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Hello all! Please enjoy this week’s delicious comment of the week!

“Hmm, what’s SAMHSA? I think it’s ‘Son And Mother’s Hair Styled Alike.’” –Doctor Handsome

This week’s runner-up comments of the week are also very tasty!

“Who needs real friends when you got these critters, all of whom are ready to pounce on your soul and swallow it? That’s how it works, isn’t it? I don’t get technology. [applies Liquid Paper to tablet]” –made of wince

“‘We’ve found a girl!’ ‘Over here! I’ve found another girl!’ ‘And here’s a third one! And… oh never mind, they’re all parts of the same girl.'” –seismic-2

“That shotgun isn’t for home defense. It’s likely the Triple J wakes up every morning and presses the barrel of the shotgun against his forehead and thumbs the trigger guard while grimly reciting his reasons for staying alive. Once his faith in that day is restored, he dresses and goes to the office.” –Johnny Knuckles

“I wonder if Slylock’s ‘adventures’ (for lack of a better term) are a form of propaganda for the Glorious Animal Regime? By spending all his time solving minor cases of vandalism and fraud with basic logical thinking, he’s demonstrating how the GAR is so free of crime and vice that the highly efficient police force devotes all their time to these minor problems. I’ll bet Count Weirdly is a fictional construct designed to focus anti-human sentiment, like Emmanuel Goldstein.” –TheDiva

“I get the sense that basically this pilot would rather have stayed home in bed all day, and he wishes Mark had never come into his life at all. Why can’t everyone just stay put and mind their own business? Why would any species want to invade anything? It’s just too exhausting.” –made of wince

“The island has been stable for years. We’ll be in and out in a day. The chance of this thing blowing on the one particular day that we’re here is practically none. Practically none… Did I mention that I once got into a cave just in time for an earthquake? Yup, it destroyed an array of crystals that had been growing there for a dozen millennia at least, and then rrrrummmble and it was trashed. Well, put this bird down close to the volcano’s mouth. I’m certain that’s where the fire ants must be swarming.” –hogenmogen

“I spent a while trying to figure out the difference between Predator and Predinator. This is as far as I got: a Predator is a vicious alien trophy hunter feared throughout the galaxy, and a Predinator is something that likes humping school buses.” –Schroduck

“‘The island has been quiet for several years now but has had minor eruptions in the past? So it’s kind of like my sex life!’ is something Mark Trail could say if he had a sex life or indeed any concept of human sexual relations.” –Steve S

“‘Aren’t there any wars to cover?’ says an American reporter in 2016. ‘If not, I just woke up from a sixteen-year coma, maybe that’s worth covering?'” –Dan

“The ploy will work, with Junior’s 98F temperature reading being taken for Marvin’s. Sadly, a dog’s average temperature is 102.5F, meaning that Junior only has days to live. Depending on your definition of ‘sadly.'” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“What does it benefit Tina if she manages to avoid those boring ‘sports and weather’ questions, but has to field twice as many ‘What the fuck is your problem?’ questions?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“One month later Tina had to get a tattoo on her chin that said, ‘And please talk about something other than my forehead tattoo.’ This led to the addition of ‘I know what you’re going to say’ on her right cheek followed by ‘Don’t even try to surprise me’ on her left cheek, then ‘I never imagined the consequences’ in bold Gothic font around her neck. Eventually Tina’s habit of collecting things people said to her and having those tattooed all over her body it led to the reality show, How’s The Weather?” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“We’re basically filming a commercial! Sure, it’s for a product that won’t be seen for months from a company that barely exists yet, but when those things finally go on sale, people will think, ‘Say, aren’t these from the factory that rejected my grandma after she stood in line all day in hopes of getting a minimum-wage job? Sure, I saw it on the 5:30 Action News Team Report! Well, whatever it is they’re selling, I’m buying one!’” –BigTed

“I want to see these two reporters sent to cover the war in Syria. ‘Sure are a lot of people lined up for food aid here.’ ‘People will line up for any food. I doubt half of them even know what they’re eating tomorrow.’ ‘Should I film this mass grave for the B-roll?’ ‘This whole war is B-roll.’” –Voshkod

“Rex thinks that a man and a woman flirting could be a problem, but his expression suggests that he genuinely doesn’t know. ‘Those two seem to be making eye contact and showing their teeth … those are signs of aggression, right? Damnit, I left my behavioral flashcards at home…’” –pugfuggly

“The E taped on the back of Mason’s chair is a nice touch. It’s condescending and it lets Mason know exactly where he stands with his studio. ‘Oh you want to change your name? How cute. No, we’re not ordering you a new chair. Here’s a Sharpie and a post-it note, Z-lister.’”–Dread

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Omigosh I know it’s late in the day but here is your Comment! Of! The! Week!

“Most kids like to imagine themselves playing for the pros, but this is Milford, where you dream little.” –TheDiva

And your runners up! Hilarious and worth waiting for!

“What’s saddest here is how when Tommy was hooked on meth he could make his own supply. But with Vicodin he’s dependent on the pharmaceutical industrial complex. Main Street is dead, man.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“What a difference a few lines make. In Panel 2, the gentle look of concern from Mister Pharmacist. In Panel 6, just by making the eyebrows bend down instead of up, and a few extra forehead wrinkles, it goes straight from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood to Death Rays From Planet Pharmacist emitting from his face. I look forward to tomorrow’s strip, when a SWAT team of DEA agents will rappel down from the pharmacy’s ceiling.” –Bruce Arthurs

“Not a single blonde, redhead, or brunette. Goth Day at the beach is clearly going well.” –Molly Dolan, on Facebook

“Mom, you’re not thinking about the advantages here. We could start shitting in the front yard now.” –Joe Blevins

