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Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Faithful readers, we interrupt our usual programming for this important message: it’s time for the Comics Curmudgeon Fall 2017 Fundraiser!

For more than ten years (!) now, I’ve subbed for Josh to keep things going during vacations and breaks, and hosted fundraisers once or twice a year to help out financially. Things have changed a lot over that time — some strips died, new ones arrived, and more than a few old ones got a new lease on life. Online financing has changed a lot, too, mostly by drying up. So your support means more than ever.

Please help out with a generous contribution. If you haven’t contributed before, consider sending an amount proportional to the enjoyment The Comics Curmudgeon brings you every day — I bet it’s a lot!

Contribute however you like:

• By credit card or PayPal — Click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. You don’t need a PayPal account to use this option, just a major credit card.
• By mail — Email uncle.lumpy@comcast.net; I’ll reply with an address for your generous check, money order, or in-kind contribution.
• Comics Curmudgeon Supporter — Join the ranks of Comics Curmudgeon Supporters for just $3 per month, and enjoy an ad-free online and mobile experience, plus an enhanced comment editor. Full details are here.
• Patreon sponsorship — If you’d prefer to support all of Josh’s artistic/comedic efforts on a recurring basis, visit his Patreon page for complete details of this option.

Full details, terms, and conditions are here.

The banners at the top of the page are selected automatically on a randomized basis. If you’d prefer to browse a directory rather than hit-or-miss by refreshing the page, you can find one here, along with 500+ banners from past fundraisers.

And thank you, generous readers! We now return to our regularly scheduled programming — just click that little arrow down there, that’s it.
↓↓↓

— Uncle Lumpy

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Hey, guys! I’m about to take a week-and-change break from the site, with your favorite Uncle Lumpy stepping up to fill in while I’m gone! Enjoy yourself in his warm, snuggling embrace, and I’ll be back on Monday the 25th.

If you really miss me, and you happen to be in Los Angeles on Saturday the 23rd, you should come see me in Chats on Cats, a live late-night talk show all about cats! I’ll be talking about my emotional journey with the feral cats I’ve been feeding and trapping and fixing in our neighborhood — if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you’ve seen lots of pictures of them, but now you can get the full, funny story. Plus there are lots of other hilarious people on the show — don’t miss it!

Meanwhile, here’s your comment of the next couple weeks, because Uncle Lumpy as ever will be unable to bear to choose a winner from amongst you:

“Isn’t Skyler an abducted boy now being raised in Cosmo’s bizarre bird footwear cult? That makes a hell of a lot more sense. Note Cosmo says ‘my grandfather,’ not ‘your great grandfather’ as many older relatives do while telling such stories. ‘You have no lineage, Skyler, forget the false memories of another life. You rose from my sneaker insole to fulfill a destiny. Now go clean the shoe closet… I mean temple.’” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

And the runners up! Very funny!

“I smoked weed a couple times and next thing I knew I was craving the hard stuff…MARRIAGE.” –Tea Berry-Blue, on Twitter

“Wouldn’t the real Cranky have said something like ‘circling the square?’ and then smiled at the memory of all those kids who missed school that day?” –Little Blue Bicycle

“My new nightmare involves waking up on the beach, only to find a nude Mark Trail hovering over me and saying something vaguely unsettling like ‘Oftentimes, the earth shows an amazing ability to heal itself!’” –Joe Blevins

“Mysto will then metaphorically fleece his audience by promising to show them ‘The Great Egress’, and literally fleece one audience member who happens to be a sheep.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Don’t make plans for Friday night, Rickey. You know, like playing in a high school football game or anything.” –Pozzo

“A friend, dear? Oh that is so cute, you think you have a friend. Now tell me who is trying to fuck you at work. Details, Dawn. I want details.” –Marty Worthless

“Mary anticipates updating her spreadsheet later and comparing today’s data to Dawn’s baseline with the same glee as Coach Kaz.” –Kevin On Earth

“Since Hi and Lois’ marriage is a loveless affair and not even the erotic outfit of a sexually charged worker-boss dynamic can light their flame, Lois has decided to put her French maid costume to good use and actually clean the house while wearing it.” –Escape Zeppelin

“HORSENADO!” –Tonya

“‘The storm’s wind has them! Get your partner — we’ve got to take cover!’ Looks like Mark’s contractions are getting closer together.” –Dood

“Ha ha, it’s funny because Lukey looks really sad. Like, he feels really bad about having no job and no real skills and contributing nothing to his family’s desperate situation. Not Snuffy, though: when you’ve got no use for pride, life’s just one long tongue-waggling guffaw!” –pugfuggly

“What are we, Dawn, if not for our principles? Our beliefs … our sense of what is right or wrong? For example, my principles are the only thing keeping me from crushing this seagull I’m holding. My principles, and the fact that laundry day isn’t until Saturday. But for my principles, and the mess it would make, I’d slowly squeeze the life out of this airborne rat and laugh as the light went out of its beady, black eyes. Does your friend understand now?” –Voshkod

