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Hello all! Thank you for your patience with the delayed return to comics blogging; hopefully you think it’s worth it as you behold in all its glory the latest redesign of the site, courtesy of longtime faithful reader and site-redesigner Adam Norwood! (If you’re not seeing the redesign, hold down the shift key and reload the page to clear your cache.)

As usual, we haven’t gone too crazy with the site redesign, and have hopefully made it more streamlined and easier to use. Besides the visual tweaks to make the site look a little less 2010, we’ve made made a couple important functionality improvements:

• A responsive theme. This is fancy web-design talk for a site that shifts on the fly to accommodate different sized screens and browser windows. You can make your browser window smaller or larger to watch this in action. This helps everybody have the best experience, but it’s particularly important for people viewing the site on phones, who were a niche audience the last time we redesigned the site but now account for something like 30% of visits to the site. Mobile users no longer have to click through from the front page to read an individual post, and should have an improved experience overall.
• Full-sized comics images. I’m now uploading comics to my server in as large a format as I can find them. The site is now smart enough to render the comics in as large a format as your browser can comfortably accommodate, but all you have to do is click on an image (or, on a mobile device, tap on it) and it will expand to full size, and you can scroll around to see it in all its glory. Click or tap again to shrink it back.
• Preview as you comment. Instead of needing a “preview” button, you’ll now see a preview of your comment appear as you type.

I think that the new design will be an improvement for everyone. I’m also introducing a new feature that I think some of you will find worthwhile: For a mere $3 a month, you can become an elite Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, an elevated status that comes with benefits.

• An ad-free experience. When you’re logged in to your account, whether on a PC or a mobile device, you’ll see a version of the site with no banner ads cluttering your view or slowing load times. You’ll also have access to an ad-free version of the site’s RSS feed. (You’ll still see the textual ad shoutouts at the end of the weekly COTW post and posts promoting the semi-annual pledge drive.) Behold, in all its glory:

• Advanced commenting features. Logged-in users won’t need that preview-as-you-type feature, because they’ll be able to edit comments for up to ten minutes after posting them, and will see a what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that makes it easy to add bold, italics, and other formatting to text. Check it out:

As you may already know, the ad revenues across Internet publishing are declining and my site’s been no exception. I’m going to be tweaking my ads this year in an attempt to get ahead of this, and while I have some red lines — no ads that play audio or expand to cover text without you clicking on them — being a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter allows you to back the site (and me!) directly and bypass ads altogether. So if you’re interested in being a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter, head over here to sign up! Either way, I hope you enjoy the new site. And of course, as with anything new, there will be a few bugs: please email me at jfruh@jfruh.com if encounter them, or if you have any other questions or concerns.

UPDATE: The bug where images were covering the text on old posts should now be fixed! And I think I might’ve done something that will fix the “text shifted too far to the right” problem. If you’re still seeing these, or if you see other bugs, please send me an email at jfruh@jfruh.com rather than commenting here. I mean, you can comment here, but sending an email is more helpful because we can correspond that way. Please let me know what your operating system and browser is when you email, and take screenshots if you know how to do that. Thanks!

Content-wise, this site is going to remain as it always has been, which is to say amazing, the number one go-to Internet home for jokes about Mary Worth and a Safe Space where you can make jokes about Mary Worth! I’m glad you’re here. Let’s have a fun 2017!

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Hi everybody! The time has come for me to go off on my multi-city Christmanukwanzaa journey! As usual, I will be returning after the first of the year and leaving this week’s COTW up until I get a week of comments when I return. (And I’ve jiggered the discussion settings so the comments for this post will remain open during my entire absence.)

I might be on hiatus a little bit longer than usual this year because faithful designer Adam Norwood and I are hard at work at unleashing a new, improved design and some exciting features for you in the new year! If we get to January and it looks like we’re close to a rollout, I may hold off on restarting posting until the second week of 2017 or so, but if it seems like it’ll be longer I’ll start in again with the old design. Refresh joshreads dot com constantly for updates!

UPDATE: Happy new year y’all! Adam and I are putting the finishing touches on the new design, so I’m gonna hold off until January 9th to start posting again. Brace yourself for excitement!

Anyway, with that said, please enjoy your comment … of the week!

