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Hey there! Would like a COTW? Of course you would! Here, enjoy:

“This is Molly, my girlfriend from Tilden! We met while we were both trying to get our hair to do this thing it’s doing.” –Ukulele Ike

And enjoy your runners up as well:

“…of PHONE CANCER.” –Applemask

“Slylock Fox encourages children to develop their reasoning and mental faculties. Max thinks that books are only good for sitting on.” –Ettorre

“We’re not properly appreciating the Funkiness here. This is an obvious three-panel joke; take panels 2, 5, and 7 and you have the misunderstanding, the overreaction, the ‘punchline,’ boom. Batiuk runs it on a Sunday so we can have five panels of Funky’s panicked despair and life-threatening driving on the ice. It’s like if you took every classic Peanuts and inserted four panels of Charlie Brown wordlessly crying.” –matt w

“He was probably afraid she cracked her head open on their recently installed stainless steel driveway.” –Super Luigi 64

“As much as the animals can emulate humanity’s clothes, writing and institutions, they still haven’t mastered the finer point of subjects like medicine. Internal injuries? Bandage to the head! Diabetic shock? Bandage to the head! Irrational distrust of the animal medical establishment? Bandage. To. The. Head.” –pugfuggly

“Isn’t this really the quintessential Spider-Man strip? A bottle episode where three popular Marvel characters, two of them supposed superheroes, bicker over who has to drive a car, nowhere near the action or even any interesting scenery.” –Steve S

“How did the dog crack his head due to a subway stopping short,? Does he mean that took a tumble while riding the subway when the brakes were applied too quickly? If so, does he regret having adopted the precarious upright nature of a biped?” –Rev Tardigrade

“‘Can you imagine a great artist like Monet having to cater to a bunch of idiot tourists? To my mind, there’s nothing quite as contemptible as a tourist. They’re the lowest form of life on earth. That being said, let’s continue with this tour.’” –Joe Blevins

“Under old artistic regime, Harlan looked like the sort of guy who’d explain the ‘facts of life’ in a grainy 70s filmstrip. Now, he looks like a Catalan bullfighter enjoying an evening off in la discoteca. Not sure which version I prefer, honestly.” –Schroduck

“The only thing that could make panel one even more perfect would be if one half of Harlan’s mustache were dangling in front of him, its glue loosened from sweating.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Why are you dating some hot guy instead of my dad? Okay, never mind, question withdrawn.” –Chyron HR

“Dawn’s entire outfit, from the off-black colors to the lite-bondage choker and studded leather wristband, suggests that for some reason they still have a Twilight collection in the juniors’ department at Kohl’s. Of course, when you’ve lived at Charterstone, you know all about emotional vampirism.” –BigTed

“Oh, that M. Night Shyamalan! He’s still got it.” –Aphthakid

“My joke was going to be based on how this plotline about everyone getting tired was also making me tired, but I scrapped that idea because I don’t want anyone to mistakenly think I’m feeling sympathetic towards any of these characters.” –Chareth Cutestory

“A tip for Buck: People normally just pay after they receive a product or service. You don’t have to convince the service provider that money is useful.” –A Concerned Reader

“Fortunately, Mark won’t be able to see the horrible comments as his UNIVAC doesn’t have internet access.” –Andrew

“Look how grim Mark looks when he brings up the Internet. He’s found a problem he can’t solve by punching someone in the face, and it is shaking his identity to the core.” –Drew Funk

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!

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Hey, everybody, just wanted to keep you updated on some tweaks the inimitable Adam Norwood and I have been making over the past week or so. We think we’ve got a handle on the major bugs, as described below; if you’re still seeing some of the stuff on this bullet list, hold down the shift key and reload the site to clear your cache, but if you’re still seeing them after that, email me at jfruh@jfruh.com and let me know! Here’s the bug list:

• We’ve fixed the layout problems that were causing some posts to extend past the right edge of the browser window for some users. This should in particular fix the problems that people were seeing when getting to the site from Facebook or Twitter on the iPhone or iPad.
• The layout and header should now work much better those using IE10, Pale Moon, or older versions of Safari on the iPad or iPhone.
• The pagination links (“older posts”/”newer posts”) make sense again when you choose the “oldest first” option on the Advanced Archives page.

Speaking of the Advanced Archives, we’ve also restored the Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery to that page; reload it and get a new link every time!

This should do it for layout bugs. We’re going to do a bit more tinkering with the design of the site, in particular the left-hand nav bar, in the coming week or so. Stay tuned for more info!

