Teen trouble
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Luann, 10/16/26
OK, fine, I admit it: I’m a little unfair with my treatment of sexuality in Luann, complaining both about weirdly prudish yet ribald extended bits but also about straight-up shower intercourse. I guess I have to accept the compromise position between the two, where two young people eye each other amorously but then some guy who doesn’t even live there bursts into the room because he has to take a huge dump real bad. “Shit quickly, sir!” one of the aforementioned young people implores.
Archie, 10/16/26
I feel like it’s not great that Mr. Weatherbee simply treats Moose as an unstoppable force of nature and thinks anyone he injures simply should’ve gotten out of his way. If nothing else, this is a potentially serious legal liability for Riverdale High! If Moose is a mere beast without moral agency who can never be held accountable, why does he roam the halls freely?
20 replies to “Teen trouble”
Jughead’s quip causes Mr. Weatherbee’s tie to frazzle and his topknot to depart his pate, but his pince-nez remain firmly ensconced on his elongated snout. Do better, Jughead!
Mr. Weatherbee was right to purchase the combination spring-loaded toupee-and-tie combo for those times when he has to react to Archie’s hilarious shenanigans. Sure, he could have also sprung for the wacky “leaping pince-nez,” but that would have been putting a hat on a hat, you know? Sometimes you have to know when less is more.
@matt w: Hey, great minds something something!
Meanwhile the eye on Jughead’s shirt climbs up to get a better look at the proceedings, while Archie’s mud stains squirm uncomfortably.
@Chance: This is why I load the page at precisely 7:30 AM EDT.
RMMD – Next line (from either participant): “Wanna dry hump?”
(In my opinion, you did it better.)
Luann “Until I’m h-…orny”
Archie God I wish this was a Sunday strip so we could get five panels of Moose absolutely thrashing Archie with nothing more than a thumb. Just mashing his whole body into the earth, then poking him well and good in the eye before stalking off, his victory complete.
Luann: “Until I’m h-” Until you’re what? Horny? Horizontal? Hermaphroditic?
@Pozzo: I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s ‘Here’, which means at some point these two are going to connive some way to kick Tara to the curb, despite her presumably being on the lease. All they’ll have to do is stick her cardboard boxes ‘o clothes out in the hall and lock the door! They’re the *good* guys!
JP: DRAMA!!!!
JP2: In all seriousness though, CIApril has something of a point, but not the one she thinks she does. Neddy has had plenty of time to call CPS and have CIApril declared an unfit mother in order to formally adopt the RHB (a legal drama in a legal-themed strip? The Hell you say!) but instead up to now she’s dicked around drawing horsie picutres and gadding about in Hollywood.
Ph: So, was there any reason given for yesterday’s announcement of the sudden change in creative team? Since it’s apparently going to come right in the middle(?) of this storyline (such as it is) I’m wondering if the day after the change we’re going to see Stripeypants shaking hands with Schmelon Schmusk, all smiles, saying ‘Here’s your robot back, you swell guy you! Also, I deposed my country’s President Schmobama and his office is all warmed up and waiting for you! Now you can launch all the rockets you want! Y’wanna see my treasure cave, ol’ buddy?”
ARCHIE: So, Moose’s many, many Anger Management classes ARE working. By limiting the violence to thumbs, he’s 99% on his way to the final objective: Do Not Touch Other People.
GT: Students of history in “Gil Thorp” will never learn about Union vs Confederacy, Mozart vs Salieri, Hamilton vs Burr, Hatfield vs McCoy or Capone vs Ness. But there are semesters and semesters devoted to Milford vs Goshen.
Archie: So is Jughead escorting Archie to the nurse, or was he planning on finishing out the school day in a state of grievous injury?
I mean, to quote the first link: “there are few things that I would find more distasteful, on both an aesthetic and an emotional level, than the prospect of Brad having sex.” Clearly your problem with the shower intercourse was that it was Brad and Toni having it instead of Luann and her boyfriend.
MW: No, Toby! The tokoloshe device goes on your ankle, not your wrist!
@The Quiet Man: re: Phantom. I imagine DePaul has already written or drafted out this story line. Oh please merciful Creator do not let The Phantom go in the same direction as Mark Trail and Gil Thorpe. I have so little joy left in my life.
Luann:
Phil is right to be skeptical! “No rules!” proclaims the novelty sign on the wall, and immediately he has reason to regret it. This could have been prevented with a “No interrupting young lovers to shit” rule!
Archie-Moose likes to “wrestle” rough.
DT–Wannabe: Sure, Wendell Wodehouse VI in an unnerving homunculus who keeps his family(?) isolated in a gothic mansion, sequestered from the outside world, but have you seen today’s Wannabe? Now that’s a Dick Tracy-worthy grotesquerie if ever their was!
Heathcliff: I appreciate the aplomb with which Heathcliff accepts that he’s been exorcised. “Whelp. I possessed some hapless, unfortunate soul, but you successfully completed the prescribed rites with both faith and authorization from valid and licit Church authorities. I guess I’ll be going then.”
Plugger: Alas, poor Andy Bear is totally going to get ripped off because while a plugger’s handshake is better than a contract, that dog-man is no pluggers! (1) He’s rail-thin rather than rotund, i.e., not shaped like a plug (that’s why they’re called pluggers, right?) and (2) his sly look basically screams, “I’m totally going to rip this guy off.”
“He was wrestling with moose! There’s a whole herd of them outside! The school’s been transported to Alaska and sprayed with moose mating pheromones! Look, I don’t write this stuff, I just have to live it!”
Archie: Moose’s wrestling career would end in disgrace when it’s found he transplanted his big toe to his thumb to gain an unfair advantage.