“Wait, he’s pointing at me! You mean … I’m Pelwecki? I was Pelwecki all along? Man, that’s one plot twist I did not see coming.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Yes, there’s no democracy in this office. It’s strictly a ‘sleep your way to the top’ regime, so if you’ll excuse me Leroy, I need to keep posing with my shirt unbuttoned and my buttocks thrust out, and hope the managers like what they see. As for you … well, enjoy fitting your weird lumpen bulk under our less-than-knee-high desks in the loser cubicle for the rest of your career.” –Schroduck

“It’s called Jesus. Here’s some literature.” –tihond

“‘Ah, but did you know addiction … can be treated.’ ‘It can? Then I shall take my leave of this pharmacy, and visit the shaving aisle. Perhaps a haircut and an employment agency on the way ho–’ [Mary leaps on-panel in a flying tackle] ‘YOU NEVER GOT ADVIIIICE’” –Dan

“They took a picture of Jeffy right before he balanced a ball on his nose, barked for fish, and then waddled back into the water. What I’m saying is Jeffy’s an affront to nature and humanity.” –Steve S

“I had no idea what was going on here when I first looked. My first guess was that this was Crankshaft: Origins in which a tween-aged Ed wakes up on a bus, started driving it, and never looked back.” –pugfuggly

“I’ve seen Pat Sajak spin a bankrupt, so I guess pluggers fall into an alcoholic stupor before 7:50pm. (Or 7:20pm. Check your local listings.)” –nescio

“Jeez, what is in the water that makes even school kids experience male pattern baldness (or, as they probably call it around there, ‘hair cancer’)?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“How tired do you have to be to fall asleep on Crankshaft’s school bus? Tired of life, I mean.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“If someone had a ’10 week skip’ card, why didn’t you play it sooner?” –Kevin on Earth

“Wait, I thought Tuesdays were ‘disturbing intelligent animal horror’ day.” –Horace Broon

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Guys! Next Thursday, in Los Angeles, you should come see my semi-monthly live comedy show featuring jokes based on material from the Internet but then interpreted and added to live, The Internet Read Aloud!

I’m really excited about all the comics we have on the bill this week, plus I’m going to be doing a bit about one of the two extremely minor Internet controversies I found myself embroiled in this month! Don’t miss it! And if you’re coming, tell me you’re coming on Facebook, why don’t you?

Another thing you shouldn’t miss: this week’s comment of the week:

“‘Dings’ are what I call my husband’s debilitating head injuries. Cute, right? I like to keep things light. So … when’s the Lisa’s Legacy run? I want to do my part to help people with uh-oh bye-bye disease.” –made of wince

Don’t sleep on the runners up, either!

“All right, who’s the big blabbermouth who told China about reverse psychology? Now we’re doomed! I hope you’re happy!” –Peanut Gallery

“You might think it’s condescending for the Parson to hold up three fingers to illustrate the concept of ‘three’ to Snuffy. But just look at the transfixed stare on Snuffy’s face at that moment. This is clearly necessary and appreciated.” –Joe Blevins

“Dennis has been caught in an unending nightmare, and whenever he awakes he finds the bad dream just starting again. On the bright side, he and his parents have something in common now.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Hmmm. Which of Dennis’ toys were trying to murder him in his sleep? The wagon seems unlikely, even though it did manage to get on his bed. Perhaps the piggy bank, sick and tired of being fed money, was planning to choke Dennis to death with a handful of pennies? It certainly has the look of someone pretending to be innocent. But we can’t discount the bear, a avatar of a brutal and savage species, that even in stuffèd form knows hate. And yet, my money is on the horrific sigil on the wall behind Dennis. We can see the hints of a halo, but it is no angel. It has drawn three X’s, for three strikes, over Dennis’ head. You’ve had your time, Dennis, but three strikes, and you’re out. Dennis’ parents will calm him, and he will reluctantly return to slumber, only to awake a final time as an inky tendril detaches from the wallpaper and slowly, so slowly, crawls into his ear.” –Voshkod

“Original caption: ‘These pills of yours are somethin’ else, Grandma! I took the whole bottle and I feel great! We’re goin’ to the hospital? Whoo hoo! Can I stick my head out the window like Barfy does? Boy am I sweatin’ like crazy!'” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“So this guy found the beaten and bruised body of Dick Tracy somewhere, maybe on the shore of the reservoir, and brought it home somehow, maybe in a wheelbarrow. And put it in his basement. Then yesterday he was making himself a nice cup of tea. Then he had a longer-than-he’d-have-liked chat with a cop at the door. The payoff is that, when Tracy goes into arrest, voids his bowels and goes stiff, ol’ Nigel Moustachio there is going to say, ‘Poor devil, his trenchcoat just wasn’t thick enough.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“A Funky Winkerbean-themed event on September 11? Have we reached the Sadness Singularity?” –Flonatin of Bologna

“I don’t know why I’m nattering on, Les, you’ve known Bull for years. Oh wait, that’s right, you’re a self-centered jackass. So here’s a photo of Bull beating you up on spring break.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Elvis depicted as a human is a classic work of Plugger Surrealism.” –nescio

“Then for the next forty years he lived off despair and shitty pizza which further restricted the blood flow to his already half dead organ. His brain wasn’t doing well either.” –Mikey

“Looks like if you wear the right hat and concentrate really hard, you can use the Power of the Force to open child-proof pill containers. That’s how I get my Vicodin, anyway.” –hogenmogen

“Yeah, that’s the look of a dog doing something unspeakable to the upholstery.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“The teacher has written to ask if she can hire Dennis as her interior decorator. In the meantime, Dennis contemplates whether it makes sense to knock down that wall for a more ‘open concept’ look.” –Lawyerbob

“That guy’s hairstyle isn’t actually a man bun, but what the hipsters are calling the ‘half Leia.'” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.