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So funny! Here’s the funniest one, in my opinion:

“I feel like doing ecstatic cartwheels because you can meticulously document your naps is doing laziness wrong.” –Doctor Handsome

But these others? Also very funny.

“Pluggers have to be drawn from at least the waist up when viewing lawn machinery.” –pugfuggly

“Self-induced diabetes: menace level 7.” –Zerowolf

“These jokes write themselves. It’s the only explanation I will consider.” –Rusty

“Wouldn’t it be funny if it were ‘the carpoop lane?’ I guess what I mean by ‘funny’ is, ‘funnier.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“For example … Harper Lee’s novel … was not To Kill a Hummingbird. The pauses in my dialogue are kind of stilted and unnatural. You don’t have to tell me that, I’m a professional writer, I know. But I want you to know … through deliberate emphasis … how much contempt … I have for my students. [inhales deeply and slowly] [flips desk] Can’t get mad, wife had cancer.” –Dan

“I don’t know why Jeff looks so unhappy. He doesn’t have to be with Marvin tomorrow, he gets to keep his job despite the fact that he apparently routinely brings in a child whose smell is so rank that it’s a joke around the office, and unlike his colleague he didn’t have an arm amputated between panels two and three.” –matt w

“This might be the single most superfluous use of the word ‘successfully’ I’ve ever seen in my life.” –Joe Blevins

“Mark, quit making small talk with the kidnapper! You came here to count prairie dogs and they’re RIGHT THERE! Get your head in the game!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“You’ll be sitting at the captain’s table tonight! No, just you, the youngish hottie. We seat all the elderly busybodies in a section we call ‘yenta alley.’” –BigTed

“Sure, chandeliers are pretty, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes you just want to fuckin’ eat, with no distractions, you know what I’m sayin’?” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“Thanks for leaving out books and plays. I guess I’ll have to retire my Seabiscuit cosplay for the next SDCC.” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

“For pluggers there’s still a prize in every box of cereal. Or there would be if they still had the ability to take any pleasure in life.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Pluggers know you got to really mix the strychnine into your husband’s cereal, because if you just sprinkle it on top of the bowl, he’ll get suspicious. She may look dead inside, but she’s looking forward to the $300 in their joint checking account, the $5,000 insurance payout, what’s left of the pension from the factory, and a little goddamn peace and quiet. Maybe, finally, she’ll get to see Branson.” –Voshkod

“I think I understand the expression. It’s knowing that her husband is going to give her a lecture about interfering with his cereal, he works hard and buys her a different box for a reason, why doesn’t she ever listen. And realizing that she doesn’t care what he thinks half as much as she does about this recipe, and what all these things mean about their marriage.” –pachoo

“Baldy has heard that it’s ‘gangster’ to hold your gun sideways, but hasn’t figured out which axis it is you’re meant to turn the gun in.” –Schroduck

“So we’re just going to collectively ignore the golden falcon scratching a rabbit’s balls. Just comment on other things like that didn’t just happen. This truly is the Kitty Genovese of Not Going For Low Hanging Comedic Fruit.” –Sexy Duck Cop

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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If you don’t know what time it is, here is a clue: It’s comment of the week time!

“2007 Handsome Les: Lose yourself in the writing process and you can achieve anything! 2017 Haggard Les: Let’s try updating popular idioms with new animals so our uncredited work can go ‘viral.’” –pugfuggly

It’s also time for some extremely hilarious runners up!

“They’re named Katie and Derek Hoosier because John and Jane Flyover was on the nose even for this strip.” –Doctor Handsome

“Can’t wait for Shoe to start demonstrating that same-gender dating can be just as dead-eyed and listless as any other humanoid avian interaction. Finally, we’ve achieved true equality!” –glitchtrack

“‘See you around, you stupid clown!’ ‘In the basement, Lisa’s replacement!’” –BigTed

“Do you ever write anything for Abductors Journal? It’s really all I have time to read these days. It used to be a much bigger deal but lately it’s mostly just shared content with RansomWeek and ads. Anyway, get in the trunk or I’ll shoot you in the gut.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Dennis, this church embraces iconoclasm, as prescribed by Emperor Leo III. Keep your filthy simulacra out of this house of prayer, you dirty pagan!” –Ettorre

“If, as you previously guessed, the Mitchells are Episcopalians (or any denomination with bishops, really), then the fact that the minister is wearing black indicates that this is either a day of mourning (All Souls or maybe Good Friday) or an actual funeral. I therefore rate Dennis thrusting a badly wrapped stack of baseball cards into the minister’s hands in the middle of this solemn ceremony at least modestly menacing.” –Schroduck

“I don’t think these police are actually being heroic every day, given that they don’t know it’s a bad idea to hold your pistol directly by your face when you fire it.” –Steve S

“Leap into its watery embrace, Mary. Don’t look back.” –Steve Ott, on Facebook

“Only Toby is exercising. The others are trying to run away.” –lumaca morente

“For a long moment, the kidnap victim and the kidnapper exchanged a skeptical look, silently debating the merits of adding Mark to their group before the kidnapper broke the silence: ‘All right, move along, writer. How about you, pal? What do you do for a living?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“PJ is giving that book a serious looking over, while pondering whether The House That Jack Built actually falls in the ‘Mother Goose’ category. ‘It’s more of a British folk song of the cumulative tale classification, you know.’” –Pozzo

“The narration box speaks volumes about why Dick is allowed to do what he does and how he does it. This is Tracy’s town, it’s Tracy’s way or the highway — most likely thrown on it face first. If that creates a new villain — say , Pavement Puss — so be it.” –Charles Nelson, really