Finally, I want to say a huge thanks to everyone who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! I hope you are enjoying your ad-free, editing-enhanced experience; the design tweaks in store will improve the ad-free version of the site as well. For more on becoming a supporter, start here!

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Hey everybody! A big thanks to everyone who’s signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter over the past week! Remember, for a mere $3 a month (charged to your credit card every month; cancel any time!) you get:

• A lovely ad-free version of the site and RSS feed
• A what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that lets you add bold, italics, and other formatting
• The ability to edit your comment up to ten minutes after you post it (even if it’s in moderation!)

And we’re working to clean up the redesigned site for older browsers and also tackle some requested design/feature tweaks, like restoring the Random Post O’ Mystery link on the archives page and tweaking the left-hand nav bar. Stay tuned! And if you’re spotting bugs, please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com!

But your first comment of the week of 2017 is ready … right now!

“Well, no wonder Zak got a strike so easily — he seems to be throwing from the middle of the lane. Iris is really just impressed by how the kids today don’t play by anybody’s rules, not even the bowling alley’s.” –Noel

And your very funny runners up!

“I’m glad to see that Iris has finally accepted Mickey Mouse as her Lord and Savior.” –Dmsilev

“I’m trying to imagine the original conversation that must have led to this moment. ‘Dennis, have I ever told you what happens to us when we die?'” –Joe Blevins

“50 Shades of Dull.” –Rusty

“Amazing demonstration of the storytelling potential of the graphic arts in today’s Funky Winkerbean. Through the two panels, we learn a lot: A large dome existed in black-and-white photo times, and was apparently called ‘the Brown Derby.’ Then an indeterminate number of decades later, some old people were smug … in the vicinity of the very same dome!” –Schroduck

“Your momma’s so stupid, her nickname is ‘Bray!’ … … You know, like a donkey’s bray? Bray, a brop of bolden sun? Yo momma’s so hoarse, her nickname is ‘Hhhhh’! Is that not bray-worthy? I don’t remember where I was going with this, but I hope you had a nice weekend, too.” –Hogenmogen!

“These people are about to perform a sex act that in old Hollywood was called a ‘brown derby,’ and it’s every bit as horrible as you would imagine.” –BigTed

“Well, dang it, Elviney! How are we gonna be Hootin’ Holler’s first improv troupe if you won’t ‘yes, and…’ me?” –Dr. Dread

“In all fairness to the ladies, after a few hits from Snuffy’s jug, you can imagine any flavor is good after your taste buds have been cauterized.” –Maltmash3r

“When I dine, I find it convenient to sit with my face approximately an inch from my companion’s, all the better to share our smug, lackluster wordplay and whatever contagious, fatal diseases we’re assuredly carrying.” –Steve S

“Like a seafood restaurant lets you pick your own live lobster from the display tank, The Brown Derby shows you a plethora of human heads upon which you can feast. Pick the one you want and they’ll boil it up quick and serve it with a mallet and scoop.” –Voshkod

“Look at Dennis’ intense study of Mr. Wilson. With the eyes of a scientist he watches. Wilson’s face, his anger, his heart, weakened by age but still capable of immeasurable rage: What makes this old man tick? thinks Dennis. The amateur menaces without knowledge using crude tactics and brute force but Dennis is the master and so studies his opponent. He studies so that he may know the secret words that will bring cold sweats and terror. He studies so that he may someday become the essence of menace itself.” –EscapeZeppelin

“Honestly, I really admire Zak’s commitment to wooing Iris. ‘Hmm, that concert didn’t go so well! What’s a thing that women my mom’s age like? Bowling? Do people still do that? I better check YouTube!'” –Here come the Judge

“…and then, the doors of the Family Fun-O-Rama flung open, and there, standing in the mist (actually, the smoke of smokers who were certainly not fifteen feet from the door), to Iris’s surprise, stood Wilbur, wearing a beard and a parka and ready to fight for his woman. His ball, Mjölnir, glistened as he stepped forward into the light and said, ‘Let’s play.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Sophie is not one of your cases, Sam!’ Wait, is this how Sam usually prepares for his cases, by dressing up like a drifter and wandering the woods? There is so much about the law I don’t understand.” –pugfuggly

“I don’t know if anybody noticed, but you can mix and match ‘Fightin’ Rooster‘ here with a lot of other stuff: ‘moonshine still’, ‘stockpile of heroin’, ‘brothel to run’. Actually, if you drop the ‘shameful and illegal’ angle, pretty much anything’ll work: ‘Xbox One’, ‘gold tooth’, ‘newborn child’.” –Jack Loves Comics

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moratorium on ad buys because we’re still tweaking the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017!