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Folks, we’re still in the midst of a long holiday weekend here in the U.S., but I’m still plug(ger)ing away on my blog to bring you the comment … of the week!

“Henrietta Beak (not shown) is busy taking her company-paid holiday to celebrate the birth of our nation, like a true plugger patriot. Meanwhile, these lazy, self-entitled dog-men think they’re getting participation trophies for showing up when the job site is closed.” –Carsick Yankee

And also the hilarious runners up!

“‘I only wish my husband would not eat himself to the grave‘ is probably the most affectionate thing Martha has ever said in sixty years.” –Ettore

“Pluggers save their vacation for special occasions, like the opening of a new Golden Coral buffet and attending funerals of fellow pluggers.” –ZeroWolf

“What I find most interesting about this strip is that Alice attempts a punchline with ‘I think that’s why they call it working out.’ But it is so unfunny that Mrs. Wilson decides to just keep talking and pretend it didn’t happen. In the last panel, Dennis schools his mom by demonstrating that a quality Dennis the Menace punchline needs to be both a strained pun and a cheap shot at Mr. Wilson.” –Jenna

“Best part of Slylock Fox is the rage on Chief Mutt’s face as Wanda lies to him, and the downcast expressions of Slylock and Max, as they realize that yet again they will be called on to perjure themselves in the police brutality investigation.” –Rube

“I think the humans take it in turns to commit petty crimes like this so the Glorious Animal Regime’s top enforcer will spend all his time focusing on them and ignore the real work of the Resistance. Next week is Slick Smitty’s turn, and he’s got an ‘Authentic Antarctic Polar Bear Fur’ scam all lined up.” –TheDiva

“Yes, these hot dogs sure are a quintessential part of summer. Now let’s go to family court and try to win back custody of Trixie.” –Joe Blevins

“Ha, I like how Mary looks directly to the reader in that last panel. ‘I love filling for him while he’s away, just like you, my audience, loves it too. It’s so much nicer when we can just dispense with the plot and get straight to the raw, uncut advice, isn’t it?’” –pugfuggly

“I defected from the NBA. But it seems the Party’s tentacles reach even into Virginia. Now we need your help to throw them off my trail. We figure you’re the last person they’d associate with professional sports.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m disappointed that the camera in Mary Worth is just going to linger on Charterstone and not on the drama in Mozambique, as the long-simmering civil war between RENAMO and FRELIMO finally comes to an end as the two sides unite in their hatred of Wilbur.” –Voshkod

“Sam just can’t wait to unload that kid. ‘Here, go play with…’ Abby gives him the evil eye and a quick shake of her head. ‘Sophie! Yeah, Sophie. She’s got to be around somewhere.’” –Col. Havoc

“Randy, no! Look, why don’t you take out your resentments by going back to work and throwing the book at a bunch of people for minor offenses? Lock them up for 10-20 years for shoplifting or whatever. Make them suffer like your dad is. Vicarious revenge can be a wonderful tonic.” –cheech wizard

“Today’s Judge Parker presents a real… SOPHIE’S CHOICE. Oh and I think her WASP dad is dying or got fired? IDK” –Irrischano

“Now, a clever bad guy would have let the three of them dig all the gold out of the mine, and then show up with the gun. Now he has to shoot them all and then do all that work. Gold is heavy.” –Ukulele Ike

“Sure, we all know that Pluggers, Slylock Fox, and probably Shoe are set after the Great Disaster from Kamandi: Last Boy on Earth, but for my money not enough is made of the fact Beetle Bailey is about a supposed US Army regiment that has zero contact with the greater military organisation, is never actually deployed anywhere, has a surprisingly small contingent with an oddly flattened rank structure (a general, a major, two lieutenants, two sergeants, one corporal, eight privates, and a handful of civilian staff), and is clearly home to one of Count Weirdly’s early experiments in ripping off Dr Moreau. The reason I bring this up today is because I notice Sarge’s flag only has five stripes, presumably symbolising the five regions of America (probably not actually entire states) which have not been conquered by the beastmen. Actually, Camp Swampy hasn’t heard from any of the others in a while, but you have to hope for the best, right?” –Horace Broon

Getting hit on the head with a greasy spatula on a regular basis might explain why his hair has always had that luxurious sheen.” –Where’s Rocky

“I’m pretty sure Gil not asking for details has less to do with his penis, and more to do with him not giving a shit.” –Rosstifer

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks: There comes a time in every book’s time in this world when it hits the discount phase of its life cycle. For The Enthusiast, the novel I Kickstarted and published a few years ago, that time is now.

If you somehow haven’t already purchased this delightful tome, you can now get both hardcover and paperback versions at half price ($12.50 and $7.50, respectively)! This deal is exclusive to my storefront on Topatoco — in fact, this storefront is the ONLY place you can get the hardcover version.

