellin’ me the waiter … mails you your fortune? Is that because you’re such a contemptible figure that he doesn’t want to interact with you? But if so, how did you get the rest of your meal? Or, is it because the fortune itself is so toxic and terrifying it needs to be conveyed with the utmost of care? But if that’s the case, wouldn’t mailing it involve more contact with the fortune than just swiftly walking it into the dining area and handing it off to the customer? And why get dozens of innocent postal workers involved? If only the comics were a visual medium that could shed some light on this, but no, according to iron-bound convention, this joke must be relayed by three identical drawings of a guy saying it at us.
Shoe, 5/16/26
I’m all for this wholesome depiction of Skyler and his teammate engaged in the time-honored tradition of remembering some guys, though I’m curious as to whether this other dude just blurted out a commonly known Charles Barkley fact or if there was some lead-up to it. My big complaint though is that they’re sitting in chairs. I know that’s probably “realistic” about high school sports of whatever, but if Skyler is complaining via baroque wordplay about always being on the bench, in the sense of being held in reserve during a basketball game and never getting any playing minutes, they should show him sitting on a bench, in the sense of the big long wooden thing that multiple people can sit on.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 5/16/26
“Old people! They’re our main audience now! Is this the kind of slop you hogs like? I mean, uh, is this the sort of representation you fine people find respectful?” –the Mother Goose and Grimm creative team, I guess
45 replies to “Jokes, with pictures”
MW: When the hell did Tommy get lip fillers? Did we miss a scene where he walked past a plastic surgeon’s office and thought “What a cool front!”
MGG Either that old man is made of wood or he’s been flayed alive. It’s the viewer’s choice, I suppose.
Shoe:
“You think that’s bad? — they say of me, ‘Stuck duck — yuck!’ “
Hey, Skyler is small, but he’s got a lot of heart! One might say, an “enlarged heart!”
Crock:
“My fortune cookie message is so bad that it comes with unlucky numbers!”
Good God! A poorly-carved tiki is driving a car with a mutant bird person, and I really shouldn’t have eaten that expired can of pork n beans, huh?
Shoe:
“If you’re constantly riding the pine, why would they give you the number ‘1’?”
“Our team owner is into cognitive dissonance!”
Wary Morth:
What exactly is Tommy venturing in there for and what is he hoping to gain? Better ask Mary first!
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Murky Tail:
That was a very short meeting. Unless Rusty and Rocky were doing things that were hidden from our tender eyes.
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Wrecks Moregone:
“Lost your appetite? Good, that’ll be great practice for starving without any orders in your failed salesman job!”
Crock: Dude, you’re in Crock, you don’t need to tell us about what kind of luck you have. I feel pretty damn unfortunate just reading it.
Shoe: Ha ha, silly Skyler: you don’t make enough of an impression for anyone to call you anything. You’re literally not worth bullying.
MGG: “Old man seduces goose” is apparently a thing you can put in the newspaper, instead of a darkweb fetish site.
Crock : “You know the kind of luck I have? I’m in a comic that has never been funny, never been well-drawn, is the same panel copypasted three times today, and somehow it still runs.”
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Mother Goose & Grimm : he actually means what period of time he’s stuck in, not his age. He’s so much early nineties, Kurt Cobain is still alive!
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Shoe : “…’Bench’ doesn’t rhyme in ‘am/em’…”
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Six Chix : Look out, Rusty J. Trail and Rocky Raccoon, a COOLER duo is gunning for your spot!
(they’re your equals/slight inferiors in terms of how crudely theyr are drawn, though)MG&G:
“I don’t want to say I’m old, but my visage was the model for the statuary on Easter Island!”
This visual makes me think this guy is about to start telling me about the abused animals I can save, while some Lilith Fair singer drones. “For just $20 a month, you can save this cat with mustard coming out of its eye.”
RMMD: To paraphrase South Park, he’s a saaaad walrus!
JP: Yeah, you can see how emotionally broken up Judgey Wudgey is with worry his ex-jailbird daughter might have returned to her life of crime*
S4th: Uh, Mrs. Ted’s Mom? You’ll *still* be doing that with Ted, and probably Sally too. It’s not too late to cut your losses and take a permanent vacation to Fiji.
