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As I head into my birthday weekend and reflect on my own impending Crankshaft-like senescence, enjoy your youth, and your comment of the week!

“Dear Gil Thorp narration box: I know you may not have liked Addison Radley but it is still pretty rude to boo her at her own funeral.” –Zootyr

Your runners up are also very funny:

“Dennis’ dad gets his scotch in clear plastic tetrapacks, because when you buy in bulk you’re really paying for the bottles.” –pugfuggly

“I suspect the whole refrigerated-apple business is just an excuse for some new artist at the Hank Ketchum studio to test a prototype for his planned spin-off strip, Alice Mitchell Bends Over To Pick Things Up.” –seismic-2

“I’m going to doubt that Mayor Kane specifically mentioned school buses falling through bridges in his statement to the local press. That horrific image must have come directly from the mind of one Ed Crankshaft. ‘Can you imagine it, Pam? The shattered glass. The squealing tires. Metal being torn like paper. Rubble falling like rain. And, louder than anything, the screams of the children. It would be beautiful … I mean, terrible. It would be terrible.’” –Joe Blevins

“She’s doing it to be close to you! In contrast, my motives are entirely honorable. I’m only in it for the money!” –hogenmogen

“If you think about Boo’s death, I’m the real victim, since I feel guilty. But no, actually her death was total meaningless chance. Did I mention I’m not good at eulogies?” –Steve S

“Today’s Six Chix depicts a bizarre scene, as an insane nurse lies on the floor of the hospital nursery practicing her ventriloquism act. Reaching up through the bed, she prods one baby to get it to point towards the viewing window, creepily treating the infant like a living puppet.” –Betrayer

“I … wow, gosh. Dagwood warned me you were a dick, but … Mister Tightwad? You know you’re the one who asked me to come here, right?” –Chyron HR

“Looking at the evolving symmetry version of Tommy who lives in Mirror World, I’d have to agree that the meds are definitely working!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Tommy: ‘I don’t want my girl to forget what I look like.’ Iris: ‘Well, how about if I go down instead? That should remind her.'” –Pozzo

“‘You see, a flash mob is–‘ ‘I’m well familiar with it, demon! You just spent the last three panels explaining it, devil! Repeated exposition serves no purpose, fiend!'” –enlong

“Curtis is too young to be a millennial. He’s a member of whatever generation both Gen X and millennials will call lazy and entitled in 15 years during the climate-change-driven great migration northward, which I believe is referred to as a ‘flash mob.’” –Steve S

“Animal Collective? Isn’t that the union we belong to?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Based on the rating and the bottoms of the last few letters on the sign, the movie could be Marley & Me. The IMDb plot keywords for that movie include ‘pet funeral’, ‘miscarriage’, and ‘south Florida’. I hope tomorrow’s comic shows them coming out of that movie.” –A Concerned Reader

“And the painkiller helps me see you better, baby. Oh, and did I mention I’m on painkillers? Painkillers, baby!” –Christine Lehman, on Facebook

“It’s a shame we start in medias res, because I think Leroy would have a great hot-take game: ‘Pokémon Go tells you to enjoy catching monsters, but there was nothing fun about the monster I caught.’ ‘After Brexit, Nigel Farage needs to lead my Leave campaign.’ ‘If you call Trump a tyrant, but not my wife, you’re part of the problem.’ ‘Face it: all lives matter, except my wife’s.’” –Schroduck

“A down on his luck Satan tries his hand at temptation at a church festival in Westview, Ohio. God on his throne laughs as the original snake in the grass realizes that there’s a Hell far worse then the one beneath the earth.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hey all, your comment of the week momentarily, but first: remember the live twice-monthly Internet-themed comedy show I promised you, in Los Angeles? Well, the first one is less than a week away!

Come to the Clubhouse in Los Feliz, 7 pm this coming Thursday, to see me and five other folks make Internet-derived jokes! It’s gonna be a great show and you need to get in on the ground floor. Here’s the Facebook event, if you like Facebook events!

And if you like funny comments, here’s the week’s funniest comment!

“Mary Worth finally acknowledges that, in Mary’s world, all other characters are but human freight, introduced to serve their function and then trucked out by the gross when obsolescence arrives. Only Mary persists, because only Mary is necessary in her monstrous simulacra of the real world.” –lrubinko, on Tumblr

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Before Hi could break the law his family had to break his spirit.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“There aren’t enough bitter insults to go around — more than two would almost be like showing interest — so Ditto has to show his contempt silently, which he handles quite well with hands in his pockets, a slouch and a sneer.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“‘Do you hear anything?’ Miss Buxley asks Beetle, the fear and agony apparent in her voice. The clams had already broken her arms for attacking one of their own and she dreaded what might happen next.” –ericrhouston

“This new version of The Walrus and the Carpenter isn’t very good.” –made of wince

“How do we know Hootin’ Holler is impoverished? They can’t even afford the obligatory baguette sticking out of the grocery bag.” –Rusty

“Say what you will, but I’m glad the artist forgot that Tommy got a stupid normie haircut to impress a waitress and others outside of prison. The glorious golden meth-locks are back, and they’re here to stay, baby!” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“If you let him ride in the front seat and stick his head out the window you’ll be halfway to the vet’s office before he even knows what’s going on.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Oddly enough, ‘Ugh … Okay.’ is what I say every time Mary Worth is featured here.” –Lorne

“A hospital ate Tommy’s father and slowly digested him. It was horrific.” –Ettorre

