I’m rooting for the perverts, obviously
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Andy Capp, 5/19/26
Today’s Andy Capp serves two different and distinct audiences: (1) Brits opposed to socialized medicine who will shove it in the face of the average taxpayer and say “Do you want your National Insurance contributions wasted keeping this lout alive?”, and (2) perverts who have been waiting since this strip’s debut in 1957 to see Andy with his shirt off.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/19/26
Mud has always had a vague air of menace since he first showed up in this strip, and while it’s waxed and waned, many of us have been wondering “Is this guy ever gonna beat the shit out of someone or what?” We may at last get an answer!
Crock, 5/19/26
You ever get curious about what the Crock guys in the isolated guard tower do with themselves all day? It’s pills! The answer is that they’re doin’ pills!
92 replies to “I’m rooting for the perverts, obviously”
Moustache could make a mint by monetising the secret of his disappearing and reappearing breast pocket and pen. No need for a salesman’s job, let alone blackmail.
Wary Morth:
“She literally split the town! It’s now broken into two antagonistic factions, one pro-rum and the other pro-whisky.”
___________________________________
Murky Tail:
All hail the new raccoon town
Young and old gather round
Black and grey, redhead, lean
The sanest Rusty you’ve
Ever seen
All hear what his name is
Raccoonman
Raccoonman
Talks to raccoons like nobody can
Raccoons in the forest
Raccoons in the house
Raccoons everywhere North East and South
In the West – raccoon tails waving
Raccoonman
Raccoonman
Talks to raccoons like nobody can
RMMD – Mud finally scared the shit out of someone else instead of just himself.
“Hey, these pills taste just like Panzerschokolade!”
“Did you say something?”
Uh, Nein!”
Do blackmailers often hang around after their scheme is foiled, looking hangdog and wondering if they’ll ever get their coffee? I get why he’s like, “Look, this is awkward, I’ll just go” in panel two.
Crock is the worst strip! We cannot riff that they are doing drugs because the actual joke is that they are doing drugs! What’s left to laugh about? The jokes!?
And so, with Lonnie’s blackmail scheme foiled, he begins to shrink. Already he’s down to just four feet tall. By the end of the week, he will join an ant colony.
I forgot that Mud used to be thirty centimetres taller and back then shouted all the time.
AC That dingy curtain just screams Hootin Hollar to me, which makes me wonder: is Andy Capp the Snuffy Smiff of England? Discuss!
RMMD “Maybe I should leave. Out a passage, about this wide? I don’t deserve the front door…”
Crock: Did that soldier just get roofied? I think he got roofied.
Crock:
“I got this Parcheesi dice gag I can’t do anything with.”
“Try changing it to pills” —Ed.
Those are definitely unregulated gas station “boner pills”? ?
Crock-“I don’t know. I got them from this blond guy over in ‘Mary Worth’.”
MW-Tommy is stopping by Mary Worth to resupply her.
Blondie-What’s even scarier is that Cookie’s reel was supposed to be posted to her OnlyFans.
FC-Don’t get to upset, Jeffy. You’ll have a great future in copying and pasting.
Y154@Ukulele Ike: Oh wow, you *have* to track down ‘Laugh, Clown Laugh’. It’ll blow your mind when you see why I thought you were referencing it. It did get a DVD release back in the early 00s as part of TCM’s Lon Chaney Collection.* That’s all I’ll say for now.
*I still have my copy. LCL was included as it had a brand new score after being chosen for TCM’s Young Film Composers Competition (do they even still do that? sigh…)
P.S. There are many Chaney films I’d love to see, but I know some are considered lost. Which of his lost films do you wish you had a chance to se?
RMMD: Things finally break Lonnie’s way when he gets thrown out before he can pay his bill.
Maybe Crock realizes that the only people who read Crock are over 75 and spend most of their day thinking about taking pills.
MW Has Mary been so diminished that she needs Tommy set up like a whiffle ball on a T-ball support in order to get a successful “but she hasn’t left you!” meddle in? Or worse, has Mary completely lost her mojo and she’ll just go along with Mr. I-could-learn-to-have-a-better-attention-span-from-goldfish’s bemoaning his fate and, like a sycophantish AI bot, just agree with him and push him to keep on acting this way?
