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Hey kids, it’s Friday, and that means it’s time for your comment … of the week!

“And let’s wait a couple of days into the honeymoon before we visit the pinball hall of fame — it will make touring the pinball hall of fame seem like fun, by contrast.” –lumaca morente

And also time for your hi-larious runners up!

“Barberton, Ohio is the Magic City. That’s Crankshaft territory, beeyatch.” –Jim Collins, on Facebook

“Pluggers don’t need passports for their vacations. Anyway, few other countries reject The Hague tribunal.” –Ettore

“When you think about it, there really isn’t much difference between watching a movie and viewing the world’s natural wonders solely through the front window of your stultifying suburban home. Or, at least, that’s what Dolly will finally understand in another decade, when her college neo-Marxist film society screens The Truman Show.” –BigTed

“Spider-man, Spider-Man / Ugly American Spider-man / Can he speak / Your native tongue / No he can’t / Cuz he’s too dumb / Look out! He is the Spider-man.” –Bunivasal

“It took me a minute to realize that Eddie meant that he didn’t want ears that could hear people being mean to him. From his pained expression, I assumed he was haunted by the screams of those he had slaughtered. ‘Wait, I want to change my answer to jellyfish! They don’t have eyes to see spilled blood, or noses to smell the stench of death!’” –pugfuggly

“Rusty thinks that ‘Jose‘ rhymes with ‘toes,’ right?” –seismic-2

“Seriously … do you think you can … help me out here? I’ve lost my … balance and I seem to … be pitching slowly but inexorably … forward…” –Proteus454

“So Snuffy can’t pronounce ‘with’ or ‘your’ properly, but he can say ‘acquaintances’ flawlessly? Clearly, much as he tries to hide it, Snuffy is one o’ those book-lern’d types, and Lukey is keeping him awfully close, just waiting for the day the strip is allowed to get truly bloody.” –JJ48

“In addition to demonstrating mirth, the hand flapping and arm waving vigorously waft the body odor of Snuffy and his pal throughout their immediate surroundings so that they may trade pheromones in a ritual of male bonding. As a further bonus, it frightens off skeeters and looks really, really stupid.” –made of wince

“My favorite part of this Funky Winkerbean is how the counter has disappeared between panels one and three, leaving me to assume that Funky’s response to Cory’s assurance that he can, in fact, run a pizza parlor for three days or whatever while Funky attends to a sick loved one was to leap over the friggin’ counter, quivering, with hands raised and palms heading toward Cory’s scrawny neck, sputtering out sentence fragments. Meanwhile the girl with the wavy raven locks doesn’t even break her smirk during this outburst, and I can only assume will continue smirking as Funky throttles the life out of Cory over the next 2 days.” –Drew Funk

“Fun Fact! That cabbie started this trip with an uncreased brow and a mane of luminous, shoulder-length, jet-black hair. That was eight minutes ago.” –Joe Blevins

“Poor Tommy. You can try to ‘Do it for Brandy!‘ but every twelve step program will tell you that to succeed, first you need to do it for one person and one person only: Mary Worth.” –Mikey

“Imagine what a hell-hole Rocky’s hometown must be in order for her to decide to live in Westview with these smirking losers. Stay in school, kids, like Summer did, and never be seen in the strip again.” –Rusty

“Rocky never speaks, in an effort to maintain her as a sympathetic character. But the moment she says ‘I do’ it’s straight to Hollytown.” –Uncle Lumpy

“99% success rate? It doesn’t really even matter what’s being measured here, if it ain’t six sigma, it’s worthless. Hell, his success rate doesn’t even meet the purity-of-Ivory-soap standard!” –Richardf8

“Gasoline Alley’s heard about the unexpected success of The Shape of Water, but it hasn’t yet figured out that there’s more to winning awards than just graphic depictions of fish bestiality.” –Schroduck

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Guys, tonight is the second of two Internet Read Alouds in consecutive weeks, and, uh, I’m impressed by people who run actually weekly shows because turns out it’s hard! We’ll be back to our usual once-a-month schedule after this, but please reward my hard work and dedication by coming to The Internt Read Aloud: THE DOG DAYS OF SUMMER at 8 pm, if you are in or near Los Angeles. I promise we’re all funny!

Is there a Facebook event? You better believe it!

