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DAMN Y’ALL IT’S THE WEEK’S TOP COMMENT

“This whole Mary Worth story has been an unashamed advertisement for the cruise travel industry, so I have to assume this absurd plot is part of it. ‘Come sail on a cruise ship, our performers are sexually aggressive and can’t get enough of our middle-aged customers!’” –AndyL

AWWW YEAH IT’S ALSO THE RUNNERS UP

“You’re a Plugger if you position your chairs so you can talk to your wife but you don’t have to look at her.” –DimensionalOtter

“Wow, I guess when you’re used to drawing unfeeling automatons, actual displays of emotion look like some kind of seizure.” –pugfuggly

“Katie shouted the word ‘gasp’ instead of actually gasping because she’s really careful about not inhaling secondhand smoke.” –Noel

“It’s not what it looks like! She was smoking, Katie! Her mouth was on fire! I had to put it out as quickly as possible.” –Here Come the Judge

“I wish I was as content with almost anything in my life as he is with that slice of pie.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“The thing that’s not getting sent in the mail is Pandora’s box with hope still inside, because it’s against local ordinances for hope to enter Westview.” –Steve S

“Aaaah, high school theater, where the backstage drama, just like the drama onstage, is hackneyed and meaningless.” –grsblvnyk

“So, Marvin’s dad performs an ‘insult bank shot’ of trashing the person he’s sitting at the table with by way of trashing the person standing behind him? Well, the poop doesn’t fall from the asshole, that’s what I always say.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Billy seems to think that the end of the school year means he can throw away his books, papers, clothes, and really anything connecting him with civilized humanity. Meanwhile, his siblings are just happy to know he’s about to trip over that untied shoelace.” –BigTed

“The sender of the unsigned birthday card didn’t even put her name on the return, and lady dog-plugger had to suss out the sender purely from the address (which, to her credit, she did). To make it more of a challenge the following year, Edna uses a bar code for a return label, handles the card and envelope with latex gloves to prevent fingerprints, and expects lady dog-plugger to discern Edna’s identity purely by scent.” –Hogen the Mogen

“You’re misreading all the Family Circus emotions. Let me help. Thel: Sad (that Billy found his way home despite the fact that she seduced the bus driver into taking him out of town and leaving him). Dolly: Excited (to tell Billy she was hiding behind the door ready to garrote him). Jeffy: thrilled (because now he gets to shiv Billy tonight after bath time instead of Dolly being the one). PJ: Angry (that he has to wear penny loafers with a onesie). Sam: Stoned.” –Briane

“You’re a plugger if you don’t write anything on a birthday card because you know the Feds can figure out who you are by matching your handwriting with your anti-government manifesto.” –Voshkod

“Not quite sure where the cigarette went in the second panel, but I think Esme just stubbed it out on Derek’s beefy chest.” –Schroduck

“I like that Dick pulls his hat down low and pulls his collar up, as if he’s hoping to slink through town unnoticed, all while hoping audibly that he’s not called upon to do his job. After nearly 90 years, this character just became relatable.” –Joe Blevins

“When Shoe tells us I’m right and you’re wrong, you’ll be eating crow! I can’t believe you would claim that newspaper editors are often called upon to settle arguments between their columnists and deliverypeople! Shoe knows that they aren’t!” –Joshua K

“You might think Dick Tracy is some kind of cool guy what with boasting about people named B.O. Plenty who he’s going to be taking for a ride down to the docks tomorrow and his beautiful coffee-swilling mistress in a state of luxurious post-coital undress and those badass suspenders, but his interior design tells another story. He seems to have chosen for the foyer the kind of red-brick pattern customarily associated with a fire station in a Richard Scarry book, and on account of his transparent incompetence at having a door or rotating bookcase installed, he’s simply placed a fern in front of the room where he (presumably) keeps all the evidence necessary to convict him of decades of corruption. ‘You can get yourself something out of the fridge if you get hungry or whatever,’ he says on his way out the door. ‘Just remember not to move my favorite fern.’ ‘I can see there’s a room behind there, Tracy,’ she purrs. ‘All I see is a fern, honey,’ he says, flashing that signature Dick Tracy smirk, and parking that signature fedora on his square, square head.” –Jack Loves Comics

“Tennessee Williams’ Barney Google and Snuffy Smith” –Applemask

“I believe a small model train runs through that gap in his hairline.” –Kevin on Earth

“Good luck calling Mark’s wife, guys. ‘What’s that? Where was Mark going? I believe he said, Into the wilderness, Spousal Unit before he put on his flesh suit and left. What?’” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey y’all, are you ready for this, with “this” being your comment of the week?