Beetle Bailey and Andy Capp have not taken off their hat since the 1950s and they do not look one day older! I should sell this miracle cure to Bryan Johnson
MW: “She split town”? Did Brandy take up a life of crime off panel?
Also MW: I still cannot get over Tommy’s “woe is me, my girlfriend went to visit family” melodrama, and I never will. They both acted like Florida was a penal colony from which Brandy can never return. Do people in the Mary Worth universe break up every time they’re out of each other’s sight? If so, how has Wilbur survived?
I now dream of a crossover team up of Luann and Alan Parker. Two people clearly incapable of being out of the house on their own set loose on the world… oh the laughs that will fail to happen.
Luann: Uh-oh! Phil thinks Luann is on the train to success and leaving him at the station! They’re on a collision course with WACKINESS!! Stay tuned to see how those Wacky Masters of Misdirection make wacky comedy with these wacky characters!!
CS: I see they forgot to add the ‘HA-HA!’s to indicate the audience laughing hysterically at Batiuk’s little funny. Boy, I sure hope someone gets fired for *that* blunder…
GT: Hey, there’s no need for the hand gesture that means ‘up yours’ in England!!
S4th: And Mrs. Ted Forth wants to be in a car for days on end with these people, when she could be off somewhere off the grid getting serviced by her loving new husband…
RMMD: ‘Tell me pardner, did you ever hear of the Mirakle Method…?’
Sally Forth – I tried to start reading this regularly but the awful eyes put me off. But not as much as the random lines and shadows on the shirts… what Lovecraftian horrors lurk beneath their clothing? A Tijuana Bible of this strip would lead to gibbering madness.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: I take it then you weren’t one of those here curious to see what Sally looked like in the HawkGirl outfit she was implied to be wearing in the most recent Sunday strip…
@The Quiet Man: *stares into the void with eyes empty of all but cosmic horror*
I want to see a fight between Andy Capp and Beetle Bailey — loser has to take his hat off.
@Dan: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone who attempts to blackmail our staff.”
Rex Morgan, M.D.: How much do you tip your server after an unsuccessful blackmail attempt? Does it change if she’s a former Hollywood star? I have simply got to get myself one of those wallet cards…
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: Hi hi hi hi
@Comically Challenged: “Why are *you* telling me that, you don’t even work here! You’re just the boyfriend!”
Andy Capp: I was going to joke that likewise the perverts root for Josh, but then I saw the reference and, uh, hard pass.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: On the other hand, Andy certainly looks no worse than Iggy Pop these days.
Mary Worth Mashup: I’m not sure Mary’s really listening.
RMMD: Still waiting for that rush of customers. Any… minute… now…
Crock: I would have guessed hand stuff, but I suppose when it’s so hot and dry the best course of action is just to chemically deaden any feelings or impulses you might have.
Crock: “Do they make you forget that you’re a minor character in a parody of a romanticized 1939 film depiction of a war to maintain colonial control of an oppressed Islamic majority, the last creator of which gave up the ghost over a decade ago? Because that would be great.” “Nah. You do get a nice buzz, though.”
LUANN: And what could be MORE mature and responsible then not telling a partner about a major life decision that actually involves them?
And who better to “sell” this revisionist bullcack to the audience than Tara, the woman who spent just last week telling Luann how immature and irresponsible she was?!
LUANN (2): Phil: “Promotion?”
Tara: “She didn’t tell you? For that place she was going to quit, before the ‘camp’ storyline the creators set up was derailed again and we now have to gaslight everyone was the end goal all along. Anyway now she’s getting a promotion to assistant manager!”
Phil: “I guess I’m just surprised that languidly wiping a few tables part-time while not even being allowed to work in the food service area even qualifies someone for a guaranteed promotion that just last week was being discussed by Luann as a possible goal for later.”
Tara: “Um… you know, now that we’re saying it out loud, it does sound insane. Look, let’s just blow some smoke up the readers’ asses about how Luann is “growing up” so we can pretend this makes any kind of sense.”
Phil (sigh) “Fine! I guess as long as I’m playing ‘the boyfriend’ I have to get used to this kind of nonsensical implausibility. (Fixes face in tight rictus and speaks through forced demeanor) Wow this is so unlike her….”
@The Quiet Man:
On Luann : this strip thinks that planning something that involves another person and only telling them about it once it’s a done thing they can’t back out or say no to is “being responsible”.
