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And you can read ’em! Here’s #1:

“Momma doesn’t seem to mind fun-loving Francis bringing a gun into the house. Maybe that’s because it’s Thomas, the high-strung, responsible son, whom everyone expects to snap one day.” –BigTed

And here are the runners up!

“It’s so tempting to lean his head back, mouth open, and simply let the rain drown him. Anything — anything! — would be better than going home to the black abyss that is his marriage. But courage these days comes in the form of alcohol, which would involve him having to leave the tender embrace of the cold rain. The major, meanwhile, doesn’t know whether to pity the old man or himself because he looks at the general and sees his future. If he stands there much longer, he’s going to grab the fossil and shove his head in that puddle, if only to end the both their nightmares. Lighthearted fare for a Saturday.” –Diana Lynn Paladin on Facebook

“Yeah, I’m wearing this uniform to impersonate — I mean honor our nation’s veterans. Not to pick up gullible women and possibly wind up with a venereal disease like a soldier from the time period this uniform is from. Nothing odd about this whole situation at all.” –rbmalpha

“No, Heathcliff is NOT fucking Hello Kitty. He’s fucking a Hello Kitty plush doll! Which is way more disturbing.” –Missal

“‘Is it something very personal of which you’re ashamed?’ ‘Yeah, dressing up as General Black Jack Pershing two days before Veterans Day. Oh, and also, masturbating into your carton of Coffee Rich while I was in that uniform.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Seeing Beetle Bailey’s big smug smile as Sarge mutters about his ‘sloppy service’ is the filthiest gay porn that’s ever been in comics.” –lorne

“This week’s guest artist in Mary Worth: M.C. Escher. Tune in tomorrow to see Wilbur eat a sandwich from both sides at the same time.” –Pozzo

“My nosal passages are all clogged up. It keeps the…oxyclean from getting to…my brain….muh…gggggg…zzzzzzzzzz” –pugfuggly

“Gotta love the hairy wrists on our chainsaw-wielding pal. As Sam proves in panel one, truly civilized men have perfectly smooth forearms, thank you very much.” –Joe Blevins

“Never mind the park job, I’m more freaked out by Mary’s bold-italic HELP EACH OTHER comment as she pantomimes cupping Sean’s balls.” –Voyage of the Oversnark

“The savage beating she gave him wasn’t enough to break Jeffy’s will, but the perfume torture would surely make him talk. They always talk.” –Bradley

“Haha, Mary’s driven Hanna once, and she’s already decided it’s time to marry her off. A new husband will drive Hanna, and Mary will have satisfied the two major goals of any meddle: a heteronormative marriage, and no changes to Mary’s lifestyle ever.” –Enlong

“Today’s Hi and Lois is a profound statement on American drinking culture and how it encourages college kids to pursue drinking as an end in itself with empty promises of happiness, instead of teaching children to pursue happiness first, find fulfillment in their friends and activities and how adding alcohol can be a simple optional addition to that healthier and ultimately more satisfying lifestyle. I think it’s — what’s that? They have a chronic alcoholic character named Thirsty that they bring out for ‘laughs’ and bad ‘isn’t the drunk funny’ jokes?” –Comrade Dread

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello all! Your comment of the week momentarily, but first: I wrote a slideshow for ITworld about so-called “middle skills” tech jobs that don’t require a four-year degree but still pay well. Check it out, won’t you?

Oh, and here’s the promised comment of the week:

“I swear, the only thing that explains why everyone in this strip persists in behaving like nonsensical idiots, even certified ‘geniuses’ like Doc Ock, is that they are all severely concussed all the time, which actually makes sense given the beatings these guys regularly give and take. In fact, newspaper Spider-Man is probably the most realistic superhero comic out there when it comes to portraying personal and social costs of large numbers of super-powered people people putting on masks and punching each other in the head for fun and profit.” –Voyage of the Oversnark

And the very hilarious runners up!

