Cyber-Thursday
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The Lockhorns, 9/3/26
I like how Leroy is delivering this line as he’s buttoning up his shirt. Like, sure, maybe he made some desperate promises when he was naked and Dr. Blog was poking and prodding at him, but now he’s regained his dignity enough to say “I’m not going to be following any of your advice because I hate myself and crave death, by the way.”
Dustin, 9/3/26
The most important thing about the advent of the Age of AI, from my perspective, is that I now have to deal with syndicated newspaper cartoonists who think they understand what AI is but don’t. Is AI a little man who sits in your computer and shares all your prejudices, and will gleefully add “LOL” to the resume of a feckless young person who, if he were real, you would hold in contempt? No! That’s not what AI is at all!
Dick Tracy, 9/3/26
“Yes, I’ll tell you what’s up … we’re tracking hackers and this guy’s name was Hackenschmidt. It must be related!” Sure, that’s incredibly stupid, but also he’s right, so we can only say that Dick has adapted to his narrative environment.
62 replies to “Cyber-Thursday”
Mary Worth Mashup: What is Nelly looking at? Maybe the pool…?
Slylock Fox Mashup: Can you guess the differences between these two panels?
MW-Karen Moy’s Rear Window
MW-“Stupid grass.”
Dick Tracy-“How do I act without him suspecting that I’m illiterate?”
MW1: ‘What is that ugly man *doing* to that jar of mayonnaise??!?!’
MW2: ‘What is that ugly man *doing* to that dachshund??!?!’
MW2: ‘What is that ugly man and blond woman *doing* with those parrots??!?!’
RMMD: [Pulls Talking Malibu Stacy string] ‘Scamming too much gives you wrinkles!’
Lockhorns: Doc concurs as he goes over the Chinese takeout menu he’s holding with Leroy. “I hear you, Buddy.”
Luann: Notice how Nancy and Frank don’t mention precious Bernice in their list of sponges and freeloaders.
DT: Hey, his driver’s license is expired! Man, if he were alive I’d give him what for!
Lockhorns: love that Millennial Leroy went to Dr. Blog.
Lockhorns: Are we sure Leroy isn’t in the process of removing his shirt? It would explain Dr. Blog’s “I have no mouth and I must scream” expression.
DICK TRACY: Dick Tracy has those exclamation points because he just realized that the art shifted again and went back to a (relatively) “realistic” style after yesterday’s Jim Carey caricature.
MW: What’s this? What’s this? There’s something very wrong. What’s this? There’s Wilbur in a thong.
Dustin: More realistically, Dustin’s resumé would end “That is a professional and impressive resumé that makes you sound like you’re not an unemployable loser. Would you also like me to make it sound like you’ve had several girlfriends and don’t spend your evenings alone playing video games and gooning?”
Lockhorns: Did the cartoonist think we needed the suspiciously large framed “M.D.” certificate in order to grasp the subtlety of the joke? I suppose otherwise we might conclude Leroy is getting dressed after a massage-with-release.
RMMD Wait, wait – hold that pose. Maybe if we get *different* wrinkles we can be told apart!
DT:
“Something up, Tracy?
Dick Tracy doesn’t know how to show human emotion (unless you count “cold-blooded vengeance,” is that an emotion? must ask Sam Catchem later), so when he’s surprised, he just says, “Exclamation mark,” and the people around him know to ask if something’s up.
Dick Tracy : Wait, “WallHack” was his ACTUAL REAL NAME!? (Or, at least, his real name when shortened due to character limits)
Lhns: “…for love!” /continues unbuttoning shirt/
Dustin “..it also explains the nine em-dashes, several made-up universities, and this section at the beginning where it asks if you wouldn’t rather see some generated K-Pop Demon Hunter nudes, as usual…”
Wrecks Moregone:
Janejean: “What was Uncle Jimmy thinking, turning us in?”
Jeanjane: “Let’s kidnap him and find out!”
@Baja Gaijin:
Not even Nelly should be happy at the sight of Mary getting eaten by a shark! Surely she can’t be so redeemable that she feels shocked at the demise of *Mary*?!?
DUSTIN: Would AI diddle with someone’s resume and ruin all chances of decent emoyment just for the hell of it? Um, Robot Takeover, anyone?
GT: And Mimi begins the school year the way she ended it- never, ever, ever happy about anything.
H&L: Mr Wavering stays spry by removing his leaves with tweezers and comb.
Dick Tracy: That’s just the face Dick makes whenever he sees a man with long hair.
Lockhorns: No joke from me, just wanted to point out that Dr. Blog is a recurring character.
DT: I don’t know who this person is talking to Tracy, but I am curious about what they’re wearing under that jacket and badge. That elaborately draped white cloth looks like a barber’s cape, or possibly a wedding gown, and makes me wonder what they were in the middle of before they got suddenly called in to investigate a coffee shop bombing.
@Ukranazi Stepan: *unhappy
Dustin: One of the problems with AI is that it’s designed to provide positive reinforcement and feedback to the user, even in cases where the user is mistaken, misguided, actively contemplating harm to themselves or others, etc. But this is the world of Dustin, where everyone hates everyone else and the title character in particular, so the chatbots have adapted accordingly.
