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Guys. I know you’re probably sick of hearing this by now, but: I wrote a book. It’s real, and it’s spectacular, and it has great cover art from Don Sparrow (hardcover) and Matt Lubchansky (paperback, and also the endpapers on the hardcover).

Not to give anything away, but there’s a lot about soap opera comic strips and the people online who love them ironically and maybe not-so-ironically in there. (Don Sparrow also did illustrations of the comic-within-the-novel, and was so moved by the experience he started his own!) I think it’s a funny book — I mean, I put jokes in there a-plenty — but as faithful reader Russell says, you’ll be “pleasantly surprised by the sincerity and low level of snarkiness.”

ANYWAY. I haven’t done a pledge drive this fall, but if you’re enough of a fan of this blog that you sometimes put cash in my tip jar, I think you’ll enjoy spending cash on this book instead, either as a real physical book or an ebook. And if you’re a fan of the blog but have also felt like it’s silly to put cash in an Internet tip jar because you only exchange money for goods and services, well, now’s your chance to do so, and do so now, if you want the book in time for Christmas. And if you have the urge to put some money in my tip jar anyway, well, I’m sure not gonna stop you!

OK, with that out of the way, it’s time for your comment of the week:

“‘Once we’re married, I told Cindy I’d like to live here in Westview.’ ‘WHY?’ ‘Well, I have cance– I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m in perfect cancer. Health. I’m in perfect he–‘ (shakes head) ‘I’m sorry, can I start cancer? Over. What’s happening, Cindy?'” –Dan

Your runners up are also very funny!

“Rocky’s the only one with the decency not to shine Fuzz on about showing up for his lame-ass party.” –Doctor Handsome

“Miss Buxley’s words say ‘I’ll try,’ but her eyes say ‘I’ll try consuming your life energy to increase my demonic powers.’ More like Miss Beelzebuxley, amirite?” –Steve S

“Jordan is the chauffeur, right? He spent 20 years in the Marines, where he learned everything he knows, and so now he can drive a limo. And bring tea to the old man. And change his diapers. And beg for death, I assume.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“I’m honestly surprised nobody has figured this one out yet. Look at where the submitter is from: Prescott, Wisconsin. What singular, ‘recent’ political event took place in Wisconsin? A recall election. Plugger jokes are backed up by five years, just like pluggers, is what I’m saying.” –pastordan

“Of course the Tooth Fairy cares whether you’ve been naughty or nice, Dennis. Ever seen someone with meth mouth? The Tooth Fairy is very vindictive.” –Bryan J. Simmons, on Facebook

“Dennis is old enough to lose teeth, but he still wears a onesie to bed? That tells me he’s still in nighttime diapers, with no light at the end of that particular tunnel for Alice. Should score at least a 5 on the Scale O’ Menace.” –sally

“Grumpy Santa is probably going to be the subtitle of the sixth or seventh Paul Blart: Mall Cop movie.” –Hans Peter Gertje, on Facebook

“In the Mommaverse the beta-patriarchy created ‘squatters rights’ romance to allow ‘nice guys’ to entrap women on the rebound.” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“I told Cindy I’d like to live here in Westview! Why? Because if I’m ever going to get that Oscar, I need to learn tragedy. Where better? Deaf band instructors, everyone’s cancer ridden, this dump is the best restaurant around. It’s like a black hole for tragedy, drawing in every horror and fear and compressing them into a dark spot on the map where nothing joyous can occur. After a few years here, I’ll be ready to play Hamlet, or Oedipus, or a morally-complex villain! Assuming I survive the cancer. And this pizza.” –Voshkod

“The first rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to not let people talk about your old identity. The second rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to not let people talk about your old identity. The third rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is to pick a name that will not make people assume it’s made up. The fourth rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is not to hang around with your in-laws. The last rule of Establishing a New Identity Club is, if it’s your first time establishing a new identity, you’ve got to read the Chambers Affair.” –But What Do I Know?

“Oh, sure, the announcer is annoying. But that doesn’t mean Cosmo is going to watch the PG-rated version, without the beheadings or the titties that the bird actresses will somehow have.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Wearing saddle shoes and purple socks while watching tired puns on TV? That’s some niche fetish.” –Lawyerbob

“I don’t know about you, honey, but after all that ‘reality show’ unpleasantness, I am ready for some hot, hot Rebel Without a Cause role playing scenarios. Just the thing to unwind on a Saturday afternoon.” –Joe Blevins

“Unsurprisingly, the residents of the Funkyverse have only a very, very vague idea of what a smile looks like.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“Crankshaft is in excruciating pain. In related news, it’s the happiest Crankshaft holiday ever.” –TheDiva

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello, everybody! Remember three and a half years ago, when I had a Kickstarter to fund The Enthusiast, a novel I wanted to write? Remember how I promised it’d be done in like 18 months, and then that didn’t happen, and then I didn’t talk about it here or anywhere else for a long time, and then all of the sudden four months ago I started talking about it again and couldn’t stop talking about it, and you were like, “Jeez, Josh, when can I buy this thing already?” Well, good news: you can buy this thing already. The book is about trains, soap opera comics, and a stealth marketing agency that infiltrates groups of enthusiasts, online and in real life, to try to sell things for their clients. I’m very proud of how it turned out and am excited for you to read it. If you like this blog, you’ll probably enjoy it.

