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Hello all! I hope that you feel that I’ve been doing a decent job of mocking the comics from the opposite side of the country from where I had been previously mocking them. You all continue to do a good job with the funny comments, as it turns out! Like this top comment from the week, for instance:

“Calm Dennis is so spooky. ‘You’ve discovered my secret, Mother. Congratulations. Yes, I like to watch vintage lumberjack romances on Turner Classic Movies sometimes. Tell Father if you’d like. I don’t care one way or the other. And now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to return to Ardor Amid the Pines please.'” –Joe Blevins

And these hilarious runners up!

“I’m really glad you’re home, Hemingway. I call you ‘Hemingway’ because you remind me of him. You both have smaller than average penises and it’s only a matter of time before you kiss the business end of a shotgun. And you both like cats!” –gelded wildebeeste

“Who hired me? Alaistair Z. Footfieldmanstein, on accounts that they were rivals to win this year’s ‘Dumbest Fucking Name in Comics’ award.” –Comrade Dread

“I’d submit to Pluggers too, if they’d expand their repertoire of Dr. Moreau-beast-people a bit more, instead of the regular dog-men, bear-men and chicken-women. For example, there would be one where the caption was ‘The Plugger Web.’ where the picture was of a massive, Shelob-like spider-plugger in a John Deere hat, ensnaring a horrified fly-man in its massive web.” –Jack loves comics

“It’s almost like Dennis the Menace the comic needs a talk about good attention/bad attention more than Dennis the Menace the child. Depicting a 5-year-old watching porn on the family TV in front of his mom will probably get you some letters, but they’re not the kind of letters you want! There are better ways to get us to notice you, like jokes!” –Alex Blaze

“Just how far does Dagwood’s food obsession extend, anyway? Cause I’m wondering if Blondie just has to do the 9 1/2 Weeks thing to get him interested, or if she needs to go all-out and dress like a comically oversized sandwich.” –TheDiva

Mary Worth: “So just to recap this adventure’s moral: Don’t listen to your parents, kids. Listen to angels, faeries, and the small lump of neurons in your digestive tract. And Mary of course, always listen to MARY.” –pugfuggly

Mark Trail: “And Chekhov’s Rhinoceros finally leaps off the mantlepiece … and into our hearts.” –Shrug

“At the mention of the guv’mint, the kids switched holding their pencils from writing tool into holding them as stabbing tools. Yes, they are learning everything there is to teach at Hootin’ Holler High School.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Hee-Hee. I’ve got a second brain in my tummy! BEFORE LUNCH IT WAS IN DOCTOR KAPUHT’S SKULL!!!” –Dr. Mabuse

“It makes me sad that he isn’t proffering a hamburger sandwich and French fried potatoes as bait, since that is the agreed upon bait of choice for American teenagers. How is he going to attract a teenager with just a comfy chair? These coddled teens have all the comfy chairs they want already. Kids today, with their hamburger sandwiches and their comfy chairs, and their loud music like the 1812 Overture. They make me sick!” –Jejune (who posted this comment on Facebook, guys did you know that I have a Facebook and you can post funny comments there too if you want)

“‘In the time I traveled here from, we loved beehives so much that we even named a women’s hairstyle after them,’ said the 1962-era government functionary as the older folks admired his glasses, mustache, crew cut, short-sleeved white shirt, rumpled black tie and pocket protector.” –BigTed

“Yes, it’ll be interesting to follow Olive’s progress as she grows up. Except that I won’t.” –A New Day

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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EVERYBODY! I am BACK in the saddle, my saddle having been moved approximated 3,000 miles to the west by either the good people at Allied Van Lines or my wife driving our car, depending on whether you’re using the “saddle” metaphor to refer to my desk chair or my actual ass! Huge thanks to EVERYONE who contributed to the westward bound fundraiser — you’ll get individual thank-yous this coming week, probably with a reference to a specific item I’m going to buy at Ikea with the money this afternoon. And megahuge thanks to Uncle Lumpy for guest-blogging so much these past couple of months. I am back full-time now for the indefinite future, but he’s hilarious and deserves recognition and approbation. And he lovingly hand-picked some CsOTW for the past couple weeks, out of which I have hand-picked with similar love this top comment:

“I love Gil’s nameplate. No ‘Coach,’ no ‘Mr.,’ no ‘Gil.’ No complexity, layering of meaning, or beating around the bush. You, Mr. Standish, are in the presence of an elemental THORP of nature.” –Spunde

But these other comments are not to be sneezed at!

