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Hi everyone! The Internet Read Aloud live show is on hiatus for February, but I will badger you to come again in March. So you can spend this entire post luxuriating in the comment of the week!

“One the one hand, the comics desperately need new blood. On the other hand, I don’t immediately know every character in Daddy Daze‘s foibles. Does the baby poop like Marvin? Does the dad have a crappy office job with a controlling and incompetent general/owner? I need to have somehow learned all this by osmosis decades ago because I do not read the comics page to LEARN things.” –toxic

You can also enjoy the runners up!

“So the Keane ancestors are demigods? Be very afraid.” –Tonio

“Later, all the snow falling dissipates the cloud, and Dolly and Jeffy are crushed by the heavy weather control machine.” –nescio

“‘On second thought, we don’t want a wake-up call.’ ‘I am going to give you one anyway: your horrible marriage is not an imposition, you are both comfortable in it because you enjoy the masochism tango and you fear that the real obstacle to your happiness is not your partner, but your horrible personality.’” –Ettorre

“Ok, let me understand this correctly: A hot young rich guy who totally worships you, regardless of your advanced age and deteriorating body, and insists on telling you so. Who suggests a doctor visit because he’s so concerned? Who accompanies you to said doctor’s appointment? Who cheerfully picks up your pharmacy order after dropping you off for your nap? Who happily functions as your personal meals-on-wheels service and shares/enjoys your medically-proscribed limited diet with you? This is not just a continuity strip, people. This has fully crossed the line into nursing home pornography.” –Hopester

“Speaking a someone with Celiac disease, there is no medical condition on earth, whether it be hypothyroidism, a concussion, or a psychotic break with reality, that would induce a person to say that any type of gluten-free sandwich is ‘really good.’” –Marcus Theory

“The women will be especially mad when they see that ‘BINGO TONITE‘ sign and find that it points to a tiny fortress with no way for them to get inside unless they want to climb through that window one at a time. Seriously, this building is such an architectural impossibility, the fact that Crock and Captain Poulet somehow managed to get to the roof constitutes a ‘moral victory’ in and of itself.” –Joe Blevins

“But how does robbing payrolls emulate a freedom fighter battling a totalitarian regime inspired by the backmasking panic of the early 1980’s?’ ‘…Look, can we just skip to the part where you become my futuristic robo-bride?’” –TheDiva

“Ugghh. Is he gonna force her watch that video? If he combines it with Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart,’ she may not make it. I know I didn’t.” –Mikey

“Isn’t determining if you want to speak to someone before you answer the phone just hilarious? Sorry, I meant ‘screening calls’. Isn’t determining if you want to speak to someone before you answer the phone just screening calls?” –JJ48

“Iris lost about 40 pounds overnight. I’m thinking it’s less love and more cocaine and enemas that agree with her.” –Where’s Rocky?

“I just realized that Mary must be about to unveil her new gluten-free muffin recipe. No one escapes that easily, Iris!” –Peanut Gallery

“‘To make you stronger‘ says Odin, not wanting to admit his son was right, the lightning and thunder take a lot of practice to control and no he should not be borrowing them.” –pachoo

“I’m really hoping that Leroy hasn’t been fired, he’s just been demoted to scaring pigeons away on the roof. Just imagine it; 8 hours a day, outside, in all weather conditions, shooting pigeons away, getting covered in bird shit, still wearing a full suit and tie because there’s no goddamn way he’s telling Loretta this just so she can have something else to mock him with. The daily dry cleaning is costing more than his paycheck, but fuck her, she’s never gonna have this to hold over him.” –Rosstifer

“A third eye? No son of mine will grow a third eye. We’re Innsmouth folks, born and inbred, and you’ll grow scales and gills like your grandfather and your great-grandfather, and you’ll swim down to Devil’s Reef some moonless night to mate with a flounder. Third eye … what do you think your mother was, a shoggoth?” –Voshkod

“Today Leroy Lockhorn ascends to face God. He is unfazed.” –Lee Sherman

“‘Global warming is of course a laugh riot, but do you know what else is comic gold? An outbreak of a new virus. Absolutely no way this joke will come across badly when it appears in papers a month from now!’ –the writer of Arctic Circle, some time in December probably” –Schroduck

“That recycled DTM joke has been in the archives for decades waiting on a Tonight Show host with the proper length name to fill the space where ‘Johnny Carson’ appeared forty years ago when this first ran in print. They just couldn’t make ‘Jay Leno’ fit the blanks and ‘Conan O’Brien’ came and went without the art team noticing.” –KrisTM

“The real menace in today’s panel is hiding in plain sight: ungrounded electrical outlets. Mr. Wilson should sleep easier next door, content with the knowledge that his young nemesis is simply one power surge away from a fried videogame system or (god of schadenfreude willing) burning to death in a house fire.” –Mighty Sean Young

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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It’s your comment of the week, everyone! Go ahead and enjoy — you’ve earned it!

