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Hagar the Horrible, 4/13/06

Ah, it’s tax season, so what better opportunity for Hagar the Horrible to deploy an incomprehensible gag about tax collectors! Note that in panel one Hagar is blase about this radical change in tax policy, while Helga looks shocked and appalled that the royal government has decided to abandon a progressive income tax. Presumably the change was pushed through by fat-cat campaign contributors whose portfolios were heavy on capital gains-producing investments and low on foliage.

Anyway, the joke, such as it is, revolves around the sheer number of leaves on the The Horribles’ trees, and the sky-high tax bills that will no doubt result. This strikes me as the sort of thing that the artist thought was a great idea until he suddenly found himself in the position of having to draw all the damn leaves. So, he loses points on foresight, but kudos to him for following through to the bitter, hand-cramping end anyway.

Apartment 3-G, 4/13/06

How little respect does Apartment 3-G get from my hometown paper, the Baltimore Sun? Well, first they tried to cancel it, though obviously the outcry was too great for them to get away with that. Now I find out that the writing duties for the strip changed some time ago (Lisa Trusiani’s out, Margaret Shulock’s in) and the Sun has yet to change the byline in the paper. For shame! I had to find out by seeing that the Apartment 3-G article on Wikipedia was updated, which fact of course entails the disturbing corollary that there are people out there who care even more about this strip than I do and update its Wikipedia article when its authors change. I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that the author changeover happened right around here, when there was this weird abrupt wrapping up and yet the next storyline ended up continuing the previous one instead of just imposing the usual mind-wipe on all its characters.

Anyway, this has been a long-winded way of saying that if we can count on the new author to keep on creating bizarre and simultaneously sexy and slightly unnerving scenarios like “Let’s admire Tommie in Nina’s bridal veil and a polo shirt under an sweater,” then I for one welcome her with open arms.

(Oh, and confidential to King Features: It’s fine that you didn’t bother to contact me this time, but when Margaret gets tired of this gig in two or three years, I am totally available. Just FYI.)

Mary Worth, 4/13/06

Lou’s thought balloon is no “My very own meth lab,” and in fact I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean, but sure sounds sinister, doesn’t it? It should rightly be followed by maniacal laughter.

Lou: Yes, you’re right, hon! We do share everything!

Lou thought balloon: [And we always will.]

Lou: Heh he. Moo ha ha. MOOHOHOHO HA HA! HA HA! MOO HA HA!!!!

Kelly thought balloon: [God damn, that freak likes pie a little too much.]

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They’ll Do It Every Time, 4/4/06

Points to ponder:

• I suppose “Just before the battle” is meant to presage the epic struggle between “mother” and “hubby” (and oh, the creepiness of that pair of terms) over his warranty-renewal ineptness, but doesn’t it sort of sound like they were planning on settling in for the night to watch the war for the evening? “Damn it, the assault on Fallujah is on tonight! They say it’s gonna be the biggest thing since the Tet Offensive!”
• Can you actually renew a warrantee? Isn’t the whole point that it just lasts for a limited time, because otherwise nobody would ever buy anything new?
• Does anyone get a TV set repaired anymore? Even if you’ve “renewed your warrantee” somehow, don’t they just send you a new one?
• What laws of physics would allow hubby to produce those cloud-like motion lines behind his head and back?
• Are the Barfwells one of the millions of American families without HEALTH INSURANCE? Did they decide to buy an enormous TV on weird skinny legs instead of comprehensive health coverage?
• “Barfwell”?

Discuss.

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Lou may not cotton to this whole “exercise” scam, but maybe he and Wilbur can get together to discuss their shared love of gelatinous, featureless blobs of ecru food-style substance?

At least Lou can get it near enough to his mouth, though it looks like he’s going to have to unhinge his jaw to swallow it one gulp the way you know he wants to.

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Mary Worth, 3/24/06

So wait, the new Mary Worth storyline is about the sex lives of unattractive middle-aged empty nesters? Oh, hell, no, I am not down for that. You hear me, Mary Worth? You’re on your own if you go down that road.

[Long pause.]

Oh, we both know I don’t mean that.

Also:

Non Sequitur and panels from Fox Trot, 3/24/06

A comic pooping double-score today. Niiice.

Also also: Why do cartoon moms get all gothy before bed? It’s kinda creepin’ me out.