• You can buy the hardback version for $25 or the softcover version for $15 over at TopatoCo. Only a limited number of hardbacks are available, so act fast!
• You can buy the ebook edition for $8. This is a DRM-free bundle that includes Mobi (for Kindle), EPUB (for everybody else), and PDF (for any device) files.

The printing process came down to the wire in December, so if you want to give a copy of this book as a gift, you need to buy now! to get it by Christmas. Here’s a handy chart with info on shipping times from TopatoCo, the people who are doing the shipping. (If you buy the ebook edition, you can download it immediately after purchasing it, obviously.)

If you’d like to get a sense of the book before you decide to buy it, I’ve put the opening chapter up on Medium, and you can listen to me read chapter three on the Catapult podcast. You can also read this extremely positive review from Gary Tyrrell, creator of the Fleen webcomics blog.

And, finally, I’ve decided not to run my usual fall fundraiser this year in order to focus more on promoting my book. But if the mood strikes, you can always throw a few bucks in my tip jar, in addition to/instead of buying the novel. Thanks so much!

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GUYS, right now, as we speak, the happy elves at Make That Thing! are putting copies of my novel The Enthusiast into envelopes and mailing them to you, assuming you backed the Kickstarter and replied to the survey in time! And once they’re done with that (which should be … by Tuesday?) they will put up a store where you (assuming you didn’t back the Kickstarter, or maybe you did and just want more copies) can buy said book! Many copies, for you and all your friends. (And all the e-books will go out to backers and also go on sale at that time, so don’t panic, e-book aficionados.) BUT ANYWAY, if by chance you are in the Los Angeles area and don’t wait to wait for the U.S. mail and such, you can come to my book launch party on Tuesday at the Los Angeles County Store in Silver Lake!

You can buy hardcover or softcover books at the store, and I’ll sign ’em! Plus we’re all literally going out for (non-Montoni’s) pizza afterwards! Come, enjoy, etc.! Look, here’s proof that the books exist:

OK, with that out of the way, let’s enjoy your delightful comment of the week.

“‘What about knitting, painting, and gardening?’ ‘Those aren’t hobbies. They create something of practical or aesthetic value. TRUE hobbies don’t produce anything of interest to others.’ ‘What about stamp, coin, and baseball card collecting?’ ‘All collecting is a form of scrapbooking.’ ‘But–‘ ‘ALL IS SCRAPBOOKING!'” –Wonkey the Monkey

Our runners up are also hilarious!

“They don’t have a bank branch office at their house?” –Hamish Mack, on Facebook

“My second favourite part is that the teacher is wearing a lab coat to tell those awful jokes, ostensibly to teach astronomy. It’s probably the only way his students know he’s their science teacher.” –pugfuggly

“You know, if you read today’s Judge Parker as if it’s Sam giving Neddy advice on the sex she’s going to have with hardhat-guy, it makes just as much sense.” –dmsilev

“‘Okay gang.’ ‘Thinking caps.’ A joke about bars. A joke about military rank. A joke about honoring the military. The funny name of a constellation. A pun. Remember, Funky Winkerbean is a reality-based comic strip that depicts contemporary issues affecting young adults in a thought-provoking and sensitive manner.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Wait, you think she’s going to get some kind of citation? I just assumed the police cruiser was the head of the motorcade for the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Prize Patrol.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“How can Beetle sleep so much and how can Sarge be awake so much? The answer to both questions is head trauma.” –A Concerned Reader

“The good news is, when Guran finally gets fed up being the Man Friday to the resident Mighty Whitey and takes an IT job in the States, he’s got the wardrobe for it.” –TheDiva

“‘Dating girls!’ Tell me about it, Momma. We all lost money on that bet.” –Doctor Handsome

“We see that modern-day schoolchildren have not heard of the most important American novels but are familiar with old-time fiddle tunes. Remember, children are America’s future. Sell all your savings bonds, is what I’m saying.” –seismic-2

“I would love nothing more than for Gasoline Alley to become for scrapbooking what Mark Trail is for wildlife. Forever.” –Matt Algren, on Facebook

“This scrapbooking lecture in Gasoline Alley is officially so boring that the kids are super-evolving in a desperate attempt to survive. That boy is turning into some sort of mole, in order to burrow out of the room presumably. God knows what kind of menagerie they’ll end up with when or if she ever shuts up.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“The common cartoon technique of silhouetting in the final panel is used here to show the negative, like what you’d see on a roll of film, coincidentally developed by George Eastman! Ha! Or, even the artist wanted to show how Boog is a blackened demon from hell with BOOG in blazing blood red across his chest and soulless white holes for eyes and a white hot flame from the mouth of this monstrosity masquerading as a belligerent little tyke.” –hogenmogen

“Colin has achieved internet stardom for a cheesy rap video? Good thing his dad is friends with 1980s Quincy Jones.” –Tonya

“I wonder why the actual happy couple would be in so much stress to find their marriage license. Do they need to register at a hotel in 1955? Or are they looking for loopholes?” –lumaca morente

“Jeffy is going to be very disappointed when he finds out what happened to the last Messiah.” –Comrade Dread

“What scares me about today’s Heathcliff is not the quantity of female cats, but the apparent qualities of said cats. Apart from fur color, they all appear to be exactly the same. So, Heathcliff’s not a racist, but he might be running an illegal clone harem.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

• Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.