I guess there is a contrast between Phil and Quill : Quill actually called her out on “You can’t invite me to a one-week vacation without checking if I already had other plans! You can’t just spring something at the last second
*on me without checking to see if I’m okay with it!”, while Phil is already “Oh wow, Luann planned*this all without me getting involved? She’s so much more mature and responsible than I gave her credit for!”, so I guess this is a sign that Phil is here to stay.*The thing is, Luann planned her one-week vacation to NYC more than she has planned getting the money to afford the Dream Studio, and even then all she did was book the roundtrip tickets and hotel room. She hadn’t planned anything to DO once thereAC: Doc takes one look at shirtless Andy and tells him; “Never mind the pants. Everything below the waist is your problem.”
Andy Capp: We now know that Mr. Capp has as many nipples as he has eyes.
Rex Morgan, MD: I still want to see Mud throw down with a one-eyed, spinach-powered sailor! It’s what he was made to do!
Crock: So the soldiers are guarding the monolith from 2001? No wait, they have 5 of them? I mean, if you’re the guardians of human knowledge, you’re probably going to ingest some drugs.
Andy Capp:
Hey, doctor man! You don’t have to think that crack to yourself, you can say it right to his face! You’re a doctor, telling Andy Capp he’s gonna die soon is one of the perks of your job!
“I’m still trying to understand this Lorna Starr thing.” Well, let me help: Lorna Starr is a figment of the imagination of a very old comic strip creator, whose tastes in media are even older. The idea that anyone would bother stalking a 60-something shut-in actress working in a diner, or that any TMZ-style entity would pay a cent for information about her, are the creator indulging a fantasy that his personal tastes are way more popular than they actually are. Many comic strips – 9 Chickweed Lane, Funky Winkerbean/Crankshaft, B.C. – work on the same principle.
@22 The Quiet Man: No need to imagine: Hawk Girl and Hawk Man.
Crock: There’s nothing to do in remote army forts except have massive amounts of sex, which must make erectile dysfunction especially frustrating. Good thing the French Foreign Legion provides its troops with massive quantities of [drug name withheld to avoid triggering the spam filter]!
Andy’s so drunk he appeared at his doctor’s with no shirt, so Doc is just going to roll with it because when is he going to have a chance to get this patient to come in sober. The liver is shot, but he might as well check for other things too.
***
Oh no! Are we going to get some medical story stuff in Rex Morgan, M.D. as Lonnie shows up to the hospital in a Beetle Bailey-esque pile of broken humanity?
MW: I may be reading this wrong but is Tommy asking Mary for a date? “I needed a change and it was either you or Dawn. Whataya say, Mary?”
@Baja Gaijin: I can see Mary picturing the 1930s barnyard animals dancing to a tinny rendition of ‘Turkey in the Straw’ the way Homer Simpson does when he claims someone has his full attenton.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Mr Pompadour: “I’m still trying to understand this Lorna Starr thing. You’re really her? Should I maybe have verified that before I started selling this place as a authetic Lorna Starr convention?”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): There has been lots of talk about how Mud is going to pulverize Lonnie Mcmustache as payback. Apparently y’all didn’t pay attention to my big rant from a couple of years ago about the enschlubification virus that’s infested all of Glenwood and has been particularly rough on formerly brawny and boisterous Mud. Just saying that Mud ain’t gonna do shit. That “talking to” is going to be a lot more literal than people think, with Mud giving a stern lecture about how blackmail is not a nice thing to do being the worst of it (but he”ll be sure to glower at Lonnie in the most milquetoast, non-confrontational way possible, so watch out buddy!)
AC: Socialized schmocialized; they’ll never sell Andy as a conscientious OAP who shows up religiously for his annual check-up.
The fact that Andy Capp has a bellybutton but no nipples strongly suggests the English are not fully human, but merely underwent congruent evolution with H. sapiens. This would also explain King Charles.
Ernest Joins the French Foreign Legion might have been fun while Jim Varney was still alive, but this new actor just isn’t selling it.
@Baja Gaijin: She’s dipping in her platitudes file.
MARY WORTH: From the Archives:
Poor dumb Tommy has still not learned his lesson.
