Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/3/05

Watch out, Mary! See those rage lines radiating off of Rita’s shoulders and fists, and the painful rictus of anger twisting her face in panel one? She’s about to transform into some kind of Incredible Hulk-style superpowered destructive force of sulking, whining, and codependence! In all my Mary Worth-reading years, there’s been only one other character who’s evidenced this kind of limb-vibrating emotional instability:

Tommy at least had the drugs to blame. You can tell Mary is terrified of her new roommate because her normally impeccable grammar is slipping — normally she’d offer a patrician “Why is that, Rita?” rather than the teenybopper-style “Like, how come?” Unless she’s so freaked out that she’s babbling in some kind of fake-o how-kemo-sabe Indian dialect: “How come Rita into apartment with me? Me scared she break things!”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/27/05

This may be the moment that Mary Worth aficionados have been waiting for their whole lives: the day when Mary’s meddlin’ comes back to haunt her. No longer can she throw some meddle-bombs into other people’s lives and then retreat to the quiet, tastefully decorated sanctuary of her Charterstone digs; now she has to balance the joy of every act of interference against the possibility that her victim will show up at her door with all her life possessions, possibly drunk and wearing electric blue slacks.

This storyline is obviously going to bear close scrutiny, but for now my major comment is: check out the gams on Mary in panel one! R-r-r-o-w! Short skirts like that give Dr. Jeff the strength he needs to endure week-long, platitude-filled boat rides.

Post Content

Mary Worth, 5/19/05

Mark Trail, 5/19/05

It’s like they’re trying to taunt me. I mean, these two strips routinely move at the speed of a glacier; but somehow, in what seems like it should be a contradiction of all known laws of time and space, in the past few weeks or so they’ve become even slower. Seemingly every twist in this Mark Trail plot that might result in some drama gets nipped in the bud; meanwhile, Mary and Jeff are out at sea, cut off from all external stimuli, with the rest of the world fading out into the background: it’s like Waiting for Godot, except instead of the two of them engaging in absurdist philosophical banter, Mary is just reeling off platitude after platitude while Jeff looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, possible with a gun at his temple.

So, because the comics are being recalcitrant today, I offer a few funny sentences that I’ve thought up here and there and have been trying to figure out how to wedge into a blog post. I hope you enjoy them in this noncontextualized form.

• It’s not like it’s the most the subtle movie in the world, you know? I mean, I was only seven, but still, I was thinking, “Mom, the guy dressed in black leather and the mask that looks like a skull who keeps strangling people with his mind? Not a good guy.”
• It’s the sort of place that looks like it would sell CDs with names like This Is How We Do It, Volume 6: Best of Flemish 160 BPM DJs, 1997-1999.
• So we’ve seen Margo with her hair up, and with her hair down, but you notice we never see her putting it up? That’s because it would take about an hour, which would translate to about seven dozen strips, not counting hairpins.