“U.S. Army CID Preliminary Report — Court Martial of SFC Orville P. Snorkel: Following this encounter in the latrine at 0630, investigators could piece little of the next three hours. At approximately 0945 2LT Flap and 2LT Fuzz witnessed SFC Snorkle, having inserted an IV into PV1 Bailey’s arm and affixed him to the front of his Jeep, drive said Jeep into Battalion HQ at a high rate of speed. Lt. Flap reports the suspect’s only words were ‘Witness me!’ Suspect has previously shown signs of mental illness, see supplemental report ‘Otto’ appended.” –Slick Whitman

“I looked back, and it turns out 10 years ago, Pluggers told us ‘A plugger’s hand-held, wireless device only has an AM/FM switch‘. Going from transistor radio to an iPhone in just ten years is actually ludicrously fast. Have we entered the Plugger Singularity?” –Schroduck

“I’m glad to see Dagwood is honoring Blondie’s historic roots by proudly displaying his ‘Hoover flags.’” –Anonymous

“Dagwood saves money by being as committed to minimalism in his home as Mr. Dithers is at work. Just as his office has nothing in it but a single desk and chair, the living room in his house holds only a single loveseat, TV stand and television set; meanwhile, the kitchen has nothing but a fridge next to a small chopping stand, and a stove standing on its own in the middle of the room. That’s the only way he can fulfill his family’s voracious need for the latest electronic gadgets — because when you’re spending most of your day in cyberspace, actual objects become less and less necessary. By the time it becomes possible to ‘taste’ a sandwich through some kind of virtual-reality brain implant, perhaps the Bumsteads will have no use for the material world at all.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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“Can’t wait to try me some o’ that Ghost Hooch! Yee-haw!” –Peanut Gallery

And the extremely funny runners up!

“If everyone in Newspaper Spider-man were as emotionally evolved as Kala, they’d have to start using actual plots.” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“Judging by the glow on their cheeks, it’s a wonderful day to start drinking in the morning.” –Zootyr

“‘Long-haul love‘ is being used in place of ’till death do you part’ because, as Les and BSD Lisa have shown, death is no reason to not be obsessively devoted to your spouse.” –TheDiva

“Family Circus made a similar ‘hand-me-ups’ reference just two days ago — but since this is a Pluggers ‘classic,’ it may have originated way in the past. Who stole this joke? Not me!” –BigTed

“This strip devotes the same loving care to depicting muscly calves as Mark Trail devotes to owls and wolves and shit like that.” –Joe Blevins

“Smirks all around! From the hazy, out-of-sync red print to the one psychotically specific detail of the bugs around light fixture to the wrong author name on the cover, this all feels just right.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Les’ ego is expanding to dangerous proportions. His forehead swells with self-esteem. In a moment, there will be a popping noise. The windows will shatter. Young Darin will be scarred for life by skull shrapnel. And next year, on the same day, they’ll do the Les Moore Memorial Exploding Head Syndrome Fun Run, sponsored by Tylenol and Easy-out Stain Remover.” –Voshkod

“‘Heads up, sir!’ were in fact the last words then Corporal Halftrack heard before the rest of his platoon was wiped out by a surprise enemy attack. Ms. Buxley is fully aware of this because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy a good PSTD joke?” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I wish Dennis the Menace indulged in multiple panels more often, because to me, it’s pretty clear that young Donald Sutherland is about to lay into this kid.” –Red Delicious

“Dr. Ned may be a medical professional, but he’s not above performing the occasional seance. Still, he seems genuinely surprised that he succeeded in animating Dawn’s corpse.” –Nekrotzar

“The expression on MT’s face in panel 1 is priceless. It’s like this storm has forced him suddenly to discover emotions other than ‘pedantic’ and ‘must punch.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“I have not been following this strip with any regularity, but I remember a few weeks ago Mark was pummeling Baldy McBalderson with his fists, until the female accomplice drew a gun and stopped it. (Where is she now?) Is it the case that Baldy hasn’t exacted any physical revenge on Mark whatsoever, and has resumed calmly giving orders with that trademark grimace because he is the one with a gun? Because, if I had a gun, I’d have used it on something non-vital on Mark by now, assuming Mark was of any value to me alive. I guess I’m thin-skinned that way, regarding broken jaws and such.” –Just John

“Yeah man: you proved something to yourself and showed up the people who said you couldn’t do it, even if it didn’t result in you getting gainful employment. That’s exactly the attitude you want going in to grad school!” –pugfuggly

“Random cut to a grinding industrial noise over a nighttime rural landscape … I see Mark Trail is trying to cash in on Twin Peaks fever. I look forward to six straight days of Cherry screaming.” –Dan

“Once again, justice prevails near Spider-Man. Hooray for Spider-Man’s general vicinity!” –A Concerned Reader

“This strikes a false note. A BLT is dangerously close to being a salad.” –Rusty

“And the absence of twists just keep on comin’! This storyline is a nonstop, very level, sensibly paced rollercoaster.” –Shoe Substitutes

“I love the contrast between Dick Tracy’s stereotype ’80s African American, dressed in neon colors and spiky lines, and its stereotype ’20s Jewish American (fun fact: according to the DT wiki, Sam is ‘best known for his loyalty, intelligence, compassion, surprised exclamations of Oy yi!, and the sandwiches made with his wife’s homemade rye bread which he keeps in his pockets’). Neo-Chicago is a city where stereotypes of all backgrounds and time periods can live together in harmony, and occasionally murder each other in brutal ways.” –Schroduck

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.