Judge Parker: “Don’t worry, Sam. The mud hole has read The Chambers Affair and is a big fan of Alan Parker’s work. It would never dream of allowing any associate of Alan Parker to fall into it, so as his attorney you will be perfectly safe.” –Ratiocinator

“Seriously, though, everyone is treating this as if it’s a harrowing tale of horror. I want to know if being a sentient fungus is more or less pleasant than being a human. It might be rather peaceful.” –Lawzlo

“You know what? That’s Heathcliff acting recognizably like a cat. I’ll take it.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“I have my ways. Offering to pay more money or letting them do whatever they want my body. So, really just two ways.” –Chareth Cutestory

“So what kind of human ancestor is that? Indonesian Hobbit men? Or does B.C. look back into the evolutionary history of other, now ancient comics? Is this Cro-Momma?” –sporknpork

“I for one welcome the prospect of Mary Worth exploring the sensitive, difficult topic of how gonorrhea spreads among senior citizens. (It climbs down from the wall and enters the body through balding scalps, mustaches and the fingers of the left hand.)” –pastordan

Re: Apartment 3-G’s restaurant-apartment confusion: “When has this strip ever looked like anything?” –Ned Ryerson

“Is it also worth pointing out that Margo hasn’t had on-screen ‘work to do’ for several years? She should just start miming out typing motions and saying, ‘work work work work!'” –Dan

“I say, keep on harping, Josh. This folie a deux hallucination is the best thing to happen to A3G in years. I’m imagining the two of them standing there, completely oblivious there’s not a table below them, and what we can’t see below the panels are the numerous dropped plates and spilled wine glasses, brought as props necessary to never break the madness, but repeatedly dropped through the non-table.” –Brady

“Margo is able to infer from her dad’s cadence and facial expression that his news is meant to be surprising. ‘I should probably react in some way,’ she thinks, her face a blank and inexpressive mask. ‘How do other humans respond to surprising news that isn’t being delivered by me, and is therefore uninteresting?’ After a moment’s consideration, she settles on ‘Gasp…’, barely avoiding the interrogative lift at the end that would have turned it into ‘Gasp…?'” –wonkeythemonkey

“I think somebody is angling for a little corporate sponsorship. ‘I’m kinda hungry, and what better pick-me-up than a Snickers brand candy snack?’ Horrified, the M&M Mars conglomeration will sue them out of existence, finally.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Mark looks positively excited in panel 1. I assume he’s been quietly sitting there praying for his own death as Cherry prattles on mindlessly about human things, but now — All right! She’s leaving! Now to go make some nice square boxes of bubbles in the water!” –Cthulhu Gnu

“I like to think the cop in the last panel has is elbow leaning against a wall and is playing with his hair, trying to act coy and cute in order to flirt with Spiderman. ‘So, you say we should lock these guys up. Well, you are my super hero.'” –Joe Momma

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Your comment of the week in a moment, but first: a couple Fun Pictures Of Me With Cool People! The first cool picture is me with Jeff Knurek, aka Jumble Jeff, aka the cartoonist for the Jumble, who has repeatedly put me in prison over the years. Jeff came into town, and he and his lovely wife Kathy took me and my lovely wife Amber out to dinner, and then the next day Jeff, Kathy, and I (Amber had to work, so sad) got to sit in on a reading of a Simpsons episode by the cast! We (and by “we” I mean “Jeff but then he invited me along”) had been invited by Tom Gammil, a Simpsons producer who also draws The Doozies and is a faithful reader of this blog. It was an amazing experience and thanks to Jeff and Tom for making it happen! Here’s me and Jeff out on the Fox lot:

A few days earlier, I had been at a friend’s post-apocalypse-themed birthday party and chatting with a nice young lady named Marize and I had the opportunity (it was natural, I swear I don’t go around bragging about this with no context) to mention that I wrote a blog about comic strips, and she said, “Oh, which one,” and I said “It’s called the Comics Curmudgeon,” and she said “Oh, yeah, I read that,” super casual-like, which impressed me, and then she mentioned that she was a huge fan of the Phantom, and also pointed out that she had just gotten the Phantom’s logo tattooed on her thigh!

Anyway, I’ve been falling down on the job when it comes to Phantom coverage lately, and so I pledge to Marize and to you that I will do better! (SPOILER ALERT: He has amnesia.)

And now … your comment of the week!

“Mark Trail knows he is on the side of righteousness because before each outing he consults with his Lord and master, Jesus Moose, here seen walking on water before the stunned ranks of the non-believers. Blessed be the Father, and the Moose, and the Spirit of the Wild.” –G’Quan

And the very funny runners up!

