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Hey all! Next week’s the first Friday of the month, so you know what that means: The Internet Read Aloud is happening in LA! Come see me and these funny people be funny!

Here is the Facebook event, which tells you all the details!

And now … your comment … of … the week!

“That owl though. ‘A CAVE? Can you believe this guy?’” –MissAgatha

And your hilarious runners up!

“Giant hogweed, also known as giant cow parsley and hogsbane, is also known as cartwheel-flower, giant cow parsnip, wild rhubarb and Heracleum mantegazzianum. The fact that Mark didn’t include these other names means he’s really slipping in the explanation department — which may not seem like a big deal until someone yells ‘Hey, watch out for the cartwheel-flower,’ but you don’t pay attention and end up getting your face burned off. Details matter, people!” –BigTed

“I like how the beach gets progressively more empty, as people flee Brandy and Tommy’s insufferable love talk. By the final panel even the sun has had enough, bringing dusk to California a full 5 hours early.” –pugfuggly

“Does anybody else feel like the Mary Worth is some kind of ominous foreshadowing, like Tommy is going to die trying to save it from drowning or something? Maybe the mind just sees what it wants to see. I have been hoping Tommy will drown for weeks now. In fact, I no longer care who drowns. Tommy, Brandy, me; let’s just get this over with.” –K.M.

“Jimmy Durante looks pretty good considering he’s been dead for almost 40 years. Ha-cha-cha-chaaaaaaa!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“Ah yes, muffins. The quintessential dessert for pool parties, picnics, and other summertime gatherings. And I’m sure they are bran muffins. Y’all can keep your watermelon! Mary knows the importance of staying regular.” –Havalina

“I also want to be counted amongst those who were shocked to see people actually in the pool at a pool party. What are they doing THERE and what are the DOING there? Is this a set up for some hero dog action? Will those people soon suffer from cramps for being in the water too soon after eating salmon ‘snacks’? There better be some G-D denouement including those two or I’ll be grinding my teeth something awful.” –The Mighty Captain E

“Ah, an elderly gentleman who wishes to be left the fuck alone so he may spend his golden years with his beloved dog. THIS HERESY MUST NOT STAND!” –Zerowolf

“Giving the loving illustration of that radio in Mark Trail, I can only assume it will soon be Mark’s sidekick. ‘How should we handle this, CeeBee?’ ‘Breaker breaker!’ ‘Ha! Good choice. Let’s break their jaws. I love you, CeeBee.’ ‘Wilco!’” –Voshkod

“This concludes another exciting episode of The Adventures of The Guy from ‘American Gothic.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m not sure if this guy is already dead or not, but I better run before he hits the floor!” –Peanut Gallery

“Keep running until there’s no one left to chase you. That’s how I used to play tag when I was a kid. It was very effective. I’ve never been ‘it’, not even once. Of course, that didn’t make me very popular with my peers, but I think they were all just jealous. Hey, where are you going?” –made of wince

“The Hanks are, respectively, 95 and 75 years old. The most likely explanation is that neither of them know how to work that iPhone.” –Where’s Rocky

“Meanwhile a hawk tries very hard to convince people to build a new Aztec capital on this site, but everyone is too focused on petty looting to see the omen. Way to miss your destiny, Joe.” –pachoo

“Cindy doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. She’s a single! No caring mother or father, no inquisitive aunts or uncles. A single! No one would miss her if she were suddenly to disappear, say by going into a basement and having her organs harvested!” –seismic-2

“Hi and Lois is violating the Three Guys on a Sofa rule established by TV advertising that states one of them MUST be a person of color. However, following that rule would mess up the cultural insensitivity required by the joke of Thirsty’s Italian-American bookie. Don’t even get me started on him smoking inside the house.” –Chaze

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Did somebody say … comment of the week? Here’s your comment of the week, everybody!

“I thought plugger Netflix was driving by the old, closed-down Blockbuster and sighing.” –JJ48

And here are your very funny runners up!