“When you’re done with ‘Words With Pals’ and ‘Scrumble,’ maybe you’d like to play some ‘Hungry Birds’ or ‘Cookie Crush Saga’ or ‘Gim Gardashian’s Gollywood Game.'” –BigTed

“When my daughter used to play Oregon Trail, her party would dwindle disturbingly through serial occurrences of the events ‘Hunting accident! Lose a party member!’ and ‘Fresh meat!'” –Cloudbuster

“Hmmm — free drinks, eh? Not bad, but if I hang out with Kapuht, I might get heroin. Decisions, decisions…” –Pozzo

“Wait, did Rocky Ledge just spontaneously grow sunglasses on his head? That counts as a super power. Was he bitten by a radioactive David Caruso?” –Joe Blevins

“I used to break hearts. Now I just break mirrors.” –gelded wildebeeste

“Even Count Weirdly can’t take this thing seriously. ‘That’s not even supposed to be a dolphin. It’s a shark, and I pulled its teeth out. I pulled the teeth out of every single shark in the ocean. Why? Because duh, I’m cruel and I don’t like shark bites. Does that matter? No. Do you even have a warrant? I doubt it!'” –made of wince

Mary Worth and Judge Parker: “Two phrases that will never escape my lips: ‘I am surprised that you have such an abiding penchant for country music!’ and ‘You know what was recently revealed about him?'” –Écureuil Écumant

“Country music? You like country music? That is the music of the poor.” –Liam

“It could be worse. Someone could paste a copy of Apartment 3-G onto a cover of ‘Action Comics’, as the ultimate act of irony.” –seismic-2

“Bear in mind people have been practically giving Holly rare and valuable comics left and right. She probably thinks that’s how it works now.” –TheDiva

“Acting on an ‘unshakeable feeling’ from ‘deep within’ is how we get all those fake quotes on Sundays. –Jean-Paul Sartre” –pastordan

“Action in Apartment 3-G? Is that a perk for premium subscribers? –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Luann seems shocked that nothing has happened. As a regular reader of Luann, I am not.” –pugfuggly

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Click the banner to contribute by credit card or PayPal, or here for complete details and a banner index. — Thanks!

Hi there! Just a few updates and reminders as we in the U.S. head into our Labor Day weekend:

1. Josh is relocating from Baltimore to L.A. to pursue a career in standup, comedy writing, and other entertaining things.
2. He has taken a blood oath to “… continue to make jokes about Mary Worth until the sun expands into a red giant …”, by which time Apartment 3-G’s Tommie should be about ready to wrap things up with Carol. A blood oath.
3. I’m running a fundraiser to say thanks, help with moving expenses, encourage Josh to make good on his blood oath, and so on. Fundraisers usually wrap up around this time of the week, but I’m extending this one to coincide with the remainder of the trip.
4. If you enjoy the Comics Curmudgeon but haven’t contributed before, consider it just this once. The ten-year anniversary and the Big Move are major events, and we’ve made it as easy as possible to contribute – just click the banner or the link up there. All contribution details are kept in complete confidence, and nobody will bother or email you except once to say thanks.
5. Josh and his wife cross into Texas today, gunning for Austin by late afternoon. It’s going to be hot there – why not buy ’em a round of ice-cold Lone Stars to go with some of that great barbecue?
6. No Comments of the Week on my watch, but I have a big bag of hilarious comments for Josh to sift through when he stops his ramblin’. As I will now stop mine.

Mmm, barbecue.

— Uncle Lumpy