And now: your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“Kudos to the Rex Morgan colorists who can tell that guy and his weird kid apart well enough to give them different colored shirts. That’s more than I could handle.” –Roto13

And your very funny runners up!

“That guy we were chasing had no advance warning of the object which knocked him unconscious! If he wasn’t Spider-Man before, he is now! If he was Spider-Man before, he’s … Double Spider-Man?” –A Concerned Reader

“Can someone remind me how the hell did Buck manage to become a permanent character in this strip? I thought the whole premise of Rex Morgan was ‘rich, good-looking people without emotions doing what the want’, so why are we watching a family of bespectacled woodchucks plan a vacation for some point in the future when they might have saved up the money? We should be watching Rex buy a yacht with his pocket change on a whim, only to set it adrift in a week when he gets bored.” –pugfuggly

“I feel a more important question is exactly what did Gil use to make that ‘lemonade’? It can’t be water, the ice cubes have sunk to the bottom. 100% ethyl alcohol has a low enough density to let ice sink, so maybe he’s mixed himself a nice cocktail of Everclear, a hint of urine for color, and some ice.” –Dmsilev

“‘Did you pack any jorts, Corey?’ ‘Nine pairs, Dad.’ ‘Hmmm. That may be cutting it close, but it’ll have to do. TO THE AIRPORT!’” –Joe Blevins

“‘Don’t bother me with details.’ If ever there was a phrase that summarized Gil Thorp, this is it.” –TheDiva

“I think, based solely on my own prejudices, that Tommy was RAISED Catholic, lapsed into meth dealing, found the Evangelical Church of The Tiny Bible in prison, was saved from that cult when he got out and no longer had to swear fealty to Tiny to keep his teeth intact, and is now heading back to confession for the first time in a LONG time indeed. I hope that priest has all day.” –Sally

“It’s unsurprising that Marvin’s art would consist of brown excretions. I bet the crayon is scented.” –nescio

“I prefer to think that Jeffy is crying, knowing that he’s gone too far this time but — at the same time — admitting that he’s too far gone to really care. He’s hitting the bottle hard, damnit, and none of ‘Mommy’s Rules’ about appropriate syrup consumption matter any more.” –Richard

“We must first see if she wants him to disappear … we have a possible path to score Hamilton tickets, so let’s not screw this up.” –Foodar

“Meanwhile, at Timex, Inc., the Junior Vice President for Innovative Marketing is being escorted out of the building by security.” –Voshkod

“Hootin’ Holler Care Center: Come for the leeches, stay because of the secondary infections caused by 17th century hygiene practices.” –Dread

“I was going to joke ‘Leroy watches hentai lol’, but just look how traumatized he is. He’s living through an episode of monstrous bodily horror as his eyes burst out of the confines of their sockets, and even now at the worst moment of his life — one worse than any nightmare Leroy’s mind could ever have dreamed up — his wife turns away and mocks him. He knows there’s nothing he can do to stop the forcible reshaping of his skull by powers unknown, but even in his resignation, he still clearly feels a gnawing sorrow for the man he once was and fear at the monster he is becoming. Also, Leroy watches hentai lol” –Schroduck

“Kid, you’ll have to settle for a mango or something. We’re hundreds of miles from pawpaw territory, and they don’t ship well.” –Peanut Gallery

“I don’t think it’s ever been addressed but are the characters in Shoe normal bird size with adorably tiny furniture or are they human sized but the trees are absolutely gigantic? These are questions that keep me awake at night.” –Escape Zeppelin

“When Rex gets horny, his chin gets bigger.” –Ignatz

“Hey, way to suspiciously name-drop Doris the violent ex on the way to the wedding, Rex Morgan team! Seeing as how (1) there are way too many characters and storylines no one cares about in this strip, (2) all of said boring characters are going to Vegas, and (3) Rex hasn’t used his medical superpowers in a while, my hope that this strip can be saved through cast reduction via Game of Thrones-style wedding violence as provided by Doris is now in play! Rex can use his doctor skills to heroically save one of the characters. I’m thinking June.” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Guys, your comment of the week in a moment, but first, I must remind you: I have not one but TWO editions of the Internet Read Aloud, LA’s best live comedy show about the Internet, to plug! The first is THIS VERY NIGHT, at our usual place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) but at a special late night time, 11 pm, so we’re calling it The Internet Read Aloud: AFTER DARK.

