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Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

And now, your comment of the week:

“The Keane Kompound originally experimented with the Dervish’s method of spinning as prayer, but that proved way too high energy for their American physique. So now they just hang upside down until they black out, as god intended.” –Escape Zeppelin

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I didn’t know ‘Excelsior‘ meant one last gratuitous crotch shot.” –Zerowolf

“Peter Parker is one of those annoying tourists who will quote stereotypes at every local during his vacation. He will die after the 100th time he says, ‘That’s not a knife!’ and an Aussie snaps and stabs him.” –Dread

“I really like how the watercooler seems to have spigots like 6 inches off the floor. I guess everyone’s a dick in this universe, up to and including office supply companies.” –pugfuggly

“Okay, okay, so Rex’s hair is just … like that all the time. It comes out of the shower that way. All right. That negates, like, a good decade of fan theories I had been formulating, but I can recalibrate.” –Joe Blevins

“I was going to make a joke about tuning in in-room porn, but I guess to Rex news stories about his heroics are in-room porn.” –Pozzo

“The rock concert was probably something like ‘Municipal Symphony Plays Hits by Bob Dylan.’ Which would explain why Leroy, himself a connoisseur of dickishness, looks perplexed as this guy shouts so deeply from his sternum that he has to lock his back and dig his feet in.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Let me make myself clear, no hubub! I don’t want things all cattywompus, full of kerfuffle after boondoggle, and all hurly burly. Am I perfectly clear? Bob’s your uncle.” –Joe

“I was looking forward to Kadia moving into Skull Cave. ‘Oh, this is my friend’s house. He’s out of the country and ours is under renovation. Guran runs the school. You’ll enjoy learning differential equations — in the Bandar Tongue. Babudan teaches archery and tracking.’” –Downpuppy

“My girls will love it here! They’ve always wanted to be green-screened into an architectural software rendering.” –Peanut Gallery

“Sure, Leroy’s got the big-city office, the briefcase, the overpriced to-go coffee, the suit and striped tie, the extremely expensive degree that serves no purpose but to indicate his monetary and cultural power, but class anxiety never goes away.” –Schroduck

“The rude passengers, the news anchors, it’s all the same — Rex doesn’t care who he feels contempt for, just as long as he can feel contempt for someone.” –TheDiva

“Ha ha ha! Fuck the 8th Amendment! Over to you, Chip, for Sports!” –Little Guy

“If you think this sounds like a lot of bureaucratic red tape for a husband and wife organizing a pick-up softball game, you should see what Gil and Mimi have to go through to have sex. They can’t even get to third base without twenty pages of forms and a notary public.” –jroggs

“Billy’s expression disturbs me. He doesn’t have a smug smile that indicates ‘I just successfully hurt my sister,’ or a furrowed brow or frown that indicates ‘I’m going to get in trouble’ or (ha ha) ‘I hope my sister is OK.’ His perfectly neutral mouth and raised eyebrows of curiosity read as ‘So these humans are upset when pain is inflicted on them. I shall store this information away for later use.’” –matt w

“If Billy had farted, then the half-assed wordplay would have actually made sense, which would be very off-brand for Family Circus. What’s very on-brand is Thel not giving a shit that those melon-headed monsters are playing basketball inside the goddamn house.” –Rosstifer

“Three demerits to random Dick Tracy guest character for bumbling his line. It should be ‘Was she a math teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all adds up.’ The judges would have also accepted ‘Was she a grammar teacher?’ ‘Yes, it all parses out’ or ‘Was she a science teacher?’ ‘Yes, just as I hypothesized.’” –Dmsilev

“If you go gallivanting around with my father searching for hidden gold, don’t even bother coming back! Unless, of course, you find it.” –BigTed

“Mark Trail makes a lot more sense once you realize the characters are all reading pre-selected text off the inside of their eyeballs, Terminator-style.” –pastordan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”
• SocMediaMarket: Meet the new way of becoming a famous! Buy Instagram followers, likes, and views.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks, your COTW in a moment, but first, a note: I am making an appearance at a live comedy show not my own (whatttt????) one week from tonight! It is the always fun and hilarious Game Night, hosted by Laser Malena-Webber of the Doubleclicks and Joseph Scrimshaw of Rifftrax! The show is at Geeky Teas & Games in Burbank, and I’m jazzed about it! See you there!

But what I’m seeing here is the comment of the week:

“The power light on Mark has gone to the slow blink of ‘stand by’.” –Foodar

Along with the hilarious runners up!

“Henry rejects the authority of the state to legislate mandatory seat belt use, and has taken it to extremes by removing all the belts in his car. He is upping the menace by driving something that looks like it uses corrugated cardboard in lieu of sheet metal for the bodywork.” –Rusty

“Okay, I’ve come to terms with the fact that the throwaway panels on Dennis the Menace Sunday strips will no longer contain their own, self-contained jokes. Whoever does the strip now can’t be bothered. Fine. Be lazy. Yawn in the Grim Reaper’s face. Whatever. But now, the traditional Sunday subtitle isn’t even a pun? This one is called ‘A Nice Thought,’ and it’s about Dennis having a nice thought. That’s just … I mean, Jesus Christ, Dennis the Menace! You had your own prime time show for four years! And a movie starring Walter Matthau! He won an Oscar … not for that, but still, he won one. What I’m saying is, where’s the pride?” –Joe Blevins

“Alternative explanation: Doc Pritchart doesn’t actually have a working x-ray machine, that‘s just a drawing of what he imagines a skeleton looks like.” –Boston Unscientific, on Twitter

“I know it is difficult for the captain to go down with the ship, but he IS a duck.” –amarylliss

“[Sixty years later] ‘And once, kids, when I was twelve, I was on a plane that landed in the desert.’ [Grandchildren look up briefly from their phones] ‘Really?’ ‘Yeah, a bus came and picked us up.’ [Kids look back down at their phones] ‘I sat next to a doctor.’ [Kids get up and walk into the next room] ‘He said I could tell you this story!’” –But What Do I Know?

