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Hello everybody! I am going to be hosting a new comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, in which the gimmick is that every act must include some material (text, audio, video, WHATEVER) that performers found on the Internet. Do you want to see these performers? Of course! Do you want to be one of those performers? You can be! The first two shows are July 14th and July 28th, at The Clubhouse in Los Feliz, and, assuming all goes well, I’ll be doing two shows a month indefinitely, forever! So I need acts! I have some cool folks lined up for the first couple shows, but I need more! If you have an idea for Internet-based comedy performance of some kind, pitch me at jfruh@jfruh.com!

I did this show once before in Baltimore and it was really fun. Some examples of the acts from that show, to get your ideas rolling:

• A slideshow of the Worst Dudes On OkCupid!
• A dramatic reading of discussion group drama over organizing a furry convention!
• An up-and-coming writer pitches a movie executive on his new film, using the Wikipedia plot summary of an extremely bad movie!
• A guessing game where you have to tell what’s going on in a Craigslist personal ad when all the gender identifying information has been taken out!
• A multimedia spoken word piece based on a series of insane emails a director/crazy person kept sending to the staff of a film festival, even though he was told to stop!

OK, you get the picture! Again, if you would like to be in the show and are free on the 14th or 28th (or future second and fourth Thursdays of the month), email me at jfruh@jfruh.com!

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Hi kids! Let’s get right to the point with this week’s top comment!

“You’re a plugger if you’re a chicken and your grandson is a bear, and you’re hoping the details of your last blood workup will even start to explain how the hell that’s possible.” –BigTed

And the runners up! Very funny!

“This time the reason I’m being bullied is so off! Usually, bullies make excellent points about why I’m a loser! I listen to what they say and I think, ‘Yeah, no arguing with that.’” –Doug Wykstra

“Aww, Leroy Lockhorn sounds just like my dad! Now I’m going to go douse my phone with gasoline and light it on fire so I’m not tempted to call him. Happy Father’s Day!” –a.

“Yeah, it seems as if Dawn and Mary are exercising terribly bad judgment about faculty-student relationships and about bullying, but you’ve got to remember that this conversation has already dragged out so long that they’re probably starting in on their fourth pitcher of gin.” –seismic-2

“The only reason I can think of for Mary to be startled by Wilbur’s appearance at her door is that it’s not the door to her apartment. Wilbur’s just been hiding in a closet for the past 12 hours.” –Peanut Gallery

“I realize that the uniforms in Beetle Bailey are drawn slightly differently as a way to indicate different ranks but … shouldn’t they all be the same color, at least? The impression I’m getting from today’s strip is that the three privates all switched sides and have taken Sarge prisoner, and that look of grim determination on Plato’s face tells me Sarge’s hike isn’t going to end at a POW camp.” –Brad

“Hi and Thirsty walk through an artificial town, where images of people are taped up to windows to disguise the emptiness inside. Are they in the Twilight Zone? Or are they in the Nevada Test Range, in Doomtown, a fake town built to examine the effect of nuclear weapons? Oh, please let it be the latter.” –Voshkod

“I’m pretty sure anyone who met Mr. Dithers would have a hard time thinking about anything other than how short his legs are in proportion to literally every other part of him. Any thoughts he picked up on would just be variations on Don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare don’t stare” –Dan

“If Dolly survives not only the booby traps, but the rolling boulder released when she lifted the bowl of pudding, the Jovitos will worship her and her giant head like a goddess.” –Kevin on earth

RMMD: “The transition from being a strip about a compassionate medical practitioner addressing real medical issues to being about a mobbed-up six-year-old and her amazing ability to make adults do her bidding was long and eventful compared to this rapid shift to being a comic where doughy middle-aged douchebags stand around wanking themselves off over comic books.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Do you believe in heaven? Or do you believe that, ultimately, we exist in a vast, uncaring universe in which we are born, live, and die with little purpose other than to become one with the dust on a tiny speck of a planet floating in lonely space? Because either way, I’m okay with permanently eliminating you as competition for our parents’ affection.” –Lois Kobb, on Facebook

“And another thing pluggers don’t understand: Metaphors.” –Liam

“Whoa, followed by famed Indonesian film director Justapawni Nabigworld!” –A$MR Rocky, on Twitter

“‘It will make international news!’ I guess putting aged workers in storage bins welded together probably without air-conditioning would be the lead in World Rich Bastard Weekly.” –maltmash3r

“The Six Chix Bechdel test: a) two nameless women b) who talk at each other c) about anything that isn’t remotely logical or sane.” –Irrischano

Also, Effluvius Erratus’s take on recent sad events in Gil Thorp is super great though a bit long for here. But you should go check it out!

