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Hello all! Do you enjoy funny comments? Well, enjoy this one, which is your top comment of the week, as selected … by me!

“‘I’ve got a lot of living left to do!’ says Horrible Hank as he steps off the plane, falls from the ramp to the tarmac, and breaks his neck, just the way he wrote it in ‘One-Way Ticket to the Pearly Gates,’ Horrible Hank’s Tales to Depress, issue #38.” –seismic-2

These runners up are also extremely hilarious!

“Dirty’s back! And I love the way he wears his eyepatch strap at a rakish, if logically impossible, angle. Unless he’s holding it on with electrical tape, which is even more stupendous.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“It doesn’t really matter what Gen. Halftrack says, since the interviewer isn’t recording their talk and is barely even taking notes. I’m guessing he’s not really a reporter anyway, but a guy from the Army Psychological Division whose only real job is to check a box saying ‘Crazy’ or ‘Not Crazy.’” –BigTed

“Wait ’til your father hears about this! I’m going to talk to him right … OH DEAR CHRIST HIS FACE! WHERE IS HIS FACE?” –Joe Blevins

“Ha ha, who does Alice think she’s kidding with that ‘OMG?’ I mean come on, given Dennis’s age, she’d probably be… [counts mentally] …oh. Mid-thirties. If not younger. [stares out at the horizon] [walks silently into the ocean]” –Dan

“It’s not surprising that events in this strip occur out of time sequence. With the regular trips Alice takes to 1952 to buy Dennis his clothes and to get her hair done, that’s got to put a lot of strain on the space/time continuum. Something’s bound to break sooner or later.” –Larry McAwful

“Leave it to Marvin to envision a future survival scenario where he uses his own urine to rehydrate his freeze dried urine into some kind of Super Urine. Is this strip originally from Germany?” –Mikey

“I’m trying to figure out the original caption by reading the expressions. PJ is almost levitating with excitement, Dolly is smirking like Les Moore, Jeffy is not only smirking but has his arms folded in defiance, as if to say ‘Here’s something we know you’ll hate but you can’t do anything about,’ and Thel’s expression of dismay is weary enough that we know she’s been through this before. I think it’s ‘Daddy’s man-trap caught another heathen! Will you help us bury it when we’re done?’” –matt w

“Yeah, with these new flat screen TVs you can place them at any random angle near your chair. You don’t have to look straight at them to enjoy viewing goodness. I often let CSI: Wherever reruns waft gently over my profile of an evening, and I never have to worry about eye strain or radiation burns.” –made of wince

“WAY TO DISTRACT HIM, BUDDY! I’LL SHOOT SOME WEBBING! OH NO, HE DODGED IT! HOW DOES HE ANTICIPATE MY EVERY MOVE?!?!” –pugfuggly

“And if the beholder has hair growing out of his eyeballs, well, God help us all.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Big product placement for TEK™ luggage, the preferred luggage of thieves!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“He died doing something he loved: inconveniencing stewardesses.” –Old School Allie Cat

“Today’s strip is a setup for an exciting new plotline: Junior is disappointed that the old man can’t hold his liquor and passes out after three, maybe four gin and tonics. Wait, did I say ‘exciting’? Sorry, I temporarily forgot what that word meant.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“OK, so there’s a dog-woman (and I’m being kind here) with cat-eye glasses, rockin’ the Flintstone jewelry, all knockers-up, just waiting for some other abomination of nature to come along and Plugger. Is that it, Amy R. of Dallas, Texas? Is that it?” –Deacon Blues

“That sort of looks like an eagle, or maybe a griffin, on Dirty’s fake passport. Still, there should be no problem since it’s signed by King Leopold himself.” –Downpuppy

“Coach Kaz seems to be stuck in a Benjamin Button kind of situation, aging backwards in fashion sense. A decade ago he wore open-collar polo shirts and gelled his hair up into a terrible spiky Smash Mouth do. Now he’s rocking the Flock of Seagulls look with a sideburns and free-flowing mullet. Looking forward to the Coach rediscovering bell-bottoms soon.” –Schroduck

“‘What is your purpose for traveling to America, Mister … Smith?’ ‘Spores! I’m being driven by a parasitic fungus to climb to the top of the Empire State Building and then my head’s going to explode and I’ll release this cargo of spores across New York City and … Sport. I mean sport.’” –Voshkod

“I think the cruelest interpretation of FW, within reason, would be that the cop is completely genuine about loving the pizza, and is now writing the ticket with sorrow in his heart because he can’t mitigate the ticket even for the owner of the restaurant he enjoys. So, because of what Funky said, EVERYONE in this situation suffers in some way. Pretty much exactly on-brand, then.” –Enlong

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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NO HYPE NO SETUP JUST COMMENT OF THE WEEK:

“I like to think Gil spent the entire visit to Aaron’s mom just staring wordlessly at her until she confessed. ‘Coach Thorp! Is Aaron in some kind of trouble? Does it have to do with drugs? Or did they discover how he throws games to make our secret payoffs to the mob via an underground Mudlark gambling ring? Is that what this is about?’” –Drew Funk

The runners up? Also hilarious.