Phantom: So, is this Amazonian co-pilot going to be Schmelon Schmusk’s muscle when the Nomad inevitably slips his collar? Mr. ‘That’s Cold’ seems to be good only for quipping.
MW: Uh, Tommy? You aren’t gaining anything. You don’t get to keep the hair the barber cuts and *they* expect *you* to give them money for their efforts.
DT: Whatta twist! Clark Kent is here to save the day once the fireworks go off! Guess living on Earth for so long he’s as susceptible to road rage as any other Earthling.
* WHICH SHE TOTALLY DID!!!!!
MG&G audience: “Cross-species geriatric hook-ups! That’s what we’re into!”
Shoe:
“The random fandom may call you a bantam phantom, but the hoops groups describe me as a ‘common fowl’ !”
It must be interesting living within the “Mary Worth zone,” likely about a 10-mile radius of Mary’s current location. Whenever you think of a clichéd aphorism, you are forced to give her credit.
Crock: Look buddy, we live in the Grubhub era. We all get our fortune cookies mailed to us, you ain’t special.
Grimm: “Yeah, early nineties only! I’m big into grunge and shoegaze, but miss me with that nü metal bullshit. The nineties died with Kurt Cobain.”
MW: “As Mary Worth says…”?? More like Chaucer, or Heywood. Tomorrow’s quote box: “Let there be light.” —Mary Worth
Isn’t “bantam” a horribly racist insult, in a world where everyone’s a bird?
MW: Tommy might know another Mary, but the way he recites her full name I expect him to say the Venerable Saint Mary Worth.
H&L: “Which way do we go now?”, Ditto asks. “Straight into a tick bath.”
FC: Thel and BDK smuggled their suitcases out to the car earlier. Jeffy and the kids are not just getting a babysitter, they’re getting a foster home.
Shoe-verse all-time NBA top 10:
1. Larry Bird
2. *loses interest*
MW: Now the intriguing possibility is that Tommy’s story will play out without Mary herself appearing. Twelve weeks from now, when Tommy’s happy with his new haircut / girlfriend / job / apartment / Porsche, he’ll think back and say “It’s all because Mary speaks in clichés!”
Best of all — Mary doesn’t find out, and we don’t have to suffer through a three-week recap and victory lap!
BeetleBailey “Well, sure, if you’re willing to pay for all the desserts, I can box them up to go”
@Bob Tice: re:Crock – Now *that’s* a funny take on it. I don’t think it’s nearly as complicated as Josh is making it out to be, the writer just couldn’t get beyond “don’t like to be the (direct) bearer of bad news, so mail it instead”
@Anonymous: Shoe: Thank goodness somebody took the time to point that out. Quoting a three-syllable rhyme as the template and then dishing out your own custom two-er is some weak-ass sauce.
MG&G: The shocked look from Mother Goose in the second panel comes not from a reaction to what the driver said, but that he took his rheumy eyes off the road and sent the car hurtling over a cliff. She’s ready to bail and make use of her wings in a desperate act of survival.
@matt w:
Shoe-verse all-time NBA top 10:
1. Larry Bird
2. *loses interest*
2, Connie “The Hawk” Hawkins
3. “loses interest”
Shoe: I’m not sure when the switch was made from actual benches to folding chairs, but I’m fairly confident that it happened before any of us were born, but the expression “on the bench”, as well as others such as “bench warmers” have endured, because it makes more sense than “on the chair” or “chair warmer”. “Bench” in this sense is a depiction of a sports purgatory where you’re good enough to join the team but not good enough to make a meaningful contribution. There’s lots better things to focus on here, like the nonsense of Skylar’s nickname “Bantam Phantom”. Is he canonically a chicken?
RMMD – “Nah, I was gonna use the blackmail money to buy breakfast. You guys wouldn’t happen to have a dish of complimentary mints, would you?”
FC: Thel’s book club insists its members dress like the author under review. Tonight’s topic is the works of Emily Dickinson.
