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Hey y’all! Before we launch into the comments of the week, just wanted to point you to this brief update on my novel, which is getting close to the stage of becoming a REAL PHYSICAL BOOK! Super excited! Stay tuned! Etc.! But, you don’t have to wait for this week’s comment of the week, that’s here right now:

“What the hell, Judge Parker? I didn’t do a thing to you, I’ve been living and letting live, and out of nowhere you get all aggressively mullet-y at me?” –Dragon of Life

The runners up are also here, and also extremely funny!

“Mark Trail has leapt from barely acknowledging cell phones to featuring an army of amphibious ATVs. I am so disoriented.” –Kevin Keeney, on Facebook

“If the last five panels of today’s RMMD were devoted to showing Rex on hold, impatiently listening to ‘Music Box Dancer’ over and over, I for one would be delighted.” –Pozzo

“When the smiley old guy started underselling himself, I assumed that the cabin is haunted, or is incredibly dangerous, or has somehow offended the mob. Honestly, let’s all pray for Rex Morgan vs The Cabin of Mobster Ghosts to come out direct to DVD.” –Victor Von

“‘That’s eight!’ giggled Patton, as urine and feces seeped into his abandoned car seat. 20 years later, a supervillain known as The Waste Product would terrorize the town with weaponized excrement.” –Izzy

“‘I don’t know what the future holds.’ Based on the alarming angle in panel one, I’d say it holds Charterstone finally being swallowed up by an angry, dissatisfied earth.” –Joe Blevins

“A mildly-attractive, yet vaguely odd-looking blonde waiting at home to surprise the ‘professor’ sounds a bit like a (weak) porn setup. But instead of sexy shenanigans, I’m sure we’ll be treated to days and days of platitudes and salmon-colored foodstuffs. For Mary Worth, that is sex.” –The Might Untrained FOOZLE

“Let us go, then, little Reggie/ When the night mantles the city/ Like victims spread out on the concrete/ For three straight weeks.” –made of wince

“One might focus on the fact that they’re drinking coffee in a field somewhere, rather than a coffee shop, but I prefer to focus on Clappy Cathy over on the far right. She’s probably out there to get all her nervous ticks out where she won’t be embarrassed, and these two assholes have to have their coffee conversation right next to her secret spot.” –rbmalpha

“By the looks of that tape player I would say Ralph is opening relations with 1991.” –saluki

“And so Toby and Ian divorced because each of them refused to let the other take the blame in their relationship.” –TheDiva

“Sure, their words say they’re apologizing to each other, but their body English in panel 2 says that the Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? antics are about to flare up again at any moment. One of them thinks this is the prelude to great sex: the other imagines it’ll lead to great sex with Hilton Berks.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Congratulations. Sure wish I could get a few days off around here. Much less buy the damn Econo Lodge I’d have to stay at when I do. Now if you don’t mind, some people are literally waitin’ for the 1%-ers to stick it to ’em in the rear again.” –Tonya

“Uh, I guess the contract was written up by the legal department, Mr. Dithers, since that’s their job and all. Why are you asking me? My job here is pretty ill-defined, but in nearly a century nobody’s mentioned that I’m supposed to be a lawyer.” –Cambias

“On this episode of Welcome Back, Carter, former President Jimmy Carter, Egyptologist Howard Carter, H.P. Lovecraft’s Randolph Carter and — due to a hilarious typographical error — Judge Joseph Crater team up to rescue current U.S. Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter and John Carter of Mars from the menace of the Carter Islands.” –Voshkod

“Maybe Sam turned to crime because that hand up his ass started to piss him off. He is a ventriloquist dummy, right?” –DimensionalOtter

“We were terrible parents. How can we make up for that? We can’t change the past but perhaps we can be better people going forward. Let’s stand on this street corner for another four or five days debating how to do that. The last thing I want to be now is neglectful of Margo.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“‘I’m old, but I’m not good for nothing yet!’ said the 97-year-old comic, directly to its dwindling readership.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello everybody! Your COTW coming momentarily, but first I must put out a call to those of you who live in or near Los Angeles: On Wednesday, October 14, at 6:30 pm, my Sketch 301 class at Upright Citizens Brigade will be performing our class show at UCB Franklin at 5919 Franklin Avenue! All of the sketches in the show are extremely funny, including the ones I wrote, and the actors are awesome as well. As soon as publish this post I gotta run out and buy some wigs for one of my sketches, so you know HOLLYWOOD GLAMOUR IS IN FULL EFFECT. Please come! It’s like $5 so, like, literally you can’t afford NOT go go. Here is the Facebook event!

Anyway, almost as funny as any sketch show is this week’s top comment!

