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Hey everybody! Just FYI, I think I finally have my ad slots set up close enough to how I like them to offer them to you for direct sales on a CPM basis! There are some larger slots available for the same price as smaller ones in the old design — 970 x 250 images that would look great if you were advertising, say, a comic of some sort (HINT, HINT). To get started, head on over to my BuySellAds page, and feel free to email me with any questions. Advertisers who buy through BuySellAds get exclusive shoutouts in weekly metaposts like this one!

Speaking of advertising and the avoiding thereof, I want to give a shoutout to everyone who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter and get access to the banner-ad-free version of the site. (Supporters still see text shoutouts in posts like this, if there are any.) Those of you who signed up in the days right after we launched the redesign should now be getting charged for your second month of membership — as ever, let me know if you’re encountering any technical difficulties. Faithful web designer Adam Norwood and I are still plotting a few design tweaks but I thought I’d give you a peek of some ad-free screenshots to see how the site experience is different for subscribers. Here’s the site front page:

Here’s the page for an individual post:

Here’s an individual post, just above the comments:

Here’s some screenshots of the site on mobile — the front page, and just above the comments on an individual post page:

And here’s a glimpse at the ad-free RSS feed (keep in mind that how yours will look varies based on your feed reader):

All this glory can be yours, for the low low price of $3 a month, charged automatically to your credit card, which you can cancel any time if you’d like! But wait, did someone say … premium commenting features? No, because I almost forgot about them, but Supporters get to edit their comments (up to 10 minutes after posting them) and also get a what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that lets you add bold, italics, etc., without using HTML. Here’s what those look like:

If you’re interested, get started here!

And after all that ado, we now present … your comment of the week:

“Maybe Wilson is like a phoenix who must undergo periodic combustion and rebirth. Knowing that there’s no escape from his hellish samsara would certainly be cause for a poor temperament.” –Dood

Your runners up are also funny and delightful!

“Mr. Dithers is not wearing a Tom Brady jersey? We find that baffling, to say the least.” –Fashion Police

“I feel sorry for Ditto. There’s no sadder, more grueling form of rebellion than rooting for the Browns in defiance of your Steelers-fan father.” –Rob Carlson

“Let’s see … egg, egg, egg … hmmm, what’s that on the desk? I guess animal society still isn’t too advanced in Portable Vape Technology.” –pugfuggly

“‘An alien warrior with a ray gun,’ MJ? Please. He’s a raccoon. A raccoon in little orange jumpsuit. Look, he’s skipping. He’s literally skipping.” –Joe Blevins

“That is clearly a male snake. Comic strip convention dictates that female animals — even non-mammals — have long eyelashes. I conclude that Count Weirdly is leaving chocolate eggs as a Valentine’s Day gift for his precious senpai.” –A Concerned Reader

“Loweezy’s mouth in the second panel is pretty scary. She looks like she’s about to suck conches off the sea floor and rip them from their shells, as she endlessly patrols the lagoon.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘She doesn’t want anything to do with us.’ ‘Well, actually, neither do I. Who would?’” –seismic-2

“But I know who might be able to help. It’s this dead teenage girl wrapped in a parka that I’m holding. I’ll toss the corpse down the stairs and then start screaming at her, ‘Sophie! It could be worse! You could be dead! So snap outta it, girl!’” –Voshkod

“The middle of math class is definitely the best time to break out the 18th-century invention trivia. ‘Now, who can tell me what four plus five eq … oh who cares, let’s learn about the Newcomen atmospheric engine.’” –Schroduck

“Wait until Lois hears about the research proving that infusions of young people’s blood actually can slow the aging process in older people. Trixie’s gonna grow up real fast when she sees that needle.” –BigTed

“If Trixie’s going to aspire to some sort of unnatural growth, she might want to concentrate on growing a couple extra fingers.” –Dan

Re: Iris’s sleeves: “But I thought theirs was a NO FRILLS relationship! No love, no bonding, just straight up bonking from every position Advil would allow her to get into.” –John Fulcher, on Facebook

“Adding to the eroticism is the fact that those are the most testicular coconuts ever put into a comic strip. But I can’t decide which is more erotic: the panel with two or the panel with three. Different strokes, folks.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Good night and thank you dear Zachary/ You cleaned her garage/ But your hip entourage/ Bores her now” –Chyron HR

“Today’s Blondie is the proof-of-concept for a Ned Ryerson spin-off movie that literally no one is asking for.” –Red Delicious

“Friday Fun Fact! The funeral practice known as a ‘sky burial’ involves leaving a human corpse on a mountaintop to be eaten by carrion birds. Does the Shoeniverse have a similar ‘land burial’ where dead bird bodies are eaten by humans? How different is that from reality? Really makes ya think.” –Chareth Cutestory

“That outburst, my friends, is one of the classic symptoms of Cotton Gin Toxicity.” –Maltmash3r

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! You all are the real heroes.

