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Your COTW in a moment, but quick reminder that you have not one but TWO opportunities to see me do Gary The Emotionally Fragile Yoga Instructor in LA! Tonight 9, at the Etch-a-Sketch show at the LOFT theater, and, just added, Sunday night at 11 pm at iO West in Hollywood! That second show will feature me doing something else weird! DON’T MISS ’EM! (Or do miss ’em, see if I care. *sobs*)

Anyhoo: here’s this week’s top comment:

“Cindy continues to Sacco-and-Vanzetti this date.” –Ned Ryerson

And here are the hilarious runners up!

“Wow, you’d expect Margo to drop an ‘at-sign dollar-sign’ when she needs a drink badly enough, but what could have brought on the foul blasphemy that is the ‘rotated-90-degrees-hashtag?’ BETTER WATER DOWN THAT SCOTCH, THELMA” –Paul Acciavatti, on Facebook

“Obviously Heathcliff is giving the highlights from Christ’s Sermon on the Mound.” –Joe Momma

“I like to think that the final illustration of Heathcliff — bat at the ready — and the Easter Bunny isn’t anything to do with sports but a case of Heathcliff advancing stealthily on the Bunny, with violent intent. Having co-opted Jesus, there is now only a single obstacle in his narcissistic crusade to establish himself as the central focus of this holiday. Hopefully he has an equally inspiring speech planned for this one: ‘When you get to Inlé, tell them that Heathcliff sent you.'” –G’Quan

“In between panels one and three, Mark ironed Wally’s forehead and re-handsomed his face.” –Ukulele Ike

Judge Parker: “Abbey’s deer-in-the-headlights looks makes it clear that she has no clue what Sophie is talking about. ‘Weasel? What does that mean?’ ‘Is Derek a boy?’ ‘What is this relationship stuff that you speak of? Is that something poor people do?’ ‘Care for some more breakfast wine?'” –AhClem

“The panda eats bamboo, yes, but is it gluten-free bamboo? ‘It is what it is,’ Slylock Fox sighs as he tosses the bamboo shoots into the panda’s cage and scuttles off before the panda’s symptoms of celiac disease become disgustingly apparent.” –James in North Dakota

“I had my pick … by which I mean I always had a date for the football games and the prom. I wasn’t luring young boys from town to kill them in ritualistic ways and then consume their flesh. That would be … crazy.” –pugfuggly

“Sophie, I married Sam Driver, so clearly I had no memories of what boys are like.” –Voshkod

“The artist creates an eerie, Sin City-like effect in panel one, with Herb’s wife rendered as a lurking, shadowy figure whose only discernible features are her pupil-less eyes. I almost got the feeling that she was going to sneak up silently behind her husband and slit his throat before he even knew what was happening. ‘And Spanx? Don’t even get me started on Spanx! My wife has so many Spanx that she… GAAAACCKK!!'” –Joe Blevins

“Hey man, if I was trapped in a loveless marriage where my wife claimed various objects around the house like mugs by scrawling her name on them, so she knows what to take during the inevitable divorce, I’d want a little release in the form of some kinky role-playing over the phone with my lover Jamaal too, by playing our favorite game, ‘stereotypical male friends’. ‘All right, Jamaal — this time, you be my coworker by the water cooler who I complain to about sports. Sarah’s in the room right now, but that just makes it hotter.'” –Jack loves comics

“Lewis-and-Clarking (v): To claim something before the British or Russians get their hands on it, and bring back mastodon bones. ‘I really Lewis-and-Clarked that cheese danish, Prince Andrew. Ooh, nice femur.'” –Litte Blue Bicycle

“The ‘realllllly good’ dream Beetle had last night about Miss Buxley (which will not be coming true) is that she will pay for the pizza.” –Shrug

“[Lewis-and-Clarking] means that the guy will get halfway through exploring her but then have to hire another woman to guide him through her landmarks until he finally gets where he wants to go. Then once he gets there, he’s going to build a little fort.” –aphthakid

“Private Blips has just added a new line of code to Gizmo’s thoughts: computers have limits. Unfortunately this contradicts the previous line that says computers can do anything. From now on whenever Gizmo appears he’ll be in a corner muttering ‘Syntax error’ and slowly starving to death.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Judge Parker: “Sophie, I know that you are awash in hormones, trapped in a cavernous RV with two very drunk middle aged people who want to do nothing but insult other travelers and talk about The Chambers Affair, and still in mourning over a squirrel. Life is hard that way, sometimes.” –Master Softheart

“‘Oh, to be a gargoyle,’ Spider-Man thought. ‘To be a guardian, vigilantly observing the citizenry, a fearsome image ever present and never forgotten; but, locked in stone, incapable of movement, incapable of interaction, incapable of … failure. All expectations removed, all disappointments avoided — no bricks, no pipes to the head, no beatings from minor henchman of minor villains. They would all know my name, they would all know my face. But no one, no one would know my shame.'” –Vincent Watkins

“It’s hard to save a baby and still sound like an intolerable asshole. But damn it son, even when a child’s life is at stake, it’s important to concentrate on what matters: Screw Facebook. I can not stress this enough, that is my takeaway from an infant’s near-death. (sips coffee)” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello, Los Angeles-area or -visiting fans of me! Would you like to watch me do odd and/or funny things in public, this week? Well, you’ve got two chances to do so!

