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This! Week’s! Top! Comment!

“‘Are you saying I’m not capable of rational thinking?? Well I don’t have to sit here and take this!’ [Pushes away from conference table, stands up to reveal he’s wearing the bottom half of a giant chicken costume]” –Tonya

Hilarious! Runners! -Up!

“The tiny umbrella is just an excuse. Kiss already!” –Trey James, on Facebook

“The old man is really selling it with the international gesture for ‘cuckoo’ in panel five. ‘As you can see, my wits are no more diminished than my motor skills. Sorry you weren’t cut out for the corporate board room, my boy, but speaking of motor skills I hear there are some job openings down at the bus depot…’ [Begins to wink insistently while combining hand-to-mouth motion with tongue-in-cheek action in a perfectly coordinated fellatio pantomime.]” –Dragnet

“Well, if Milton Avery has had this billionaire fellow’s entire cricket team executed, they could at least have shown it in a nice Godfather-style montage.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“So, it’s obvious that Snuffy’s dick is going to fall off from the horrible home remedy moonshine version of viagra Granny Creeps just sold him, right? You don’t bring back a character like that after decades if it’s not going to involve someone’s dick falling off.” –Conor

“It does not speak well of Granny Creeps that Snuffy progressed all the way through his distant third choice, seeing an actual doctor and taking some actual medicine, before he deigned to visit her. Next we’ll find out he vaccinated his kids too!” –Steve S

“BREAKING BREAKING REALITY SHOWS DO NOT ALWAYS ACCURATELY REFLECT ‘REALITY’! NEWSPRINT COMIC STRIP REVEALS THE STORY THE TV NETWORKS *DON’T* WANT YOU TO KNOW!” –pugfuggly

“Neptune. Neptune’s name is Neptune.” –Lorne Hanks, on Facebook

“A crisis has once again been averted by the bold actions of Spider-Man some random woman with a baseball bat. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!” –AhClem

“Neddy’s side eye in that last panel is of a woman instantly adjusting her opinion of a man whom she now knows vacations like a commoner.” –Rusty

“The Hedgemon, a creeping, invasive plant that only consumes the smug and fortunate, makes a move on the Parker clan.” –Voshkod

“It’s nice that Ghost-Who-Choke-Holds thinks of his daughter while killing Africa’s biggest Jimmy Buffett fan, and that said daughter has made the acquaintance of another power hungry schemer.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“This is like watching a nature show about the whitest people on earth. All it needs is some British-accented narration. ‘Having thus greeted one another in the customary fashion, the two alpha males will now try to establish dominance in the age-old ritual of haggling over motor home prices.'” –Joe Blevins

“Yeah, my dad also likes really young women who don’t sing. My dad’s a creep, actually.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Dr. Liz Bellman: An ordinary high school student, she discovered that she had superhuman powers after she was bitten by a radioactive Dr. Liz Bell.” –A Concerned Reader

“Marvin, of course, favors the musical talents of The Butthole Surfers.” –Shrug

“Not that anyone except me cares, but while Dr Bellman may not be an established figure from the comics, Metro-General is; it was the setting of the seventies Night Nurse comic, and did in fact appear in the Netflix Daredevil series as the workplace of Claire Temple. So if you were wondering if there was anything interesting about today’s strip, I think I’ve conclusively shown there isn’t.” –Horace Broon

“Hootin’ Holler was a pro-Union enclave in Civil War, and Lincoln was venerated in cult of personality status greater than inflation. A Smith ancestor likely got a signed commendation from Lincoln for acts of sabotage against the Confederacy, mostly for chicken stealing.” -Philip Moon, on Twitter

“This is the way the world ends: not with a bang, but gradually blurring into a blue-and-beige haze.” –Chyron HR

“I’ve made sure that Margo will never want for a good life. I’m leaving her with the man she rejected two years ago then abruptly dropped as a client. She’ll be too busy throwing angry tantrums at Greg to ever dream of anything else.” –hogenmogen

“Damnit, Lu Ann! I can’t have this conversation with you on the stoop of a… What hipster nonsense is this, some kind of brownstone soupery?” –Bunivasal

“Adorably, Dithers also wrote ‘DAT AZZZZZ!!!!’ in the memo line of Dagwood’s severance check.” –Doctor Handsome

“I have no idea what Curtis’ dad is trying to convey with the hand signal in panel three, but it makes me feel kind of unclean all of a sudden.” –Pozzo

“Laugh at Crankshaft all you will, but somewhere in an NSA or CIA boardroom a bunch of analysts are debating the efficacy and and potential human rights abuses of exporting the Funkyverse malaise onto the Islamic State.” –Philip

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, the Flesh You Will Eat!: Children around the world have vomited for joy reading the rhymes of Dr. Vireuss. Three of his “sickest” stories have finally been collected into one germ-ridden volume. There’s the tale of a man who would not — could not! — let a doctor save his life, a sick boy who puts healthy people into quarantine, and a little flesh-eating virus who goes on a big adventure. This hardcover volume of Dr. Seuss spoofs is highly infectious.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Whoomp! Here the comment of the week is!

“So begins the crossover between the comic with the ancient, immortal ghost and the one with the jungle patrol.” –Ettore Costa, on Facebook

I can’t think of another ’80s/’90s hiphop reference, so here, enjoy this information about Doug E. Fresh from Scientology’s Celebrity magazine, and also these hilarious runners up!

