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Hello all! It’s the first Friday of 2019, which means it’s the first Friday of the month, which means the Internet Read Aloud, the live comedy show I host, is happening in Los Angeles, tonight! We have a stellar lineup, so you really should come!

Here’s the Facebook event! If your New Year’s resolution is to leave the house more, now’s your chance! It’s FREE!

And here’s your comment of the first, admittedly truncated, week of the year!

“Les Soldats: ‘SURPRISE!’ [Background music: La Marseillaise] Le Crock: ‘What? You guys. What is this?’ Les Soldats: ‘We planned a coup for you! You’re the President of the Sixth Republic now!’ [Les Soldats begin to sing: Do you hear, in the countryside, the roar of those ferocious soldiers? They’re coming right into your arms to cut the throats of your sons, your women!] Le Crock: ‘You guys are the best. Round up the usual suspects — communists and foreigners. The executions start in ten minutes.’” –Voshkod

And your hilarious runners up!

“For a minute, I thought Ian was relaxing by reading LAM! magazine, the go-to periodical for the aspiring convict-on-the-run. But then I realized that that would be a potentially interesting plot development, and therefore against the law in Santa Royale.” –Dmsilev

“I would have thought that Dick Tracy and not Gil Thorp would be the last man standing in the War on Christmas. Maybe they are trying to capture a different kind of readers. Gil Thorp offers underage, masculine beefcake for the traditional conservative reader, while Dick Tracy believes that now that Tumblr has a new censorship, it could become the most prominent platform for grotesque erotica.” –Ettore

“The eyelines in that Christmas strip are fascinating. We see Kelly staring at Kaz with mistletoe, begging for at least a little physical intimacy. But Kaz’s eyes are locked on Gil. Even when they’re not working out, he can’t keep his eyes off his spotting partner.” –Jenna

“I sincerely hope that everybody in this strip is a cop, and the story ends in a massive reciprocal arrest-o-thon.” –Uncle Lumpy

“With your calm demeanor and general lack of affect, you’d make an excellent hostage.” –Peanut Gallery

“If a student is late with homework and flunking tests, why would the teacher go to see Gil about it instead of talking with the student? Gil can’t be bothered even to do his own job, much less someone else’s!” –seismic-2

“Let’s all just be thankful that it’s the coffee request that confused the mayor, and not the also somewhat ambiguous ‘dumps yo trash.’” –pugfuggly

“For another, Otto’s like, fifteen pounds max, and you want to put him in a position where everyone will be trying to tackle him? Don’t you care about your dog at all, Sarge?” –JJ48

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hello, all! As is my wont, I am departing tomorrow for my annual Christmastime journey and not updating the site till I get back. Look for new comics somewhere around the 2nd of January, or thereabouts? VERY excited to recap the developments in The Last Temptation of Ian Cameron!

ALSO, do not forget that January 4th is the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means … it means the Internet Read Aloud, the live comedy show I host, is happening in Los Angeles! We have a stellar lineup, so you really should come!

Here’s the Facebook event!

And now here is your comment of the weeks, which as ever shall be your comment of the next several weeks, until I come back and start recording comments again:

“You two need to spice things up. Have you considered getting a cat? It worked wonders for Jeff and me. He saw the cat and left, and then I got rid of the cat, and then he came back. The magic has returned!” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

And the hilarious runners up!

“I think we all know what Mark means by the Jacuzzi of Despair, as he walks away from it once again.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The saddest part of this is that Beetle’s bed undoubtedly sucks. There’s no way that thing is comfortable.” –Joe Blevins

“Toby, most people throw their old socks out eventually.” –Rosstifer

“BECKY HAD SOME REALLY GREAT STUFF TODAY! [sniffs, wipes teeth] ALSO A MASK.” –pugfuggly

“‘And how’s Ian?’ ‘Ian who? Sorry, but like I said, I’ve just had all my thoughts cleared.’” –Peanut Gallery

“I, for one am glad the Gil Thorp creative team is finally going to address the #1 problem facing high school athletes today: Introversion.” –Wasabi Jane

“Pam? Ed? You guys already have a tree. It’s right there in the window. You already decorated it. You don’t need more trees.” –jroggs

“At the end of the day, we share our lives. I tell him how many anonymous sexual encounters I had, he tells me how many doctoral students he scared away from academia through sexual harassment. It is a relationship based on honesty.” –Ettorre

“He really should’ve ordered a fake tree from Shamazon. That would’ve fulfilled the strip’s holy trifecta: 1) Fake brands 2) Abysmal puns 3) Crankshaft being a dick” –Pozzo

“No, no guys. Ian and Toby’s love life needs REFRESHMENT. Literally. Muffin sex. Muffins and those indistinguishable beige blobs that Mary serves at dinner parties. You didn’t think anyone was eating them, did you? Ian’s probably fantasizing about salmon loaf as we speak.” –Drummergurl

“Oh NO! Now we’ll have to write a thank-you note. And our maid’s gotten married, so we’ll have to do it! ” –Bill Peschel

“At what level of tenure at this university do you get bookcases and maybe a 5th book?” –Foodar

“How about for Christmas George gets a shirt with a slightly wider neck. No reason. Just … maybe consider it.” –Dan

