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Hello all! I will refrain from any further Irishisms and just go straight into the comment of the week:

“There are a lot of staircases here at Welton Green, but there are elevators too. It’s been, what, more than a quarter century since the Americans With Disabilities Act was passed, and don’t get me started on how long it’s been since the invention of the elevator. Yes sir, we’re all about modernization here at Welton Green. Just ask the servants.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

The runners up are also very funny!

“When all you can afford is the Off, off, off, off, off Broadway ticket prices.” –Paula Gehringer, on Facebook

“It’s interesting that Beetle has included ‘Bread of Roses’ among the improbably punny list of local restaurant names. It makes no sense — who would want rose-favored bread? — so he probably means it as code for ‘bread and roses,’ a slogan of striking labor unionists in the early 20th century. It sounds as if the terrible food, lousy working conditions and constant beatings Sarge and the rest of the Camp Swampy brass provide their soldiers are about to catch up with them.” –BigTed

“The Glutton’s Grill seems pretty straightforward about the kind of clientele it’s trying to attract. The food’s probably great, but try not to watch your fellow patrons for too long. Please keeps your limbs inside your booth.” –Cloudbuster

“‘You’re listening to Irony-FM, guaranteed contrast with your surroundings 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!’ Of course, this being the Funkyverse, they probably just play that song on a loop.” –Applemask

“Admittedly, Mary’s coup-meddling game is untested. But whether she ends up blindfolded in front of a brick wall or gazing upon her people from a palace balcony, the journey would indeed be awesome.” –Johnny Knuckles

“I think the real horror here is the fact that the house is at the top of a hill. For any middle-aged-or-older Batiuk character, that’s a terrifying prospect.” –Joe Blevins

“One thing you gotta respect about Doc: when he’s had enough of your inane chit-chat, he doesn’t mince words.” –pugfuggly

“If you’ve got the green, you’re always welcome at Welton Green.” –Zerowolf

“I feel that a bigger question is raised by that fish skeleton. What horrible crime did that fish commit against the citizenry of Animaltopia, such that the punishment was to be devoured alive by the Lord High Executioner Cat?” –Dmsilev

“It says a lot about Mary and Jeff’s relationship that when he needs care and support he goes to someone else and she leaves town.” –Aphthakid

“The majority of the upcoming arc is going to be taken up by Mary trying to post ‘Ask Wendy’ over the ship’s crappy, overpriced wi-fi.” –TheDiva

“A month from now, Wilbur sees a copy of the Tobago Times being used to stoke a curbside funeral pyre in an attempt to keep up with the Ebola outbreak. ‘Just make two lists, good stuff and stuff you want to avoid,’ Ask Wendy says, in answer to a woman who wants to know if it would be okay to tell a neighbor to not yell at her children. ‘Check with Jesus, he’s the big boss man. Remember, prison sucks.’ That’s when he finds out that his beloved column has been handed down to Tommy Beedle.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Each day they would feed us and then take us to the woods to go to the bathroom, one at a time. At first I was a little bladder shy, but then I began to learn that the guns pointed at me were to help as motivation. I’ll tell you, I’ve never had more regular movements in my life. It’s great being on schedule now. The daylight saving time adjustment didn’t even affect me this year.” –Chareth Cutestory

“You idealists believe that a gift economy would be efficient as a market economy and develop human relations! Snuffy Smith is here to dispel any illusion about a pastoral Arcadia!” –Ettorre

“Dennis practices sitting on a throne and making subjects kneel before him. Pretty menacing if you ask me!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“Detective Brack scowls at the boys as they tell their story. ‘That’s it? They made you go to the bathroom one at a time? What kind of half-baked scheme was this? I need some heavier torture if I’m going to be played by Jessica Chastain in a dramatic movie about how I brought these people to justice.’” –Drew Funk

“This is Ed’s ‘Capone Getting Busted for Tax Evasion’ Moment.” –Little Guy

“First they came for Crankshaft, and I said nothing. [pause] I think we’re actually all okay with that. [looks around, everyone’s nodding]” –Dan

“As part of their settlement with Carnival Cruises over their Wilbur and the sinking cruise ship storyline, Mary Worth will now run a week of strips shamelessly promoting how safe and enjoyable cruises are.” –Dread

“The ‘Charterstone Chow’ pellets may be nothing to write home about, but what they’re really here for is the Lemonade Jello — ‘Looks just like a real glass of lemonade!'” –Glod Glodson

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hello! Let’s get your weekend started right with a comment of the week!

“Of course there’s a ham sandwich … [grin] … Before you ask, there’s no bread, and the meat doesn’t come from a pig. [GRIN] Oh, my bug-eye stare and creepy grin? I … uh … made this expression as a kid and my face really did freeze like this. [GRIN] Want to see the back room where I keep the meat grinder? GRINNN” –Hogenmogen

Some runners up will keep the good times rolling!