“‘Now on to matters of the heart!’ [SMASH CUT TO WILBUR’S CARDIOLOGIST READING TEST RESULTS AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISGUST]” –Doctor Handsome

And your very funny, 2016-capping runners up!

Peter has to put his foot down right away, or MJ will pester him to call every other superhero that they know. ‘What about Jameson? He wore Iron Man’s suit once, he kind of counts, right?’” –TheDiva

“I like the vulture in Slylock Fox. ‘C’mon, Max, you want this dollar, don’t you? Sure you do. You probably need it, am I right?’” –BeckoningChasm

“‘We’re currently in the Negative Zone’ simply means ‘No, I don’t want to talk to you.'” –Ettorre

“So, is Killer supposed to be a sheep, a cloud, or just a highly-visible, easy-to-hit object that wants to get out of the wargame as quick as possible?” –pugfuggly

“I just realized that Shoe takes place in the same universe as Slylock Fox. Down below the trees the mammals fight for dominance over what remains of the human’s world while the birds live in a futuristic society full of driverless cars and ennui.” –EscapeZeppelin

“Okay, with a little imagination, I can picture Killer wriggling, worm-like, into his tube-shaped ‘sheep’ costume and finally poking his head out the other end after a half hour of struggle. But how did he get the hat on his head after that?” –Joe Blevins

“The real tipoff came from Loweezy, who is not surprisingly delighted to see her husband go to jail.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Of course, even if Snuffy isn’t frozen to death, there’s no way he’ll be able to hear the Sherriff with so much snow and ice packed around his head. After the Sherriff shoots Snuffy for ‘resistin arrest,’ the snowman will serve to keep the body from putrefying too much until the ground thaws enough to dig a grave.” –JJ48

“Today we learn that Zak is not, in fact, 25 years old. He’s a centuries-old undead creature who maintains his youthful appearance by absorbing the life energies of his middle-aged paramours. Just look at the process happening to poor Iris right before our eyes! By tomorrow she’ll be a dry, discarded husk.” –Steve S

“General Halftrack isn’t dying; the Rapture is occurring. Miss Buxley is about the ascend, hence her spreading her arms so she can fly better. Also, we, the readers are also rapidly rising, which is why the General seems to be sinking from out perspective. Clearly, reading Beetle Bailey for our entire lives counts as our penance.” –Drew Funk

“Just realized, Mark Trail is dropping the ultimate ironic twist: everything but the boat is exploding.” –Dan

“If only there were some way to convert electricity to heat.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Even in Wilbur’s imagination, Iris looks like she’s settling” –Kevin on Earth

“It’s fun to imagine that the military has grabbed Wilbur for research purposes in trying to figure out his immortality. ‘Sir, he’s been in the oxygen-deprivation, mayo-starvation unit for 30 days. Seriously, he shouldn’t be alive. But. He. Is.’” –Dood

“Aaron wants to know what’s coming up this weekend? Well, Christmas, for starters. And I didn’t even have to scroll down through the ads on Google!” –seismic-2

“Wow, hey, Spider-Man is looking like a muscular sex machine in panel one as he’s popping his shirt off. Oh, wait, next panel has him huddled very awkwardly in his undies trying desperately to get his costume out. Immediate re-balancing of the scales.” –Chareth Cutestory

“‘No sense blowing my secret identity’ shouts Peter to his famous wife as he carefully unfolds the costume he carries everywhere and pulls it on in public, mask last.” –Schroduck

“I feel like saying ‘Stay back, honey’ as he disrobes probably sums up all levels Peter and MJ’s relationship, unfortunately.” –Here csome the Judge

“What’s that box supposed to be? Did Peter have to type his costume?” –made of wince

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! I’m taking a moritorium on ad buys because the redesign is going to reshuffle the ad slots, but look for exciting ways you can advertise on this site come 2017! Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Let’s hope for a real Kwanzaa madness tale in Curtis this year! I love you all! See you next year!

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Many people across the United States are in the grips of frigid wintry weather, and we here in southern California are no exception: did you know yesterday it dipped into the mid-50s, and rained, for several hours? Shocking! I’m staying bundled up warm inside, but that hasn’t stopped me from selecting this week’s COTW:

“I love the level of disinterest in Peter’s work that MJ reveals in her thoughts: ‘It’s been too long since Peter went inside to prevent that robbery — or whatever it was. What am I? A criminologist? I haven’t won a Tony yet. There’s your real crime!'” –Lorne

And the very funny runners up!