“Cherry is really making an effort here. She knows that there’s nothing more romantic to her husband than a dead-eyed recitation of nature facts in monotone.” –AndyL

“Zak: portrait of a man thinking ‘I don’t understand what’s going on here, but I don’t understand a lot of things, so she’s probably right.’” –Horace Broon

“Iris: ‘You belong with your friends. Not me. Because I’m your enemy. Watch your fucking back.’ Zak: ‘You watch it first.’ Iris: [ogles, regrets decision]” –Craig!

“The Halftracks know that they’re almost obligated to have sex with each other after this. Their expressions tell you all you need to know about how they view the prospect.” –TheDiva

“Meanwhile, back in Seattle, an alarm sounds. A terrified flunky slinks into Bezos’ office with a clipping from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. ‘Sir … Alexa’s been featured in a comic.’ ‘That’s great! Trudeau make a joke about us? Maybe Pastis did an Alexa pun, or Bucky Cat got in a fight with her?’ Slowly, the flunky passes over the copy of Pluggers. A distant scream as a senior vice president leaps to his death. ‘Shut it down,’ Bezos says heavily, ‘shut down the entire Alexa line. It’s over.'” –Voshkod

“Slylock thinks Shady Shrew is lying because there’s no way that grotesquely swollen bear paw would fit in the mailbox. Neither would Shady Shrew’s stubby arms, of course, but somebody’s gotta take the fall. ‘Another crime cleverly foisted on someone else,’ thinks Max.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“It’s easier to imagine a plugger carrying on a conversation with a much-beloved hockey puck, the one found in the parking lot of the Ice-o-rama in the winter of ’89.” –Dood

“‘Wait, isn’t there an easier way for a conscious and perfectly lucid person to rehydrate, other than going to the hospital and and having glucose solution infused through a needle in my arm?’ ‘No.’” –BigTed

“I’m not sure the DMV has the power to reverse Funky’s excommunication. Only the Pope himself can declare Funky and his constant misery compatible with the existence of a loving god.” –Schroduck

“Karen Moy has succeeded in summarizing the human condition. ‘I just did something random, and now I’m sad. What can I do to fix this? Short of reversing course on my random decision, of course.’ Kudos, Karen.” –John, just John

“I keep a post it note at my desk to remind me that Les isn’t Funky and I encourage all to do the same.” –Trophy Boy, on Twitter

“I always knew that Mary was a harvester of human sorrow, but it seems especially cruel to make Iris collect her own tears in that cup.” –pugfuggly

“Wait, Sophie’s kidnapper took her because she thought the Spencers have too much money and they don’t deserve it? I hope everyone who reads this blog has an alibi!” –A Hero Twice a Month

“Jeffy, if you’re going to do the Little Rascals ‘three kids in an overcoat‘ routine, you’re going to need two frie– [long exhale] Look, ask Billy and Dolly.” –Dan

“According to Wikipedia, Moe Howard broke three ribs while filming Pardon My Scotch (though you may know the scene from Dizzy Detectives, where it was reused): he was standing on a platform, a table, that Curly sawed through with a power saw. The article states that, like a real trouper, ‘[Moe] was able to pull himself up and deliver a double slap to Larry and Curly before fainting.’ The point is, putting a rib girdle on the Sentry shows an amazing dedication to historical accuracy.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Bosses are the worst. Especially when they twitch awake on the floor behind you, then rise up at a 90 degree angle like a vampire out of the coffin just so they can start making comments about what you’re doing.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Just because pluggers cannot learn modern slang, it does not mean they live in the past! For example, once they thought that cats and dogs living together was a sign of of the apocalypse. Now they know that segregation is NOT cool!” –Ettore Costa

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey everybody! Just FYI, I think I finally have my ad slots set up close enough to how I like them to offer them to you for direct sales on a CPM basis! There are some larger slots available for the same price as smaller ones in the old design — 970 x 250 images that would look great if you were advertising, say, a comic of some sort (HINT, HINT). To get started, head on over to my BuySellAds page, and feel free to email me with any questions. Advertisers who buy through BuySellAds get exclusive shoutouts in weekly metaposts like this one!