“The old ‘I suspect he’s an android so I’ll have to obsessively observe him using the toilet’ ploy.” –nescio

“I just don’t think this La La Land sequel has the magic of the original.” –Schroduck

“A kid who owns a toy drum and bugle would know perfectly well what Dixieland jazz sounds like — and Dennis would take this situation as a clear sign that he needs to step things up a notch. ‘You don’t play music that annoys me, old man,’ is what he’d say before beginning an atonal, experimental number by Ornette Coleman, ‘I play music that annoys you!’” –BigTed

“Hon, would you pass the syrup? By the way, are you scared shitless of snakes? I know this may not be the best of things to bring up over flapjacks, but I just got thru reading Riki Tiki Tavi by Rudyard Kipling, and there’s a scene in it where a cobra attacks a family at breakfast! Fascinating, huh? I mean, who names a kid Rudyard?” –willethompson

“Most depictions of Cleopatra VII omit the fact that she was married to her brothers and incest was the rule of the Ptolemaic family. This is probably less taboo after the Animalapocalypse, since inbreeding would be necessary to keep the pedigree pure and the distinctive features of the breed prominent. Haven’t you noticed how Slylock refuses the seduction of Cassandra Cat since she’s from another species, while the girlfriends of Slylock and Max look EXACTLY like them?” –Ettore

“This Funky Winkerbean looks like it takes place in a nightmarish alternate universe where everyone is the love child of Jack Webb and Harry Morgan from Dragnet 1967.” –Joe Blevins

“Kinda have to respect how Mark Trail commits to the pre-renaissance style of art depicting children as ugly, smaller forms of adults.” –Joe

“No, Mary, that’s not what it sounds like. It sounds like Iris is introducing a new series. ‘Brandy’s a good influence! Tommy’s determined to stay clean and sober! Together, they’re … The Uninteresting Duo!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Seat belt? I call bullshit.” –The Modesto Kid, on Twitter

“‘Driving up I-75‘ is the perfect euphemism for sex in Westview: it’s mind-numbingly tedious with a few rest stops. And the view never changes.” –But What Do I Know?

“The best thing about this cartoon is that Mr. Wilson has the time to rattle off a well-thought-out statement expressing how much he loathes Dennis instead of spending the amount of time you’d expect him to on processing questions about Dennis’s contraption. Most of us would start with, ‘How does he steer that thing?’ ‘What’s holding the chair legs in place?’ ‘How could he possible appear so relaxed while rolling down the sidewalk with no benefits of a steering mechanism?’ Even Mrs. Wilson views this as a minor curiosity, and nothing to panic about. I just wish we could see the follow-up panels where we see how badly Dennis crashes.” –Larry McAwful

“Since this is the Batuikverse I presume ‘fail‘ is a euphemism for massive coronary.” –Zerowolf

“Sometimes a kid gets on a roll! Around here we call that a kid hoagie, but down South it’s a po’ boy!” –Uncle Lumpy

“The New York Times: ‘All The News That’s Fit To Print’ The Chicago Tribune: ‘The World’s Greatest Newspaper’ Obits: ‘If You Can Read This, You’re Not Dead Yet’” –Red Greenback

“Oxpeckers, once thought to benefit their host animals by eating parasites, are now thought to open wounds on their back in order to attract ticks, which they only eat once the ticks have fed and eating them does the host no good. Which honestly seems like the sort of epiphany a hippo psychiatrist would be trying to elicit.” –matt w

“I’m pretty sure these TSA agents could all lose their jobs for detaining a child on the charge of ‘attempted terrorist-liking,’ but if that lady cop on the right discovers Hel’s 15 paragraph text on her phone, then at least they’ll be able to send her to Gitmo for flagrant violation of messaging etiquette.” –jroggs

“I haven’t been to Portland — is the Fathomless Blue Void worth the trip, or is it just another tourist trap?” –TheDiva

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey all! Your comment of the week in a moment, but first, a bit of housekeeping: some of you got in touch with me earlier this week about your browser attempting to download a file called DriverUpdate.exe when visiting my site. I believe the ads that were causing the problem have now been fixed. But, if you notice this behavior again, please (a) do not give the file permission to download, (b) don’t click on it if it does (it’s not going to hurt your computer, but it might try to trick you into buying things you don’t need), and (c) take a screenshot of the browser window with joshreads.com in it so I can diagnose the problem. Specifically I need to see the Taboola ads in the left sidebar, the ones that look like this:

In more fun news, I was recently a guest on the Obsessed podcast, hosted by the handsome and talented Joseph Scrimshaw, where I got to talk about my obsession that feeds all my other dorky obsessions: Wikipedia. Take a listen, won’t you?