RMMD:
“Doug, if that pompadour of yours had any more cubic volume to it, it might obscure what it is you’re trying to say in your dialogue box here. Of course, that might not necessarily be a bad thing.”
MW – It’s really cringe when Mary flips into Cougar mode.
Andy Capp:
“On the plus side, Andy, you clearly don’t have gynecomastia. On the minus side, your hat is apparently glued to your head!”
Andy Capp creative process:
1. Think of a setup for wordplay about fiddles
2. Realize you have no wordplay about fiddles
3. Fuck it
Lonnie came to Glenwood to preach the gospel of Tim Robinson, but he’s trying to ease people in slowly.
The answer, of course, is no, Mud is not gonna beat the shit out of someone. That would be an exciting development, which is not how this strip works. No, the guy will leave, and either Lorna will get on Ozempic, lose a lot of weight, and resume her stardom, or (less likely) she’ll be embraced as a symbol of body positivity, not lose a lot of weight, and resume her stardom. Mud will sing a song about it after dealing with his irritable bowel syndrome.
@2+2=7: All signs point to Mary trying to bring together Tommy and Dawn. If that doesn’t teach him not to tell Mary about his problems, nothing will.
“Poulet, the FLN has us surrounded, and after Algiers, they’re not going to let us die quickly. Did the suicide pills arrive from Paris?”
“Oui, mon Colonel. But they have a ‘use by date’ of May 1945.”
“Mon Dieu! Well, I’m not going to risk it. Where’s my dog?”
“We, uh, ate him. Yesterday, sir.”
“Damn. OK, bring me a private instead.”
Mary Worth:
“Tommy, why don’t you use this hiatus as an opportunity to try something new and constructive — like maybe audition for the role of ‘Mongo’ in the Santa Royale Players’ forthcoming production of Blazing Saddles: The Musical?”
AC – The doctor is alarmed at the way Andy Capp’s shrunk to the size of a child, but there’s a simple explanation. They keep printing the comics smaller and smaller!
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: PETS]
“I’m sorry… I just don’t believe you were really a pirate”
[Sign: BUS STOP]
“Lady, we were the terror of the Barbary Coast”
@Anonymous: Cookies don’t always work the way I expect them to.
Six Chix – Just tell him what you do for a living.
“I’m a syndicated cartoonist.”
“That must be fascinating!”
“I only do one panel a week. Plus one every sixth Sunday.”
“Oh. And how’s that working out for you?”
“It don’t pay for shit. I’m behind on my rent and I have to take these really expensive antidepressants, which have completely obliterated my sex drive…”
“Um, I gotta go.”
@Anonymous: For those unfamiliar with “unregulated gas station boner pills”, John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight” did a segment on them a few weeks ago. It will make your next visit to a truck stop a lot more interesting. And make you check your mirrors more often as you drive on the interstate and turnpikes.
@65 UncleJeff: Sometimes these “unregulated gas station boner pills” get recalled for containing prescription meds (V[agra, Ci@lis) without the prescription.
AC: I can’t hear the phrase “fit as a fiddle” without thinking of the song of the same name from Singin’ in the Rain–so thanks, Andy Capp, for making me smile at the memory of Gene Kelly and Donald O’Connor’s goofy vaudeville dance if nothing else (and trust me, there is nothing else).
Crock: As someone staring fifty in the face, I don’t need to hear turning thirty angst from anyone–particularly from a comic that probably first ran this strip when I was thirty.
RMMD: The dialogue says “protective love interest spoiling for a fight” and “cowardly antagonist trying to back out of a confrontation” but the facial expressions say “informing someone their car is parked in a delivery zone and needs to be moved” and “annoyed by latest in a string of minor inconveniences.”
FG:
That Ming is one bad motherf…
Shut your mouth!
But baby, I’m talking about Ming!
AC –Today’s Andy Capp serves two different and distinct audiences: (1) Brits opposed to socialized medicine who will shove it in the face of the average taxpayer and say “Do you want your National Insurance contributions wasted keeping this lout alive?”, and (2) perverts who have been waiting since this strip’s debut in 1957 to see Andy with his shirt off.
Seems to me like there might be a good deal of overlap in that Venn diagram. . .
Croc —
Courage, he cried, and pointed towards the tower
The desert wind will roll us for it soon.
In afternoon they came unto a land
In which it seemed always afternoon.