“Perhaps shoe repair is exotic enough to the youngs of today that repairing shoes could actually make a decent circus act. After all, that’s how we got lion tamers (whose jobs became defunct once we domesticated cats) and trapeze artists (made obsolete by the invention of floors).” –Francis

Are you ready for your runners up?

“Teasing one’s pet can provide hours of entertainment. On another topic, Slylock’s password is ‘Count Weirdly.’” –A Concerned Reader

“Jeffy, you little brown-noser, God is NOT FOOLED by you skipping into church like that.” –Steve S

“Pluggers should just throw their soda bottles full of urine out the car window, rather than cultivate a layer of fast food detritus to protect their floor mats from leaks.” –nescio

“Sorry, Mr. Speedy Shoe, but the circus industry is near death. Instead, you should try going into the writing of ‘legacy’ comic strips. Apparently no real talent is required, and that industry will never go away, however much one might wish it to.” –seismic-2

“‘Mary and Toby enjoy their onshore time.’ And I’m … happy for them, I guess? This feels like some kind of accusation directed at the reader, i.e., ‘And what are you doing with your onshore time, huh? You’re probably onshore right now. And what are you doing? Reading the funny pages? You probably don’t even own a sombrero! Onshore time is wasted on the landlubbers.’” –Joe Blevins

“It’s funny because any business called ‘Dates R Us‘ is clearly a discount escort service.” –pugfuggly

“If Mother Nature is jealous of the way Lois is parading her body around for her sun bath, that’s just tough. After all, what is Mother Nature going do about it? Shower Lois with some kind of invisible cancer rays or something?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Mr. Demio knows that the best way to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome is to keep his desk computer well out of reach.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“At first I thought MJ’s hand was Peter’s, and he was intent on smooshing the bemused look right off her face. Then I misunderstood Aunt May’s and the Mole Man’s hands. Has someone declared a thumb war? Is one of those hands mine?” –made of wince

“The bank manager looks like another satisfied customer at Anonymous Joe’s Totally Natural-Looking Disguises.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“They don’t need the medical marijuana for energy. After 10pm they play that real jazz, not the safe public radio station crap.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“Jacky the wacky press agent threw a word balloon in Peter’s face and just shoved his big client off her chair and sat in it. I like this guy already.” –Hogen the Mogen

“The most solid stool of this cat‘s day is the one he’s presently sitting on.” –Kevin On Earth

“First they told us you have to resist your opioid addiction by prayer, then that giving up smoking is only a question of loving your wife and relapsing is like cheating. Mary Worth is clearly taking a stand against treating addiction to chemical substances as a medical problem instead of a moral issue. This could have terrible consequences! I mean, if anyone still read it.” –Ettorre

“Nothing sexier than sexy, hot, TROPICAL sex! Either the sexy kind where you’re both sweating uncomfortably underneath mosquito netting and unbreathable silk lingerie, or the kind where you’re awkwardly trying to make out in your humid stateroom after stuffing yourselves with room-temperature Lobster Newburg at the Captain’s Dinner!” –Vulcan With a Mullet

“Look how the roiling seas of the Hoosiers’ emotions are matched by the storm brewing outside… wait, all we can see are calm, tranquil, nearly motionless ocean waters! Has this artist no sense of pathetic fallacy?” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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It’s the first Friday of the month, everyone, and you know what that means: my live comedy variety show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening Los Angeles tonight!

That’s a murderer’s row of comics, two of whom are out of town visitors who you probably won’t get to see in LA again, so why not build your weekend around this show? Here is the Facebook event, to remind you!

The first Friday of the month is of course a Friday, and you know what that means: it’s time for your comment of the week!