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Y’ALL! You are aware that I am the HOST of a MONTHLY LIVE COMEDY SHOW in SUNNY LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, are you not? If you’re not familiar with this event, it’s calle The Internet Read Aloud, and it features hilarious people making hilarious jokes, about and derived from … the Internet! Plus me! I tell jokes too! Anyway, you should come to tonight’s show, it’ll be off the chain, plus it’ll be over by 9 so you can go home and get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

More information is here, on the Facebook!

Anyhoo, now is the time when we all enjoy the comment of the week!

“Pluggers know better than to patronize any business whose name includes ‘State Farm’. That’s Communism, and, from what they can tell from the nightly news, Communist countries don’t even HAVE coupons.” –Here come the Judge

Along with the runners up! They’re very funny!

“Something, something, Gallop poll.” –A Concerned Reader

“Slylock Fox: NCIS” –Uncle Lumpy

“It’s a good thing that Animaltopia hasn’t yet evolved to the point of recreating the more sophisticated aspects of human supply-chain management. ‘Does Slylock take the container labeled UDS2345923 or UXDE452345?’” –Dmsilev

“In other news, Rusty calls ‘Mom’ a soulless, dead-eyed woman whose very existence has been reduced to (literally) feeding Mark’s strange sexual appetites. Flapjacks. I’m talking about flapjacks. Don’t think for a moment that Rusty hasn’t noticed and is taking mental notes about his adopted mother/gimp/cook-figure.” –pastordan

“‘I still can’t choose a career path! Please, liberate me from the burden of free will!’ ‘Well, you are writing to the right person.’” –Ettorre

“It was near twenty years since Wilson had left his life as a mob hitman but the trade that had served him so well was about to end this menace to his sanity. The gun nestled gently in the fake cast. The target close at hand. For the first time in years, Mr. Wilson felt alive.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Maybe that look on his face is because he realizes that no-one likes him enough to have a memorial run when he dies.” –Maltmash3r

“Peter Parker looks mad. If he finds those no-good punks who want to desecrate Ancestral Pueblo petroglyphs by adding a new one, he’ll tear them a new one with the proportional new-one-tearing ability of a spider.” –Schroduck

“In straight up medical terms, he’s got a funky on his bean.” –Dood

“I’d say that this is a perfect chance to talk about life after death, but I don’t want to ‘floss-ifize.’ Get it? Flo-aaAAAAAHHH–[has soul harvested]” –pugfuggly

“Pluggers go to the doctor constantly, yet they’re still unfamiliar with the routine.” –TheDiva

“‘Expect the second on the next day at the same hour. The third upon the next day when the last stroke of twelve has ceased to vibrate.’ ‘I’m afraid the office is closed at noon for lunch. Can the third spirit show up at, say, 1:15?’ ‘Uh, yes, that’ll do.’ ‘OK! Here’s an appointment card. Don’t forget to floss!’” –Voshkod

“He looks like he just found a buyer for both his kidneys.” –Brian Byrne, on Twitter

“That mass that showed up on your scan was nothing more than a harmless water-filled cyst. At first I thought it must be your brain scan, ha ha ha ha! No, but seriously, you have cancer.” –Mikey

“Not only a closeup of the Phantom’s ass, but the vivid onomatopoeic FOOMP! of flatulence so foul it can incapacitate a man.” –Steve S

“‘Yes, like a leaf barely clinging to a branch Bumstead is literally dying right in front of us. Not even he could sleep in that position so he’s obviously having a heart attack or some sort of seizure but after all these years I just can’t bring myself to care. Instead his mortality has inspired lyricism in me. Like Wallace Stevens the humdrum of office work causes me to conceive of poetry as a world on a table. Well,’ Mr. Dithers removed his glasses and thoughtfully cleaned them. ‘Someone should probably call a doctor.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Dithers’ poetry needs some analysis. First line, images of icing and cake, like a birthday cake, a celebration of life. Next line is dismal death. If I remember collegiate English lit class, that’s either shitty poetry or ‘juxtaposition.’ (Pro tip: just using the word ‘juxtaposition’ gives you an automatic B at minimum.)” –Hogenmogen