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hey all! Remember Finger-Quotin’ Margo, a beloved Apartment 3-G gimmick from yesteryear? We had a lot of fun with her on this site, and I’m here to tell you that this fun can continue! Look at this lovely cross-stitch that I got from faithful reader and longtime fan Maggie Eismeier!

I am planning on auctioning this piece of art off to benefit a local cat rescue organization that helped us with some stray kittens who ended up in our backyard, once they and I get some administrative stuff together. BUT, you should definitely get in touch with Maggie for all your needlepoint needs, via her Esty store! She does custom orders, friends, which I’m sure you have some ideas about!

And with that out of the way, check out your comment of the week:

“I admire Mr. Dithers’ relentless insistence on completely repositioning himself between each sentence he utters, but I really think adding ‘TIME PASSES’ in each gutter would go a long way towards driving the nuances of his behavior home.” –Dragon of Life

And your very funny runners up!

“We just got a 10-77 — around the corner fudge is made! Let’s roll!” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“This doesn’t seem right. Shady stole ten rings and then dropped all ten over the side of a cruise ship, as Slylock conveniently saw the whole thing? Don’t you get it, Slylock? This was a set up! Shady wants to solve his Slylock Fox problem permanently. Get out while you still can! Time permitting, try to save Max.” –Joe Blevins

“Snuffy is why fracking has such a bad rap.” –Garnet

“I like that Mark makes no mention of going to get help if he gets out. Nope, he’s just going to swim back in and let them know that there is a way out, and that if they are strong of body and spirit then they are worthy of seeing the great surface land once again. Well, not Gabe, obvious: he’s cave cricket food for sure.” –pugfuggly

“In the flick of a light switch, Henry grew silent, squinting at Dennis and Ruff standing side by side, like brothers. ‘Dog people?’ Henry mused, over and over, for the first time suspicious about why Dennis bares a stronger resemblance to this dog than his own father.” –sporknpork

“If I find a way out, I’ll try to come back and let you know. If I die, I’ll try to come back and haunt you. No particular reason; I’ve just learned to find both of you extremely irritating over the course of the last six months/forty-eight hours.” –Shrug

“I had no idea Sarge was a marsupial. The man is a rich tapestry.” –Dan

“And when the military tribunal asked Sergeant Snorkel just whose face he had peeled off to wear as his ‘war face,’ he just told them to check the list of retired Beetle Bailey characters on Wikipedia. ‘Pick one of them. You can’t call it a crime if no one’s ever going to miss them,’ Snorkel shouted as the guards hauled him out. ‘Mort said I could take their faces! He said he wasn’t using them anymore!’” –Voshkod

“Sometimes I wish some strips didn’t worry so much about long, arcing stories and get back to their daily jokes. Sometimes I wish strips with daily jokes explored a story. Today’s Shoe would be the second case, not because I want to see this ‘raising my bride’ thing myself (ew), but to find out if they could set the record for getting dumped by all major papers the fastest. Every strip has to die, might as well achieve something on your way out.” –Brady

“I must admit I’m tickled by the idea that Dithers hauled the poor IT guy all the way over to Dagwood’s office so he could make that joke. I imagine he commanded they walk through the hallways in dead silence so as not to interrupt the wordplay.” –Steve S

Gil Thorp: “This is the only teenage student who argues with his mother so he can go to school? I’m tolerant of race, religion, orientation and all that, but this pro-education teen is taking me outside my comfort zone.” –hogenmogen

“I’ve changed the channel, but Mr. Wilson is stuck on HBO No Go. The TV’s turned on, but Mr. Wilson’s tuned out. I’m watching Showtime while Mr. Wilson’s in no-time. Who needs film noir when Mr. Wilson stars in The Big Sleep? Uhm, is that enough takes for today?” –Dood

“As usual, Marvin missed the joke. It’s not ‘Is this your signature on all these bogus purchase orders?’ It should be ‘Is that you in the video shitting on my desk?'” –Lawyerbob

“And just as Chip turned his head to chat with his girlfriend, Trixie went under! It only takes a second of inattention, folks! This public service message sponsored by the good folks at Hi and Lois.’ –Chrissy the Stooges Woman

“‘I told the manager that just because it’s called eau de toilet didn’t mean we should actually put it in the toilet,’ the bartender thought sadly. ‘And also that Ladies’ & Dogs’ Night was a bad idea. Well, here’s to another Thursday of cleaning up both human and animal vomit.'” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
• Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.