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Guys, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: I have not one but TWO editions of the Internet Read Aloud, LA’s best live comedy show about the Internet, to plug! The first is one week from today, at our usual place (The Clubhouse in Los Feliz) but at a special late night time, 11 pm, so we’re calling it The Internet Read Aloud: AFTER DARK.

Will this show feature songs about the online anti-circumcision community? Not to give too much away, but: yes. Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested!

“But Josh,” you whine, “A week isn’t enough time for me to make plans, plus 11 pm is too late.” Well, fine, how about ANOTHER show TWO weeks from today, at the same place but our usual time of 8 pm? That’s right, it’s The Internet Read Aloud: DOG DAYS OF SUMMER.

This one will feature even more agitation for class war than usual, so you don’t want to miss that. Come to both to prove how extremely cool you are! And yes, this one has a Facebook event too!

OK, enough of that [ominous music sting] … for now. Let’s enjoy this hilarious comment of the week!

“When Gasoline Alley launched, penicillin hadn’t been invented yet and phenobarbital had only been on the market for six years. We should be surprised the band even knows what they are.” –Edmund Schluessel

The runners up are, as ever, very funny!

“Robbie is getting the information off the paper and updating the Iron Fist Wikipedia page on his laptop.” –Kevin Keeney, on Facebook

“Rufus has written a song with a goddamned semicolon in the title? Jesus, I didn’t even think Sufjan Stevens was that pretentious.” –Joe Blevins

“Bitten by a radioactive newspaper, Peter Parker has gained that medium’s proportionate strength. He can offer news many hours after it has ceased to be topical; he can pursue centrism by presenting both sides of any argument as equally valid; he can host op-eds of any cranks who are old enough to sound legitimate; he has a sidekick, ‘Funny Pages Boy.’ Also, he is slowly dying.” –Ettorre

“Ben Franklin’s statue pose is seated, legs spread, providing the best view of his junk — making it the most accurate portrayal in the field of historic sculpture. The only change the original artist made was to put pants on him.” –Truckosaurus

“Damnit, Alice, it’s 2018: you really should be communicating with your lover via WhatsApp or a second gmail address.” –pugfuggly

“Hoping against hope that today’s Marvin strip is going to lead into some diaper-related rapping. ‘My name’s Jenny Miller and I’m here to say / I regret birthing Marvin every day.’” –Schroduck

“Barry’s Mom really has really perfected her martyred expression. And I mean literally — panel two looks like a central icon for the church of Our Lady of Sports Widows.” –TheDiva

“Doesn’t this Hagar presentation fit with the strip’s experimental, non-linear timeline? In the grand reconstruction of the saga of Hagar’s vikingr raids in England and France, ‘Lucky Eddie dates a mermaid’ is somewhere between ‘shipwrecked on a desert island’ and ‘Eddie and Hagar are burned at the stake for several pretty understandable reasons.’” –Navigator

“I assume the punchline is not that Dagwood can’t eat all that food, but that he’s going to murder a pizza-boy for carrying a pizza on its edge.” –Andy L

“OK, that one thing is pretty much a sword. But that other one is the longest turkey baster I have ever laid eyes on. I dare say Thanksgiving prep is serious business to these ladies.” –Paula Gehringer, on Facebook

“With a single candle and a simple sacrifice of eggplant and meatloaf, the Lockhorns summon the primal darkness from before the Big Bang (known in Haiti as ‘L’Ombre Vieux’ or ‘Baba Ojiji’) to devour this forsaken and loveless universe once and for all, because the complete annihilation of everything, and everything beneath everything, is the only way they can be freed of one another’s company.” –Applemask

“Do you get the feeling Gil is annoyed that one of his jocks put math class to good use? ‘Damn these newfangled statistics!’” –Old School Allie Cat

“Given the run-down state of the Smith home, I’m guessing that the salesman is just staring at all this going on through a large hole in the wall, shaking his head and sighing.” –JJ48

“‘I hear there’s a lot of [death by natural causes] going around,’ says the literal old buzzard hiding among the tree-diner’s foliage waiting to hear which funeral home and whether it’s an open casket, hoping for some of that sweet, sweet carrion.” –Bobby Sneakers

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Hey all! I was away from Comment Compiling duties for much of this past week, but I still got a few days’ worth of COTW for ya! Let’s start with this great top one:

“Just what every teenage girl enjoys, to have her pores displayed on a 65-inch screen in ultra-HD! This is exactly the kind of insecurity-boosting situation that’s turned underage makeup mogul Kylie Jenner into a billionaire.” –BigTed

Followed by these hilarious runners up!

“You better learn what it is, because we’re one of five nominees, and when we lose, I want you to feel appropriately dejected and hurt! …But please don’t turn your pain into another installment of the series.” –Hogenmogen

“‘Oh geez,’ thinks Tommy, as he notices that his ginger ale has turned red. All those years of skipped dental visits while zonked on vicodin have not done great things for his gums. (Today’s strip is sponsored by the American Periodontal Association. Remember to brush and floss daily so you don’t end up like Tommy!)” –GeoGreg

“I’m trying to decide if Gil means ‘Kevin Pelwecki will always be relevant’ or ‘Kevin Pelwecki will live forever in despair at his lack of relevance.’ Gil’s a huge asshole, so probably the latter. ‘What about Kevin Pelwecki?’ ‘What about him?’” –jroggs

“I love how the art and the text don’t seem to match up at all here. Clearly they’re supposed to be saying something like ‘Thanks for dinner!’ ‘Have a good night!’ but the writer is like ‘NO I STILL HAVE FACTS ABOUT OBSCURE COMICS AND MORE TERRIBLE INACCURATE WEATHER JOKES!’” –pugfuggly

“Some archeologists are just too damn obsessive — but not famed archeologist Howard Carter! Of course, the real story is that his Carnarvon funding ran dry a long time ago and he’s been coasting on his reputation ever since — otherwise why would the earl have had to rent the house to the Downton Abbey producers? — but his eager postdoc assistant Becky got herself a MacArthur grant. Follow the bitter academic rivalry as it unfolds, in the breathless reporting of Woods and Wildlife Magazine!” –fausto

“Ah, I see Becky found another of these hideous masks at the dig. Suddenly, I know what to call this culture. Please say hello to the Rusty Civilization.” –Voshkod

“One of the most recognizable landmarks in mid-Michigan is a Dixie Baptist Church billboard next to I-75 between Clarkston and Holly. It depicts Jesus with the legend, ‘Are you on the right road?’ I thought of that billboard as soon as I saw panel two of this comic, in which the sad-eyed auto mechanic faces the reader and asks that eternal question, ‘Will a midsized SUV get you where you’re going?’” –Joe Blevins

“Pluggers keep food long after its expiration date because they’re dogs. It doesn’t even get most of its flavor until after it’s spoiled and been scraped off the sidewalk.” –seismic-2

“It looks like somebody was trying to kill mom with poisoned juice but accidentally murdered their own children in a terrible ironic twist. #justpluggerthings” –Escape Zeppelin

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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