Will this show feature songs about the online anti-circumcision community? Not to give too much away, but: yes. Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested!

“But Josh,” you whine, “I’ve got plans tonight and/or 11 pm is too late.” Well, fine, how about ANOTHER show one week from today, at the same place but our usual time of 8 pm? That’s right, it’s The Internet Read Aloud: DOG DAYS OF SUMMER.

This one will feature even more agitation for class war than usual, so you don’t want to miss that. Come to both to prove how extremely cool you are! And yes, this one has a Facebook event too!

And now, with that out of the way, your comment … of the week:

“My favorite genre of Pluggers, and really the only genre of Pluggers: ‘smug about remembering things.’” –ephemeralforms, on Twitter

And your hilarious runners up!

“Oh, Hi (and Lois) there, Brian and Greg Walker, who inexplicably signed their comic strip as ‘Reeves’! Do you want to talk about art forms that have noticeably declined in quality? Do you really, really want to have this discussion?” –Chyron HR

“You know another good way to get hurt is: playing volleyball with a basketball.” –Zerowolf

“I hope from now on the Family Circus is just children getting screamed at and berated with no joke.” –Roto13

“Barry Bader’s face in panel one is pure gold. It’s as if he’s apologizing on television: ‘Hi, I’m Barry Bader. You may remember me as being kind of a dick, and for my dad running over an innocent girl with his car. Well, I’m here to say that I feel a little bad about all that. Not that it was MY fault, of course, and it’s all water under the bridge now… but I thought it’d be appropriate to express my regrets, and to say that, as long as nobody makes any comment that could be construed as a criticism I’ll do my best to hold my outsized ego in check. Go Mudlarks!’” –Here Come the Judge

“Ghost curveballs that pass right through a batter’s crotch?! I HOPE THIS SEASON NEVER ENDS.” –pastordan

“Loose bread and celery in a grocery bag? She didn’t just go shopping; that’s totally a prop, and she orchestrated this entire meet-cute. She even put on her best grey flats to better accentuate her impossibly tiny feet. ‘OH NO,’ indeed.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Maybe I’m overestimating her, but I don’t think anything in today’s Mary Worth is an accident. Mary lives off meddling and ‘helping’ the wandering, aimless souls that drift through the world. By now, after seeming centuries of seeking out those who are lost, Mary has developed senses outside those of ordinary humans. The private thoughts and worries that plague a person’s mind glow like delectable fruit, shining in the darkness that is every day living. Mary knows someone at Charterstone is suffering. She knows they need only her ‘help’ so that she may feed. And so a tableau as old as time is constructed, to lure the needy out of hiding. A helpless little old lady, struggling with groceries as a bag rips, scattering its contents across the ground. As cunning as a spider’s web, Mary lays her trap. For what polite person would not stop to help a seemingly harmless and helpless old woman, arms full, pick up her canned tomatoes? Little do they know that they have just given this demon in woman’s flesh the tiny foothold she needs to climb up into their brain. To make herself at home amidst the detritus and emotional baggage they have accumulated in their years of living. To poke and prod and suggest and steer and manipulate, all in the name of being a helpful friend! I would offer a prayer to the poor soul about to be ensured in Mary’s most cunning of plans but it is already too late for them. A moment of silence instead.” –Lionheart

“‘How’s everything?’ ‘It’s a long story. Let’s see, in the first picosecond, the four fundamental forces emerged…’” –Peanut Gallery

“When an old retired guy has to explain to a kid what a ‘selfie’ is, you know Dennis’ all-cookie diet isn’t doing his brain any favors.” –BigTed

“Halftrack’s golf swing is so insanely out of control, he has to yell ‘Fore!’ when he’s putting. I blame the alcohol.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I AM AWARE‘ the parasite that has entered Mary’s body declares as it gains access to her brain. ‘YOU’RE AFRAID TO TELL HER AREN’T YOU’ it declares, mistaking Tommy’s discussion of his own problems as a way to avoid warning Mary about the alarming changes taking place as she becomes a host-body.” –Brad

“This plugger has not reverted to his animalistic self, because he appears to have had all his canine teeth replaced by incisors. The result is so disturbing the sandwich is nervously sweating.” –nescio

“Literally 62.5% of the words in that Pluggers caption are homoerotic innuendo. I’m not counting ‘contains’ but I am absolutely counting ‘plugger.’” –matt w

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!