“Why can’t Ian just take the damn compliment? Does the ghost of William Shakespeare haunt this strip, the way Santa haunts Family Circus? Is Ian afraid that Shakespeare’s ghost will pop out while he’s banging this bright-eyed coed and shriek, ‘TIS I WHO HATH ALLOWED THEE TO MAKE THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS! ME! NOT THOU! ME!’” –Jenna

“I love how Dustin’s dad’s already opening up his laptop. By god, whoever runs that airline’s Twitter feed is going to have to hear every sordid detail of the feces situation.” –Schroduck

“I’m sorry, but if a stranger sits down next to me on an airplane and starts talking about ‘unspoken covenants,’ I’m calling the sky marshal. I’ll get an empty seat next to me, and he’ll get to travel the rest of the way to Phoenix Sky Harbor in that disgusting bathroom. Win win!” –Voshkod

“Most students never provide feedback! They’re more concerned with studying the material and actually trying to learn something from the class. I’m glad you’ve figured out the real path to a good grade!” –JJ48

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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It is time …. for the comment … of the week!

“What I like about today’s Crankshaft is that the words have the form of light-hearted banter, but the utterly rage-filled facial expressions give the promise of these two assholes beating each other to death.” –matt w

It’s also time for your hilarious runners up!

“We’re about 30 seconds away from that owl snatching up Max Mouse, 24 hours away from the owl coughing up a pellet that includes a hat, scarf, and shorts.” –nescio

“Why does Slylock Fox believe that Harry is hiding nearby? Because he is … because he can see him … because he’s about twelve feet away, plainly visible, and presumably also still unfrozen. Though, I gotta say, his color ain’t looking good. Perhaps the sleuth actually suspects that Harry is dying nearby, and figures sandbagging long enough will make apprehending him a heck of a lot easier.” –Anonymous

“It seems weird to give up a loving daily companion for a man you only see twice a year and who can presumably prescribe himself a long series of unpleasant allergy shots to perhaps adapt himself to the changes you’ve made in your lifestyle that he wasn’t even aware of because phone calls are for suckers.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“This exciting plotline will be of an early onset glaucoma patient fighting the scholastic athletic association’s marijuana ban. Or ugly billboards upset Gil’s players. Either way I’m sure it will be forgettable.” –Zerowolf

“I never thought I’d ask this, but here goes. Hey, I wonder what Les is up to these days?” –Joe Blevins

“Actually the fact that energy-efficient light bulb technology has progressed to the point where just 25 watts is enough to light a tunnel is one of the few signs that things can get better. Can’t wait for Sam & Silo to discover techno-utopianism.” –Schroduck

“I was just doing my job. My incredibly important and difficult job, bringing health to the afflicted, bringing hope to the sorrowful, bringing light into darkness, wresting the dying from the icy cold grasp of Death himself, and saving your son’s life. But go ahead, give all the credit to Jordan. The guy who referred you to me so I could do my job. My job of saving your son’s life, of bitch-slapping the Reaper. But Jordan’s important, too.” –Voshkod

“Wrong question, Dennis. The right question is ‘what planet?’ See, George here is what we call a ‘replicant,’ and well, he’s seen things you could not imagine.” –Dmsilev

“By the way, I couldn’t help but notice the alarming rate at which you’re losing your hair. That’s why I use a lacquer so protective that thousands of years from now, when archaeologists dig up my tomb, they’ll still be able to see my intact, ultra-high-gloss hair helmet!” –JJ48

“A plugger’s bucket list is a list of companies that still produce reliable, all-American buckets for real men, not hipster Chinese buckets.” –Ettorre

“If I were a dog, there’s no way I would take shit from a chicken. A bear, sure, but a chicken? No way.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“I’ve come up with an analogy that’s sure to convince my wife she shouldn’t mind me cheating on my diet! This brilliant plan can’t fail!” –Peanut Gallery

“It’s just as well that Peter’s not going to make his flight, since the irony of him dying from the bite of one of Australia’s wide variety of venomous spiders would probably be lost on him.” –BigTed

“So … a kid’s toy would stop an armored truck?” –Col. Havoc

“I’ll give Dustin this — most comic strips would be content to end on the wife’s Ashely Madison quip, applaud themselves for being relevant, and call it a day. But whoever does this strip decided to throw in another panel just so people who haven’t heard of Ashley Madison can still enjoy the Sara Lee reference. Then we end on something everyone can enjoy — a wife in a bathrobe looking bitchy and opposed to fun. It’s a classic 1-2-3 punch, kids! Watch and learn!” –Jenna

“Actually, I thought that was the town motto. The next billboard says ‘Welcome to Milford.’” –But What Do I Know?

“Didn’t Foucault have this in his office when he wrote Discipline and Punish?” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Sure, Glenwood Medical Center is clean and has a decent lobby with an acceptable if bland decor, but the lobby is full of sick and crying people. It’s really annoying to be trying to type a Yelp review and have a couple sobbing and screaming about their ‘baby’. Also it takes forever for them to do a simple kidney transplant. The video on YouTube was only 30 minutes long, but it took Dr. Morgan and his team hours before they were finished and could tell us the results. Would not recommend. 2 stars.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!