Wars and rumors of wars
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Gil Thorp, 10/13/26
It looks like we’re approaching the final Borys Orlov vs. Adrian Blatz showdown we’ve all been waiting for, but first, a little background on Borys: he may not remember the sound of Russian munitions raining down on his war-torn homeland, but he does remember a name, a name that echoed on the wind that blew across the Eurasian steppe. “Gil Thorp,” he heard, even as a child, even before he could understand what the syllables mean, what a name was. “Gil Thorp.” As geopolitics fell into violent chaos around him, he only had ears for that name, that mysterious name, “Gil Thorp,” that he somehow knew, without knowing how he knew, denoted his destiny.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/13/26
Ha ha, remember Mussolini? The guy who invented fascism, ruled Italy with an iron fist for decades, allied with Hitler, and ended up executed by partisans at a gas station? Well, what if there were a restaurant named after him? They’d probably have a dish with a name that punned on the word “dictator,” because Mussolini was a dictator, ha ha! Also, they’d probably have another dish that punned on “Benito,” which was Mussolini’s first name. Anyway, don’t think too hard about the type of guy who would open a restaurant named “Mussolini’s,” unless you want to completely ruin your day.
42 replies to “Wars and rumors of wars”
GT. He’s too young to remember the drone strikes that began in (checks wikipedia) 2022?
Uh, the Russians invaded in 2022. Borys is what, 16? No worries, Borys, NOBODY remembers any drone strikes in Ohio. Except for the one by that damn Jefferson kid. God, what a little dickhead!
Thank you, MG&G, for the timeliest reference of, like, 1935. Today’s strip was brought to you by Chalmers Automobiles and Sweet Caporal cigarettes!
MG&G: And let’s top it off with the esso station tiramisu for dessert!
GT — The only drone strikes in Milford are when Marty Moon takes himself off the air and demands more beer money. . .
MG&G — Couldn’t work Bonito flakes in there anywhere, huh?.
GT: I really appreciate the scenes of Borys working out for the … microphones?
JP: Enough of this spy shit. I was promised traffic law and I expect traffic law—nay, I DEMAND TRAFFIC LAW
MW: “Nightmares can be unsettling but you’re awake now” is a line best delivered deadpan by a Vulcan. Delivered by a smiling chinbeard, it’s just unnerving.
GT:
“The legend of Gil Thorp travels far. That’s why, when we moved to this area, we made a point of locating in a school district where I could play against him, rather than for him!”
GT: Never played it myself so I guess I’m a little surprised to find that after beating the Super Bowl champs in Madden NFL you have to beat Gil Thorp as the final boss.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I hae to go take on the Caped Crusader.”
Today’s Mother Goose and Grimm is ill, douche-y.
“Foxy Auto: Our cars are sexy.”
GT – the only way the “I don’t remember drone strikes” makes sense is if they fled during the Crimean invasion (2014?).
And I don’t know why I got the Blatz and Orlov backgrounds confused (from the ‘Peg and somehow having every American around them know what Métis is versus refugee from Ukraine) except – oh yeah – the terrible artwork (jowl, jowls everywhere!) and confusing details about games, who is winning, sudden breaks without showing the winning/ losing play…
MG&G: I hear the food there is always on time.
DtM: It’s OK, Alice, that jar of Couch was expired. And no one really likes Znu. I’d hang onto the pills, though.
FG: Since Flash is trash talking his opponent he could’ve added, “Found out you’re one of twelve siblings. I’ll bet the fights over the bathroom must’ve been a sight.”
FG: How about, “You were the youngest of twelve. I’ll bet those hand me down clothes must’ve gotten old real quick.”
I know Borys’s shirt is supposed to be “loud,” but exclamation points just a WEE bit on the nose?
GT:
“I was taunted mercilessly by my classmates back home for my — how do you say it in English? — pusillanimity, which caused me to redouble my calisthenic efforts. They called me ‘Chicken Kiev‘ !”
@nescio:
Fist bump.
GT: Maybe we’re judging this strip too harshly. Maybe Borys claiming not to remember the drone strikes that happened in 2022 is a sign that he’s lying about his past rather than ignorance on the author’s part as to when the conflict started. Or maybe this is just stupid.
@4 Emily Riposte: For those non-American readers, the “Esso” name was retired in the US over half a century ago.
Mother Goose, who knows that her dogs are incipient fascists and also pets who cannot legally make purchases, has wisely set up a backwards treadmill so they can’t progress past the beige rectangle.
@Polo Bear:
There are many true-life, galvanizing stories about wonderful, brave Ukrainian families who started a new life here to escape the horrors of war. Why would this story arc get the chronology of their expatriation so obviously wrong?
@Baja Gaijin: And I believe the gas station where Mussolini was hanged upside down was an Esso.
GT:
“Remember how post-WWII American moms and dads would hector their kids into finishing their meals by evoking the image of too-skinny kids in Europe who would give their eye teeth to eat what the American kids wouldn’t finish? — well, as you can see from today’s second panel, I’m one of those too-skinny kids.”
MG&G:
“Musical Youth said it best — ‘Pass Il Duce on the left-hand side’ !”
GT: A boy uses the trauma of fleeing high-tech war to trash-talk a high school football coach, sponsored by Foxy Auto? Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers didn’t manage this level of bleak satire.