All round the fort the dusty air did swoon,
Breathing like one that hath a weary dream
A land where all things always seem’d the same!
And round about the tower with faces pale,
Dark faces pale against that rosy flame,
The mild-eyed melancholy Lotos-eaters came.
Pills they bore of that enchanted box
Laden with kepis, whereof they gave
To each, but whoso did receive of them,
And taste, to him the gushing of the wave
Far far away did seem to mourn and rave
On alien shores; and if his fellow spake,
His voice was thin, as voices from the grave;
And deep-asleep he seem’d, yet all awake,
And music in his ears his beating heart did make.
They sat them down upon the yellow sand,
Between the sun and moon upon the shore;
And sweet it was to dream of Fatherland,
Of child, and wife, and slave; but evermore
Most weary seem’d the desert, weary the fort,
Weary the shimmering sands of barren dune.
Then some one said, “We will return no more”;
And all at once they sang, “Our native home
Is far beyond Crock; we will no longer roam.”
FC- “It’s a very good Mark Trail, Jeffy! Daddy was stupid enough to think it was Gil Thorp!”
Andy Capp: Not a fan of how Andy took his shirt off seemingly before the exam even started.
Rex Morgan: If the next week or so of this comic is just Mud kicking Lonnie’s skinny ass, I will take back every bad word I’ve ever said about this comic. Sadly, I know this is a longshot at best and what’ll more likely happen is a pitiful attempt at making Lonnie sympathetic again.
Crock: “But seriously, they’re LSD tablets.”
Mary Worth: Notice how Mary is holding that hoe. “Stop right there! You, you, druggie, pot shooting, maryjane freak! ”
She is ready just in case she has to whack him on the side of his face.
MW- How about that! A Ho with a hoe!
RMMD- (P1) Don’t worry Doug….so are we!
AC: I find it charming that the doctor merely thinks the extremely mild punchline but doesn’t say it out loud. He’s a professional.
RMMD: “I think maybe I should have left several minutes ago, but I really want that Denver omelet I ordered. How’s that coming, by the way?”
Crock: I like Guard #2’s attitude. He’s responsible enough to ask what these pills actually do but not responsible enough to wait for the answer before tossing them into his mouth.
DT: I love how casual the bank robber in the first panel is. Just idly pointing his gun in the direction of the teller while rooting around in his pocket with the other hand. Hell, odds are he’s not a lefty, and he switched his gun to his off hand for a moment while pulling out his lip balm.
Dustin: Dustmom’s monitoring of her husband’s diet is so obsessive and intrusive that I would worry that it crosses the line into abuse, if it weren’t for the fact that Dustdad is a terrible person who seem to think eating vegetables is something for women and sissies, goes out of his way to lie to his wife, and who openly resents her cooking healthy meals while being the first person who would complain if she gained weight.
JP: Great, so now the family is down two cars. This would be a problem for most people, but knowing the Parkers they probably have a garage to rival Jay Leno’s.
Luann: And I haven’t told my husband that I’m going to Broadway to star in the umpteenth revival of Gypsy, because that’s not actually going to happen.
MT: Honey, you married the antisocial weirdo who talks to raccoons. You know where the apple falls in relation to the tree.
MW: Mary’s grip on that hoe doesn’t make me think “gardening” so much as “getting ready to solve all the problems with Wilbur permanently.”
(Speaking of, where does Mary do her gardening, anyway? Condo complexes usually don’t have residents involved in the landscaping, and she doesn’t seem the type to be involved in a community plot.)
Phantom: Oh relax, someone’s just listening to their radio with the bass cranked.
Madame Ovary did a new painting and asked if I could guess what it was. I said after reading today’s Family Circlejerk that I didn’t dare.
GT: “Scandal struck Milford High again today as allegations of cheating have become public. Coach Emily Clover of Valley High alleges that her ex-husband’s golf team is using golf balls powered by tiny two-cycle engines that motor to the hole. ‘Just listen,’ said an animated Clover, ‘all you hear is putt putt putt.’ This is Fox Sports Radio.”
@ectojazzmage: It’s RMMD, so there’s a good chance it will go beyond making Lonnie sympathetic, and somehow solve his financial problems. Maybe Lorna and Mud (“Hollywood’s cutest new power couple!”) will upload another video to The Website endorsing whatever it is Lonnie sells, driving sales through the roof.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys. S4th: Sorry, if you wanted a Tijuana Bible, you should have had Brooke plot it.