“Everyone looks stunning when you wear your glasses over your cheekbones.” –Sara

“We’ve seen a lot of Milford locals celebrating minor sports victories, so it’s nice to see this tendency extending to other professions. ‘Our hard-hitting expose took down a member of the school board! Truly, this is our Watergate!’” –TheDiva

“Miss Buxley is worthy of attention not just because she is visually stunning, but because her lopsided bosom clearly indicates that she is an ancient Amazon, capable of shooting down a sparrow in flight or scaring the bejesus out of Hercules. Her continual chastity now seems logical, as does the obvious homosexuality of the heroes who surround her.” –rocketbride

“No, Les. She wasn’t using ‘hit the sack’ to refer to going to sleep. It was a euphemism! What she really is suggesting is kicking and punching your ball sack over and over and over again until you decide that Dead Lisa is dead and that you need to stop obsessing over her and pay some attention to your current wife.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“If Les has spent the evening ‘writing’ about Lisa, he’s already ‘spent,’ if you know what I mean. Oh, cool! I just grossed myself out!” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Sarah wanted to go to the public school because they speak in that classic Dead End Kids patois.” –Everything Is Better With Monkeys

“Wait … Cayla WANTS to have sex with Les? Which one has the necro fetish, again?” –boojum

“The way that window breaks the perspective of the wall, it’s clear that Chip is the worst student at MC Escher Non-Euclidian High.” –Call me Dirty

“Originally, this artwork was called ‘Jeffy Tries To Suck His Thumb … And Misses.’” –Joe Blevins

“Given the reference to homework, I thought Chip was at home, which means that Hi lost his job, their suburban house was foreclosed on, and the whole family moved to a two-bedroom basement apartment in their nameless city. I’m pretty sure that’s funnier than this strip.” –Lawyerbob

“Chip wondered, yet again, why his window in Amsterdam’s red light district attracted no customers.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in physical or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey guys! It’s the first Friday of the month, so don’t forget: If you’re in LA, I strongly urge you to come see me and these other funny people perform, at 8 pm, at the Clubhouse in Los Feliz!

If you are a fan of my humor sensibility from this site, I think you will really like this show — it’s always a good time, it’s in a fun, intimate space, and, shockingly for central LA, parking is free and plentiful. Literally what do you have to lose? Nothing, that’s what! I hope to see you there — here’s the Facebook event, if those are helpful to you!

And now: your comment of the week!

“Actually I laughed at this. But then it gets sad when you realize she’s trying to slowly kill a dog with trans fats.” –Mikey

And your hilarious runners up!

“The plugger bear-man seems to be totally wedged in by furniture. How does he plan to get out of that chair? [reflective pause] Ohhhhhhh. That’s sad.” –Joe Blevins

“Plugger lives are bereft of wonder but full of crippling joint pain.”–Steve S

“The idea that her only point of reference regarding anything is her acid reflux is as amazing as it is pathetic, and I think both of those are what this strip aspires to on a daily basis.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I like a good gallows joke as much as the next executioner but I’m more intrigued by the guy on the left. He’s got a corncob pipe which means this is at least the 16th century and Vikings like Hagar and Lucky Eddie are five hundred years out of date. Being an anachronism is apparently a capital offense, which is going to make Renaissance fairs a lot more interesting.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Life begins at forty — 1940s. That’s when the TVA brought running water and electricity to that village, starting what humanitarian organisations call life, barely.” –Ettorre

“Interesting that this should run on Equal Pay Day, motherhood being the source of women’s greatest unpaid labor. It’s definitely murder those kids want, and on the cheap.” –pastordan

“A true plugger remembers when a ‘Milky Way cake’ was just buying two Twinkies and sticking a Milky Way bar between them before you went to see about that diabetes diagnosis.”–Voshkod

“Billy’s dead, Mommy! You promised us cupcakes, ‘member?” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

“Scenes like this remind me why I started drinking to bluff my way through social gatherings.” –Rusty

“Looks like Sarah has as much interest in trying to keep track of the characters in this strip as I do.” –But What Do I Know?

“The accusatory finger that guy is pointing as he says ‘You’re our historian emeritus’ makes me think the next step in this gathering may be the historian emeritus’s ritual death by burning.” –Anonymous

“You know, considering she’s never depicted doing anything but sitting around on the couch and almost getting Sarah killed the one time she attempted to take her to school, June sure seems to need an awful lot of help. Guess those mojitos won’t make themselves!” –Aphthakid

“Which stranger can I dupe into helping out with my airport kidnapping plans? I know! This fit, well-groomed man of action! Sure, he looks like he’s survived numerous boat explosions and knows how to use his fists, but he doesn’t seem too bright.” –Call me Dirty

“They are so ecstatic about the luggage that even ‘Never, dear friend!’ is an anticlimactic punchline today. Oh, Mary Worth doesn’t do punchlines? Have I been reading it wrong all these years?” –Hogenmogen

“‘Vap!’ is possibly the most Dutch-sounding sound effect I’ve ever seen in print. Looking forward to more examples over the course of this storyline, such as ‘Smajk!’ and ‘Plaap!'” –Pozzo

“‘Oh, good, the train is on time!’ ‘All hail Mussolini!'” –Christine Lehman, on Facebook

“See this here? Now do as I say or I’ll shoot my nuts off!” –Tom the Sailor Man

“‘Does Cane ring a bell?’ ‘Yeah! But why that name?’ [whispers] ‘I was the first murderer’” –Dan

“As a person who spends lots of time unconscious I am an expert on how they can help us.” –Liam

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.