MGG: If someone recommends a restaurant to me and I ask what’s good, I’m usually expecting something a little more sophisticated than “They do good tater tots”, regardless of how fascist it is.
GT: Gil Thorp digs up the Cold War-era trope of Soviet sports opponents rigorously raised and trained for the sole purpose of athletic domination, sands off the communism and replaces it with geopolitical knowledge hastily gleaned from a Google news search, and voila!
@Lauralot:
Agreed! And let us not prematurely foreclose other possibilities all well, e.g.:
* Borys can’t remember the drone strikes because he was the victim of one and suffered a TBI (further exacerbated by playing smash-mouth football)
* Borys is suffering from PTSD and has suppressed all memories of the war
* Borys emigrated from Ukraine in 2037
* Borys emigrated form Ukraine in in 1937 (the “drone strikes” refer to labor unrest during the Great Famine 1930-1933)
DT: Did they put coins on the dead guy’s eyes in the manner of the ancient Greeks, or is that some sort of money-based ocular deformity? It’s Dick Tracy, so it’s even odds.
Dustin: “I hate all my employees equally.”
Luann: You know, even if Tara isn’t just able to take her old bedroom furniture from home for whatever reason, there are options. Cheap plastic shelves from Target are a thing, Goodwill is a thing, Habitat for Humanity ReStore is a thing, hell garage sales are a thing. What’s the point of the cardboard boxes apart from hammering home Tara’s “vaguely shady” vibes?
MW: And that’s when Toby began screaming and couldn’t stop.
Pluggers are now regretting not getting the rechargeable mower their tree-hugging grandkids suggested when they were still talking to them.
RMMD: Why, with that sweet best-selling author money, they can afford to go to Jordan’s for their anniversary and Summer’s birthday!
Mother Goose and Grimm: Try the upside-down burger! You can’t beat it! (Well, you can, but that’s another story.)
Gil Thorp:
Look, I may be a furry, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to believe that the mascot for “Foxy Auto” is an anthropomorphic vixen with huge tits.
Mother Goose & Grimm : What are you talking about, Josh, that restaurant is run by a perfectly nice argentinian man named Miguel…. well, perfectly nice, except that he always forces a bowl of soup on you whether you order it or not. Something about a girl who annoyed him when he was in primary school.
What is the legend of Gil Thorpe, exactly? Don’t they always miss or lose the playoffs? Aren’t all of his teams barely scrapping together victories or suffering narrow defeats? Are there not hundreds, maybe even thousands of high school coaches with similar credentials?
Mother Goose and Grimm:
Based on the menu Grimm gives, I have to assume that “Mussolini’s” is not an Italian restaurant, but that it instead offers traditional American fare, in what I can only interpret as an extremely grim allegory about the assimilation of fascism.
Nothing can save the “joke” in today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, but it helps that Grimm himself looks horrified across both panels at the words coming out of his mouth. Perhaps, like Nikki in “Obsession,” on some level this dog realizes that the thoughts that dictate his behavior are not actually his own. Grimm, indeed!
GT: Of course he can’t remember drone strikes from 2002. He plays football. He gets hit on the head quite hard.
“What’s two plus two, Borys?”
“Potato?”
I would expect that a place called Mussolini’s to serve Italian food, but the fact that they seem to serve American fare might be a stronger political statement than intended.
GT: As if yesterday’s “Tribute” wasn’t bad enough, now they’re screwing up the whole ‘Merciless Russian Fighting Machine’ trope by making this guy Ukrainian. You picked the wrong strip to be the underdog in, Borys!
JP: CIApril’s like the reverse Godfather; just when they think they have her out, she pushes back in!
JP2: And just *what* information does April have that’s so all-fired important? As was established here yesterday, all the Bad Guys are dead! Their operation is defunct, gone, done-zo! Whatever information she has is irrelevant because there’s no one to use it against! Just put her and Randy in a cell in Supermax, have Neddy sign the adoption papers and the raspberry-haired brat can go play with the horsies like Lil’ Dunk!
RMMD: And how’s that new truck running? You know, the one that murderer gave you?
S4th: Now Ted, if you know anything you know you need never concern yourself about *that*! Just go look at that framed fingerpainting of yours and relax!
@Vulpes: Whoops, didn’t see this when I made my comment. Great minds, etc.
The Rocky IV vibe in Gil Thorp is pretty inappropriate, given Russia’s war on Ukraine and Putin’s unabashed admiration for the Soviet Union.
I do like the feeling I get when I imagine Gil getting beat up by an incredibly fit teen, though.
There is a lot of BS I will accept in comics for the sake of meeting deadlines to tell a story. Anyone outside of the United States being able to name a single high school sports coach? That’s a bridge too far! I’d sooner believe there are women who want to have sex with Wilbur Weston!
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FFS, if you’re going to name your restaurant after that dictator, and least make it a sea food place. “Mussel-ini’s” is right there!
@Charterstone: Dune: MW: “Nightmares can be unsettling but you’re awake now” is a line best delivered deadpan by a Vulcan.
Try imagining it in Anthony Hopkins’ Lecter voice.
Hmm, think I’ll go back to the parrot sketch and read all of Ian’s lines in Lecter’s voice.
“I dunno, I’ve got a hankering for something Asian. Maybe Pol pot stickers?”