“I can’t get past the difference in art style between Blondie and Beetle Bailey. Just look at the way Dagwood’s hand clasps Sarge’s crude meat mitten. I can’t help but think Blondie’s world is one where the security of the United States is defended by horrifying golems of flesh, cruel mockeries of humanity, grown in a facility by the government. ‘We sure do live in the right neighborhood,’ says Dagwood, ‘here our suburban idyll is maintained by the constant patrol of Neighborhood Sarges, their oversized eyes and ears all-seeing and all-hearing. Those unfortunates in the lower Districts must fend for themselves against the Wasteland Marauders and mutant gangs.’” –BananaSam

Your runners up are also very funny!

“But, this being a legacy strip, we have to get an arbitrary golf reference in.” –Pozzo

“NOT MENACING: ‘And that’s the story of David and Goliath.’ MENACING: ‘And that’s the story of David and Saul.’” –Chyron HR

“If Crankshaft takes place a decade in the past, the only drones the average person was familiar with back then were million-dollar military Predators, which gives me hope that at some point a Hellfire missile is going to flatten Crank. Perhaps that’s why the explosions finally stopped.” –Schroduck

“Pluggers have been worried for decades that Chuck McCann may be able to peek at them through their medicine cabinets, but their real worry is that he’ll press them to actually use deodorant.” –nescio

“The only thing that makes me happier than the knowledge of Ed Crankshaft’s impending demise is the fact that nobody, not even his daughter or step-daughter, wanted to attend Les’ Memorial Day cookout. Only Cayla is there out of wifely obligation, and even she’s waiting until Les slips into a food coma so she can sneak away to Chippendale’s special military-themed evening.” –TheDiva

“Is Silas policing Granny Creeps’ SNAP benefit choices? Is that what’s happening here?” –Matt Algren, on Facebook

“Silas will kick himself later when he finds out what a newt is, and realizes he has a whole barrel of them labeled ‘stew lizards.’” –Doctor Handsome

“Is LA a ‘sanctuary city’? Asking for a friend.” –Kevin on Earth

“I find that flesh-colored thing on the post of Silas’ General Store to be unnerving. Is it an ear? A face, waiting for its desperate, bloody owner to buy it back at a steep markup? That would be ‘need.’” –Hogenmogen

“Mary: ‘I want to take a solo unicycle ride, a vehicle built for one. Along the Camino del Solo. By myself. Because even best friends need time apart.’ Toby: ‘Awesome! I’ll pick you up at eight.’” –AlixA

“Now that we see how low the railing is on the side of the ship, can we do anything other than wonder who will eventually fall (or be pushed) over it? My money’s on Esme, whose lit cigarette and romantic schemes will both be snuffed out in the crushing pressure of the deepest ocean.” –BigTed

“W-who … who are you looking at, Trixie? What’s with that ‘Dr. Evil’-esque hand gesture, where you’re coyly pointing to the corner of your mouth? Do you … do you know we can read your thoughts? Is this whole thing planned? FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHAT ARE YOU?” –Joe Blevins

“They call this ‘frog kissin’’ in Hootin’ Holler, on account it’s fancy.” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

“For having the good sense to walk out on these four idiots, Aunt Anna has just become the strip’s first real hero.” –seismic-2

“Sure, it’s a tad subtle for a typical Mary Worth plot, but Toby’s ‘kidding, not kidding’ passive/aggressive summation of the state of her marriage to Ian surely ranks somewhere near the top in meddling opportunities delivered to Mary on a silver platter. Now she can ruminate through the botanical garden of Cozumel or the trinket shops in Miguel on where her particular skills are needed most: helping Toby recover the memories of years of abuse and oppression at the diabolical hands of Ian or helping the Hoosiers cope with Derek’s insidious addiction to nicotine and the women who use it. It should be a fun year.” –GDBenz

“That’s a picture of Daddy in his larval stage, before he shed his cocoon and grew an adult body. Kept the same head, though.” –Steve S

“Goddammit Les, how are you smirking even when you’re experiencing what’s supposed to be a moment of genuine, unbridled joy?” –Ekudamram

“A polo shirt with a tie? Jesus, Les, what’s next — a flip phone in a holster on your belt? Oh.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Luckily, Niki can escape this scene by using the horizontal lines shaved into his hair to blend in with the lockers.” –Drew Funk

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.