“Now I must find that which I seek/ Pepcid, at the Walgreens down the street.” –old goat

“One can also enjoy this Slylock by imagining that Smitty has forced Max to dig his own grave.” –Rusty

“If a brief tussle with Spider-Man requires Ronan the Accuser to eat everything off the counter to replenish his strength, I honestly don’t see how hard it could be to beat this guy. Just trap him someplace without any edibles, like a Hardees.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Much as I love exposing the dark underbelly of the Glorious Animal Regime, I don’t think this is necessarily a slave labor arrangement. After all, it’s well documented that sheep need to be sheered regularly lest their wool overwhelm them, and the high ovine populations in Australia and New Zealand must have made overthrowing the human masters easy. Perhaps Australia is an agrarian collective where the members regularly shear themselves in a bizarre ritual that hearkens back to the dark days of their oppression, then ships the product throughout the world? No, somehow that’s even more disturbing.” –TheDiva

“Teens having fun? This cannot end well.” –Gil Thorp(e)d

“God made humans capable of the squint-eyed ‘What the fuck are you talking about/what’s wrong with you?’ look specifically knowing that someday, some blowhard was going to let rip with ‘The internet is rife with stunted individuals trying to appear bigger by standing on celebrities.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Poor Mary: in spite of her decent computer literacy for a woman of her age, she still hasn’t figured out how to scroll down.” –pugfuggly

“Surely this is a case of an analogous event to what has just befallen Iris, as she too has left Wilbur after a difference of opinion about the value of travelling around the world compared to caring for your young adult child, and she’s also had a new opportunity land in her ‘inbox,’ if you know what I mean. (If you’re naïve enough to not know what I mean, the opportunity is Zak’s dick.)” –Ekudamram

“That’s right Sam, God listens to prayer, even in a police interrogation room. And you just happen to have Him in the one right next door! Tell Dick to grab the brass knuckles and a coffee … this might take a while.” –Brad

“Foolish Mark! That is not Abbey, for no human being can spit water, cough, and speak at the same time. Azaloth the Soul Eater is pulling back its ‘head’ to reveal its true form!” –Zooty

“I think we now have definitive proof that Mark Trail’s hair is some sort of alien parasite that has colonized his head. Consider: in the first panel, it’s visibly mussed and disarrayed, probably from shock. In the second panel, it’s starting to return to its natural form. By the third panel, every last lock is back where it should be. That’s not natural. This also explains why government biologists are following Mark around. They actually work in the FBI’s X-file office.” –Dmsilev

“I don’t read Gasoline Alley, so looking at panel one, I assumed we were about to see a brutal baby boomer dictator finally overthrown by the repressed millennial masses chanting slurs at him.” –Drew FUnk

“Wouldn’t it be ironic if Marvin’s dad drinks so much coffee because he has trouble pooping? It’s the circle of life, assuming that circle is made of porcelain.” –BigTed

“If your kid dies, can I have a photograph? I’m really into carrying around photos that make me sad. It doesn’t have to be one from when she was alive; it could be a nice coffin shot.” –made of wince

“There’s so many depressing places this could go. Will the suicide shut down filming on the Starbucks Jones movie, crushing the dream of comic book fans? Will this kick off a string of murder/suicides starting with a guilt-ridden Mason and Cindy? Will Cliff be reinvestigated as a Soviet agent suspected of giving mood altering drugs to a costar in a complex plan to overthrow the U.S. government?” –Keylime314

“Photoshop in a dapper red fox, and today’s Six Chix might make sense. Slylock Fox has been called to the North Pole by worried snowpeople. They think Gerry Gingerbread is melting his fiancée Sunita Snow. However, Gerry blames global warming, and says his relationship is not toxic. How does Slylock prove that Gerry is trying to melt Sunita for her inheritance? ANSWER: Gingerbread cools down very quickly, especially when left in the snow. If Gerry is still warm, he must be heating himself up. Gerry’s crunchy skin and lack of chewy centre confirm that he keeps returning to the oven.” –Schroduck

“Look at Barfy and Dolly’s faces: they’re disgusted. The only one into this travesty of interspecies romance is the cat. Why they’re going along with it I don’t know but I’m sure their reasons are dark, terrible, and full of puns.” –EscapeZeppelin

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.