Shoe – “Really? I thought they called you Thing 1. Because otherwise, the fact that they call me Thing 2 seems kind of weird.”
Mother Goose and Grimm-Oh good. Now you don’t have to worry about him suddenly dropping dead.
FC”Can we get one who will babysit on our faces?”
MARY WORTH: Tommy (pensively morose): “I’m such a loser I’m not even good enough to be a supporting character anymore. All I’m good for is being the strip’s narrator.”
Crock – His luck is so bad, his sclera are melting right off of his face.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Don Abundio, when you hired me you promised me a corner office with a view”
“Now tell me with a straight face how my workspace can be considered an office!”
“It’s open-plan”
LUANN: Luann ran out of sympathetic people to try to sell her pipe dream, so now she’s trying for the less intelligent creatures (like herself.) Obviously it’s still not going that great, so maybe she’ll try regurgitating this ridiculous real estate fantasy to the potted plant in the living room next.
GT – If you’re a golf announcer who says that a player hitting from the bunker is going “for birdie,” you must have a ton of confidence in that player’s ability.
RMMD: “It’s probably just as well. I was going to take off my panties and sit on your pancakes before I brought them out.”
Crock: So his waiter opens the cookie and reads the fortune before delivering it to his table? Is this the new way of the fortune cookie world? In the good old days, the guy who gets the cookie is the first one to read the fortune and sees how unlucky it is.
“Early 90s! Early 690s, that is. Yeah, back in the day I used to model for moai on Easter Island.”
@2+2=7:
Luann will not let go of this stupid idea, because she believes it’s the easiest way to attain her goal
free ice creamappear mature and adult so she can impress Phil.MW – “So, you still wanna order breakfast? Because I’d really like to put a loogie in your scrambled eggs.”
Crankshaft – Batton sure is a smug, conceited jerk, isn’t he?
Frazz – Other people take one look in Frazz’s grocery cart and immediately say, “You’re so superior to us! We’re not worthy!”
Rex Morgan – Well, that potential dramatic conflict petered out quickly.
I guess we won’t get to see Mae Mae spit in Lonnie’s food and Lonnie not leaving Mae Mae a tip.
Mary Worth – “As Mary Worth says…” She’s not the only one. Holier than thou Grandma and plenty of other smug, self important windbags throw out that platitude, too.
JP – Don’t worry – if you’re arrested, I can help you fake your own death to escape punishment.
I would think that charges for kidnapping, assault, and false imprisonment would be more of a worry than auto theft.
9CL – Brooke must have been in such a hurry to get to the kissing that he didn’t bother with proportions or how anatomy works. This isn’t nearly the train wreck of the Gil Thorp artwork, but it’s getting there.
Mother Goose and Grimm: Is that the classic Dick Tracy villain, Pruneface? And he’s hitting on an anthropomorphic bird?
I don’t know what y’all see in this fanfic. It’s just not for me.
Crock: There’s something inherently off-putting about tired legacy comics that ostensibly take place in a very specific milieu (the French Foreign Legion, the Stone Age, quasi-medieval fantasy times, etc.) then 90% of the time just make lame jokes that have nothing to do with that setting. You can practically feel the lack of effort emanating from each panel. Maybe that’s why I always have such a hard time finding something funny to say about them: they’re not trying, so why should I?
MG&G: Look, if I wanted to watch someone unwisely get into a vehicle driven by a geriatric who should have had his keys taken years ago, I’d read Crankshaft.
Shoe: Took a literal minute for me to remember what Charles Barkley looks like. Then I finally tuned in and said, “Oh! Because he’s bald!”
Skyler and his teammate have 1 and 2 on their jerseys. Are they the only players on their team? That makes sitting on the bench so much worse for you, Sky-Guy.
@2+2=7: I read today’s strip and thought ‘oop, well that’s *that* sorted!’ No pets, no move! Deus ex Caninus! Next week, new ‘adventure’! Maybe Bwadoni move into Duh Dweam after Shannon finally burns down the house. With TJ in it, hoisted on his rictus-grinning petard.