Post Content

There’s nothing I enjoy more than reading your funny comments and selecting my favs! Speaking of which, here’s this week’s top contender:

“Those are some odd choices for fantasy heroes. Prince is an inborn trait. Pirate is a type of criminal. Cowboy is a job, same as tech support, so he should be on the Actual Hero side if you like beef and dairy products.” –Anonymous

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Love me, love my thousand dying dogs.” –Gerry Quinn

“Thrill to the slightly stiff finger drama! Gaze in awe as ‘just wearing a splint’ probably fixes it! Gasp in terror as the slim prospect of surgery still remains! Wonder briefly about the patient’s romantic life!” –Chance

“Narration box clearly doesn’t think trigger finger is a real condition.” –Dan

“No, Truck, it was as recently as Friday when June Morgan distinctly told you that if the splint and medications don’t fix it, then next they’ll try cortisone injections, and only if that fails too then they’ll resort to surgery. Is this story arc so boring that even you don’t bother to read it any more? (Yes.)” –seismic-2

“I stick by a theory I recently posited that Camp Swampy is a big psychological experiment by the Army to test the boundaries of soldiers under duress from poor leadership. Can a cook order a private to guard the food specifically against his immediate commanding officer? The results will be studied in a dark room of the Pentagon, and the findings will inform future tests.” –Philip

“Is this a feline retelling of the nativity story?” –johnny lt

“I too like to verbalize my frustrations over a breakup by sitting my pets down at the dinner table, cry-eating ice cream in front of them, and expositing to them precisely what’s going on. Although I don’t know about putting my elbows on the table. I’ve still got some dignity.” –Amelie Wikström

“So, after every meal I take these Herbalife supplements. Let me show you our exciting new product line!” –Peanut Gallery

“If you gave a printer a handjob to completion, would it ejaculate ink or paper? Today’s Beetle Bailey answers that question at least.” –Schroduck

“I’m not sure why, but I find those extra m’s on ‘yum’ really off-putting. It’s a sandwich, man, get a grip.” –pugfuggly

“Sometimes you have to appreciate how some comics are just a job that you have to churn out by a deadline when the artist has blank pages being spit out by the, sure, we’ll accept that’s a printer. A few lines on the papers to indicate something is actually being printed? That’s precious golf time!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dagwood read the Book of Exodus and decided that putting pepperoni above his front door was a way to tell the angel of death ‘Please take my first born, but leave my pizza alone!’” –Ettorre

“Blondie shamelessly caters to its readers’ fantasies: having kids who are impressed by their parents’ bullshit.” –matt w

“Truck Tyler Featuring Mud Mountain on Guitar With Special Opening Act Shorty and Beanpole. There will be no refunds.” –Liam

“I was stressed about wedding planning … now I’m stressed that you brought over a dozen muffins just for the two of us.” –Hibbleton

“George and Martha Wilson are a 99-year-old male and 95-year-old female being admitted to hospice services jointly with a terminal diagnosis of E.905.1 Lack of Style. They currently reside at 2253 Pine Street, next to Alice and Henry Mitchell and the Mitchell’s five-year-old son Dennis, who serves as the Wilson’s Power of Attorney.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“‘Ed ghosted me, Mary. I guess he just doesn’t have the rizz. Skibidi … Sigma?’ ‘Oh, Stella. I vibe you, gurl.’ Somewhere, you hear the souls of millions of Gen Z cry out in agony and then are silenced. Their youth is behind them. Their future is newspaper comics.” –OId Man Shadow

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Shoutout to –2+2=7’s long reign at the top, but after my vacation respite, it’s finally time to crown a new COTW:

“I just realized that I have no idea what Lt. Fuzz’s job is at Camp Swampy. I presumed that maybe he was Halftrack’s personal assistant, but then I thought his job is literally blocking Halftrack’s view of Buxley at all times (per the restraining order).” –The Rambling Otter

The runners up, as always, are very funny!

“‘Your fiance the veterinarian.’ Cousin Pam is not buying this ONE BIT. Ed is going to have to text some pictures of the disemboweled Mitzi on the table, so that Estelle can save face.” –MKay

“I don’t care for the ‘ha ha’ in Beetle Bailey. It changes the throwaway gag from ‘Zero does not know what infantry means’ to ‘Zero is injecting a bit of levity into the proceedings, ha ha, just a little wordplay from Camp Swampy’s resident wit.’” –Dan

“The Phantom shows Ed how to do emotional unavailability right. ‘Me and my animals are riding off to fake our deaths. If anyone cares about me, tell them tough shit.’” –matt w

“New Mark Trail knows that it is not enough to pander to male readers interested in manly nature adventures! You also need to cater to female interests, such as true crime and how to dispose of a body!” –Ettorre

