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Behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, via puking

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Mary Worth, 3/22/05

I’ve read the comics obsessively for a long time, so I think I can say with some authority that one thing you very rarely see depicted in the funny pages is someone holding a hand to his or her mouth in order to prevent vomit from getting on the rug. It’s even rarer that said vomit is the herald of good news, as Anna’s barf clearly is meant to be. Given the stately and deliberate pace of this strip, I expect at least two or three days of Mrs. Dr. Brian on her knees bowing before the porcelain god, her body giving rapturous thanks for the precious new life germinating in her hitherto barren womb by desperately trying to expel last night’s dinner into the Santa Royale municipal sewer system. I’m particularly looking forward to seeing how the sound effects are transliterated. Hopefully she’ll just drop the phone to the floor as she dashes into the bathroom to hurl, so we’ll get some more of Mary’s nonverbal bafflement indicators as well.

Mary Worth isn’t just entertaining; it’s also a message strip. And today it’s clear what the message of this storyline is: if you refuse to deal with a problem long enough, it will eventually solve itself.

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Keep it like a secret

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Mary Worth, 3/19/05

How torn up is Anna about her raging infertility problems? Even when she’s alone in the apartment, she has to switch from speaking aloud to no one in particular to encapsulating her exposition in silent thought balloons when ruminating on her stony insides. Poor Anna! If she can’t even say it to herself, how is she going to tell the fecund baby-making machine that is Dr. Brian?

On the other hand, she may just be worried that he’s got the place bugged. If I were looking for hidden microphones, I’d be checking behind that “starving artist quality at starving artist prices” seaside landscape on the wall there, Anna. The newlyweds seem to be so busy not getting pregnant that they haven’t had time to decorate the place beyond the Motel 6 level.

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And now to reeeeeeel her in

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Mary Worth, 3/11/05

Oh, Mary, Mary, Mary: never has your evil plotting been so involved, or so fruitful in human misery. After doing her darndest to push together barren Anna and baby-crazed Dr. Brian, now — now — she’s all “honesty” and “open communication” and what have you. Instead of, you know, a few months ago, when her advice involved surreptitious homewrecking. She’s no doubt besides herself with glee at the trouble that’s about to ensue here. For her sake, we need to hope that Anna doesn’t catch on and strangle her with her own kicky pink cravat.

Look at Dr. Brian’s open, excited expression in panel two: he’s rarin’ to go for another round of baby-making magic! Meanwhile, Anna’s stoic look in panel one shows that she’s grimly resigned to enduring tonight’s fertilization-themed pillow talk from the good doctor.