@Baja Gaijin: Well, that’s not Keefe’s artwork so it doesn’t quite address the raised issue.
@2+2=7, Luann: Someone should let the Evansii know that the owners of the real-life camp aren’t opening this year, unless they have an idea for Phil and Luann to get married on 9/11.
MW- Mary scored some heirloom seeds from Wilbur. Come Fall, it’ll be time for a big batch of Afghan Cheddar Kush muffins.
Between Friends – I started following this within the past year or so. These reruns are eye opening – I didn’t realize that Maeve’s ex is a real douchebag.
Crankshaft – He might go to an awards banquet to get a podunk local award, but he still hasn’t won that Pulitzer.
FC – “But you did a great job drawing those flat screen TVs and seat belts. That’s all that matters.”
Mary Worth – Oh, for fuck’s sake. Brandy didn’t “split” – she went away for a couple of weeks at most to visit new found relatives. Tommy shouldn’t be trying to “get over” her – she’s coming back. Or at least that’s what usually happens when someone goes away for a visit. Unless she gave up her apartment and quit her job, it’s pretty certain that she’ll be back.
I can save Mary four months of excruciating story time. All she has to do is slap Tommy and tell him, “Oh, grow up and stop being a drama queen.”
This story is already a rival with the one about the parrots as the most immature, half assed story ever.
9CL – Huh? What did she learn about him?
The wedding can’t be over already – they haven’t paused the ceremony to go out in the graveyard to boink on a gravestone.
REX MORGAN M.D.:@TheDiva:
Oh, so this is a “Dawn plot” after all! (Sorry, Sorry! I couldn’t resist! I’m weak! I admit it!)
Crock: The phrase “don’t trust anyone over 30” was coined by a civil rights activist in 1964, when he was a graduate student in Berkeley. That person is now 86 — like, I assume, most Crock fans who don’t just peruse it ironically. So maybe don’t insult 99.99% of your readership? (Just kidding — I’m sure a lot of boomers will happily take substances that make them forget things, although they’re more likely to come in gummy form.)
Rex Morgan: Dude, a minor music star just threatened you in front of a minor movie star, and you have a phone in your hand. How are you not recording this? You really are a terrible blackmailer, and you’re never going to get hired at TMZ, either.
“I think maybe I should leave.”
Yeah, after the failed blackmail attempt, I don’t think she’s ever going to bring you the bacon and eggs you’ve been waiting for.
BF: for all you mudge men cheering slimy ex on for moving back in with Maeve, what do you say now?
@Pak-Man:
87. RMMD: just as the parapazzi get out of their cars, Mud, in roots country fashion, slugs creep. Thus his reputation is enhanced, new Lorna look becomes worth fighting for, Lorna gets new offer, and Loñnie gets to meet Rex.
@I speak Jive:
Crankshaft – He might go to an awards banquet to get a podunk local award, but he still hasn’t won that Pulitzer.
I was thinking more “Bat
iukTON THOMAS was invited to deliver the keynote speech at an awards ceremony, but because he wasn’t the one getting an award, he treats it as a dumb chore his fans forced him to do, rather than an honor.”Like, which is the least charitable take? That the music teachers celebrating him were no big deal, or that BATTON *thinks* it wasn’t a big deal, because it’s not the kind of honors he wanted?
CS: I’ve written stories and drawn comics all my life. Never once has it occurred to me to put myself in alongside my own fictitious characters because I’m boring, and I know it.
FC: Oh, go let him whine, Bil. No one’s gonna coddle him when he’s grown up and starts getting slapped around by reality.
HtH: Who knew that all those medieval kingdoms had to do to get rid of pesky Viking invaders was to ply them with alcohol?
JP: I know why Katherine’s so nervous about Alan driving off. Alan hasn’t been sober since 2022.
Andy Capp: Is this balding, bespectacled, dumpy doctor really in a position to insult his patient? Andy Capp takes a long walk to and from the pub most nights, and gets plenty of nutritious, hydrating ale. (Hops are an excellent source of antioxidants!) He’s probably doing just fine — although the examination would be thorough if the doc bothered seeing what the heck is going on under that cap.