“Difficult births are primarily caused (except for complications) with humans’ unusually large head sizes. So it’s understandable why Rufus was an easy slide out. Like pouring dog food out of a can.” –Buck Ripsnort

“Rufus could still be a fae or another mythical creature that simply implanted its young into a human host, with embryonic Rufus eating the original fetus for nutrition. Never underestimate the potential horror hiding underneath this strip that has lived longer than nature or culture should allow.” –Philip

“Hi and Lois get sued after Fitch loses an eye trying to get to their garbage. Yes, today I went to Wikipedia to look up the names of the Flagston’s garbage men, a new low for me.” –nescio

“Going outside without shoes or slippers, is this a blatant attempt to get Hi an entry on Wikifeet?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Yeah, we’ve got chess in the break room. Why do you ask? Wait, aren’t you the kid who innocently repeats his parents’ insults? Does your dad think we’re dumb because we work at a lumber yard, or a Home Depot, or wherever this is? Let’s talk to him about that, shall we?” –Anonymous

“My wife had trigger finger. I bet she’ll be really excited when I tell her that Rex Morgan M.D. is featuring HER problem, only in the comic strip it’s being suffered by a secondary character, who’s this old guy who plays country music and usually spends a lot of time sitting in a diner I think harassing the waitress but he’s spent the last few weeks instead just sitting on a bench talking to random strangers and … you know what? I’ll keep it to myself.” –Briane Pagel

“I can’t fatally overdose on C-Span, you idiot!” –TheDiva

“I like the dense grey fog that seems to be surrounding home plate, as if they’re playing on the highland moors.” –pugfuggly

“I didn’t recognize the beautifully drawn umpire’s uniform, and just assumed Dennis was just haranguing the local mailman with demented conspiracy theories. Mr. Wilson used to be a USPS employee, and I’m sure he’s filled Dennis’s head with all kinds of dark murmurings about how he never got promoted because the Post Office is full of Commies and Freemasons.” –Schroduck

“So there’s this guy, see, who always wears the same clothes with one big button in the middle. No one ever sees him without it. Even his wife! He tells her, he tells people, you can never unfasten this button. And she wonders. She lies awake next to him at night, looking at the button, touching the button, obsessing about the button. One dark night, as he’s asleep in a sandwich coma — what? oh, he likes sandwiches, really big ones, and they put him to sleep, like a snake, look, that’s really not critical to the story and … well, I thought it added color … fine, she undoes the button and his clothes and skin slough off into a heap revealing a welter of undigested food around a black hungry maw that never stops chewing, happy? You ruined it. Fuck off.” –Voshkod

“Crap, crap, crap. I overslept this morning and don’t have time to make a proper joke. Fortunately, so did the writing team at Shoe, it seems.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Click the banner to contribute by PayPal, or here for other options.

The twentieth anniversary Comics Curmudgeon Fall Fundraiser is here!

Celebrate two decades of the daily comics mockery we’ve come to know and love. Contribute in the way that best suits your preferences and lifestyle:

• Commenters can enjoy an ad-free online experience, a WYSIWYG comment editor, plus ten full minutes to fix that banned word, life-destroying revelation, or traceable personal information. Comes in handy, let me tell you! Become a Website Subscriber to The Comics Curmudgeon at the link.
• Busy professionals don’t always have time to browse the website, but live in fear of missing even a single day of professional-grade newspaper comics mockery. Get The Comics Curmudgeon delivered ad-free to your inbox every day, beneath the radar of corporate web filters and other such killjoys, under the pretense of checking your email. Sign on as a Newsletter Subscriber, and lighten up your workday.
• Patrons of the arts will enjoy the opportunity to support all of Josh’s comedic efforts, including The Comics Curmudgeon, with support through Josh’s Patreon page.
• Traditionalists give the old-fashioned way—PayPal! Click the banner upstairs to make a one-time contribution from your PayPal or credit-card account.
Now with AI, like everything else!
• Pluggers don’t much cotton to all this seamless, virtual, new-fangled nonsense. They send cash money in the mail, and we better by-gum like it! We do! Just request Josh’s address, where you can send cash, checks, gemstones, banned pharmaceuticals, live ruminants, and more. Short on funds? Hock your TV!
• Kids today embrace incomprehensible instant-payment applications like Venmo, which turn photos of speckled squares into financial support for cultural icon Josh Fruhlinger. Sound sketchy? Try it and see!
• Drive-by readers can help boost advertising revenues by turning off their ad-blockers selectively for this site, and occasionally clicking an ad that looks interesting. Every little bit helps!

Contributions in any form are always completely confidential and deeply appreciated.

Click here for an index of links to legacy Comics Curmudgeon fundraising banners stretching all the way back to 2008. And thank you, generous reader!

–Uncle Lumpy