And now … your comment of the week!

“A few strips ago Peter Parker was desperate not to be recognized as Spider-Man. Yet here he is, making annoying and puerile insults while hoping the villains will explain everything to him, which is Spider-Man’s signature move.” –pachoo

And your runners up! They’re very funny!

“I think it’s sad that Mindy has no friend to stand up with her other than her future sister-in-law. But perhaps it’s for the best — if she had friends we might have to start following their exciting life stories, too.” –Arabella

“You can duct tape Peter Parker’s mouth, but you can never duct tape his mind. And that is a shame.” –Joe Blevins

“How was that weird? Don’t your parents, friends and acquaintances pretend you don’t exist, even for days in a row?” –Ettorre

“It may look like the usual three-panel daily, but this is a single panel broken by pure, white, architectural columns. Rusty is experiencing a mild break with reality and is being counseled by twin, imaginary Maras (Marae?). ‘Becky couldn’t hear you, Rusty, but we can. Come play with us, Rusty.’” –The Mighty Captain E

“I’ll see you at the ’19th Hole’. You’ll both need to carry me down to the parking lot and one of you will need to drive my car. Think you can handle a 1996 Camry, playa?” –Foodar

“I really like how Peter’s inner monologue has to remind him who people are to keep him on task. Hey Peter! That Wilson Fisk guy is the Kingpin. You remember? The supervillain you fought last year? Hey, are you paying attention or thinking of old Columbo episodes? Damnit, FOCUS! I don’t want to end up with *another* concussion!” –pugfuggly

“Pretty mean of the plugger to point out that performers in Branson can’t get a booking anywhere else.” –nescio

“Until I had a revelation … don’t sample your own wares! You don’t have to be a meth-head to sell meth! So anyway, I’m gonna need to you to take these fake IDs and go around town buying Sudafed.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“My favorite part of today’s Mary Worth is that you could switch the panel order and have it make just as much sense. I imagine Tommy has been stuck in a loop for the last hour or so, and Brandy is calculating the quickest way to drown herself.” –Irrischano

“By ‘broke my computer,’ I assume she means that casino security goons smashed the tablet she was running her card-counting program on over her head. And by ‘two commandments,’ I assume she means stealing and killing, which is how she got out of there alive. This comic is far more exciting than we thought!” –BigTed

“I hope the strip devolves into an endless parade of poorly-disguised names. ‘I wish we could get Pedsi here, but of course McArnold’s sells only Coba-Cola products.’ ‘Mmm-hm. Mind if I steal a few of your Freng fries?’ I hope the strip gets itself canceled, is what I’m saying.” –Peanut Gallery

“So, I heard they were bringing back Murphy Brown, but I had no idea they’d hired David Cronenberg as a show runner.” –Where’s Rocky

“Max Axlerod is 100% gonna fuck that arugula.” –Dan

“Rusty watched in silence as the woman bowed and handed the ivory mask to the unknown man. ‘You have done well, my loyal servant,’ the man said in a rumbling deep voice that turned Rusty’s knees to water. The man placed the mask to his face and began to howl. The woman knelt prayerfully, chanting in a lost language, as the man clawed at the mask. Rusty gasped as blood began to run down from under the mask. ‘At last,’ the man finally said, his voice somehow deeper, shaking the entire ruin. ‘At last I return to the Fifth World from Mictlan. Blood and flesh is my treasure!’ ‘Hail Mictlantecuhtli,’ the woman screamed. ‘Huh,’ Rusty said to the girl. ‘Is that a toucan over there? Let’s go see the toucan!’” –Voshkod

“You and my father are different people, Tommy! By which I mean, you are literally not the same person. And I believe in us, specifically your likelihood to relapse and my ability to get a date with the hot dude just down the boardwalk who probably doesn’t have a triggering background and isn’t wearing jorts. Adieu!” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Banana Triangle: Poor Tom and Scotty and Rosemary, lost on an island somewhere in the sea. Frightened and desperate, hungry as could be, devoured each other; problem solved — one, two, three! A webcomic updated thrice weekly.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!