“‘Toucans and hornbills are not related‘ is the most dramatic and shocking plot twist in Mark Trail for years.” –Applemask

“Where is his hand? Where is his hand?” –Liam

“Toucan bills are surprisingly light. I’m not saying you should go out hunting toucans by the dozens, removing their bills with a large serrated knife, and carrying the bills around in a burlap sack stained with toucan blood. But, if you did, it shouldn’t cause you any knee or lower back problems.” –Joe Blevins

“They’re saying that the only IUD their HMO would cover was a complete POS, so really all your birthdays are involved.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Only one thing could be more interesting than Mark’s criminal record resulting from the time he punched an entire water-themed amusement park and that’s Doc’s eyes in panel one. That man is high as a kite and yet somehow it’s Cherry who’s the paranoid one here.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Of course there is no ham sandwich! I am giving away paper napkins, salt and black pepper, all of which are worth more than gold! My business model is insanity!” –Zootyr

“Stripped to its bare essentials, the art in this strip consists entirely of hostage videos.” –Lawyerbob

“Hi and Thirsty just commuted in from 1958.” –Rusty

“Shoe celebrates the evil of monopoly power. With the only restaurant in Treetops, Roz doesn’t even try. Just hands the Perfesser a can of alphabet soup. Want it opened? That’s another buck.” –Downpuppy

“I don’t know what’s worse — that Mr. Wilson would tell his 5-year-old neighbor about his serious medical problems, or that he doesn’t have any other living friends left to talk to.” –BigTed

“Australian Phantom stamps, eh? Might be worth adding to the collection. I’ve got the Canadian Garbage Ape series and just scored the new limited edition Luann series recently put out by ISIS.” –Mikey

“A scathing indictment of teenagers who text in full sentences with proper spelling, punctuation, and capitalization. Drag them, Young and Marshall!” –Chareth Cutestory

“I’m trying to decide if the 1920s tennis racket in Alexander’s room means the artist is really out of touch with modern youth culture or really in touch with modern ironic youth culture. Is Alexander a hipster? Does he have a penny-farthing downstairs?” –Dr. Dread

“Que sera sera/ Might be where a bear might be/ No evidence from Johnny/ Que sera sera” –Dan

“Roaming the earth from Antarctica to Brazil and from all outward appearances the only thing Wilbur’s accomplished is learning how to center justify his email messages. Some journalist!” –GDBenz

“I’m guessing Slylock had a bet with his partner on whether the rabbit would steal one of the sausages. Max I guess failed to notice what Master of Observation, Slylock Fox, did: the rabbit brought his own roll.” –Kevin On Earth

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey guys, it’s the first Friday of the month, and you (hopefully?) know what that means by now: if you’re in Los Angeles, you are required by law to come see The Internet Read Aloud, a Internet-derived live comedy show I host, tonight!

The show, the performers in it: it’s good, and we’re good. Come on out!

And with that sordid promotion of my brand out of the way, I present to you: your comment of the week!

“I like to think that the Spirit is holding the cover for one of those tortilla warmer things that they have in Mexican restaurants. It also pleases me to think that his agenda for the day goes something like this: 1. Crimefighting 2. Fajitas 3. More crimefighting” –Alex

And your extremely hilarious runners up!

“Ed’s there to have his hat surgically removed. I see they managed to get the red windbreaker off, probably with the assistance of a male nurse.” –Rusty

“This whole thing would seem classier if it were in black-and-white and Hagar and Helga spoke in stiffly-translated Swedish. Max von Sydow and Liv Ullmann are both still around, right? ‘Cleanliness is an option available to the least of us.’ ‘Indeed. It might be preferable to keep company with swine.’ [meaningful silence]” –Joe Blevins

“I was just thinking about wolves! And also vampires, fanciful creatures that arise by night to feast on the blood of the living, preferring the youthful as a way of extending their own immortality. [Sips coffee] So … where is Rusty?” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Boy, Thirsty there sure has a nice desk and padded chair and a big ol’ window facing the street. Is he Executive VP for Slacking Off or Removing the Last Shred of Hope and Cheer from Employees?” –Pinchers von Shellington IV

“I honestly wonder what a ‘diet’ might be in the context of Hootin’ Holler. Is that when you switch from hog’s fat to rendered squirrel paste on your toast? (And by toast I mean acorn-meal patty).” –pugfuggly

“The image of the Phantom giving birth to Orson Wells is going to haunt me for a while. I assume the man-infant’s first words involved Paul Masson wine.” –Voshkod

“Uh-oh — looks like there’s going to be a primary-colored hat mix-up in Dick Tracy. Chaos will ensue.” –Pozzo

“This is a good place for a product placement. ‘She’s popping Oxycodone like Tic Tacs. And she’s popping Tic Tacs like Oxycodone, because they are so good and refreshing!'” –Ettore

“Subject does not notice or does not care that many kitchen objects are simply floating in empty space. Instead appears to be simply content to interact with miniature dog archetype within the VR ether realm. No discernible value from continued mind harvesting at this point. Suggest termination and incineration as per protocols.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Today, the cast of Mark Trail demonstrates different ways to mishandle an offer in improv after someone in the audience yells ‘bear!’” –Steve S

“It’s 11:00 AM EST. How many times have you dropped the phrase ‘A bear isn’t going to help that at all!’ into conversation so far today?” –seismic-2

“In my memory, the Phantom universally deals with crises in a cool, collected manner even when dishing out brutal justice with gun and fist. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen him mad, not to mention flame-demon-conjuring hate-drool-producing universe-warping fury. Does he not know there are a lot of tools now that make brand-promotion and content sharing much simpler, especially across multiple platforms?” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Is that the giant Owl Shrine from Bohemian Grove, secret club of the rich and powerful? If Mark, Cherry, and Rusty run Bohemian Grove, that goes a long way to explaining why the world is so fucked up.” –nescio

“I’m here for you, Tommy. Because I’m your mom and we live in the same house. Actually, it would be hard to avoid talking with each other since we’re the only ones living there. Don’t thank me — I’m glad to do it!” –But What Do I Know?

“Les printing out the single sentence he wrote so far instead of just showing the screen strikes me as an incredibly sarcastic and passive-aggressive way to respond to being asked to show your work.” –Noel

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.