L’horns: Isn’t it a running gag that Loretta is a terrible cook who’s efforts are invariably unappetizing? I’m just saying, Leroy might not be being sarcastic here so much as developing a game plan…
Snuffy: Broke: Chicken thievin’, feudin’. Bespoke: Amassing a library blackmail and extortion material, along with a stockpile of weapons. Anyway, I’m looking forward to this strip’s pivot from hillbilly burlesque to hillbilly noir.
Zits: Apple discontinued the iPod in 2022 and it discontinued the scroll wheel iPod in 2014 so yeah this is a little out of date.
Pearls Before Swine: I’m pretty sure that touching stems is a euphemism for an explicit sexual activity and their kink seems to be having this pig watch. This is some sick stuff.
Pluggers: Considering that chocolate is well known to be poisonous for dogs is this lady Plugger attempting suicide here? She’s a freak of nature and I don’t blame her at all but that’s still a pretty bleak thing even for Pluggers.
C’shaft: Well, I guess we now know why Crankshaft didn’t show up after Monday.
GT: “We’re being set up for a humiliating loss at Gil’s hands, because I had the audacity to divorce him.”
Luann: I’m impressed Frank made it through the middle panel with a straight face.
MW: “The Charterstone Thought Police! They’ve caught on to me!”
RMMD: Come on, take your uncle’s self-help seminar and learn how to scam like a professional!
RMMD – Having achieved an almost Platonic level of “this is so dull and nothing is ever going to happen,” today’s strip will now be repeated daily until the heat death of the universe.
MW – Didn’t this start with Ian and Mary in a car? I guess their secret affair is now no longer secret, and the sight of Mary finishing Ian off while wearing her washing-up marigolds is the last straw for this heretofore unseen resident.
Is Dustin: (a) obliviously thinking that “LOL” is read out loud as “el-oh-el” (b) observantly depicting an old pearl-clad temp agency boss who thinks that “LOL” is read out loud as “el-oh-el” or (c) foolishly depicting the temp agancy boss as an old who thinks that “LOL” is read out loud as “el-oh-el” when she should be a millennial in a formerly-ironic high-necked dress who grew up texting?
@MKay: I’m currently in a job transition program and while every presenter who speaks to us says ‘AI isn’t going anywhere’ and encourages using it to tweak our resume to job descriptions*, they also are quite clear in saying don’t just let AI write your resume and then turn it in without reviewing it and making any corrections.
So yeah, this just another ‘kids are too damn lazy!’ strip as opposed to ‘robots are taking over!’ For that, see Batiuk’s take on robot waiters over in Crankshaft…
*Personally, I have never used AI to write anything I put my name on and never will if I have anything to say about it.
Dustin: No, of course this isn’t what AI is all about. It is however what an HR person about to get her butt sued off for insulting and completely unprofessional behavior is all about, or at least it would be if the characters in Dustin didn’t hold Dustin in at least as much contempt as the readers (and they do, no jury will convict her).
DT: “Something up, Tracy?” “Yeah, my eyebrow! I’ve been practicing raising it, and I think I’ve really nailed it!”
LH: How can Leroy button up a shirt that has no buttons?
Hi and Lois: When exactly were the old days you remember because the gas powered leaf blower has been around since at least the 1950s. Has this guy been waiting 70 years for a chance to bitch about how much he hates leaf blowers?
Also Dustin: If you were really hardcore, you’d put three skull emojis at the bottom of the page.
The Lockhorns: “May I recommend an all-lemon diet? It’s worked wonders for me.”
Dick Tracy: “Something up, Tracy?” “No, I just need reading glasses, really got to quit putting that off.”
REX MORGAN M.D.: Thing #1: “Ugh! This stink! Back to school! No more scams!”
Thing #2: “You know we could just…lie about what we’re doing, and not reveal our evil plans to everyone within a 10 mile radius for once….”
Thing #1: “No, that’s too much hassle. What are we going to do?!”
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): One of the things that make Rex Morgan M.D. so fun nowadays is that it’s not just a narrative; it’s a puzzle! (“Can you find all 10,000 problems with this storyline?”) It invokes a sense of wonder and discovery!
For instance, I just found problem #534 with this storyline: why exactly would going back to school stop them from doing scams exactly? (Which ties into problem #337: for young ladies who can drink wine and live independently, they certainly act more like bratty 10 year olds than anything else.)
I’d find it more believable that the AI hallucinated Dustin being in a funny comic with likeable characters. LOL.
@TheDiva:
On CS: We should be so lucky. Now that we’ve learned this robot has a death laser, are we also going to learn it’s from Chekov Industries in the former Yugoslavia?
On MW: Nelly dove into her closet and began loading the M-240. ‘They’ll never take me alive!!!’ she cackled as she cracked a smile for the first time in 50 years…
Dick Tracy: “My eye grew 2 inches in half a second! Yes, something’s up! That really hurts!”
FC: Thel giggles. “Oh, you mean real cow. Ha ha.” Being an Aussie, at first she thought Billy meant Dolly.