“‘I’m Eric Mills, and I’m afraid there’s more’ should be made the default opener for rap battles from now until the end of time.” –Wonkey the Monkey

The runners up are also hilarious!

“How tasteful not to include them eating John the Baptist’s head.” –lrubinko, on Tumblr

“Josh, you forget she is now officially a Parker-Spencer-Driver. Right now women all over the Balkans are queueing up to hand over their newborns to April.” –Zerowolf

“This conversation about ‘closets full of cute tops,’ addiction, and the need for even more tops plays out every night on Grindr.” –Gabacho

“Wikipedia describes Six Chix as ‘a collaborative comic strip … drawn by six female cartoonists.’ It debuted in 2000, only 15 years ago, which in comic strip terms makes it practically a zygote. Given these facts, plus the sassy alternate spelling of ‘chix’ (way to take back the word!), one might think that this feature would be of a sassy, progressive nature with a gentle yet unmistakable feminist tone. But no. The premise of this Sunday strip is that women do, in fact, be shopping. The prophecy of Reggie Warrington has come to pass.” –Joe Blevins

“Whoa, April plans to get pregnant and have child by the end of the year. This will no doubt be THE story on the comics page, in, oh, 2027? Assuming daily serial comics and womb-based fetus development are still a ‘thing’ then.” –pugfuggly

“While Slylock meddles with the right of owning a treasure taken from the sea, a bird is kidnapping a fish from the sea to devour it. Probably each class of animals had different interests during the initial uprising, but, like the French revolution, the first animal revolution has been turned into the affirmation of property rights. Our foxy Robespierre can be ruthless in the delivery of justice, but like his human predecessor he holds private property holy. Who will be animal Gracchus Babeuf?” –Ettore Costa, on Facebook

“Dear God, Slylock and Max’s expressions made my blood ran cold. I have no idea what it is they expect Earl Elephant to do to Shady Shrew, but it’s clearly going to transcend the bounds of regular Slylock-Fox-&-Comics-For-Kids tomfoolery. At least that adorable tiny sailor hat will take the edge off a bit when he starts pistol-whipping Shady in the face with a live crab.” –Jack loves comics

“The looks on everyone’s faces pretty much tell the whole story. Shady’s bad reputation stems from the fact that he compulsively humps any inanimate object that captures his fancy.” –made of wince

“I like that Tommie’s written the address on a dollar bill. Bus fare, right?” –lumaca morente

“Years from now when Cindy is no longer a desirable, objectifiable woman and has thereby exhausted her usefulness in Funky Winkerbean, Mason’s children will discover a long lost videotape: ‘Clearly you are someone who has grown to become attractive to Mason, and I hate you a little for that. But I also love you for realizing how special his abs are.'” –K.M.

“You know you’re a grandmother when you are a female whose offspring have had offspring of their own. Not only is it true, it’s funnier than anything Marvin will do with the concept.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“This man came to our house at three in the morning and held up a piece of paper — our name and address hand-written on the back of a receipt from the Dildo Emporium. He told us that our daughter had a thyroid condition. For the few minutes we were talking we were in the living room, on a street corner, in a restaurant and then back in the living room, but this time all the furniture was reversed. So, doctor: Ambien refill, please. I want to see how this comes out.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“A neat, simply designed panel, and yet it manages to incorporate at least two phallic symbols. Sigmund would be proud.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I love that to get Sheezix’s rant out, an okayish punchline has been stuck in a tiny speech bubble in the first panel to die.” –Horace Broon

“As the blood clot lodged itself in a blood vessel near the occipitotemporal junction of Mr. Magee’s brain, the surrounding tissues were starved of oxygen. Within seconds, contours became indistinct, objects bled into one another, sounds merged, smells blended. All around him, the hurried cadence of Fifth Avenue faded into a cloud of agnosia. He felt his own face blur, and the face of the man in front of him blurred too. His face was Magee’s face. ‘That sounds familiar,” said Mr. Magee, smiling a thin, crooked smile. Everything was familiar.” –Viscount

“‘Uh … how is Kelly posing?’ ‘Awkwardly splayed, of course! What’s your hangup?'” –Doctor Handsome

“Pluggers are impressed by their ability to sleep in their underwear. Or to stand up and drink coffee at the same time. Or tie a knot so their drawstring pants don’t fall around their cankles. You’re a plugger if you know how to set the bar low and not trip over it.” –Droopy Says

“Here’s a fun game. Replace the word ‘polar’ in today’s strip with something that pairs nicely with the ‘bi’ in today’s strip. I’ll start us off with ‘planekin’. Mason Jarr is just a sentient biplane trapped in a human body.” –rbmalpha

“I’m talking to a friend of Margo. But he’s on the other side of you! And he looks just like me! SHAZAM! Anyway, thank you for attending our magic show, honey. The twin scam was kind of a long con, but it was worth … the prestige!” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Let’s go into the weekend with your comment of the week!