“Is this what phone sex looks like in retirement? I’ll just keep eating cheeseburgers and try to die at 50, thank you.” –DevOpsDad

“Pluggers’ contempt is usually reserved for younger people and the newfangled things they like, but I’m guessing from the waitress’s glasses and paunch that she too is a plugger, and salads have been around for centuries. Maybe the waitress-dog horrified look is saying, ‘Look, pal, I’m on your side, but we pluggers can’t just start hating everything. This isn’t Crankshaft, for Pete’s sake.’” –Jenna

“That ‘bearded‘ is awkward and gratuitous, but you have to get Mark emotionally involved somehow.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Wait a minute, ‘our parents-in-law are going to live with us and make us miserable‘ is a plot point of Crankshaft. I believed that not even Funky Winkerbean would sink so low as to steal from Crankshaft!” –Ettore

“Yep, the Doc said that as long as you trust the pilot, everything will always be fine! Fatal crashes only happen when people don’t trust the pilot enough!” –JJ48

“Dennis’ fifth birthday is an infinite number that never repeats, which is why it’s celebrated on 3/14.” –cheech wizard

“There’s a non-zero chance that between panels 2 and 3, Dagwood tried to snort that phone.” –pugfuggly

“It’s clearly a catfish though. There are no successful men named Arthur.” –Dan

“The only people Dag actually talks to are his elderly boss and the kid from down the street, so his main cultural touchpoints are the Korean War and some 12-year-old girl who does unboxing videos on YouTube.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Why, it’s time for the week’s top comment, everybody!

“I’ve never seen an email chain before where both sides sound like spam.” –Noel

It’s also time for the very funny runners up!

“Spidey: ‘We’re Marvel superheroes who should be on the same side! Wanna fight each other for no good reason?’ Luke Cage [checks the box-office tally for Captain America: Civil War]: ‘Sure!’” –BigTed

“Spidey just invited Luke Cage to … step on his hand, apparently. Not his remote control hand, of course. I mean, super strength and invulnerability, sure, but why risk it?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Lesson 2: This is my town! Mediocre is always good enough, in Milford!” –seismic-2

“‘And what a looker!’ I am not in favor of this modern hepcat slang creeping into our language and corrupting our youth. What next? Estelle smoking a marijuana reefer cigarette? It’s sure to follow.” –Just John

“Years later when the adult Marvin has to shell out good money to pay women to stare at him while he takes a shit, I doubt he’ll thank his mother for instigating this expensive fetish.” –nescio

“I’m not saying Canada is a minor country, but doesn’t their Prime Minister have something to do other than answering his own phone and watching the Canadian flag livestream on his giant TV all day?” –Schroduck

“As far as sexual innuendos go, ‘Whip the purple man‘ is, uh … well, it certainly paints a picture.” –pugfuggly

“Well, nice of you to give MJ 33% of the credit, even though she did 99% percent of the work while you two were mind-controlled and/or useless. I’m having flashbacks to high school group projects” –TheDiva

“The Ghost Who Flies First Class: ‘We got here on this wonderful thing called a passenger airplane. Imagine that. Something that can go faster than a ship and further than a helicopter.’” –Liam

“Everyone knows we use the Yahoo address for our activities we don’t want other people to know about. If he’s really into you, Estelle, hold out for Gmail.” –Old School Allie Cat

“It seems that the algorithm that has been writing Shoe for years is sick about getting no recognition and so it has started to express passive aggressive comments about meat-bags.” –Ettore

“I’m kinda touched that this murderer/dom called the other person ‘jerk,’ like that’s the meanest name he could come up with, or like he’s okay with murder/intense sexual roleplay but swearing? C’mon, show some class.” –Jenna

“A gym teacher and a basketball coach, eh? Clearly, this was the work of nerds. As a safety precaution, we’d better tear gas the comic book convention.” –Joe Blevins

“If I saw the first panel from across a crowded coffee shop, I’d think this was two men sharing horror stories about the pain of chronic constipation, with one either asking for a bribe or showing some left-hand guitar fingerings.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Jeff’s wearing his one blue suit, but have we EVER seen Jenny dolled up like this before? Upswept hair, (very!) little black dress, earrings. She’s not dressing for dinner at the type of place where the coffee cups are on the table throughout the meal and a couple who have to live with her parents can afford a steak the size of a dinner plate. I think she won’t stop talking about Marvin so Jeff won’t get any ideas, because she’s clearly going out on her REAL date after they go home and he passes out.” –Sally

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Tales of Magical Legalism: Litrachoor for the Irate: One reviewer says: “A fun read, but also a sly and vivid exploration of life in any office, legal or not. Some truths can only be told with fiction, and these stories use the fantastical to illuminate some of the darker corners of our seemingly mundane, work-a-day world. If HP Lovecraft and Jim Butcher had teamed up to write for The Office, they probably would have just come to fisticuffs, but these stories are better than anything they would managed to get down on paper.”

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!