JP: Hang on — rewind. Katherine actually worked on something, other than a case of vodka?
GT: No, Coach — it’s the other way around. The pressure is feeling Gil.”
“Hackenschmidt? I remember Hackenschmidt. I broke up a Bund meeting back in ’38 led by Gunther Hackenschmidt, and then I spent a lot of the late ’40s and early ’50s chasing SS Standartenführer Heinrich Hackenschmidt throughout Central and South America until I killed him in a gunfight in Punto Arenas. Then in the late ’60s and ’70s, there was an East German spy ring under the control of Stasi Hauptabteilungen II officer Emil Hackenschmidt. The German threat went to ground in the ’90s, though. Not sure why. But here it is, back again. Even more clever this time, taking on a Scottish first name. I always told Sam we can’t trust the Krauts.”
Curtis: I’m pretty sure that a teen who gave himself the nickname Heart-Throb and enjoys sexually harassing women would be doing this through the many available dating apps or text messaging. Maybe his kink is he enjoys being assaulted after?
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: “Something up,Tracy?” “Yea,this photo is in Magic Eye™! If you cross your eyes just right, Shaggy appears in 3D.”
H&L: Chip has asked this question many times before and likes hearing Gramp’s tales of shore leave in Thailand during his navy days.
Damn leaf blower He thinks.
MW: Nelly reflects on her life on the lamb. “Is this Charterstone hell better than Justizvollzugsanstalt Nürnberg?”
Vas ist Los!?
The joke’s on us- the whole strip has been written by AI, and as usual, AI has screwed it up.
The Schlockhornes: Why is LeRoy’s marriage councillor giving him a physical? Did Lorretta ask the doc to find out where Leroy has been hiding household money on his body?
GT: What is Mimi eating, her whistle or a Snickers bar? Either way it must be caloric.
Dammit, I wanted to see more of Dick Tracy’s fire inspector. I was looking forward to watching him tap dance off-panel while going “hatcha-cha-cha-chaa!”
Dustin: To say of a better (similar) scenario. There was an episode of Daria, where the characters were telling each-other hokey horror stories. With the cast of the show filling the roles.
It was Daria’s own “Treehouse of Horror” parody if you will.
Daria’s story, was about a girl who aspired to go to college and get a career. Her father built an underground bomb shelter, so she goes in to check it out. While she was in there, her father changes his mind and paves over the top of it, trapping her inside where she eventually dies of starvation.
Then every new family that moves into the home, that has a kid or teenager, her ghost rewrites their homework overnight so that the answers are wrong. “If I can’t get into college, no-one living here will!”
Yeah it was silly, but that’s the thing, it’s something far better than Dustin.
Six Chex: It just proves the old saying “When you lie down with Six Chix, you get up with fleas.”
MW: Nelly is seeing Mary and Ian exit Mary’s car, still laughing after secretly planning Toby’s milestone surprise birthday party. The event will now be overshadowed by Nelly’s informing Toby that she’s seen Mary and Ian “together” and Toby’s subsequent self-doubt as she wonders if Ian finds Mary more appealing. Hilarity ensues. Be prepared to exercise a willing suspension of disbelief.
Questionable Content: Best line in the funny papers today:
AAA why am I purple
Dustbin: Shouldn’t that be *A* LOL, not *AN* LOL? (This ones for you,Grandma*!
*Hazel Fynn Estelle, A kind, turn of the century English teacher who taught me English rules through my Wonder Years. Miss you, Grandma!
@50 The Rambling Otter: That’s hilarious!
@Baja Gaijin: “Stupid Flanders”.
Dick Tracy:
As I pointed out yesterday, as far as anyone knows this crime has nothing to do with Dick’s current investigation and he has no reason to be here getting in the bomb squad’s way, which him not knowing the name of our bomb victim confirms. In fact, he doesn’t even recognize the name when he hears it, only having his little detective epiphany once he gets a good look at the picture on the ID. This might be because poor Wallace Hackenschmidt was burned beyond all recgonition, but it could also be because Dick can’t actually see anything with his eyes all scrunched up in his trademark squint and this is the first time he’s opened them at this scene.
@Lawyerbob: #31: re-DT:
“Yeah, my eyebrow! I’ve been practicing raising it, and I think I’ve really nailed it.”
Let’s see Steven Colbert top that!
@matt w: Or, like Department of Education Secretary Linda McMahon, he’s already told the councilor his resume was created with “artificial intelligence” software he called “A-One”.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Payday, everyone! You get as much as you can pick up!”
“Hilda! You have to use your teeth, like everyone else!”
@Vulpes: #57: Right, the ATF would be swarming all over that. Anything involving bombs or explosives is their jurisdiction. In fact, that county fire marshall wouldn’t be allowed there until the Feds cleared the site.
The Lockhorns
Every doctor I’ve been to in at least the last decade has replaced their clipboard with, you know, a computer of some sort. However, Leroy’s doctor does things the old-fashioned way, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Leroy sought him out for this very reason, perhaps in the hopes that a physician who is far behind the times would still believe that a diet high in hearty red meat is healthy. But obviously, it didn’t work out that way.