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Folks: next Friday is the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening Los Angeles!

It’s a great batch of performers this month, so definitely you should come out and watch us!

And, as usual, Uncle Lumpy loves you all too much to choose favorites, but I have no such compunctions, so here’s the best comment of, well, the last couple of days, at least:

“We always assumed that the Phantom was an old colonial imperialist, but think about it! There is an old Bandar compound that stops blood loss and pain, but none of the past Phantoms ever used it to help the hemophiliac descendants of the arch-imperialist Queen Victoria. It also means that there must have been The Ghost Who Enables the Decay of the Tsarist Regime and Opens the Way to the Workers’ Revolution. Maybe when Marx was talking about a spectre haunting Europe, he had something more concrete in mind…” –Ettorre

And the very funny runners up!

“I love how, in his indignation at people questioning his intelligence, he’s also confused about whether or not they’re questioning his intelligence. ‘Hey Cherry? What’s a fuckwit? Is it something good?’” –Thomas Nolte, on Facebook

“I really like how it looks as though Guran is trying to upsell Phantom on some extras. ‘Ok, you’ve got the compound that stops the blood loss and pain, but this one makes sure you don’t get too much scar tissue. And if you have two bottles you really should have the carrying case…’” –pugfuggly

“Whatcha gonna do, Mark, come to my house and slam my head into my keyboard to ‘teach me a lesson’ about making snarky comments about you online? Why don’t you stick to teaching me lessons about the migratory habits of banana slugs you dumb sack ofshufwsepuihgriuhwsefgruiwshrg uiwgruihifgtwerguih
drggegrg greerge4t5efdrgwgtyrehtd” –The Silent Penultimate Panel

“Of course a plugger’s ‘honey-do’ list grows on long weekends. It’s important to keep him busy so they don’t have to spend any time together.” –nescio

“Pluggers adhere to a central doublethink principle where they are simultaneously the principled, hard-working salt of the earth and the laziest bastards in existence.” –TheDiva

“Why don’t they just go the full-on Scandinavian and put slashes through the o’s in ‘Voof‘? In for an øre, in for a krone, I always say.” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Faithful readers, it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser!

The Dog Days of August are great time to shower the Comics Curmudgeon with tokens of grateful gratitude — I mean, it’s too hot to do anything else, right? If this site brings joy to your life, consider supporting its work in whatever way works best for you:

• By credit card or PayPal — Click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account to use this option, just a major credit card.
• By mail — Email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net; I’ll reply with an address for your generous check, money order, or in-kind contribution.
• As a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter — Join the ranks of Comics Curmudgeon Supporters for just $3 per month, and enjoy an ad-free online and mobile experience, plus an enhanced comment editor. Full details are here.
• Through a Patreon sponsorship — If you’d prefer to support all of Josh’s artistic/comedic efforts on a recurring basis, visit his Patreon page for complete details of this option.

Full details, terms, and conditions are here.

The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with hundreds of banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Folks! I’m about to head out on vacation for a week and change, but fear not: your favorite Uncle Lumpy is on duty in the iterim! I’ll be back on Thursday the 29th, but till then, enjoy this comment of the week, and Uncle Lumpy’s comic stylings:

“Oh no. Hugo’s going to fall off that ladder and break his neck, isn’t he? And Dawn will spend the rest of her life regretting that she didn’t help– oh, wait, this isn’t the Funkyverse! It’s the Mary Worthiverse, which means that we get to spend the next few weeks literally watching paint dry.” –els

And your very funny runners up!

“The man in cargo shorts is having a life crisis as he is forced to reconsider all those fake girl gamer memes he shared.” –Ettorre

“While you were playing with dolls, I was playing with guns! Remember? In the house we grew up in together, at the same time?” –pugfuggly

“Following an unsuccessful attempt to boost tourism in the 1950s, every day in Milford is St Patrick’s Day.” –Schroduck

“Interpretation one: ‘Don’t worry. The kids won’t care about the poop landing on the cake, because they don’t care about the candle blower’s saliva.’ Interpretation two: ‘Don’t worry. There are no horizontal surfaces in the world for the poop to land on. It will just keep falling forever.’” –A Concerned Reader

“Come on, just one little baseball can’t hurt you. All the cool kids are doing it. You won’t get hooked! You won’t end up like those losers who spend hours staring slackjawed at double-header games on TV, blowing their whole paychecks at the ballpark, stealing from their own mothers to feed their habit for official MLB-approved merchandise…” –Peanut Gallery

“A lifetime of heavy beer and meat consumption meets its inevitable conclusion.” –Rusty

“I, for one, am taking this opportunity to enjoy General Halftrack’s desk in perfect isolation. Look at all those scrotums carved into the wood!” –Joe Blevins

“See, this is why Rex is a great human being and Roy from Judge Parker is sapient pond scum. Roy gave the Mafia info about someone he didn’t like, and that makes Roy irredeemably evil. But Rex is only going to give someone info that they will pass along to the Mafia. Rex isn’t going to deal with mobsters directly. It’s that one extra degree of separation that divides sinners from saints.” –jroggs

“Forget the magical hoverbaby, I’m worried about the voidpillow on the couch! An inky, comfortable blackness that cushions and devours all it touches. It… it’s in my mind. ALL HAIL THE VOIDPILLOW!” –Victor Von

“Let the grown-ups have their moonshine. These young ‘uns know that psychedelic frog secretions are the best high you can get for free — especially since they allow you to hallucinate trademarked Disney characters without paying the movie-theater admission prices.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!