“Wow, Fox is really cheaping out on the next X-Men movie.” –Ed Dravekcy on Facebook

“I like that one of the differences between the two panels is that in the first, the human appears to be a legit wildlife officer, while in the second, his lack of badge seems to indicate that he’s just some dude who likes stetsons and picking fights with bears.” –pugfuggly

“Little kids worshiping candy and presents rather than the Lord? The math checks out.” –pastordan

“What sort of ghastly vertigo-inducing Hell-Prius is that in panel one? From the Gungan hydrostatic windshield through which Mary projects her head, to the deadly passenger seat that lurches forward and to the centerline, it’s got to be a nightmare ride for Hanna and as such, she frowns her disapproval, which she can check out first-hand in the rear-view mirror, now mere inches from her eyes. Apparently, part of Mary’s plan is to so disorient and distract Hanna with the physical anomalies of the car that Hanna is no longer capable of ratiocination and will gladly enter whatever home Mary has in mind. Kids, that’s the oldest trick in the book!” –SgtSaunders

“Margo reflects? We all know that Margo casts no reflection.” –Nekrotzar

“Few Halloween home decorations are as frightening and repulsive as the Man’s Back Hair Sofa Slipcover.” –Chareth Cutestory

“You’d think that a comic that features a woman who has slept with the newest James Bond star and has the latest Bond girl as a client and confidante would be about people leading glamorous lives. Yet here we are.” –Hibbleton

“It’s sad that the Sweet 16 Cafe, once a teen hangout in the 1950s, is now focused on an aging clientele holding on to the bittersweet memories of young love.” –SKJAM!

“Man, that Bill Ellis must really hate Cherry. When he sends Mark on a fishing trip or a safari, he goes alone, but when he sends him to snoop around a chemical plant next to a swamp, Cherry has to ride along.” –But What Do I Know?

“In all the years I’ve been reading comics, I’ve always assumed that word bubbles only existed for our own benefit, and weren’t actually present in the comic itself, like a subtitle in a movie. Today’s Mark Trail shatters that illusion by showing us a moose playfully chasing after one, like a cat with a laser pointer.” –Brad

“Please let Margo be looking at a picture of Joseph Stalin.” –seismic-2

“June will summon Kelly into her presence and demand to know why she wasn’t immediately informed about the possible prison record of the art forger employed by the mob widow who is mentoring her daughter. ‘B-but you knew all of that! The mob widow … the abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town … the art forgery … Sarah blackmailing me …’ ‘Don’t change the subject, young lady! I won’t have my Sarah instructed by someone so incompetent he actually served time! Only the best for my daughter!'” –batgirl

“‘Are you ladies new here?’ asked a quavering voice. Mary turned. It was a haggard old crone, twisted and wrinkled, seemingly locked into a small scooter. She seemed … familiar, and Mary’s mind flashed back to her last memory of her mother, left in a place like this, alone. ‘Can I help you?’ the woman asked. ‘My name is Mary Worth, and I help out around here.’ Mary’s knees started to buckle. The old woman looked her square in the eyes, and Mary knew those eyes, she saw those eyes every morning in her mirror as she fixed her hair just so. ‘You look troubled, my dear,’ the crone said. ‘Come, tell me about your problems.’ Mary’s back hit the wall and she slowly slid toward the floor. ‘Mary Worth can fix all of your problems, dear.’ The woman’s scooter started to inch forward.” –Voshkod

“Here’s what I love about Dagwood. While the rest of us are worrying about mid-term elections, Ebola outbreaks, and whatever else the media is telling us to fear, Dagwood’s ‘dilemma’ is that two annual observances dedicated to mindless gluttony are overlapping and he wants to show his devotion to both without slighting either. We could, I dare say, learn from him.” –Joe Blevins

“The Jesus rays emanating from Dagwood imply that there is some divine majesty about what he’s done. Pizza slice? That’s something that you’ll buy at the fly-by-night Halloween store this weekend for half price and then forget that you have it in your closet for a few years. But add a Jack-o’-lantern head, and it’s ‘fall to the ground and shield your eyes’ time. Either this is a truly glorious moment for humanity, or somebody came up behind the artist after he finished and said, ‘Could you do something to draw more attention to the guy in the pizza costume and Jack-o’-lantern head? He’s hardly noticeable in that kitchen.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.