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Folks: it’s the Friday of the month, and you know what that means: my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening Los Angeles!

It’s a great batch of performers this month, so definitely you should come out and watch us!

Also, apologies that I’ve gotten behind this week in thanking everyone who donated to the pledge drive — you’re gonna get those thank-yous this weekend, promised!

And finally, it wouldn’t be the weekend starting off right without a comment of the week!

“I’ve seen flaming drinks like Bill Ellis is holding, but damn, never handled so casually.” –Downpuppy

Your runners up? Also hilarious.

“I swear to Christ that guy dropping two little French bits in the conversation to remind the reader he’s French is killing me. I was less annoyed and instinctively repulsed when I walked into a spider web a couple of nights ago.” –toxic

“Also, mon cherie, there is the French law that requires me to change my phone number and email address after returning from abroad. Quelle tragedie!” –Francisco Arrowroot

“House-painting visas are notoriously tricky, not to mention real, this probably isn’t a line to blow her off or anything.” –Dan

“For a whirlwind romance this is awfully slow moving.” –Northernlurker

“If they both love the USA and France too much, maybe they can find a compromise solution in the middle. Louisiana? Quebec? A NATO base in Wallonia? 1951 movie An American in Paris? The hashtag #Amélie on Pinterest?” –Ettorre

“The nurse is going to need to put him under general anesthesia in order to remove his hat.” –Rusty

“Yeah, Toast Oakwood! Finally the Milford High Young Sommeliers Club gets to bust out their tasting-note puns!” –pugfuggly

“I see that air traffic control at Santa Royale International Airport consists of pasting silhouettes of airplanes on the windows so other airplanes see the cut-outs and don’t crash through the glass.” –Voshkod

“Because it’s Marvin, all I can think about is the kind of violent shit a dinner of microwave Salisbury steak and chicken parm would cause.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I doubt your single days were all that great. With those looks, you couldn’t get laid at a nymphomaniacs’ convention. And your personality! Ha ha! Forget about it!” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, I just want to tell people I have a boyfriend in Paris. Can you give me that much? Because I’m going to anyway.” –BigTed

“I always pegged Alex(ander) as being a rather milquetoast conformist, but I have to give him credit: kicking in a TV screen and keeping your foot inside is extremely badass.” –Irrischano

“What kind of video games are we talking about here? Are we talking about full-priced retail games, which would put that elegant-looking dress at a fairly modest price of $180? Or are we talking about ‘free-to-play’ games, which can quickly empty people’s entire bank accounts and ruin their lives through predatory microtransactions?” –jroggs

“Ahhhh, the $2.99 distraction. Dawn will be in the Denver airport before she realizes that he’s pulled the ol’ ‘airport switcheroo’ and sent her off on a plane. But she’ll always have her lovely keepsake, if the cleaning crew can find where it fell off before they vacuum it up.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I wish I could love anything as much as middle-aged dude cartoonists love drawing young women.” –lorne

“If Dawn can be so easily bought off with beads and trinkets, see what she’ll take for her dad’s condo.” –Guillermo el Chiclero

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks: next Friday is the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: my live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening Los Angeles!

It’s a great batch of performers this month, so definitely you should come out and watch us!

And, as usual, Uncle Lumpy loves you all too much to choose favorites, but I have no such compunctions, so here’s the best comment of, well, the last couple of days, at least:

“We always assumed that the Phantom was an old colonial imperialist, but think about it! There is an old Bandar compound that stops blood loss and pain, but none of the past Phantoms ever used it to help the hemophiliac descendants of the arch-imperialist Queen Victoria. It also means that there must have been The Ghost Who Enables the Decay of the Tsarist Regime and Opens the Way to the Workers’ Revolution. Maybe when Marx was talking about a spectre haunting Europe, he had something more concrete in mind…” –Ettorre

And the very funny runners up!

“I love how, in his indignation at people questioning his intelligence, he’s also confused about whether or not they’re questioning his intelligence. ‘Hey Cherry? What’s a fuckwit? Is it something good?’” –Thomas Nolte, on Facebook

“I really like how it looks as though Guran is trying to upsell Phantom on some extras. ‘Ok, you’ve got the compound that stops the blood loss and pain, but this one makes sure you don’t get too much scar tissue. And if you have two bottles you really should have the carrying case…’” –pugfuggly

“Whatcha gonna do, Mark, come to my house and slam my head into my keyboard to ‘teach me a lesson’ about making snarky comments about you online? Why don’t you stick to teaching me lessons about the migratory habits of banana slugs you dumb sack ofshufwsepuihgriuhwsefgruiwshrg uiwgruihifgtwerguih
drggegrg greerge4t5efdrgwgtyrehtd” –The Silent Penultimate Panel

“Of course a plugger’s ‘honey-do’ list grows on long weekends. It’s important to keep him busy so they don’t have to spend any time together.” –nescio

“Pluggers adhere to a central doublethink principle where they are simultaneously the principled, hard-working salt of the earth and the laziest bastards in existence.” –TheDiva

“Why don’t they just go the full-on Scandinavian and put slashes through the o’s in ‘Voof‘? In for an øre, in for a krone, I always say.” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Faithful readers, it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon 2019 Summer Fundraiser!

The Dog Days of August are great time to shower the Comics Curmudgeon with tokens of grateful gratitude — I mean, it’s too hot to do anything else, right? If this site brings joy to your life, consider supporting its work in whatever way works best for you:

• By credit card or PayPal — Click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account to use this option, just a major credit card.
• By mail — Email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net; I’ll reply with an address for your generous check, money order, or in-kind contribution.
• As a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter — Join the ranks of Comics Curmudgeon Supporters for just $3 per month, and enjoy an ad-free online and mobile experience, plus an enhanced comment editor. Full details are here.
• Through a Patreon sponsorship — If you’d prefer to support all of Josh’s artistic/comedic efforts on a recurring basis, visit his Patreon page for complete details of this option.

Full details, terms, and conditions are here.

The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with hundreds of banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers!

— Uncle Lumpy