“In the two throw-away panels, Mary speculates about how many times she has flown during her lifetime. Well, however many times it is, apparently it isn’t enough for her to know that airplanes don’t have large rectangular picture windows. Mary, you got on a Greyhound bus by mistake. When you get home, have Hanna Dingdon refer you to a good ophthalmologist.” –seismic-2

“Yes, you’ve won a ‘time out’ life sentence spent going slowly insane in solitary confinement! This prize is brought to you by those ‘baby boomer’ hippies and their overly soft prison system!” –Steve S

“Attention, passengers. This is your captain speaking. We do ask that you fasten your safety belts, as we are experiencing some mild ‘inspirational quotes’-related turbulence. If you look out the window on your right, you’ll see a Class 3 Khalil Gibran forming on the horizon. And we expect to fly through two Leo Buscaglias and a Norman Vincent Peale before landing at LaGuardia.” –Joe Blevins

“The fare is 4.11, because Mary’s about to drop some information.” –Dan

“Use the passive voice all you want, Mary: Mr. Cabbie knows exactly who’s doing the advising, and while your stint at Ask Wendy may have been a big whoop-dee-doo in Santa Royale, it’s just podunk amateur hour as far as New Yorkers are concerned; in fact, this guy’s probably dispensed bone-headedly, objectively wrong advice to more strangers in the last hour than you have in the past three story-arcs combined.” –Wreck of the Oversnark

“Is this the first time we’ve heard a Slylock Fox character speak English? I’d always figured the animal society would speak a new lingua franca cobbled together from various species dialects — a sort of forest Esperanto, if you will. Has Reporter Bird unwittingly outed himself as a sympathizer to the human resistance? Will Slylock drag him outside and beat him with a billy club while Max and the dog cameraman look on in wide-eyed, mute amazement?” –TheDiva

“Props to Moy for dusting off the seldom-used ‘ellipsobang.'” –Chyron HR

“Will this crossover feature a place called ‘Charterskull’? Rephrase: which of my organs do I need to donate in order for this crossover to have a place called ‘Charterskull’?” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“CRISIS ON EXTREMELY FINITE EARTHS” –C. Sandy Cyst

“They’re right to look glum with their ‘I VOTED’ buttons. Everyone else in Hootin’ Holler is strutting around in their brand new ‘2015 WORLD CHAMPION NEW YORK METS’ T-shirts.” –Doctor Handsome

“Look at the half-lidded, dead gazes on the faces of all three Keanes. They all know that they’re just going through the motions at this point, quipping little malapropisms and ‘cute’ misunderstandings out of habit. There is no escape from The Circle, but maybe if they keep up the façade, they’ll continue getting backgrounds instead of featureless void.” –Drewbear

“The hilarious thing about this multiple viewpoint narration is that we get to see just how little Mary actually listens to people. Look: that whole middle panel of the Phantom explaining where Heloise is from gets reduced to the much more tidy ‘I’m not from the city’. Probably because as soon as she realized that, Mary started thinking of wise words to impart to this simple girl about life in the Big City, as only someone who lived there for a short period many many years ago can do.” –pugfuggly

“In other news, Mark Trail hastily decides to give Grimace a rectal exam, with disastrous results.” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“Hey, military school … you were just being used, man.” –Mibbitmaker

“I was busy getting out the vote. I kept running around town telling everyone that I fully supported your opponent, trying to leverage my irascible assholery into your victory. I’ve been working on this project since the late 1940s, Ralph, for you. I god damn well hope you’re worth it.” –hogenmogen

“‘What us,’ Gil? She’s obviously talking about herself and that monstrously gigantic hand she’s resting her chin on.” –Col. Havoc

“Since they always use capitals in the funnies, I’m going with ‘US.’ Holly: ‘I’m thinking about the US putting 50 advisor boots on the ground in Syria.’ Gil: ‘What Syria?'” –Dennis Jimenez

“Hip dysplasia is no laughing matter.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“If that’s Neddy’s idea of a party, it’s no wonder Hank took up with a beauty queen.” –Pozzo

“No, no, Marie, you’ve got to make more use of dramatic pauses. First it’s ‘The beauty queen.’ Then you stop for a breath. Then you raise the bloody severed head. ‘Is no more!’ And scene.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I think that looks exactly like the face of a man engaging in a long-running gag … a gag running so long that he has to get completely drunk just to participate without questioning his lot in life and contemplating suicide.” –DaveyK

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, the Flesh You Will Eat!: Children around the world have vomited for joy reading the rhymes of Dr. Vireuss. Three of his “sickest” stories have finally been collected into one germ-ridden volume. There’s the tale of a man who would not — could not! — let a doctor save his life, a sick boy who puts healthy people into quarantine, and a little flesh-eating virus who goes on a big adventure. This hardcover volume of Dr. Seuss spoofs is highly infectious.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello, Los Angeles and Los Angeles-adjacent folks! You all might recall that my long-belated Kickstarted novel, The Enthusiast, is finally written, edited, proofread, designed, and on its way to physical reality! It still isn’t entirely clear when the books will ship — we need to get physical proofs from the printer, and once we sign off on them they have to be printed and then shipped to the folks at Make That Thing!, who’ll be shipping them out to backers and setting up a storefront for everyone else to buy. But barring disaster, things will be ready by mid-December, so I’m going ahead and scheduling my launch party! If you’re in LA, please come by the Los Angeles County Store in Silver Lake, 6 p.m. on December 15! Here is the Facebook event, if you find those helpful. We’ll all have some wine and cheese, we’ll mingle, I’ll read a chapter, you can buy a book or three, and I’ll sign ’em, even if you already got it from the Kickstarter! Anyway, don’t worry, I will remind you about this event SEVERAL more times before it happens, but just thought I’d tell you to lock his date down NOW.