On Thursday, April 9, at 9 p.m., I’ll be doing standup at the always enjoyable Comedy Palace, at 2112 Hillhurst Ave in Los Feliz! I did this show last year and it was 100% a blast. Here is the Facebook event! Other people on the bill: Robert Buscemi, Michael Busch, Raj Desai, Stephanie Simbari, Barry Rothbart, Lizzy Cooperman, Gabe Delahaye, and Pete Holmes, many of whom you probably have heard of! And it’s free! Come and enjoy!

Then, the very next night: Friday, April 10, at 9 p.m., I’ll be performing for the very first time on the West Coast my beloved character Gary The Emotionally Fragile Substitute Yoga Instructor (pictured above)! Gary will be part of the Etch-A-Sketch show at the Loft Theater, at 929 East 2nd Street in Little Tokyo/the Arts District/whatever you want to call that part of downtown. Here is the Facebook event! Only $5! Come and enjoy!

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It’s finally springtime (for the rest of you, I live in Southern California now where it’s literally nice all the time) and what better way to celebrate than with a hilarious comment of the week?

“At last we know how you afford those natty clothes and keep everyone in awe of your crime fighting prowess. It’s a scam with you playing Fagan to the local miscreants. Today’s picture tells all. Look at Roger Raccoon: does he look the least bit concerned that Slylock Fox is hot on his heels? Of course not; he knows it’s a charade to keep all eyes on him and Slylock. Meanwhile Max checks to make sure no one is looking at him before going through Mrs. Beaver’s purse for valuables that can be hidden under his bowler. You’re getting sloppy, Slylock, and pride goeth before the fall.” –DOlz

And also some hilarious runners up?

“In Ickian UFOlogy, ‘Nordics’ are a variety of humanoid space alien that frequented the earth in the 1950s. This might explain why the strip is named after Funky even though the author’s focus is on the inferior, soul-sucking ‘grey’ alien Les.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“‘How did you get the ring back, Shylock?’ ‘I helped the bird cough it up, of course.’ ‘Why is there blood on it? ‘I said I helped the bird cough it up! Let’s just leave it at that.'” –Lorne

“Life is capricious. One minute your tire is fine, the next it’s flat. One minute you’re driving on the left side of the car, the next you’re possibly in England. BANG!!” –Shoe Substitutes

“Aw man, when Snuffy loses the game, Jughaid’s gonna pop up from behind a chair or something, take a long drag off his e-cig, and say, ‘This hyar’s good fer bitcoin!'” –Dan

“I can only hire one of you, so go into that airport lounge and strangle each other. Whomever emerges gets the job and company trenchcoat.” –Kevin on Earth

“In panel #1 it looks like Wilbur Weston is performing Terry and Adam’s wedding ceremony. ‘By the power vested in me by the State of Mayonnaise, I now pronounce you husband and sandwich. You may now kiss the sandwich!'” –Rocky Stoneaxe

“…at work, where we would receive notes from our haggard drama coach in his lifeless, sterile office … at play rehearsal, where we struggled with the blocking for the scene in which Stanley Kowalski oafishly palpates Blanche’s lymph nodes … It was pretty much the most depressing week I’ve ever had in my life. Where am I? I hope I’m not daydreaming on that overpass again!” –made of wince

“Damn it, Gasoline Alley, you can’t just photo-reference random characters and then freely intersperse them with the deformed chimp-people who usually populate your strip. There’s a thing called the Uncanny Valley, and you’re peeing into it.” –Joe Blevins

“I can see the pitch now. Nick and Nora Charles meets Starsky and Hutch, produced by Glen A. Larson and then beaten about the head seven hundred times with a fencepost until it can barely count to yellow. Ratings dynamite.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“As an investigative team they may have been the best but damn, their mattresses and/or pillows weren’t. Look at those misaligned cervical vertebrae.” –Baka Gaijin

“Based on their uniforms in panel one, Adam is training to be a karate fighter, and Terry is training to be an ass-kicking dental hygienist.” –seismic-2

“As an investigation team, we were the best! We always investigated with our guns drawn. I know some people think you should investigate discretely, quietly, and without drawing attention to yourselves. But Mary, when we went on an investigation with our guns out, it’s like everyone wanted to talk! And they all said the same things: ‘Please don’t shoot us.’ ‘Take all of the money, but let me live!’ ‘Oh, god, you shot me in the leg!’ That’s how you investigate on the street.” –Voshkod

“It is really, truly not a good thing if someone looking at you from slightly above can see the bottoms of your top molars.” –lumaca morente

“…anyhow, as it turns out, the guns were captured by a violent terrorist cell who slaughtered hundreds of innocents in Venus’ very own 9/11. Yorky’s dad was held responsible for the mistake and eventually took his own life in prison awaiting trial. The end.” –pugfuggly

“!!! What was the point of making the A.D.A.M. Investigative Robot if it was just going to exceed its programming and request a transfer? If the investors get word of this, we’ll lose our funding for cobbling policebots together out of wax models, dollar-store mannequins, and surplus hands!” –Dragon of Life

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.