“A ‘Now is the winter of our discontent’ reading would have fit well with Dithers’s whole… well. Y’know. [waves hand up and down] All that.” –Dan

“The freckle-faced kid has a lot in common with Gil. They both love spinning elaborate theories about Aaron, but the people closest to them don’t seem to care. Hopefully, by the end of this storyline, Gil and Alfalfa will meet up and exchange notes. ‘Remember Career Day in 6th grade?’ ‘Like it was yesterday. Continue.’” –Joe Blevins

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!

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Welp, it’s Friday, so that means it’s COTW time y’all!

“The robin’s grotesquely distorted size was yet more disorienting when I thought those cats were cows, which confusion was abetted and compounded by the entirely disproportionate house in the background and the overall cracked-out composition. Also it’s January, which is like very much not spring. I guess what I’m trying to say is I really miss Apartment 3-G.” –Violet

It’s also hilarious runner up time!

“I honestly would have expected a plugger’s bucket list to be, well, a list of buckets.” –Dmsilev

“Q: Why is Wilbur’s face distorted so that it occupies nearly the full width of the laptop display? A: It’s a Mercator projection, and he’s near the south pole.” –A Concerned Reader

“Dennis’s hipster ensemble really sells that he intends to mooch off society for his entire life.” –Jon Bennett, on Facebook

“As healthy as a horse. You’ve seen The Godfather, right, Rex? Remember how healthy that horse was? Yeah. We understand each other now.” –Voshkod

“Since I’m up an hour earlier than I wanted to be, as a result of having to catch a live squirrel not much smaller than my cats, which nonetheless one of them managed to haul into my bathroom, I have to say I think Josh is underestimating the both the courage and stupidity of cats.” –Duke of Earl Grey

“‘And we’re going to leave the store without paying for these Freezy Bombs.’ ‘As long as we respect them? Absolutely.'” –Super Luigi 64

“By the way, ‘Freezy Bomb’ is Gil Thorp street lingo for a Slurpee laced with powerful hallucinogens.” –Steve S

“Aaron’s mom looks like she’s struggling to remember who’s who and what’s going on in this strip. Finally, a character I can relate to!” –pugfuggy

“Pop quiz, hotshot. Your idiot spouse has just received two backhanded compliments in a row and is just dumb enough to take them as regular compliments. How many seconds do you wait before destroying him? One? Five?” –Joe Blevins

“I love that you diagnosed Aaron’s mom with the vapors! Perhaps we can see her lavishly drawn fainting couch… er wait, this is Milford, so it is likely a Bauhaus-ian metal-framed vinyl loveseat.” –Skeltometer

“That’s funny. But seriously, the ukulele is just a hobby. Anyway, did you know the medical industry in Nashville is estimated to be more than six times larger than the music industry? That’s why I’m headed there to see a specialist about my grotesquely misshapen thumb.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“They should get matching tattoos of Mary Worth. We should all get matching tattoos of Mary Worth!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“What’s the matter about showing the Phantom’s face on a stamp? It will still be a mystery, it’s not like anyone is using stamps anymore. Speaking of which, they could also show his face in the comics page.” –Ettorre

“Hey boss, we got two more security clearance requests here. Should I do any cursory work to look into these guys’ past, or, you know, look at their faces even? Or should I just go ahead and rubber stamp them? Rubber stamp them? Okay then.” –The Penultimate Silent Panel

“The Brush and the other feller with much less impressive facial hair (the Toothbrush? The Mascara Applicator?) represent Dick Tracy’s most terrifying villains yet — as their uniforms make clear, their mission is none other than the abolition of the Thai constitution and the restoration of the absolute monarchy of Siam. Will Tracy be able to defeat them, or will he decide, actually, that’s just the sort of thing he could get behind?” –Schroduck

“I admire the precision of Brush’s gloating. How many scheming bad guys would take the time to say they were going to come away with ‘$1.25 million?’ Most would just say ‘a ton of money’ and leave it at that. Tomorrow, we can look forward to Brush calculating the tax implications of his heist.” –Randy

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!