“Add an atonal soundtrack and we’ve got a good start on a no wave film here. What’s Vincent Gallo doing these days?” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“‘You were over-throwing, putting your arm as risk.’ ‘Beneath a veil of brine and tears my eyes were blinded; I was conscious only of the cymbals of the sun clashing on my skull, and, less distinctly, of the keen blade of light flashing up from the aluminum bat, scarring my eyelashes, and gouging into my eyeballs. Then everything began to reel before my eyes, a fiery gust came from the stands, while the sky cracked in two, from end to end, and a great sheet of flame poured down through the rift. Every nerve in my body was a steel spring, and my grip closed on the ball. My elbow wound back, and the jagged crisscross of the stitches jogged my palm. And so, with that crisp, whipcrack sound, it all began. I shook off my sweat and the clinging veil of light. I knew I’d shattered the balance of the day, the spacious calm of this mound on which I had been happy. But I fired four pitches more into the empty strike zone, on which they left no visible trace. And each successive pitch was another loud, fateful rap on the door of my undoing.'” –Effluvius Erratus

“So we’re finally getting to see the strip’s recurring Frank Nelson-based snippy store clerk character dressed in something other than an old-timey suit, and it turns out he’s fit as hell.” –BigTed

“Wait, are they supposed to still be in that ratty strip mall pawn shop? Look at that enormous room filled with opulent gewgaws behind them. I guess Charles Foster Kane really needed some quick money for Oxycontin.” –Doctor Handsome

“‘I’ve planned a vacation — just for the two of us!’ Mark said after he’d turned his head away from Cherry. To whom was Mark speaking and what will Cherry do while he’s gone? Stay tuned to find out!” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Look! The moon is turned on all the way tonight! Is that why you were in such a hurry to get us up to the cabin? I don’t know why you put us in a cage up there every month, its not like we make any troublrrrRRRRRR OOOOOOOOOOO” –Chareth Cutestory

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Guys, your comment of the week momentarily, but first, a link to an article I wrote for CSO, about why tech security folks should make friends with networking pros instead of getting mad at them! Can’t we all just get along?

We can all definitely get along with this week’s top comment:

“A ‘juggling act’ that only involves two items is almost as big a rip-off as getting life advice from Wilbur Weston.” –Doctor Handsome

The runners up are also very good:

“Soldiers normally have to go into battle before they get that look in their eyes. The Halftracks are the only people who’ve ever gotten PTSD just sitting on the couch.” –Frank B. Chavez III, on Facebook

“This is a highly suspenseful strip. Mary has to use every subtle conversational hint she knows to convince Wilbur that it’s time to wrap up the conversation and leave her doorway. But she’s met her match in Wilbur, a man who normally has to be dragged away with a hook, vaudeville-style, before he ends a conversation. Who will win: the irresistible force or the immovable object?” –Joe Blevins

“Or maybe, Slylock, and I’m just spitballing here, but maybe no one should drink the creepy witch’s weird potion.” –Lorne

“Wanda Witch claims her other magic potion grants immortality. Slylock asked Max Mouse to test the potion. Why is he a good candidate for testing?” –Chyron HR

“Wait … Mark Trail is going to investigate a boat in the Pacific Ocean. Wilbur is currently headed across the Pacific Ocean to investigate disasters. [sweeps papers off table] GET ME SOME THUMBTACKS AND RED YARN” –Dan

“If I were a plugger I would be drinking spot remover by the gallon.” –Tim Pendergast, on Facebook

“I want to believe the Mob is hoarding Sarah’s books and works for when they kill her. Artist who tragically dies young sells much better.” –Ettorre

“I just love to watch these kids getting clued in to the latest local Art Museum gossip. ‘So Randy, the security guard, porked Cindy, the parking lot attendant, in the Roman sarcophagus in Classical Antiquities! And those mummies on the third floor? Hollowed out and packed with cocaine!'” –Ukulele Ike

“‘Things are not always as they seem, as they say, the best-made plans can go awry. You can’t make a silk-purse out of a sow’s ear or have your cake and eat it too. A wolf in sheep’s clothing is worth two in the bush. Pop goes the weasel like the plague.’ Mary leaned back and chuckled. Wilbur was going to wish he’d stayed in Japan.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Give Mary some credit, it ain’t easy typing an advice column with no space bar.” –lumaca morente

“Useless as a knife at a tank fight, Spiderman still manages to make himself feel a bit better by taking a completely unnecessary dig at his wife. ‘Ha ha, she’s only got the proportional strength of a woman! Guys?'” –pugfuggly

“We may need help with the heavier items, like ALL OF OUR FURNITURE.” –Myrtle

“I love how the realm of nightmares just constantly has spiders plastered onto the background. It’s an amazing shorthand for ‘this place is supposed to be supernaturally horrifying, made of the subconscious fears of all who live, but we don’t know how to draw anything clever like that. You’re scared of spiders, right?'” –Enlong

“Am I the only one who sees a possible Gasoline Alley/Slylock Fox crossover? ‘Count Weirdly brags that he just bought a rare coin from this bizarre-looking, easily excited human being. Slylock examines the coin and says Count Weirdly got cheated. What tipped him off?'” –Chrissy the Stooges Woman

“Dear Wendy, I’ve been through some hard times, but that’s drawn my Mom and me closer together. We now live in the same small apartment, we dress in complementary styles, and we get identical haircuts. We are now even planning on going into business together, and we have moved into a larger space so that we can work side-by-side all day without even leaving our apartment! Now, though, we need a name for our new enterprise. Do you think Tommy’s and Mommy’s is maybe a bit too cutesy-poo a name for a meth lab?” –seismic-2

“Is there any circumstance ever when ‘Deal’s Pawn Emporium, Home of Good Deals’ wouldn’t be a likely place to start? From Alexander Hamilton’s personal journal to a pistol with its serial number filed off, see Doug Deal — he’s dealin’!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“There’s a dozen explanations! Maybe her phone died! Maybe she died! Maybe … no, on second thought I guess there’s really only two explanations.” –Shrug

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.