The novel is about soap opera comic strips, subways, online communities, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy. I really enjoyed writing this book and am proud of how it came out and would love to get it into more hands. Check it out! And if you’ve already read and enjoyed the book, feel free to chime in in the comments about how much you liked it!

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Hello everyone! This is the time of month where I’d normally be like “come see my live comedy show next week!!!!” but I’m taking July off, to celebrate America. We will be back reading the internet aloud in August!

But you can still get some solid laffs on the internet itself, right here with this comment of the week:

“So you told your wife that we’re all being poisoned, and she insisted you see a doctor? I think she was using hyperbole. Has she ever said something like, ‘If you love Game of Thrones so much, why don’t you marry it?’ And then when you tried to marry Game of Thrones, your church refused to perform the ceremony? This is like that.” –A Concerned Reader

Plus these very funny runners up are here for your amusement!

“When you live next to a child who has been six-year old for more than sixty years, you would also be surprised that people born in the late 1980s are now adults.” –Ettore

“I’m not sure I agree 100% with your policework there, Slylock. I think it’s much more likely that Weirdly lied about how long that shark had been caged without food rather than built an incredibly convincing fake mechanical shark.” –Joe Blevins

“You can see under the doors that there are no toilets. My best guess is that this takes place in a department store fitting room. Anyway, Superman shouldn’t discourage Batman, the resulting guano could be very lucrative.” –nescio

“People in long-term relationships can find their time together becomes stagnant. Speaking of which, let’s gossip about a totally different couple’s lives for another eight hours.” –BigTed

“The real question is how Batman takes a dump without soiling his cape. My guess is a triple axel with a backward crossover in the opposite direction of the original rotation. Of course, when he takes a dump in Australia, this all has to be reversed.” –LXIX

“I love how the door handle is set at Snuffy’s level. Sure, this forces Loweezy to bend over, but a permanent stoop makes it that much easier for her to scrub the floors, feed the chickens, weed the garden, etc., while Snuffy naps.” –Pozzo

“Dying is easy; comedy is hard — as Funky Winkerbean proves day after day after day.” –TheDiva

“Those are some sad chickens. Maybe they understand that the sack was supposed to have food but didn’t, or being in comics, maybe they are supposed to smart enough to anticipate what happens to chickens they can’t afford to keep. But really, chickens don’t understand much of anything, so most likely they just have traumatic memories of the sack — that dark and torturous maw Snuffy throws them into whenever they manage to get out, which probably happens a lot since it’s the only way they can find sustenance. It really adds a lot of color to this light joke about how ‘chicken feed’ can be literal or figurative.” –pachoo

“‘Here’s a scene we should be watching!‘ says the dialogue box, convincing no-one, not even itself.” –pugfuggly

“Any experienced golf coach would know that you don’t bend down to place a ball on the driving range tee while a 7 year-old is standing next to it with a club in her/his hand ready to strike, and especially that you don’t turn around in said position and look away from the child even if Mr. Clean appears out of nowhere. But this is Gil, of course. He has let his guard down after realizing that the young girl is a natural and he will not be placed in the unfamiliar and terrifying position of needing to teach his charge athletic skills.” –But What Do I Know?

“Wasn’t Hadley v. Baxendale the Supreme Court case that upheld a lower court ruling that Gil Thorp was protected by the Constitution’s Unbelievable Stupidity and Archaic References Clause? Or was that Clambake v. Board of Athletics?” –Mikey

“Doctor Fedora ‘Banana Bread’ Flyface Junior is running his operation from a secret undersea empire, which is why Sally needs her scuba goggles to deliver the package. She’s also wearing swim fins. Luckily, comic strips are a silent medium so we can’t hear the telltale slapping as she walks in.” –Ukulele Ike

“Sure, that shaven-headed prisoner seems scary. But when you look more closely and see he’s frantically squeezing a stress ball, you realize he’s just another person overwhelmed by the situation and needs a hug.” –Where’s Rocky

“The only way to have this ‘millennial dating’ scenario make sense is to assume that it actually takes place in some kinky sex club, and ‘fix my computer‘ is a code expression for some S/M act that is so unspeakable that it has no actual name. Then the screwdriver makes perfect sense, as well as why this couple has apparently invited Dustin to watch it.” –seismic-2

“‘Ain’t no kind of armed person empowered to commit state-sanctioned acts of violence in HERE, Judge!’ –man about to get shot.” –Chyron HR

“I’m an expert on Fitch. Ezra Fitch, the co-founder of Ambercrombie and Fitch. Did you know he was a lawyer and some say he brought the game of Mahjong into the United States? He died, and this is interesting, on a brand-new yacht named Content. He met David Ambercrombie when he shopped at Ambercrombie’s store! So, do you want to go back to my place and hear more about Ezra Fitch?” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!