Speaking of advertising and the avoiding thereof, I want to give a shoutout to everyone who signed up to be a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter and get access to the banner-ad-free version of the site. (Supporters still see text shoutouts in posts like this, if there are any.) Those of you who signed up in the days right after we launched the redesign should now be getting charged for your second month of membership — as ever, let me know if you’re encountering any technical difficulties. Faithful web designer Adam Norwood and I are still plotting a few design tweaks but I thought I’d give you a peek of some ad-free screenshots to see how the site experience is different for subscribers. Here’s the site front page:

Here’s the page for an individual post:

Here’s an individual post, just above the comments:

Here’s some screenshots of the site on mobile — the front page, and just above the comments on an individual post page:

And here’s a glimpse at the ad-free RSS feed (keep in mind that how yours will look varies based on your feed reader):

All this glory can be yours, for the low low price of $3 a month, charged automatically to your credit card, which you can cancel any time if you’d like! But wait, did someone say … premium commenting features? No, because I almost forgot about them, but Supporters get to edit their comments (up to 10 minutes after posting them) and also get a what-you-see-is-what-you-get editor that lets you add bold, italics, etc., without using HTML. Here’s what those look like:

If you’re interested, get started here!

And after all that ado, we now present … your comment of the week:

“Maybe Wilson is like a phoenix who must undergo periodic combustion and rebirth. Knowing that there’s no escape from his hellish samsara would certainly be cause for a poor temperament.” –Dood

Your runners up are also funny and delightful!

“Mr. Dithers is not wearing a Tom Brady jersey? We find that baffling, to say the least.” –Fashion Police

“I feel sorry for Ditto. There’s no sadder, more grueling form of rebellion than rooting for the Browns in defiance of your Steelers-fan father.” –Rob Carlson

“Let’s see … egg, egg, egg … hmmm, what’s that on the desk? I guess animal society still isn’t too advanced in Portable Vape Technology.” –pugfuggly

“‘An alien warrior with a ray gun,’ MJ? Please. He’s a raccoon. A raccoon in little orange jumpsuit. Look, he’s skipping. He’s literally skipping.” –Joe Blevins

“That is clearly a male snake. Comic strip convention dictates that female animals — even non-mammals — have long eyelashes. I conclude that Count Weirdly is leaving chocolate eggs as a Valentine’s Day gift for his precious senpai.” –A Concerned Reader

“Loweezy’s mouth in the second panel is pretty scary. She looks like she’s about to suck conches off the sea floor and rip them from their shells, as she endlessly patrols the lagoon.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘She doesn’t want anything to do with us.’ ‘Well, actually, neither do I. Who would?’” –seismic-2

“But I know who might be able to help. It’s this dead teenage girl wrapped in a parka that I’m holding. I’ll toss the corpse down the stairs and then start screaming at her, ‘Sophie! It could be worse! You could be dead! So snap outta it, girl!’” –Voshkod

“The middle of math class is definitely the best time to break out the 18th-century invention trivia. ‘Now, who can tell me what four plus five eq … oh who cares, let’s learn about the Newcomen atmospheric engine.’” –Schroduck

“Wait until Lois hears about the research proving that infusions of young people’s blood actually can slow the aging process in older people. Trixie’s gonna grow up real fast when she sees that needle.” –BigTed

“If Trixie’s going to aspire to some sort of unnatural growth, she might want to concentrate on growing a couple extra fingers.” –Dan

Re: Iris’s sleeves: “But I thought theirs was a NO FRILLS relationship! No love, no bonding, just straight up bonking from every position Advil would allow her to get into.” –John Fulcher, on Facebook

“Adding to the eroticism is the fact that those are the most testicular coconuts ever put into a comic strip. But I can’t decide which is more erotic: the panel with two or the panel with three. Different strokes, folks.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Good night and thank you dear Zachary/ You cleaned her garage/ But your hip entourage/ Bores her now” –Chyron HR

“Today’s Blondie is the proof-of-concept for a Ned Ryerson spin-off movie that literally no one is asking for.” –Red Delicious

“Friday Fun Fact! The funeral practice known as a ‘sky burial’ involves leaving a human corpse on a mountaintop to be eaten by carrion birds. Does the Shoeniverse have a similar ‘land burial’ where dead bird bodies are eaten by humans? How different is that from reality? Really makes ya think.” –Chareth Cutestory

“That outburst, my friends, is one of the classic symptoms of Cotton Gin Toxicity.” –Maltmash3r

And I must give a huge thanks to all the extremely kind people who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! You all are the real heroes.