“Looking forward to ten years from now, when none of us will remember a time that the strip was not called [small, perfunctory lettering] Rex Morgan and [large colorful logotype] GOOD OL’ AUNT TILDY.” –Old Man Muffaroo

Your runners up are also a warm bath of funny that you should let yourself luxuriate in:

“If there’s one thing this nurse and doctor can’t stand, it’s having uncomfortable conversations.” –BigTed

“A Woman, politely: ‘This is fun!’ Mason: ‘Actually, we’re here for business!’ Mason: [does something bizarre] A Woman, politely: ‘That’s how Mason does business.’ Mason: ‘Actually, it’s also fun!’” –Aaron

“I just wanted to see them before … you know … before the Morgan genes kick in at puberty and turn them into stunning but emotionless robots.” –pugfuggly

“Characters in Mary Worth must always share laughs. They are rare in that world, rare and fleeting. Taking a whole one for yourself would be the ultimate act of greed.” –Everything Is Better with Monkeys

“Looks like Crankshaft will have to give Keesterman a swirly or two until he remembers who it is makes the terrible wordplay around here.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Of course Cayla is not jealous that her husband had sex with another woman decades before they were married. She just recoils in horror every time she thinks about Les having sex. Even with her. Especially with her. This makes her the most relatable character.” –Ettorre

“Women be shopping, and men be … dying slowly of chronic diseases, I guess.” –TheDiva

“What I like about the characters in Snuffy Smith is their overwhelming enthusiasm for just about everything. I can’t remember what my reaction was when I first learned about direct deposit, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t to yell, ‘Handy-dandy!!’” –Joe Blevins

“But seriously, folks: the pissier Rex gets, the more I love the strip. May his house be ever filled with pets and old people.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“In a world of birds, I would think newspapers are prized. After all, you need a lot of newsprint to line the floor of your house, because you birds have cloacae and can’t really regulate your excretion. Yeah, that’s right. For all the times we’ve seen the Perfessor [sic] in his chair, you have to assume he’s sitting on a pile of crap so huge that the United States could claim it under the Guano Islands Act.” –Voshkod

“Almost 67 years ago, on March 1, 1953, Charles Schultz published a Peanuts comic about how Kids Today had never seen a rocking chair. Just in case you wondered if Dennis the Menace was keeping up with the times.” –matt w

“‘Marcell Irby controls the glass.’ OK, so maybe it’s not the greatest super-power ever, but at least maybe it will enable him to enclose his enemies in a terrarium of some sort, and it certainly beats ‘Peter Parker controls the sofa.’” –seismic-2

“I barely noticed Marvin in today’s Marvin. More of this, please.” –nescio

“This is pretty funny. Leather rules? Imagine making anything out of a material that can’t stand being constantly soiled! What kind of life would someone have, do you think, to be able to enjoy something like that? [sobs gently]” –pachoo

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, it’s Friday and it’s your FINAL reminder that Conor Lastowka and I will be putting on a special version of the Internet Read Aloud show at SF Sketchfest tomorrow, Saturday, January 18, featuring Bill Corbett of MST3K/Rifftrax, Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks, standup Natasha Muse, and more!

Tickets are limited so buy some now!

And now … it’s time for your COTW:

“Look, kudos to Dick Tracy. The bad guy said a line that doesn’t actually make any sense (without ice powers), his henchman called him on it, and he admits he’s having trouble coming up with a better one. That sort of thing should happen all the time. Maybe Bruce Wayne can afford to spend twelve hours a day practicing witty repartee, but for everyone else, this would be much more realistic.” –pachoo

Your runners up are also very funny!

“So, whoever is doing art for Mort Walker’s Beetle Bailey these days is pondering what a U.S. Army base is like. ‘Uh … shovels? Maybe a water tower?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Unplanned nap? At MY age? It’s pretty much a REGULAR thing! Unfortunately, that’s the only REGULAR thing about my metabolism these days! Sorry about your COUCH! But the stain isn’t THAT much uglier than that zombieskin GRAY anyway!” –Probably the Real Shrug, But Only Josh and Uncle Lumpy Know for Sure (Well, I suppose I, Shrug, do as well, but — oh NO! What a GIVEAWAY!)

“Iris asks whether there’s a cure, and the doctor replies that ‘your symptoms can improve a great deal.’ What does that mean? Her symptoms are that she’s gaining weight and losing her hair. ‘You’re going to die, but you’ll be thin as a rail, and your hair will really shine!!!’” –seismic-2

“Damn, Zak’s doctor is so dignified that his gray hair has gray streaks.” –TheDiva

“Thanks, Josh, for reminding us that this is Thyroid Awareness Month. Because I wasn’t being aware of my thyroid. Now I am. I can feel it pulsing in my neck, releasing triiodothyronine and thyroxine. Another lump of weak flesh that makes up this all-too frail sack of water and meat that I call myself. I was trying to forget, but now I’m aware.” –Voshkod

“Reading all of that makes me want to tell Mason to shut the fuck up already, so I have no doubt he’ll be able to portray Les.” –nescio

“I’m glad we’re taking a lengthy period to settle down and talk through this nearly-shocking circumstance. The very possibility that an adult woman might have consumed some alcoholic beverages and taken a nap… goodness, my hands just won’t stop shaking! Thank heavens this horror didn’t really happen in this fictional story!” –jroggs

“A backwards baseball cap?! What a fresh look! It’ll go great with other things the young people of our generation have discovered for the first time ever, like videogames, yo-yos, pizza, skateboards, the environment, and music our parents don’t enjoy.” –BigTed

“Oh, my father was fine, but that fine cedar bench … we’ll never get her back.” –pugfuggly

“Quiet! I’m thinking! Specifically, I’m wondering how we’re carrying on this conversation despite all the gunfire taking place inside this enclosed space!” –JJ48

“#oscarsstillprettywhitebutdon’tworrybecauseweaddedablackreplacementwife” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“The prospect of a larger share in the divorce settlement has gotten Cayla’ s attention.” –Foodar

“The eyes are the window to the soul. This salesclerk has no pupils. If you were wondering what kind of person would up-sell a senile old lady into using her heart pill money for organic birdseed, the answer is right there.” –Tonya

“Look out, Tildy! Rex has got his murderin’ — I mean mercy! — I mean corresponding to actuarial tables! — gloves on.” –pastordan

“‘Thereabouts. Yes.‘ Also the answer Rex gives, when asked whether he got his training at Harvard Medical School.” –Just John

Remember, if you want to buy ads on this site and get a shoutout in these metaposts, head on over to my BuySellAds page! If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!