“That Darwin kid has some spark. Right there, on his left sleeve. Let’s just keep an eye on him. Ever seen polyester go up in flames? Hilarious!” –pugfuggly

These runners up are also a nonstop party!

“It’s not even a DVD. Actual air time was bought because it was addressed to the whole town. And town deserved it.” –Trey James, on Facebook

“At first, I thought it was strange that Tommie was saying ‘Hush, Eric, while I listen to Margo’s heart,’ and pressing her ear against a pick-up truck. But then again, it would be equally strange if she was listening for a heart in Margo’s chest, really.” –Schroduck

“That’s about a 34″ cathode-ray TV there, so it probably weighs 30 pounds easy, but it’s balanced precariously on two rickety legs with wheels, and the weight of the curious vulture somehow doesn’t tip it over. Yes, THAT’S my problem with the logic of today’s Slylock Fox.” –Doctor Handsome

“One interesting thing I don’t believe you’ve commented on is the fact that there apparently exists an alliance of sorts between the few remaining humans and those more conservative animals who hold to traditional mores like ‘not wearing clothes’ and ‘living as nature intended.’ Is this a brewing revolution against the New Order? Spider, vulture, snake, bat — they may be sapient now, but they haven’t embraced the bastardized appropriation of human mores that most of their society has. How poignant, that some of these creatures recognise that humanity is not their enemy, but that things were better when men were men and vultures were vultures. A world where cloned humans reclaim their cities and restore the natural order is one that these sympathetic reactionaries dream of.” –G’Quan

“We all known that the only name Les calls out during sex is his own. That’s why Cayla is smirking.” –Joe Momma

“Seriously. I walked in on him masturbating once. I knew I should’ve turned back when I heard my name said over and over again, but morbid curiosity struck. Get it? Because I’m currently dead?” –rbmalpha

“One of the symptoms of hyperthyroidism is increased bowel movements, so there’s hope for this storyline yet.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I find it almost touching that Momma cheerfully went into a Mother-to-Mother-Filial-Comparison-Competition (or ‘son-down,’ in common parlance) with Francis at her side, rather than Thomas, her married, employed son. Sure, she knows she’s going to lose Round 1 — ‘Where is your son’s art hanging?’ — but wait ’til they get to Round 17 — ‘Is your son currently in possession of a hat?'” –Joe Blevins

“Mary Jane knows her husband is as dumb as a bag of unwashed clothes, yet Peter manages to suprise her nonetheless. Well done Peter, keep the spark alive.” –Guðmundur Bjarki, on Facebook

“Toby doesn’t get the hint that Mary is some new kind of bored with Toby’s trifling problems. For God’s sakes, this is a woman who meddled dogs in the past and she can’t even be bothered with this crap.” –Gabacho

“Summer’s a pretty tough kid. She barely cried at all when I told her to stay out of Mommy’s room when I’m recording my important secret videos.” –Chyron HR

“You may not be aware of this, Cayla, but your husband doesn’t have any siblings. I don’t have any siblings either, in case Les forgot to tell you at Lisa Orientation. Just thought I’d let you know, in case you didn’t notice the pervasive stench of Only Child Syndrome that has enshrouded our lives like a thick fog.” –K.M.

“Don’t worry Spider-Man, it’s not as chilling as it seems. Closer examination reveals that Namor is planning to use Sendit, a dated way of sharing links to large files, to get the battleship to the ocean floor. Cue weeks of puzzled frowning as he tries to create an account. ‘WHY does it NEED my DATE of BIRTH?!'” –Adam

“Also in the depths of his DTs the general sees his radio as a vicious face with bone crushing ragged teeth. Every few weeks we have to replace it when he smashes the old one with a ball peen hammer in self defense.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Also, Pluggers buy athletic shoes even though none of them have exercised since the Johnson administration.” –Flonatin of Bologna

“I think Marvin is physically transforming, Lost Highway-style, into Garfield. Which is one of those rare cases where that would actually be an improvement.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Only four garbage cans, and you call that being a ‘romantic’? Stick to hauling trash, pally.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Yeah, nothing says ‘romance’ to me like inky blackness slowly overtaking the sky while the all-seeing eye of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named hovers above, choosing whom of the walking meat below will be consumed first. Fortunately, High Priest Heathcliff and his chosen bride will be spared the carnage to follow.” –Pozzo

“Exposed to laptop radiation in its mother’s womb, and comforted only by the sound of clicking keys, the child of Rex and June Morgan would grow up to be … the Internet Troll! With all the powers of an Internet Troll, such as snark, the Internet Troll … no, wait, this hits a bit too close to home.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.